Donald Trump and his ilk believe he can’t be investigated, indicted, or prosecuted if he’s a candidate for the presidency. If this is true, then expect every lawbreaker under investigation in the future to declare he or she is a presidential candidate. And, they won’t even have to wait until it’s campaign season. Donald Trump didn’t and announced his candidacy the week after the midterms. Now, Donald Trump will be officially running for president for two straight years…unless he’s in prison. But even then, he might continue as a candidate.

Now, Donald Trump will claim any investigation of him is political because he’s a presidential candidate, and President Joe Biden is sicking the government on him because it’s the only way to stop him. Except, he was under investigation before he announced his candidacy. Joe Biden can stop him without sicking the government on him because he did it before and beat him legitimately in the 2020 election. Trump was the only one who tried to use the power of the presidency to go after his opponents, such as extorting Ukraine for dirt on the Bidens and having his Attorney General Bill Barr appoint Special Counsel John Durham to investigate Hillary Clinton’s campaign, which is still going after two years despite not proving anything. And there’s the uncomfortable factoid for MAGAts that Donald Trump is an actual criminal.

Speaking of politically-motivated investigations brings us to Hunter Biden’s laptop which was first reported on in 2020 by The New York Post, though it wasn’t given much attention at the time because it was reported by The New York Post and they didn’t have much to go on. Even the reporters who wrote the story refused to put their names on it because journalistically speaking, there was nothing there.

Most stories on the laptop that were initially repeated only said there was a laptop that once belonged to Hunter Biden. That alone made people start screaming. Donald Trump even tried to bring it up during a debate with Joe Biden. “Well, your son owned a laptop.”

Over the past two years, legitimate media outlets have acknowledged that there is indeed a laptop and The Washington Post even hired experts to go over a copy of the hard drive who authenticated parts of it. This week, CBS News did the same thing.

What they have found is that much of the information on the hard drive is authentic and did come from Hunter Biden.

So now, Republicans who will have a slim majority in the House in January are promising investigations into Hunter Biden and they’re going to use this laptop as part of it. They get to point out that it actually once belonged to Hunter and lots of stuff on it is authentic. But, what’s on it? What has been authenticated?

The laptop came into GOP possession through a MAGAt who owns a computer repair shop in Delaware. He claims Hunter dropped it off for repairs and never paid for the repairs and abandoned the laptop. So the repair shop goon did what any concerned individual would do who’d want a legitimate and credible investigation into something, and gave it to… wait for it… Rudy Giuliani.

But before Rudy could get his hands on it, the FBI picked it up because they were investigating Hunter for lobbying for a foreign government without registering as a foreign lobbyist and for possible tax evasion. In fact, they’re still investigating him. So, what Rudy got was a copy from which he sent further copies covered in farts and hair dye to the goon universe. If this laptop is ever produced as evidence in a court trial, it will be dismissed pretty quickly.

So even if everything on the laptop is legitimate, what’s on it that implicates President Biden in a crime? Well, nothing. I mean, Republicans have yet to produce anything that shows a crime being committed by anyone, even Hunter. They haven’t even found downloaded Nickelback songs on the laptop. Even the bad stuff they claim, like photos of Hunter with underage girls, has turned out to be a lie. There are also rumors that there’s a pic of Hunter in the nude, but hell, even Reagan’s daughter posed for Playboy, so no crime there unless he was naked in a Starbucks.

This just in! Hunter’s laptop has a picture of Hunter naked in a Starbucks! Impeach his dad now! I can assure you from personal experience that Starbucks will make you put on pants while in their stores.

What is proven on the laptop is that Hunter was working on a business deal in China AFTER his father was vice president. There’s an email about bringing a “big guy” in on the deal, which everyone assumes is Joe Biden. And there’s a reply to that from Hunter saying the “big guy” doesn’t want any part of the deal. Then, there’s a voicemail saved to the hard drive from Joe Biden himself. Yeah, now we’re getting somewhere? What does that message say? Was it Joe Biden providing bank account numbers where to deposit bribes from foreign governments, or laying out plants to go pantless in Starbucks? No, it was Joe Biden telling his son to seek help for his drug addiction because he loves him very much. So…Aha! Joe Biden is a man who cares about his son and wants him to get help for his drug addiction. Can we impeach him for that? You never heard a voicemail from Donald Trump telling Jr. to seek help for his cocaine addiction. I’m not saying Donald Trump Jr has a coke addiction, I’m just saying we never heard that voicemail from his father.

But, even if the laptop proves Hunter is a criminal, he’s not Joe Biden. He’s not in a government office. He’s not the president. He doesn’t even work in the White House.

Surely Hunter did profit from being his father’s son when he got a job for Burisma, a Ukraine energy company, but that’s not illegal. If it was illegal to make money from your father’s name while he’s in office, then JaVanka would be answering a lot of serious questions regarding how they made $640 million while Trump was president (sic) and while they worked in his administration.

There are questions about Hunter trying to make a business deal in China, which he failed at, but also isn’t illegal. Did you know that Donald Trump owns businesses in foreign countries? Did you know that Donald Trump continued to make money off foreign governments while he was president (sic)? Did you know that it’s legal to own a laptop?

So, I’m going to tell you what I’ve told you in previous blogs. Anytime you hear someone talking about Hunter Biden’s laptop, ask them, “What’s on it?”. If they tell you, then they’re lying (like Ted Rall when he said the laptop incriminates Joe Biden without telling us how). It doesn’t matter if it’s a real laptop that really belonged to the president’s son once upon a time, you need something incriminating on it to go after someone.

And despite there not being a damn thing on it that even suggest illegalities, Republicans are about to start spending millions of your money investigating Hunter and Joe based on this insignificant laptop. They can’t even tell you what crimes they’re investigating. They’re going to Benghazi the fuck out of this laptop.

If Republicans really cared about the rule of law, then they’d investigate the guy who attempted to extort a foreign president for dirt on his political opponent, or an attempt to steal an election, or an insurrection, or stolen classified government documents, or sexually assaulting women, or Jared for receiving $2 billion from Saudi Arabia immediately upon his resignation from his White House job where he worked on government deals with Saudi Arabia.

What we’re going to get from a Republican House majority are investigations by the goons who engage in coverups.

I think Hunter should declare his candidacy for president just to fuck with them.

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