The Freedom Truckers hauling bullshit and snowflakes have picked a really bad time to pretend their freedom is under attack. It’s kinda like protesting the War on Christmas in July. There are not a lot of takers.

First, all the mandates they’re protesting against are being lifted. Second, it’s really hard to gain pity for being forced to wear a face mask in a Dunkin’ Donuts when there are Ukrainian grandmas facing down Soviet tanks.

These truckers, organized by white nationalists, want to whine and complain but they don’t have anything to complain about. In the 1953 classic, “The Wild One,” outlaw biker Johnny Strabler, played by Marlon Brando, is asked by Mildred, just some girl in the movie I think, what he’s rebelling against. Johnny’s reply is, “What’ve you got?” If Mildred had replied something about having to wear a face mask at Denny’s, Johnny might’ve just rolled out of town. Maybe he would helped Kevin Bacon rebel against John Lithgow’s anti-dancing laws in whatever town that was. Would all those kids have lost their collective shit if they were told they could dance but had to be vaccinated first?

The truckers are trying to mimic the Canadian trucker protest but without the violence, obstruction of traffic, bombs, looting, and maybe they’ll keep the racism in their cabs, but we’ll see how long that lasts. They claim they’re not going to enter Washington, D.C, and instead will just circle the city on the Washington Beltway in Maryland and Virginia.

If these truckers obstruct traffic in northern Virginia, nobody’s gonna notice. Traffic stops here on Sundays without any reason. Personally, I’d rather wear a KN95 face mask all the way from D.C. to Las Vegas and back again than have to drive to BWI at, well…anytime. If traffic is obstructed during the protests this weekend, we won’t know if it’s actually from the protest. It’ll just look like a Thursday, or a Sunday, or a Monday, or etc, etc.

And how much do you want to bet that after driving across the nation and circling around the capital that these morons are going to gripe about gas prices?

Mask and vaccine mandates are being eased across the nation. Soon, you’ll be able to walk into a bar in New York City and pay $15 for a domestic lite beer without having to wear a face mask. But even when you were required to wear a face mask or be vaccinated to enter an establishment, your freedom wasn’t being attacked. You had the freedom not to go to those establishments. The requirement to be vaccinated to cross international borders is another thing that’s not an attack on freedom.

If you want a real example of freedom under assault, don’t look at truckers in Canada and the United States. Look at Ukraine, which is being invaded by Russia, ordered by a fascist dictator who plans to destroy Ukraine’s democracy and install a puppet government.

During the Canadian trucker blockade, Donald Trump said, “A line has been crossed. You’re either with the peaceful truckers or you’re with the left-wing fascists.” Right before the invasion of Ukraine, Trump stood with Vladimir Putin’s fascism by calling him a “genius.” You’re either with Ukraine or fascist Putin. We know who Trump and Tucker Carlson are with.

One trucker wrote on one of the Freedom Trucker channels on Telegram, “What we see in Ukraine is not bravery, it’s adrenaline and rush. Real bravery comes from a good dose of wisdom. The people fighting in wars are not brave but pumped with adrenaline and lacking wisdom. This is bravery. Support the truckers.” 

While attending the CPAC conference, Lauren Boebert said, “I pray for Ukraine, and I wish them the best. They have a great president right now who has really said clearly, ‘Live free or die.’ He said, ‘I don’t need a ride, give me ammunition. The fight is right here.'” Then she said, “But we also have neighbors to the north who need freedom and need to be liberated, and we need that right here at home as well.” Shortly after that, she rushed back to Congress to vote against medical treatment for veterans.

The people who support the freedom trucker thing have more in common with fascist Putin than with democratically-elected Volodymyr Zelensky. Until now, these people supported Putin. These people supported an attempt to overthrow our own government. And now they’re going to drive around in circles, honking their horns, and claiming their freedom is under attack?

Dear Freedom Truckers. You tried to destroy our freedom. For all I care, you can take your big rig and drive it up your ass.

The trucker movement is fizzling out and it’s not going to be as large as they envisioned. It’s really hard to get people to mobilize behind bullshit. Republicans are usually pretty good at protesting and being angry at stuff that doesn’t exist, like kids being taught Critical Race Theory or the War on Christmas or that the election was stolen or that your homophobia is being attacked by a unisex Potato head, but sometimes, it just doesn’t catch on. This Trucker Freedom movement is going to have a shorter lifespan than Gangnam style.

So, protester tip: If you’re going to protest, make sure you have something that actually exists to protest because you’re not Marlon Brando.

Music Note: I was tooning to whatever Apple Music randomly played today until it hit a J. Geils Band song. After that, I had to listen to more J. Geils Band.

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