America’s Little Shooter Boy is aiming (pun intended) for a great Christmas…for himself.
Kyle Rittenhouse is being wined (probably with Coors) and dined by what used to be the Republican establishment. Today, it’s a cult. The Trump cult is grabbing onto our nation’s gun culture. And one way to celebrate your gun fetish is to give platforms to gun celebrities. No, not Tom Selleck, but people like Rittenhouse and the mustard-loving gun owners in St. Louis who were prepared to defend their home when they saw black people walking in their neighborhood.
The 2020 Republican convention featured that ridiculous Sandmann Covington kid who had that face-off with a Native American in Washington. Why was he a celebrity? Because he sued several media outlets and got settlements that were most likely nuisance settlements. But, that was enough to make him a hero to the far-right. But his 15 minutes are running out and the Trump cult needs new “heroes.”
The convention also featured that couple from St. Louis. These two goons, Mark and Patricia McCloskey, live in a gated community. When they saw protesters, black people, walking down their street, they grabbed their guns and went outside so they could point them at the “trespassers.” They were so threatened by the crowd passing by their house, they didn’t have time to put on shoes or change into shirts without mustard stains before running outside with their guns. I mean, if they had taken the time to change into clothing without food stains, the protesters may have been gone. It’s not every day the McCloskey’s get to point their guns at black people.
After being found guilty on charges of misdemeanor harassment and misdemeanor assault in the fourth degree, fined, and having their guns confiscated, Mark McCloskey said, “Any time the mob approaches me, I’ll do what I can to put them in imminent threat of physical injury because that’s what kept them from destroying my house and my family.”
Really? That’s what kept them from destroying your house and family? How many other houses and families, that didn’t rush outside pointing guns, were destroyed by the “mob?” Also, if I’m walking on a sidewalk in front of your house, I’m NOT “approaching” you.
Mark McCloskey is using his newfound fame from hating and pointing guns at black people to run for the United States Senate as a member of the Tiny-Shriveled-Ineffective-Penis Party. Other people refer to that party as the Republican Party.
The shrinky-dinky guys aren’t just happy using Mustard Stain for their events. They’re now using Rittenhouse because he shot people and got away with it. He shot three people, killing two. Although all three were white, they were a part of a protest for Black Lives Matter.
Rittenhouse is the new anti-hero for Trumpers and other assorted morons with a gun fetish. He was doing an interview with Sean Hannity while on the car ride home after the trial. He’s been to Mar-a-Lago for a photo-op with Orange Julius Jesus. On Monday, he got to speak at Turning Point USA’s AmericaFest where he got a standing ovation for shooting people. I’m not sure he even spoke at the event.
These people cheering Rittenhouse should ask, “What would Jesus do?” But in our gun culture, they’ll probably ask instead, “Who would Jesus shoot?” But then again, these people who believe it’s Christian to shoot people, and make heroes out of the people who do, also think Jesus was white. Of course, they also made a Christian holiday out of a fake birthday for a Jewish guy.
Rittenhouse is also threatening to sue the media for saying bad things about him after he created a situation where he had to defend himself and shoot three people. Hey, Kyle. If you really want to be in situations where you have to defend yourself with a gun, join the Marines.
There are people who won’t be here this Christmas because they were killed by guns like the one Kyle used in Kenosha to shoot three people. But I’m sure Kyle’s Christmas will be happy. He’s not eating prison food and he probably just got a check from Turning Point USA. He’ll probably get future checks from the NRA and other conservative conventions.
Next year, Kyle should think about renting himself out for Republican Christmas cards. You know, the ones where the entire family is holding assault rifles. Let’s hope Kyle’s fame can last until next Christmas.
What would Jesus do? He wouldn’t do this.
Music note: The tunes I listened to while tooning this morning were by U2, The Vines, Hives, Goyte, and Imagine Dragons by accident. The player selected a song it assumed I would like, and it was kinda right. I thought “this doesn’t suck totally” and I kept listening. I looked to see who it was, and it was that band I’ve heard about but never heard of, Imagine Dragons. I probably never listened to them because it’s a stupid name.
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