Boors Ban Doors

Ted Cruz went to Harvard and Princeton. He was a debate champion. With that in mind, I’m not ready to classify him as a moron despite the fact he says moronic things. While I’m not sure he’s a moron, stupid, or an idiot, I know for sure he’s a lot of other things.

Ted Cruz is condescending. He’s a coward. He’s sniveling. He’ll say anything to appease the base. He’s disloyal. He’s sanctimonious. He’s icky and creepy. He’s a sonofabitch. He’s a horrible and vile excuse for a human being. He’s the shit slime washes off to get clean. Ted Cruz sucks.

One reason Ted Cruz may say a lot of stupid things is because he’s not in a position to say anything intelligent. There are no intelligent reasons for not creating tougher gun laws. The only arguments against are stupid.

While most Republicans and assorted MAGAts are blaming mental health, video games, Critical Race Theory, Wokeness, cancel culture, socialism, and whatever the hell else they can concoct, Ted Cruz has decided instead of banning guns, we should ban doors.

Seriously.

OK. I change my mind. He’s a moron. Only a moron would say something that stupid. And Ted didn’t say this off the cuff. He wasn’t riffing. He made this proposal during his speech at the NRA’s latest gun orgy in Houston, where it probably went over very well. I bet that convention hall had more than one door in it.

Also, if we ban doors, then Ted can make sure trans people are using the correct public bathrooms. Plus, banning The Doors will prevent Jim Morrison from ever exposing his thingy at a concert ever again. Why do think they called him the Lizard King? Dammit…Ted Cruz wanted that nickname. Heidi said “no.”

Ted’s brilliant idea is to ban all doors in schools except one and station an armed guard there constantly. But, aren’t Republicans in favor of decreasing funding for schools? What happens if a shooter shows up and shoots the armed guard? What happens if there’s a fire and there’s only one door for the children to escape? Will Ted say, “at least they weren’t killed by a gun, so don’t blame guns”?

Maybe we should make the one door like a doggy door so only the kids can crawl in. What about the teachers? We’ll just fire them. They’re overpaid and all they want to do is teach our kids Critical Race Theory and gay math. The kids will be fine without them and we can just have the parents decide the curriculum. What if a dwarf mass shooter shows up and can fit inside the doggy door? Let’s make guns with fat triggers or something so they’ll be dwarf-proof. What if dingos crawl through the door and eat the babies? I got it! let’s just give all the kids guns. We’ll start making guns with tiny triggers. Crap. I forgot about the dwarfs.

Maybe we should ban schools and force everyone to be home-schooled. I actually saw this argument in a conservative cartoon. But don’t most homes have two doors?

What’s dumber than Ted Cruz’s idea to ban doors is that we haven’t enacted tougher gun laws since Sandy Hook. People like Ted Cruz would rather find any solution, no matter how stupid, than face the fact guns are the problem.

This is a gun problem. It’s not mental health, video games, wokeness, socialism, cancel culture, Critical Race Theory, or Mickey Mouse. The reason we have so many mass shootings while other nations don’t is because of guns…and a lot of stupid senators.

Ted also wants to “harden” elementary schools. Personally, I think we should keep pedophiles away from elemenatary schools.

Music Note: After all the lettering, I turned on the music to listen to while drawing grass. It took a while and I listened to Cowboy Junkies, the Cranberries, The Hives, Coheed and Cambria, Hole, and some other stuff I can’t remember now.

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