Rapey McForehead

Bad news, pro-choice ladies. Rapey McForehead says you’re too ugly to sleep with and impregnate. Awww…I know. You’re heartbroken. I know you had your hopes up. Sorry.

Matt Gaetz is a vile reprehensible disgusting troll, so it makes perfect sense he kinda looks like a garden troll. But even garden trolls in their late 30s wouldn’t try to take your daughter to prom.

Your garden troll would also probably have too much respect for women to show nude photos of them to colleagues on the floor of the United States House of Representatives.

But even if your garden troll was vile, reprehensible, disgusting, and had zero respect for women, he probably wouldn’t be dumb enough to go around grading the physical aspects of women while he was under an FBI investigation for having sex with a minor. And that’s exactly what Florida Representative Matt Gaetz is doing, commenting on the physical aspects of protesters while he himself is under investigation for having sex with a minor, paying for sex, and sex trafficking.

At the same conference, where he was telling kids “say no to fatties,” Matt Gaetz made a comment that Mike Pence will “never be president,” and refered to him as a “RINO.” Really? Mike Pence is a moderate? Maybe somewhere in the Marvel Cinematic Universe’s multiverse, there’s a moderate Mike Pence. But, Pence’s former Chief of Staff, Marc Short, took notice of Gaetz’s comment and said, “Well, I don’t know if Mike Pence will run for president in 2024, but I don’t think Matt Gaetz will have an impact on that. In fact, I’d be surprised if he’s still voting. It’s more likely he’ll be in prison for child trafficking by 2024.”

Speaking to Turning Point USA Student Action Summit in Tampa, yeah…kids, Matt Gaetz said women who care about reproductive rights and control over their bodies are too ugly for him and other Republicans to fuck. It was very reminiscent of when Donald Trump defended himself by saying his accusers weren’t hot enough for him to sexually assault.

Gaetz told students (who thought this was a good idea?), “How many of the women rallying against overturning Roe are over-educated, under-loved millennials who sadly return from protests to a lonely microwave dinner with their cats, and no bumble matches?”

Hey, kids. It’s fun and totally appropriate to sexualize women. The congressman does. The only hope here is that the kids were too distracted by Gaetz’s giant freaking forehead to have paid attention to the sexism that was coming out of his stupid big-teeth mouth.

This is a tactic Republicans often use when they can’t counter an argument. They try to destroy their opponent’s credibility. The problem with Gaetz’s use of this tactic is that Gaetz isn’t smart enough to use it. What does anyone’s physical appearance have to do with their position on human rights? Gaetz isn’t smart enough to understand that a lot of people advocate for the rights of other people, even if it doesn’t personally affect them. Case in point: I believe in abortion rights even though I can’t get pregnant and don’t plan on impregnating anyone ever again. I oppose GOP efforts to make it harder for black Americans to vote, even though their racist legislation won’t affect my right to vote.

Gaetz and other Republicans don’t get that you can care about people who are not you. Even Homer Simpson eventually had this epiphany in The Simpson’s Movie.

But, Gaetz wasn’t done. The guy who can’t get laid unless he pays a child for it (supposedly) said, “Have you watched these pro-abortion, pro-murder rallies? The people are just disgusting. But why is it that the women with the least likelihood of getting pregnant are the ones most worried about having abortions? Nobody wants to impregnate you if you look like a thumb. These people are odious on the inside and out. They’re like 5’2”, 350 pounds, and they’re like, ‘Give me my abortion or I’ll get up and march and protest.’ I’m thinking, march? You look like you got ankles weaker than the legal reasoning behind Roe v. Wade. A few of ‘em need to get up and march. They need to get up and march for like an hour a day, swing those arms, get the blood pumping, maybe mix in a salad.” I wonder if Gaetz swings his arms while trolling high schools?

Apparently, Gaetz has been seeking out PILFs, protesters he’d like to fuck. At some point, I hope the person who booked Gaetz for this event realizes it wasn’t a good idea to book a man in favor of forcing ten-year-old girls to give birth to their rapists’ babies, might be a rapist himself.

Hey, everyone, the possible pedophile has some thoughts on your abortion protest.

But what if Gaetz is right? What if a person can be too ugly to protest? If some people are too ugly to protest, then some people are too stupid looking to serve in Congress.

And if having someone who wants to sleep with you is a requirement to have an opinion, then every incel on GAB, 4chan, Truth Social, and all the other social media sites need to get off the internet. Paying someone for sex doesn’t count, since they have to WANT to sleep with you.

Why is it that the men who think they’re qualified to determine who is and isn’t attractive enough to have sex are always men who look like Donald Trump and Matt Gaetz? Has Matt Gaetz seen himself? Does he have a mirror large enough to catch his face and forehead? Why is it that the men who criticize women’s appearances the most are always the men who’ve been accused of rape and sexual assault?

This brings up the late great George Carlin, who Gaetz stole his bit from (we have the internet too, fucko). Carlin asked, ““Why is it that most of the people who are against abortion are people you wouldn’t want to fuck in the first place?”

Looking at Matt Gaetz and Donald Trump, quite frankly, I think most women would rather fuck a garden troll.

Creative note: The title of this blog was actually just a holding title, and I forgot to change it before publishing. Eh. Oh well.

Music note: I listened to Hall & Oates and The Cars while drawing today.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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  1. Gaetz is a chauvanist fuck-head, and should be censored, but the more he is given media-attention the more he is liable to keep trying to be in the spotlight. He believes that even bad publicity is good publicity. It is important to him to have his name in the news. My personal feeling is he shhould be ignored in public, but castigated (castrated?) out of the media limelight.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. “ Looking at Matt Gaetz and Donald Trump, quite frankly, I think most women would rather fuck a garden troll.”

    Well, being made of Stone, or Ceramic, or Plastic, most Garden Trolls don’t need any Blue Pills to be Hard, so they have that going for them over Q45* and Gaetz.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Rapey McForehead is the reason the teenager he was body shaming got over $200,000 in donations for her pro-choice activist cause. Rapey McForehead brings in the bucks for the pro-choice movement with his name recognition and infantile mental capacity … it is hard for me to believe he went to law school … he acts like a precocious second grader that “GAETZ” beat up BY GIRLS during playground recess.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Gotta remember, folks that Trump and Gaetz are shining examples of a Trump-like Christian Nationalist Morality .. the kind of morality that I believe will immerse us all in a fascist-style super oppressive regime in 2024 if we don’t wake up and smell some roses. Maybe some of these kinds of people who make such ludicrous and demeaning comments about women secretly prefer to be sleeping with a Proud Boy or something. Hard to tell these days.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Clay, I read this with my mouth agape. Surely, no politician cannot be this big an idiot with his words. I hope women and men push back on this person and ask a simple question. Mr. Gaetz, do you really believe that? If he says yes, then simply respond, then you need to resign today. Keith

    Liked by 1 person

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