Russia

Sullying The Office


cjones04062018

Donald Trump is stupid. An excellent example of this is his belief that submitting to an interview with Robert Mueller will clear his name and end the Russia Investigation. Stupid. Perhaps the only people dumber and more gullible than Trump are those who voted for him.

While it’s fun to make light of Trump’s stupidity when he tells us what uranium is, or that healthcare is hard, or about the history of China and Korea, or that nobody knows the difference between community colleges and vocational schools, it is actually dangerous to our nation. It’s especially dangerous when Trump deals with Putin.

Combine Trump’s stupidity with his man-crush for Vladimir Putin, and the next thing you know the Russian dictator will be sitting in the Oval Office with his feet on the Resolute Desk.

Trump claims he’s been tougher on Russia than Obama.

Trump refused to accept our intelligence agencies’ analysis that Russia tampered in our election. He took Putin’s word over the FBI and CIA’s. He’s worked to discredit our Justice Department while they look into his collusion with Russia.

Trump refused to enact sanctions against Russia, and when he finally did it was only because he was forced by our allies when they placed their own sanctions and expelled Russian diplomats after the poisoning in England of a former Russia spy.

Trump talked to Putin after the sanctions were placed, and he failed to mention those or the poisoning, but he did congratulate Putin on winning his sham election.

Shortly after assuming office, Trump had the Russian ambassador and foreign minister in the Oval Office, at the request of Putin. No American press was allowed, but the Russians were able to bring in their photographers and recording equipment. They even told Trump the photos wouldn’t be published. Stupid and gullible. Now, Putin is playing that for his own invite.

Usually, when we discover a new twist in the Trump/Putin relationship, we learn it from Russia. Once again, Russia has reported that Trump invited Putin to the Oval Office during the congratulatory phone call.

You can’t say you’re tough on Russia, place sanctions on them, then invite their leader over for a playdate.

What better photo-op for Putin than from inside the Oval Office? This will be a huge sign to his people, and the world, that he won the American presidency.

Is Trump dumb enough to let Putin sit at the Resolute Desk for a photo? Yes.

Here’s the video.

Please consider making a donation to keep the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. Reader contributions, small and large, really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and liberty while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!

Advertisements

Do Not Congratulate


cjones03242018

If I invited you to come to a party with me, I don’t think I’d be required to preempt you from causing a disaster. You’re not so stupid that I’d have to warn you beforehand, do not pee in the punch bowl. That’s not the sort of thing I’d foresee happening.

Donald Trump, the guy who is currently president of the United States, is stupid. He is so stupid, his staff tries to prevent potential disasters by giving him note cards with instructions on what not to do.

Unfortunately for them, and the rest of us, Trump is such an idiot that it’s impossible to predict his next act of stupidity. Sure, you can predict he’ll say something racist, sexist, or childish. But there are some things that nobody could have predicted. A normal, semi-intelligent individual would not have to be given note cards saying “do not throw paper towels at hurricane survivors,” or “do not defend Nazis,” or “do not endorse a pedophile,” or “do not talk about sex to Boy Scouts.” There’s always some stupid you don’t see coming. Right after you think Trump can’t surprise you any more a year and two months into his presidency, the guy surprises you with a 6:00 AM tweet about beating up Joe Biden. Seriously. He did that this morning.

Even when you successfully predict the very exact stupid act Trump will pull, and you put it on a note card for him written in all caps, like “DO NOT CONGRATULATE,” it’s to no avail. Trump will be holding that card in his hand while he congratulates Vladimir Putin for winning a sham election. In addition to ignoring the warning, he’ll fail to bring up Russia poisoning a British citizen or meddling in our election. But, he will throw in another stupid surprise, like try to schedule a playdate with the Russian authoritarian without discussing it with his foreign policy team beforehand.

But, Trump is stupid. Fran Lebowitz said, “You do not know anyone as stupid as Donald Trump.”

Someone at the White House leaked the information to the press about the note cards with the warning in all caps. Trump and his chief-of-staff, John Kelly, are said to be very upset, though Kelly is suspect number one for many. Another suspect is National Security Adviser H.R. McMaster, who is said to be on the chopping block and hasn’t been getting along with Trump.

Trump has made everyone working in the West Wing sign a hush-clause to prevent them from talking about what happens in the White House. Why would Trump force people to sign a clause that can’t be enforced and probably isn’t legal? Because he doesn’t have any more respect for White House staffers than he does for porn stars. And, he’s really stupid.

I used to debate with colleagues about the intelligence of George W. Bush. While none of us thought he was the smartest man to ever occupy the Oval Office, there were arguments among liberals if he was misunderstood, maybe just a little slow, or an idiot without a village. With Trump, there is no disagreement among informed people (those who are paying attention) that he is an extremely stupid person.

Trump is so stupid, he doesn’t know how to cut-and-paste. He tweeted a quote from Alan Dershowitz criticizing the Special Counsel, and Trump misspelled “Counsel” three times.

One problem with giving Trump notes is that he can’t really read. He’s semi-literate. He probably didn’t sign his pseudonym on the porn-star-hush contract because he can’t spell “David.”

The one fortunate thing about Trump’s stupidity is that he’s going to indict himself if he hasn’t already.  I am looking forward to the day when someone who cares about Trump hands him a note card saying, “DO NOT DROP THE SOAP.”

Here’s the video.

Please consider making a donation to keep the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. Reader contributions, small and large, really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and liberty while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button. Thank you!

Rooty Tooty For Pootie


cjones02232018

I was scrolling through my news feed on Facebook a few hours ago and I noticed one of my conservative friends created a post with a complaint. This friend, we’ll call her Allie because that’s her real name, was upset because she had posted a news story only to have it removed by Facebook. She posted it three times and three times Facebook had removed it.

Why would Facebook remove her post? Probably because it was a conspiracy theory generated by Russian bots from one of their troll farms. The story was about the children from the Parkland shooting who are voicing out for gun control, and how they’re actually paid actors.  The story is such garbage that Donald Trump will probably retweet it later. He’s retweeted from Russian bots before.

Donald Trump is an idiot, but Allie is not. Allie, however, does find confirmation bias too delicious to pass up or to confirm. Who cares if it’s advancing the goals of a hostile nation intent to tearing ours apart? Did you hear about the Washington pizza parlor?

They call it a troll farm for a reason. The Russians are creating trolls and Allie has allowed herself to become one. Many of these people are unwittingly hurting our nation. Others are aware and just don’t care. Screw pride, principles, and ethics. Did you hear that the Pope endorsed Trump?

First off, they hurt our nation by voting for Donald Trump. Earlier this week, a Trump supporter, we’ll call Gary because that’s his real name, told me he voted for the lesser of two evils. I pointed out that the lesser of two evils is not the candidate supported by Vladimir Putin. Gary, who is a veteran and considers himself a patriot, told me he doesn’t need voting tips from someone of my persuasion. Never mind that Gary’s allowing himself to be persuaded by Putin. Did you hear about Obama bugging Trump Tower?

It’s not just confirmation bias that moves these people to support Russia over the United States. It’s their partisanship, which is apparently more important than national security. National security was an important issue to them and one of the biggest reasons they cite for voting against Hillary Clinton, for who they chanted “lock her up” because of her email server. Now that Donald Trump has given classified information to Russians who were hanging out in the Oval Office, and he has over 100 staffers in the White House who can’t get a security clearance, national security doesn’t seem that important anymore. Did you read the Nunes memo?

Russia is dirty. They helped Donald Trump cheat to win the presidency. They’re so dirty, that because of doping their Olympic athletes can’t even compete under their nation’s flag. They’re so dirty that even their curling team is doping. I thought doping would be for watching curling, not playing it.

To Trump supporters, stop sharing fake news. Stop helping a hostile nation destroy ours. They’re still attacking us and you, unlike Trump, should stop helping them.

Root for the home team.

Here’s the video. Please subscribe.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude

Dopey Defenders


cjones12132017

Russia is officially banned from the 2018 Olympics set in Pyeongchang, South Korea, which shows that the International Olympic Committee has more backbone and intestinal fortitude than Republican members of Congress, Fox News, and the President of the United States.

Russia peed all over the 2014 Winter Olympics, which was a lot more dignified than what they did to our presidential election. It was like hackers wearing sterilized gloves.

Russia didn’t just send athletes to test with someone else’s urine. Russians actually got into the laboratory in Sochi and manipulated the tests. Experts say they haven’t seen doping this widespread since the East Germans did it throughout the 1960s, ’70s and ’80s. That’s a lot of commie pee.

Putin has scoffed at the accusations which is probably good enough for Donald Trump. Putin also denied meddling in our election and that was all the authority our president needed on the issue.

Since Trump, Republicans, and the idiots at Fox News have chosen Russian nationalism over American security, I’m surprised they’re not mounting a vigorous defense of Russia and expressing outrage at the injustice heaped upon them. Trump sycophants have attacked the FBI, the Special Counsel, the press and anyone else who has tried to look into Russia’s meddling in the presidential election and collusion with the Trump campaign. The main strategy is to deflect by screaming for investigations into the investigators, and more investigations for Hillary Clinton.

Russian athletes who receive special dispensation to compete will do so as individuals wearing a neutral uniform, and the official record books will forever show that Russia won zero medals. I guess that means they won’t be allowed to wear their Trump T-Shirts.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Facebook’s Collusion


cjones09092017

At this rate, I’m kinda expecting a revelation that Mark Zuckerberg was at the Donald Trump Jr. Russian meeting.

Like you, I’m constantly annoyed with Facebook while utilizing it on a daily basis. The bothersome stuff, while annoying me, doesn’t affect my life in the slightest…or it didn’t until now.

I’m the type of person where a messed-up food order at McDonald’s won’t faze me, while I’ll watch a good friend of mine use the opportunity to go ballistic, and the next thing you know he returns an hour later from his food run with my Big Mac and the full story on how he unloaded what-for and made a 16-year-old struggling with acne cry. While I’ll get over that there are pickles on my sandwich, other little things will totally piss me off.

I’m annoyed with the petty stuff on Facebook. Your food pictures irk me. Why do you do that? Am I supposed to be impressed you ordered sushi? Do you want an “attaboy?” One of my friends posts nearly every single meal she eats. She once posted a picture of cereal. I shit you not. But c’mon. Any doofus with opposable thumbs can put a sandwich together.

Another annoyance; vacation pictures. Vacation slides have been joked about, derided, and hated ever since the photo slide technology was invented. It was why people in the 1970s couldn’t get their friends to come to their dinner parties. Nobody wants to see your vacation photos. I’m telling you this as your friend. Cut it out. You have turned Facebook into one, long, boring vacation slide. I don’t even need to know you went on vacation, but if I do know then I’m going to assume you enjoyed yourself. I don’t need the pictures of you giving the devil-horn sign with your tongue out while you’re at Sandals. I’m not against vacations and I hope to take one again someday…but if I do take one, I know without a doubt that nobody is going to need evidence that it actually happened. OK, maybe in my case they will.

Tagging your location isn’t just annoying, it’s stupid. Like the vacation pics, you’re just bragging about how great your life is, and convincing no one. What you’re actually doing is making stalking you very convenient and alerting burglars that right now is a great time to break into your house. And thanks to Facebook they know what breed of dog you have.

Other annoyances are game requests (I don’t want to play Candy Crush with you), Facebook Live notifications (I get these things from people I didn’t even know I was friends with), the vague post (which are the only type of posts my teenage nieces give and I never respond to, because I’m afraid they’ll tell me), the social experiments (the “let’s see how far this posts can go” and the “if you love Jesus, you’ll share.” Fuck you), pokes (people still do that and I still don’t know why), selfies (We get it. You’re pretty and insecure), and political memes. I hate political memes. I could easily write another 1,000 words ranting about political memes.

Some people hate political posts or that cartoonist who shares his cartoons every time one of his clients publishes them online. You have every right to hate those and, you can bite me.

But now, there is something annoying about Facebook that may have affected our lives. Russians.

Facebook was the target for Russian trolls and useful idiots sharing fake news during the campaign, but Facebook assured us that no foreign outlets were purchasing ads from them. And just like every single member of the Trump campaign, they had collusion with Russia that they conveniently forgot about.

Now, it turns out that $100,000 was spent on political campaign ads that Facebook has traced back to a “Russian Troll Farm.” I don’t want the troll farm image in my head, but I think that crop is yielding in the White House. Also, expect more revelations about Russian ads. I don’t believe for a minute that it stopped at $100,000.

Russians didn’t just purchase a few ads. They engineered these things to select certain demographics and particular regions. For example, white housewives in Wisconsin. Investigators want to know if they had any help from U.S. political operatives who may have pointed them in which direction to target these demographics. Maybe, but the American operatives working for Hillary Clinton weren’t smart enough to go after demographics in Wisconsin, Michigan, and Pennsylvania. Anyone with a basic understanding of math with a copy of an electoral map should know where to target political ads, and where the stupid people live.

Most of all, I believe this destroys an argument Republicans and people in American intelligence agencies have been using. That argument is; Russian meddling had no effect on the outcome of our election.

Facebook says the Russians used the ads to “manipulate.” No shit, Sherlock. Every ad in the world is created to manipulate. How many will purchase a Kia this year because of Motorhead and a guinea pig? I don’t know, but someone somewhere believes that’s going to happen because they put a lot of money into that campaign.

Whether someone’s pitching Coca-Cola or Donald Trump, they’re not spending ad money just to blow through a budget. They expect results. I do believe that if a high tide throws an octopus into the backseat of my car through the sunroof that Farmers insurance won’t let me down….or that if I have Allstate then my children will be better behaved while we stand gleaming and lovingly together in front of the Statue of Liberty. But, not every ad works that well. Like, Domino’s telling you that their pizza doesn’t suck anymore, or Panera telling me that their salads are “clean,” or that new car commercial giving me the impression that I’ll find riding in a boxcar with hobos much more comfortable than their automobile.

The Russians expected their ads to work. They wanted chaos for their money and nobody can say that we didn’t get chaos. Nobody can say the Russians didn’t get the election results they wanted. We got a hell of a lot more than $100,000 worth of chaos.

I believe the Russians affected our election. We are a nation that gave us Duck Dynasty and Honey Boo-Boo, but I’m not entirely convinced that we’re dumb enough to elect Donald Trump as president on our own. I’d like to think we’d need a push. I know there’s a large portion of our nation who can be manipulated to vote for fuckery. We’re stupid. But are we stupid enough to do this on our own?

Mark Zuckerberg and all the other Facebook executives want us to believe they had no influence on the election. I’d try to believe that too if I wanted to sleep well at night. But, Facebook is worth over $435 billion dollars. Your social media platform doesn’t acquire that much wealth without it having some influence.

Unfortunately, Facebook isn’t just cat and food pictures. It’s a news outlet for many of us. It’s very influential. It’s also complicit.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Lost In Translation


cjones07202017

Donald Trump and his sycophants complain constantly how the story about his campaign colluding with Russia is fake news. They cry how the media is obsessed with it and a lot of people agree, not just Trump freaks. Why won’t the media stop talking about Russia? Probably because Trump, his family, his campaign, and his appointees keep going to bed with Russians.

If you want us to stop talking about Russia then stop drip, drip, dripping details about your collusion with Russia.

There was a huge dinner at the G20 shared by the world leaders in attendance. Each member was allowed to bring their spouse and a translator so they could have a conversation with their counterpart they would be seated next to. Japan’s Prime Minister Shinzo Abe had the unfortunate designation to be seated next to Trump. Trump brought along a Japanese interpreter even though Abe speaks English (or maybe that’s what the translator was for). Fortunately for Abe, Trump left his seat in the middle of the meal.

It’s not uncommon for the leaders to move around and chit-chat with presidents, prime ministers, chancellors, and kings they weren’t seated with. There were eighteen leaders from other nations Trump could have picked to have an hour long conversation with after his meal. Did he pick Argentina, Italy, Brazil, Indonesia, or South Africa? Of course not. You know it wasn’t Mexico.

Quite naturally, it was Vladimir Putin. Vlad was seated a good distance away from Trump and across the table. That didn’t stop Donald from playing fanboy and reach out to suck up to Putin. The problem with this is, it’s Donald Trump and Russia. No members of Trump’s staff accompanied him for this conversation. He relied on Putin’s interpreter to translate. Another issue about this is, they kept it on the down low.

Do you think Trump would have negotiated a deal to put his name on a hotel by relying solely on the other party’s translator? He needs to take the business and security of our nation as seriously as he does about slapping his name on a sham university or some chewy steaks sold through The Sharper Image.

The White House only confirmed the meeting Tuesday after reports surfaced that other guests were surprised and icked out by it. Trump is doing a very poor job proving he’s not Putin’s puppet and that the Russia story is “fake news.”

Trump tweeted, “Fake News story of secret dinner with Putin is ‘sick.’ All G 20 leaders, and spouses, were invited by the Chancellor of Germany. Press knew!” and “The Fake News is becoming more and more dishonest! Even a dinner arranged for top 20 leaders in Germany is made to look sinister!”

The dinner was not a secret and was reported. His hour-long conversation with Putin was not a well-known subject. Trump didn’t bring it up with his conversation with reporters on the flight home.

Trump met with Putin for two hours earlier that day. He had been briefed before that meeting and brought along Secretary of State Rex Tillerson to minimize Trump’s fuckery as much as possible. He was not prepped with flash cards before his later bromance with Vlad, neither was he accompanied by someone from the United States who, well, knows stuff.

At their earlier meeting, Trump asked Putin twice about meddling in the U.S. election. He didn’t tell him we knew he did it. He asked. They then agreed to disagree, move on, and not bring it up again. So what did they discuss at the dinner? We will never know if it was small talk and pleasantries or if Trump gave him the keys to NORAD.

Trump used this opportunity to show that he prefers a closer relationship with Russia than with our allies. If it was the Kremlin’s goal to get Putin, an experienced negotiator and manipulator, alone with Donald Trump, mission accomplished.

On Tuesday, Trump announced the appointment of Jon Huntsman as ambassador to Russia (though, naturally they misspelled his name during the announcement). Huntsman was formerly ambassador to China and a few years ago Trump accused him of giving our nation away to Beijing. Maybe that’s the idea with this appointment to Moscow.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Russian For Transparency


cjones07172017

I’m going to dinner with two of my best friends who are coming in from out of town, and I haven’t seen them in a really long time. So, column will come later.

Update 11:39 A.M., 07/15/2017

Here’s your column:

I expect any day now for Donald Trump to tell us that he’s not a tool of the Russian government and Vladimir Putin, who is actually a nice guy who is misunderstood….unlike that Moose and Squirrel who should die while exiled in Siberia!!!

I don’t know which is dumber. The right wing trolls who believe Natalia Veselnitskaya was a plant by the Democrats, or the Trump team telling us how transparent Donald Trump Jr. has been.

Even if Veselnitskaya was a Democratic plant, Junior still took the meeting. If she was a plant by Bigfoot and B.D. Cooper, he still took the meeting. If she was a plant by the Lollipop Guild and the Wicked Witch of the East, he still took that meeting. He went to the meeting, described beforehand as harmful information on Hillary Clinton from the Russian government. He took that meeting.

When he got the emails saying the Kremlin wanted his daddy to win, the trust-fund baby didn’t reply with, “What? Russia wants my father to win? Why would they want that? He’s a proud American patriot. That’s just crazy? They must have him confused with someone else because daddy Trump is an American first and would never be Putin’s bitch”. No. He replied with “I love it.” It’s like he was going to McDonalds for a Happy Meal. I’m lovin’ it! It’s as if he was already aware that the Kremlin wanted his dad to be president and serve four years with Putin’s hand up his butt controlling his every movement.

Trump defenders argue that Junior didn’t get anything out of the meeting and it was a disappointment. Well if you rob a bank and the safe is empty, that would be disappointing too but you still broke into the bank. And really? Disappointment? Darn. The treason didn’t work out.

The president says a lot of people would have taken that meeting. Yes. A lot of people without ethics with the intent to commit treason, which is how Trump defenders are sounding.

The president and his team also tell us that only Russian adoptions were discussed, as if that’s to ease our concerns. The president is either being dishonest or stupid with that explanation, which in his case can be both. When they mention adoptions what they are really talking about are sanctions. If they had dirt on Hillary Clinton, that’s quid pro quo. They wanted something in return for that. That also further explains why Vladimir Putin wanted Trump elected.

And quite frankly, you’re not transparent when you don’t reveal all the information at once. Junior went on Sean Hannity’s show, who was light on him, and said that there wasn’t any more information about the meeting. He had given it all. Then news is revealed that at least eight people were in that room. You had Junior dumbass, Jared “I want a secret cable from the Russian embassy” Kushner, Paul “let’s make a deal with Russia” Manafort, Ms. Veselnitskaya, a former Soviet intel officer who is now a lobbyist for that government, Rob Goldstone who is the Trump supporting Russia lover who set up the meeting, and two translators. Don’t be surprised if more details come out, like Putin was on the speakerphone.

Here’s the thing, Trump sycophants. I know you love Trump. I know it’s not about policy with you guys. I know you’re willing to lose your health-care coverage for him. I know it’s about the cult of personality, and has nothing to do with capable leadership. I understand you would rather be ruled than governed. But is it all that above patriotism for you? You gotta stop making excuses for traitors, really stupid idiotic traitors at that.

Isn’t it kinda funny that the jerks who spent the past eight years describing themselves as patriots, and accusing Obama of siding with terrorists, are now the ones who are selling out their nation? It’s bizarre that Republicans, the party of Reagan, is now selling us out to the Russians. It’s almost as ironic as the Trump presidency being brought down by an email scandal.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.