Subway

No Sleep ‘Til Gun Control


I love trains. I don’t have a love affair with them the way President Joe Biden does, who commuted on Amtrak daily when he was a Senator from Delaware, but I really like trains.

It’s easier to travel on a train than on a plane, and so much better than a bus. Airports are huge hassles while to get on a train, you just show the ticket guy your ticket. Actually, you get on the train first and then you show him your ticket. It’s so easy when I have a trip to Washington, DC as I don’t have to screw with traffic or parking. It’s the same with going to New York City. And the greatest thing about going to those cities on a train is that after you arrive, you get on another train to your destination. If you work it right, you leave your house, get on a train, and you’re dropped off a few blocks from your hotel (unless your hotel is in Georgetown). It’s easy.

Amtrak has moments where it’s a pain, like the time the air conditioning went out during summer on a trip home from North Carolina while I was trying to meet my CNN deadline in the cafe car, but it’s still a great way to travel. The trains I really love are subways. I still have NYC and DC train cards with a few bucks on them. I want to live in a city with a huge train system, but I can’t afford it.

Subways get a bad rap. A lot of people have told me they’ll never get on the New York subway because it’s not safe. I’ve had people in New York City tell me to never take the subway. I was at an Irish bar in midtown Manhattan and two brothers I was in a conversation with told me that whatever I do, to “never take the subway.” They were way too late with their advice. I’ve taken the New York subway all over Manhattan, through the Bronx, and into Brooklyn. I haven’t gone through Queens yet, but I will when I go see the Mets. But I’ve taken the subway through the Bronx at night and wasn’t afraid (there’s a train system on Staten Island but it’s not connected to the other four boroughs). And yeah, you see freaks talking very loudly to themselves and there are smelly people, but you also see women alone with their babies. I’ve seen groups of kids without adults on the Washington Metro. The Metro is pretty safe, and despite the recent increase in violence, the New York subway system is usually safe. My biggest hassle with subways is that they can be confusing.

Washington’s train system can be confusing but it’s a lot easier to figure out. The Metro has six lines, 91 stations, and 117 miles of routes. New York City’s subway has 36 lines, 472 stations, and 850 miles of track. You can get lost. I had a conversation with a different guy in that same Irish bar who was NYC born and raised, and he told me he got confused with the train system. But, there are now apps for that kind of stuff. I would look on my phone while in my hotel room to see when the next train was arriving at the station around the corner.

I used to get confused with the Metro until I traveled on the Subway. I don’t have any more problems understanding Washington’s Metro.

To me, it doesn’t make sense not to take the trains if you’re in a city that has them. Do I feel safe in the stations? I’ve drawn cartoons in NYC’s underground stations.

You may need to make adjustments as circumstances change, like during the COVID pandemic, but I refuse to allow lunatics to dictate how I live my life. I refuse to live in fear. I still rode in cars after being in car accidents, I still flew in planes after 9/11, and I’ll still ride in trains despite the shooting yesterday in Brooklyn.

A friend I grew up with will never go to Washington or New York City because he refuses to go anywhere without his guns. To me, that kind of fear is worse than living with the very small chance you’re going to be attacked on a train.

Giving everyone a gun is the NRA solution to gun violence. Didn’t a mass shooting on a military base disprove that solution? And in the few instances when a “good guy with a gun” showed up to a mass shooting, the good guy doesn’t actually save any lives. The “good guy with a gun” in Sutherland, Texas in 2017 showed up AFTER the shooter had already killed 26 people when the good guy started chasing him. The shooter was done shooting. And the good guy went on a car chase after the shooter instead of tending to the wounded bleeding to death. Arriving at the scene of a mass shooting is the sick fantasy of every gun fetishist. I think the main reason for them to carry a gun isn’t for their own personal safety, but more for the day when they get to shoot somebody.

Also, how can police tell the difference between the good guy with a gun and the bad guy?

There’s a better solution than the yee-haw cure and that is….let’s get rid of guns. It’ll be hard to shoot someone with a gun if there are no guns.

We don’t have to get rid of all guns but let’s get rid of the guns that make it easier to shoot a high number of people in a short period of time. The Second Amendment gives you the right to bear arms, but it doesn’t state you have the right to own machine guns, which is basically what these assault rifles are. If nothing else, let’s put more control, requirements, and regulations into owning these weapons that are made strictly for the purpose of killing human beings.

“Gun control” is like the word “liberal” for conservatives. No pun intended, but it’s a trigger word meaning bad, much in the same way conservatives now use “groomer,” “woke,” “cancel culture,” “book,” and “personal hygiene.”

While there are people in this nation afraid of getting on a train or traveling to a large city, there are people in other nations afraid to come to our nation because of our sick fetish for guns.

Gun fetishists are afraid gun control will disrupt their entitled white-privileged gun-humping lifestyle. But their guns are disrupting people’s lives while they’re just trying to get to work.

The gun fetishists, the so-called “constitutionalists,” want us to live in fear. They want us to be afraid of getting on a train or going to a donut shop. But like I said before, I refuse to allow lunatics to dictate how I live my life.

Music note: I listened to Pearl Jam while drawing this cartoon. And I bet you thought it would be the Beastie Boys.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

Watch me draw:

Borschting For Freedom


The Freedom Truckers hauling bullshit and snowflakes have picked a really bad time to pretend their freedom is under attack. It’s kinda like protesting the War on Christmas in July. There are not a lot of takers.

First, all the mandates they’re protesting against are being lifted. Second, it’s really hard to gain pity for being forced to wear a face mask in a Dunkin’ Donuts when there are Ukrainian grandmas facing down Soviet tanks.

These truckers, organized by white nationalists, want to whine and complain but they don’t have anything to complain about. In the 1953 classic, “The Wild One,” outlaw biker Johnny Strabler, played by Marlon Brando, is asked by Mildred, just some girl in the movie I think, what he’s rebelling against. Johnny’s reply is, “What’ve you got?” If Mildred had replied something about having to wear a face mask at Denny’s, Johnny might’ve just rolled out of town. Maybe he would helped Kevin Bacon rebel against John Lithgow’s anti-dancing laws in whatever town that was. Would all those kids have lost their collective shit if they were told they could dance but had to be vaccinated first?

The truckers are trying to mimic the Canadian trucker protest but without the violence, obstruction of traffic, bombs, looting, and maybe they’ll keep the racism in their cabs, but we’ll see how long that lasts. They claim they’re not going to enter Washington, D.C, and instead will just circle the city on the Washington Beltway in Maryland and Virginia.

If these truckers obstruct traffic in northern Virginia, nobody’s gonna notice. Traffic stops here on Sundays without any reason. Personally, I’d rather wear a KN95 face mask all the way from D.C. to Las Vegas and back again than have to drive to BWI at, well…anytime. If traffic is obstructed during the protests this weekend, we won’t know if it’s actually from the protest. It’ll just look like a Thursday, or a Sunday, or a Monday, or etc, etc.

And how much do you want to bet that after driving across the nation and circling around the capital that these morons are going to gripe about gas prices?

Mask and vaccine mandates are being eased across the nation. Soon, you’ll be able to walk into a bar in New York City and pay $15 for a domestic lite beer without having to wear a face mask. But even when you were required to wear a face mask or be vaccinated to enter an establishment, your freedom wasn’t being attacked. You had the freedom not to go to those establishments. The requirement to be vaccinated to cross international borders is another thing that’s not an attack on freedom.

If you want a real example of freedom under assault, don’t look at truckers in Canada and the United States. Look at Ukraine, which is being invaded by Russia, ordered by a fascist dictator who plans to destroy Ukraine’s democracy and install a puppet government.

During the Canadian trucker blockade, Donald Trump said, “A line has been crossed. You’re either with the peaceful truckers or you’re with the left-wing fascists.” Right before the invasion of Ukraine, Trump stood with Vladimir Putin’s fascism by calling him a “genius.” You’re either with Ukraine or fascist Putin. We know who Trump and Tucker Carlson are with.

One trucker wrote on one of the Freedom Trucker channels on Telegram, “What we see in Ukraine is not bravery, it’s adrenaline and rush. Real bravery comes from a good dose of wisdom. The people fighting in wars are not brave but pumped with adrenaline and lacking wisdom. This is bravery. Support the truckers.” 

While attending the CPAC conference, Lauren Boebert said, “I pray for Ukraine, and I wish them the best. They have a great president right now who has really said clearly, ‘Live free or die.’ He said, ‘I don’t need a ride, give me ammunition. The fight is right here.'” Then she said, “But we also have neighbors to the north who need freedom and need to be liberated, and we need that right here at home as well.” Shortly after that, she rushed back to Congress to vote against medical treatment for veterans.

The people who support the freedom trucker thing have more in common with fascist Putin than with democratically-elected Volodymyr Zelensky. Until now, these people supported Putin. These people supported an attempt to overthrow our own government. And now they’re going to drive around in circles, honking their horns, and claiming their freedom is under attack?

Dear Freedom Truckers. You tried to destroy our freedom. For all I care, you can take your big rig and drive it up your ass.

The trucker movement is fizzling out and it’s not going to be as large as they envisioned. It’s really hard to get people to mobilize behind bullshit. Republicans are usually pretty good at protesting and being angry at stuff that doesn’t exist, like kids being taught Critical Race Theory or the War on Christmas or that the election was stolen or that your homophobia is being attacked by a unisex Potato head, but sometimes, it just doesn’t catch on. This Trucker Freedom movement is going to have a shorter lifespan than Gangnam style.

So, protester tip: If you’re going to protest, make sure you have something that actually exists to protest because you’re not Marlon Brando.

Music Note: I was tooning to whatever Apple Music randomly played today until it hit a J. Geils Band song. After that, I had to listen to more J. Geils Band.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

Watch me draw:

Jared Is Shown The Bright Side


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Jared Fogle, the guy who became a pitchman for Subway after losing a lot of weight eating nothing but their sandwiches, has agreed to plead guilty to charge of receiving child pornography and paying for sex with girls as young as 16. He also paid prostitutes a finders’ fee to find children as young as 14 to commit sex acts with him.

The agreement released by prosecutors said Fogle will pay $1.4 million in restitution to 14 minor victims, who will each receive $100,000. He will also be required to register as a sex offender and undergo treatment for sexual disorders.

The government agreed not to seek a sentence of more than 12½ years in prison, and Fogle agreed not to ask for less than five years, according to court documents.

Here’s the thing; he may still end up doing more than 12 years in the joint. The maximum federal penalty for child porn is 12 years and for sex with a minor he can get 30. A judge doesn’t have to go by this deal. He can make Jared serve longer and maybe combine the two charges. We’ll find out soon enough.

I find it peculiar that he received child porn from the guy running his charity. How do these guys find out they shared interests of child porn and sandwiches? Were they sitting down over a couple of Subway Chipotle Guacamole Chicken Melts when one said to the other “by the way, do you enjoy physically and psychologically traumatizing a child for the rest of his life?”

At least none of the guys were his sisters unlike fun Mr. Moral Guy Josh Duggar. Duggar, one of the 19-Kids-And-Counting kids is well known for opposing gay marriage and telling other people how they should live a moral and ethical life such as his. A few months ago it came out that he used to fondle his little sisters while they were sleeping. He apparently fondled other little girls who were not his sisters.

Well there’s this website called Ashley Madison which is a date site for people who want to cheat on their spouses. Oh, you heard of the fine. A bunch of hackers broke into the site and stole a bunch of their clients’ information. Yesterday they exposed a bunch of of those cheaters. Guess who was on the list.

Yup. Josh Duggar. Now Mr. Duggar, like Mr. Fogle, has stated he needs professional help and will seek it out.

I have always admired the integrity of individuals who recognize they have a sickness and seek help…you know, after they’re caught and publicly humiliated.

That’s just the first celebrity. There’s always a celebrity cheating on the spouse. I find the Duggar case more interesting because he’s the kind of guy who’s a hypocrite and will never have an uptight homophobic baker refuse to make him a cake. Mostly I’m interested if any politicians will show up on the list.

I don’t think I would ever be in danger of being on a list such as this. I’m single now and I don’t do online dating. I just don’t trust it and quite frankly, I find it kinda needy and pathetic. So I can’t get in trouble or exposed for cheating or surfing the web for hookups, though I have gotten in trouble for petting another dog.

I drew two roughs for this cartoon. My pal Stefen told me I should go with this pants version.

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He laughed immediately when he saw it. He kinda inspired this idea by making a pants statement we both immediately forgot. However, after showing both to another friend I decided to go with the cartoon that covered Fogle and Ashley Madison.

Here’s that rough.

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A Footlong In Utah


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Here’s this week’s cartoon for The Independent in St. George, Utah.

I made a mistake in the cartoon and named the town “Riverdale” instead of Springdale. I must have been thinking of The Archies. There is a Riverdale in Utah and I did a Wiki on that knowing it was Springdale. Duh! Second mistake I made last week (I drew this last Friday).

I actually sent this idea as a joke to the editors at the Indy. I even told them I was sending it knowing there was no way they would ever use it. Well they debated it and wanted to use it.

Editorial cartoonist have a reputation of trying to put something dirty, risque, scandalous and even dangerous in a cartoon. It’s a pretty accurate reputation and it can fit me at times. Usually I’m all gung ho to draw a cartoon with an euphemism for penis but this wasn’t my favorite idea.

Thinking the editors would kill the sandwich idea, I threw another idea at them.

An Iron County (Utah) deputy recently fought being laid off. A committee for the county overturned his firing and reinstated him to the sheriff’s department. A county attorney decided to appeal. I came up with this idea which involved the story of the girl who’s famous (though I’ve never heard of her) who said she hated America and licked doughnuts.

The editors said they thought the doughnut licking story might be too obscure and readers may not be aware of it. They’re probably right. But even though I got to make a slightly dirty joke that’d never be approved by most editors with the sandwich cartoon, I still like the donut licking idea better. Here’s that rough.

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Sizing Up Jared Fogle. Cartoon For The Daily Dot


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This week’s cartoon for The Daily Dot.

I drew this Wednesday night. Sorry we’re just now getting it posted. My editor suggested the topic and I wasn’t sure about it. A former employee of his Fogle’s charity is facing child porn charges. There is a very good chance Fogle is a victim here. I am curious why his home was raided. Did his employee use computers or software in the Fogle home? I think it’d be helpful if Fogel’s reps would comment on that.

My first idea was Subway losing 200 lbs….by dropping Fogle as a spokesman. Eh. I didn’t even make a draft of that one.

By the way: This doesn’t have anything to do with the issue, but did you notice that Jared may be straying from the Subway diet? The video footage of his home being raided showed Fogle outside and the man was sporting some pretty hefty man boobs.

Here’s the rough, though it wasn’t the original angle I was going with.WP_20150708_003

 

This was the first concept. Right as I was emailing it to my editor I realized it would be funnier if Jared was actually wearing the pants.

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