Jesus

If Biden Wins


cjones08102020

You would think Donald Trump is talking out of his ass and making up wild bullshit out of desperation from losing to Joe Biden, except Donald Trump always talks out of his ass and makes up wild bullshit.

Donald Trump said if Biden wins, he’ll, “Take away your guns, take away your Second Amendment. No religion, no anything. Hurt the Bible. Hurt God. He’s against God. He’s against guns. He’s against energy, our kind of energy.”

He also claimed Biden will get rid of cops and fracking. The fracking thing might be the only thing close to being true. Why didn’t Trump include grandmas, baseball, apple pie, and puppies?

Joe Biden has based his entire career on his faith. It’s something he’s talked about again and again. He talked about how his faith helped him get through the loss of his first wife, daughter, and son. When Pope Francis visited the United States in 2015, Joe Biden met him on the tarmac, went with him to Mass at the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception, and accompanied the Pope to Philadelphia. He called the Pope, “the single most popular figure in the world.”

During the 2016 presidential campaign, Russians meddlers spread lies that Pope Francis endorsed Trump. Donald Trump never knocked those claims down.

When Donald Trump talks about religion, he says he has never asked for forgiveness and when he has been to church, that’s where you eat your “little crackers and drink your little wine.”

The last time Donald Trump went to a church, he had the military teargas peaceful protesters so he could walk to it from the White House, stand outside the church on a Monday afternoon, hold “a” Bible upside down(when asked if it was his, he said it was “a Bible”), all for a photo-op. Then he walked back to the White House. No statements. No prayers. Nothing but a photo which was made possible by Attorney General William Barr and Secretary of Defense Mark Esper, who later said he regretted it.

Religious leader and hater of zipping up his pants, Jerry Falwell Jr. is a big Trump fan and thinks the coronavirus is an evil plot to destroy Trump. What was in that glass of “black water?”

Evangelicals love Donald Trump. Many believe he was sent by God. Donald Trump believes he was sent by God. Donald Trump has claimed he’s the “Chosen One.” The Republican Party has turned into a cult that treats Trumpism as a religion. There is nothing to believe in but Trump. Christians who support Donald Trump are not Christians.

A Christian would take offense at Donald Trump using a church for a photo-op. A Christian would take offense at Donald Trump saying he doesn’t need forgiveness. A Christian wouldn’t support a man who brags about “grabbing them by the pussy.” A Christian wouldn’t support a grifter like Donald Trump who steals from charities to purchase paintings of himself. A Christian would not support a man like Donald Trump who is the king of vanity and can’t stop praising himself. A Christian would not support a man like Donald Trump who mocks the handicapped and puts children into jails. A Christian would not support a man who claims his opponent hates the Bible and will hurt God. A Christian would reject a man who claims he’s the “Chosen One.” A Christian would not support a man who lies. A Christian would not support Mr. Two Corinthians.

A real Christian would support removing Donald Trump from the Oval Office.

Joe Biden hurt God? A Christian would know that’s impossible. Donald Trump is no Christian.

If you claim you are a Christian and you support Donald Trump, do us all a favor and blow it out your ass.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

White Jesus


cjones06272020

Laura, one of my proofreaders, told me after I sent this in its very rough stage this morning, she had to look up the story to see what I was talking about? What am I talking about? I told her there wasn’t a specific story. This was my analysis criticizing all the defenders of racist monuments to the Confederacy. I’m merely pointing out their hypocrisy and stupidity. But nope…there is a story.

Shaun King is a Black Lives Matter activist who’s no stranger to controversy. There are a lot of people on the left and in the BLM movement who aren’t fans of his. Mostly because he’s been accused of hosting fundraisers and then pocketing the money for himself. Do you know who does do that? Donald Trump. Don’t be like Donald Trump.

In the wake of calls to remove statues of Confederate leaders, Christopher Columbus, racist presidents like Andrew Jackson, and even good presidents like Theodore Roosevelt, Shaun King let out a call to remove statues of Jesus Christ. To be specific, he wants statues of WHITE Jesus Christ to be destroyed.

Shaun King said, “If your religion requires Jesus to be a blondehaired blue eyed Jesus, then your religion is not Christianity, but white supremacy. Christian whiteness, not white Christianity, has been the primary religion of this country for hundreds of years.” He also said, “In the Bible, when the family of Jesus wanted to hide, and blend in, guess where they went? EGYPT! Not Denmark.”

Shaun King may not be a guy you want on your side in a cause, but he’s right on this. How in the hell can anyone believe Jesus was white? Because you think God was white?

Now, King is receiving death threats from…wait for it…white people. They’re upset he’s coming after White Jesus and are accusing him of coming after all of Christianity. That proves Mr. King’s point. If you think coming after White Jesus is coming after Christianity…yeah, your religion is white supremacy.

That’s like saying someone who hates fruitcake hates Christmas. Are you praying to the fruitcake?

I’m not a Christian though I was raised as one. I’m very familiar with Christianity. I was even forced to attend a private Baptist school for a year in Georgia. Southern Georgia. Guess how many black kids went to that school in 1982. I’ve paid my penance. Even though I’m not a Christian and I don’t believe in the Bible god, I’m pretty sure of this: Religion doesn’t have a race or color.

I think churches should change their statues of White Jesus on the cross. But we can’t make them. The government can’t make them. Your organization can’t make them. First off, if there are any images of Jesus on government property, I don’t care what color he is, he shouldn’t be there. There’s that entire separation of church and state thing. The government is not supposed to sponsor a specific religion even though it does it all the time, especially in the south.

There is a huge, giant, enormous Confederate flag on Interstate 95 between Fredericksburg and Woodbridge, Virginia. It’s ugly. It’s offensive. My ex, Amanda, was asked by her niece, who is a child and of mixed race, what that flag stood for. I’m glad she didn’t ask me. It’s a monument to racism. it’s vile and ugly that it has to be explained to a child, whether it’s “a monument to hatred toward you,” or “hate is your heritage.” It sucks. But, it’s on private property. There has been controversy over the flag for years but there is nothing anyone can do about it except for the guy who owns it. It’s his flag on his property. It sucks we have to look at it and no, you can’t close your eyes while driving or you might crash into it.

NASCAR banned the Confederate flag at its races but that doesn’t stop racist people from selling the racist image to racist consumers outside the venues.

We have freedom of speech in this nation. And just like racist fuckers can’t stop you from kneeling during the national anthem or from burning an American flag, you can’t take down a church’s statue of blonde hair, blue-eyed White Jesus. My personal solution to that is, don’t go to church.

White Jesus doesn’t really offend me because I don’t go to church, I think your religion is a superstition, you’re praying to something that doesn’t exist, so I think your monument is as false as your religion. You can put a cow on that cross and pray to it for all I care. Maybe that’s something Hindus do.

I do believe Jesus existed and he was not white. I don’t believe he was the son of God so your monument to him is false. I just want you to see the hypocrisy when you argue that statues and monuments should stay up because they honor your heritage and history. Based upon your White Jesus statue, your heritage and history is full of shit.

Basically, in regards to history, heritage, and culture, your credibility on the subject matter sucks. You guys argue the monuments are history, but you don’t know your history. You refuse to acknowledge the fact the Civil War was fought by the South to preserve slavery. Taking the statues down won’t make you dumber because you’re already there.

The only thing that really offends me about your White Jesus, is what you’re teaching your children. If it’s anything like your “southern heritage,” you’re teaching your children to be racist.

That said, all these hate statues we want to be destroyed are on government property. There should not be government-endorsed monuments to racism. Even White Jesus would probably agree with that. White Jesus wouldn’t like the monument to racism in the Oval Office. My bad. The TWO monuments to racism in the Oval Office.

I think the hardest thing for conservative racists to do is to confront facts. One fact they hate and they’re trying to cover up is that they’re not praying to a white deity…except when they’re praying to Donald Trump.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

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Corona Passover


cjones04132020

Fact: Everybody who has died from the coronavirus was going to die eventually anyway.

Honestly, I expect Fox News to pick that up and run with it. The new conservative Trump cult fucknut talking point is that covid-19 is being given too much credit for killing people. Fox News and others are pointing out that some people who have died from the virus had other ailments.

Diseases kill. Sometimes, a disease makes you die from something else. Many AIDS victims actually die from pneumonia…which is a complication of AIDS. It’s the same thing with the coronavirus.

I was wondering what the next fuckwit talking point was, but after engaging with a few conservatives the past few days, this is it. They’re back, if they ever stopped, to downplaying the pandemic, calling it a hoax, and saying it’s not as bad as the media is depicting. Based on their arguments, people die anyway.

The reason they want to downplay it is because it’s bad. It’s really bad. And, it’s especially bad for Donald Trump, their lord and savior. They’re arguing this was nothing to close the country down for and we’re killing ourselves over a hoax.

Yesterday, a friend pointed out that we don’t stop driving despite more people dying each year from drunk drivers than from covid-19…except he’s wrong. Covid-19 has killed more people in the past two months than drunk drivers kill in a year. And trust me, that’s a lot of people.

The only thing I haven’t put together yet is how they argue this is a hoax but accept that Donald Trump is, supposedly at least, taking it seriously. I asked one of them to explain it but she failed and went into a “but Obama” rant.

When we had early warnings of this, a lot of Trump cultists went into their whataboutism of Obama and referred to the H1N1 outbreak. They pointed out that it killed over 12,000 Americans. Some are still using that despite the fact that covid-19 has killed more Americans than H1N1. Even if our best estimates come true, it’ll kill five times as many Americans as H1N1. You can’t “but Obama” that.

The next talking point will be that we should just forget this ever happened. Donald Trump said that yesterday. Expect Fox News and your crazy uncle (in my case, demented sisters) to pick this up and run with it. The reason Donald Trump wants us to forget it ever happened is that it’s something he truly bungled. He keeps blaming others, like governors, China, the World Health Organization, Obama, the Media, etc. The fact is, it’s not his fault a pandemic hit us. It’s just his fault that we didn’t prepare for it. But if you’re a Trump cultist, you’ve probably already forgotten about it.

Saying something doesn’t exist is a lot easier than actually handling it…until you absolutely have to handle it. The best-case scenario in this situation would be for Donald Trump to go away and let someone else handle it.

Don’t listen to these Trump cultist medical experts. They believe the coronavirus is a hoax, yet Jesus came back to life after being dead for three days.

Tip Jar:

This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.

Corona Christ


cjones04072020

Even in states that are not giving stay-at-home orders, people are being encouraged to only venture out for essential services. Essential services usually include groceries, banks, healthcare, senior care and in Florida, gun stores. What?

But also, in a lot of our states, churches are defined as “essential.” In 11 of the most at-risk states of the coronavirus, church gatherings have not been banned.

So, why is gathering in a church not as dangerous as sitting in a restaurant? Is it because God will protect you in a church but not Applebees? Or is it that praying is worth the risk? Or (I think I got it now), Republican governors are afraid of pissing off their evangelical base, of which they are members too?

It’s no more important for you to go to a store and buy a gun than it is for me to go to the mall and buy a new iPhone. Likewise, it’s not important for you to go to church or any religious gathering. The point here is, DON’T GATHER!!!

There’s only one way for us to defeat the coronavirus and that is for us to stop giving it to each other. And trust me, you can catch it in church.

If we can hold classes on Skype and Zoom, then we can praise Jesus with a webcam. God gave you WiFi. Use it.

The states with exemptions for zealots are Florida, Louisiana, Tennessee, West Virginia, New Hampshire, Delaware, Michigan, and Mississippi. Oklahoma and Arkansas don’t have any bans on any gatherings. Missouri and Alabama just closed shops but I don’t know about church exemptions.

Experts say if the public totally cooperates, it can save up to 2 million lives in this country. But if the Jesus freaks get their way, we’re all going to see Jesus a lot sooner than we want to.

A pastor was arrested in Florida after he held church services despite a ban on gatherings in his county. Later, the county added churches as “essential” services. In Sacramento, California, 70 members of one church are infected with the coronavirus. Religious conservatives are always defensive about appearing uneducated and anti-science, but it’s their fault when they do shit like this.

Some pastors argue the stay-at-home orders violate their freedom of religion. No, it doesn’t. When it picks and chooses which religions have to stay home and which can hold gatherings, then you can say it’s violating your religion. Right now, my freedom to sit at Starbucks is being violated. If I can deal without a mocha frap, you can go a little while without going to church. I might love mocha fraps as much as you love Jesus.

I am not a religious person. That doesn’t mean I want to suppress your religion or convert you to my position. I don’t care what or whom you worship. But, I do care if you use your religion to infringe upon other people’s rights…or in this case, their lives. I don’t want this month of self-isolation inside a studio apartment to be for naught because some fundamentalist whackjob will breathe covid-19 on me in May.

This isn’t Hobby Lobby refusing insurance that pays for birth control. This is killing people. The same god you believe will protect you in church is the same god that brought the coronavirus (I know. You’d rather blame the Chinese).

Zealots, stay home. Skype God and order delivery from Chick-fil-A (though, if you really want a religious experience from a chicken sandwich, order Popeyes). And the best part is you can praise Jesus in your sweatpants.

Tip Jar:

This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.

Two Corinthians


cjones12252019

If you’re an evangelical and a Trump supporter and my Christmas wish to you is that your children adopt the behavior, manners, and characteristics of Donald Trump, would you find that offensive? Did I wish evil upon your children?

If so, then why do you demonstrate to your children that Donald Trump’s behavior isn’t just acceptable, but should be encouraged, championed, and defended?

It’s OK for you if your president boasts about assaulting women, bullies them along with the handicapped and children, but not for your children to do it? Is it OK if your children lie on a daily basis on all matters large and small? Is it OK if your children cheat and lie to get ahead? Is it OK if your children seek to destroy anyone they perceive to be critical of them? Is it OK for your children to disrespect POWs? Are you fine with your kids taking credit for other people’s accomplishments? Do you hope your child steals from charity? How about being a serial adulterer and lacking all loyalty? Are you alright with your kids never outgrowing name-calling and turning into selfish, narcissistic assholes?

OK then. I take it back. I don’t wish for your children to grow up to be like Donald Trump. But maybe my other wish for them is even worse because that’s for them to grow up to be just like you.

Merry Christmas.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From The Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Fish Girl Fury


cjones07122019

White conservatives, the most victimized group in the history of victimization and creators of the term “snowflake,” are livid that a black girl has been cast as Ariel in Disney’s upcoming live-action remake of The Little Mermaid.

White scorn and condemnation were heaped upon Oscar-winning actress Halle Berry over the casting choice. She hadn’t received this much crap since 2004 when she was cast to play Catwoman. Perhaps the most unfortunate thing about that is Halle Berry was NOT cast to play Ariel in the Disney remake. Nope. That honor goes to Halle Bailey, an up and coming actress and one half of R&B duo Chloe X Halle, a group she’s in with her sister (in case you’re one of those white conservatives, her sister’s name is Chloe).

My first thought when I heard Berry had been cast wasn’t about her skin tone. I was confused because of her age. I thought maybe they were reanimating it or something. It boggled my mind. I mean, Halle Berry is beautiful but at age 52, she’s a little old to be defying her father’s orders about socializing with land dwellers (though she’s always welcome to socialize with me). Bailey, at age 19, does seem like a good choice for a disobedient teenage fish girl.

Usually, I’m more annoyed about there being a remake than I am about who’s starring in it. It seems Hollywood has run out of ideas. Ironically, the most original ideas that have been coming out of Hollywood over the past couple of decades have been animations. With Beauty and the Beast, The Lion King coming out later this year, and now The Little Mermaid, Disney seems hellbent on making live actions of all their animated classics. Personally, I’m looking forward to the outrage over the casting choice in Steamboat Willie.

I think white conservatives troll the internet looking for issues to get upset over. Back in 2013 when mixed-race couples were fairly new to commercials, they were livid over a black man married to a white woman in a Cheerios commercial. Now, almost every commercial features a mixed-race couple which seems smarts if you want to market your product to everyone. Now, they get upset over stuff like there not being an American flag on Nike shoes or “Merry Christmas” not being displayed on Starbucks cups, or someone pointed out that their racist president is a racist.

The funny thing is, the hypocrisy goes way back and extends to today over white casting choices. No white people were upset when Katherine Hepburn was cast in an Asian role in 1944 or a white guy as Charlie Chan in 1935. Hell, even John Wayne was once cast as an Asian. JOHN WAYNE! In recent history, actresses Emma Stone and Scarlett Johansson have been cast to play Asians. 2018’s Crazy Rich Asians was historic in that it was a Hollywood film that actually cast Asians for Asian roles.

The people upset over Bailey’s casting point out that The Little Mermaid is from a Danish fairy tale (if you’re a Republicans, Danish is Denmark). Obviously, Scandinavia is one of the whitest places in the world (which came as news to former Trump Homeland Security Director Kirstjen Nielsen, but she’s a Republican), so Hans Christian Andersen’s little mermaid was white. But, it should be pointed out, especially if you’re a Republican, that mermaids are fictional. Also, according to folklore, mermaids want to kill you. If you come up to me about a mermaid trying to kill you after luring you in with a siren love song, my first question isn’t going to be “what color was it?” My first question will be, “did it look like Daryl Hannah?”

Do we still care about stories and the talent of those telling them? Maybe we should hold judgment until we see the movie. Michael Keaton wasn’t taken seriously as the choice for 1989’s Batman until everyone saw it. Now, every new Batman is compared to Keaton. After being criticized for his casting, people were pleasantly surprised that Tom Cruise didn’t Top Gun it in that vampire movie with Brad Pitt.

Jason Momoa didn’t get much heat for playing Aquaman, despite playing the whitest superhero ever and him being of Native Hawaiian ancestry. But maybe people were mostly relieved he wouldn’t be splashing around wear a green and orange leotard. The lesson I’m trying to apply here is that race wasn’t a factor in that movie because there was nothing that could have saved Aquaman from being major suckage. I mean, it’s Aquaman for God’s sake. As for anger at movies, shouldn’t all that energy be reserved for anything new that Adam Sandler makes? Don’t we suspend believability over him always getting the hot girl or the fact people keep giving him money to make the same movie over and over?

Hopefully, Baily does better than Momoa did as Aquaman and Berry did as Catwoman. If you’re still upset about a black girl playing a fictional fish girl, then don’t see the movie, but let your kids go. Black Jesus will be very upset if you raise them to be as racist as you are.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

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Weaseling Before Jesus


cjones06292019

The TV show South Park was developed from an animated Christmas card Trey Parker and Matt Stone were paid $1,000 to create for a TV executive to give to his friends in 1995. Titled Jesus vs. Santa, the short provides one token of wisdom we should all carry through life; don’t say “pigfucker” in front of Jesus.

Since you shouldn’t say “pigfucker” in front of Jesus, then you probably shouldn’t be one either. Additionally, I think we can all agree that one shouldn’t be a shitweasel in front of Jesus. If you dedicate your life to the teachings of Jesus Christ and characterize yourself as one of his followers, don’t be a shitweasel. Mike Pence is a shitweasel.

During his interview with Jake Tapper last Sunday, Christian Mike Pence shitsweaseled all over the place.

When South Bend, Indiana mayor Pete Buttigieg questioned how Pence could be a Christian while also serving as vice-president to the “porn star” president, Pence indignantly cried about his religion being attacked. I’m not attacking Pence’s religion. I’m attacking Mike Pence and his hypocrisy. I’m also attacking the hypocrisy of the 81% of Evangelical Christians that Pew Research Center claim voted for the Trump/Pence ticket. You’re all a bunch of shitweasels.

I am not a Christian or religious in any way, but I do know something about it. I was dragged to church every Sunday that my mother didn’t sleep in, procrastinate or forget. I lived with my aunt and uncle and their two daughters for six months while in the fifth grade, and they dragged me to church every Sunday in the morning and evening, every Wednesday, every day during revival week, and even Halloween. I had to go to church during Hallofreakingween. I didn’t even know there was Jesus candy. I also attended a private Baptist school for a year in high school. It was brutal. But, I believe all those years of religious trauma has given me at least enough knowledge to know that Christians are not supposed to lie. Do you know what the Bible says about lying? It’s against it. Mike Pence, a man so religious that he refuses to be alone with a woman who is not his wife, is a liar.

During his interview with Tapper, he claimed, “America has the cleanest air and water in the world.” That’s a lie. While the U.S. is tied with nine nations for cleanest water, we come in tenth for clean air.

Pence claimed that Trump said he’d call the FBI if he was offered dirt on political opponents. Another lie.

Pence claimed that six million jobs have been added during the Trump administration. Another lie. They’re sponging numbers from the Obama administration.

Pence claimed Trump has rebuilt the military. Can someone please tell me how? Do we have more tanks, ships, jets, rockets, hats? They’ve increased funding for the military but how has it been rebuilt in two years? Trump once claimed he’s rebuilt our nuclear arsenal when in fact, nothing has been changed regarding it. Liars.

Pence claimed that 90 percent of asylum seekers do not show up for their court hearings. Liar! Liar! Liar! This one is huge. It’s amazing he can keep that flaccid-Trump-adoring-while-have-a-bowel movement expression on his face while telling that lie. Pence must be on some serious medication. The truth is, 90 percent of asylum seekers show up for their court dates. There is a huge difference between TEN and NINETY (if you’re a Republican, it’s 80 percent of a difference). This one isn’t even a quibble or an exaggeration. It’s a fucking lie.

When asked about climate change, Pence said he’d go with the science. When Tapper pointed out that scientists from the Trump administration believe climate change is a threat, Pence refused to admit it was. When pressed several times, Pence still refused to say climate change was a threat. This is what a shitweasel does.

When asked about the conditions for children in detention centers, Pence was unable to defend the lawyers who argued that children don’t need toothbrushes or toothpaste, and instead blamed Democrats. He argued how Democrats weren’t funding more beds for the centers instead of answering why they’re the ones throwing children into these centers. It’s like building torture chambers then blaming someone else for not funding more beds for your torture chambers. Pigfuckers, stop throwing kids into torture chambers!

When asked why the administration wasn’t providing fundamentals to these children they’ve thrown into these torture chambers, Pence laughed. God-fearing Christian Mike Pence laughed when asked about children his administration has imprisoned. He went on to blame Congress, the Mexican government, and traffickers but refused to admit that they can provide blankets and toothbrushes. He accepts no responsibility for the administration’s policy of separating families and throwing babies into cages.

Instead of being an honest man, an honest Christian, Pence dodged and squirmed during the interview. It’s because he’s a shitweasel.

Taylor University is an Evangelical college in Pence’s Indiana. Last spring, Pence gave the commencement address. The Evangelical students got over 10,000 signatures on a petition or protest against Pence. It read, “Inviting Vice President Pence to Taylor University and giving him a coveted platform for his political views makes our alumni, faculty, staff and current students complicit in the Trump-Pence Administration’s policies, which we believe are not consistent with the Christian ethic of love we hold dear.” The students at Taylor know a shitweasel when they see one.

Mike Pence is a Christian but he doesn’t adhere to the faith. Nobody can while supporting lies and throwing children into concentration camps. Nobody can claim they walk with Jesus while supporting Donald Trump.

What would Jesus do?

What would Mike Pence do? Mike Pence would torture babies, like about it, and blame someone else. That’s because Mike Pence is a shitweasel.

And, he’s probably a pigfucker too.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
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Watch Me Draw.

Yappy Jesus


cjones06202018

Americans love to say America is the greatest country in the world. The new doctrine for our foreign policy is “We’re America, bitch.” But, I’m pretty sure the greatest country in the world wouldn’t separate children from their parents and imprison them in tents in the desert. Maybe there was some confusion, and they were supposed to be in tent prisons with dessert. Spelling is a challenge for this White House.

Obviously inspired by the recently pardoned Joe Arpaio (the racist law-breaking criminal sheriff in Arizona), the Trump administration is looking to place 1,000-5,000 immigrant children in tent cities in the desert. The number of migrant children the government has apprehended has increased by 20% since a “zero-tolerance” policy was initiated by Attorney General Jeff Sessions and Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen (who doesn’t know Norway is mostly white but knows a brown kid when she sees one). The new policy ordered the Border Patrol to refer anyone crossing the border illegally for criminal prosecution, no matter the situation. Some people being incarcerated haven’t crossed illegally, as they went to the Border Patrol and requested asylum, which we don’t grant anymore for people whose lives are threatened by gangs or spousal abuse.

The number of children currently held by the government is over 11,200 at some 100 facilities (with Trump murals and re-education classes) to hold them are around 95% full. One solution would be to stop separating children from their parents and throwing them all in jail, which sounds a little better than throwing toddlers to cacti and rattlesnakes. But, maybe the Trump murals will ward off the snakes and Gila Monsters.

Sessions justified this abuse of government policy by quoting the Bible. He cited Romans 13 when he said, “to obey the laws of the government because God has ordained the government for his purposes.” Funny thing. That’s the same verse used by Southerners to justify owning slaves in the 1800s. Scary thing: Sessions probably knows that.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders is a church goer as well. During a White House press briefing Thursday, Sanders was insulting members of the press (they really hate Jim Acosta) and using the Bible defense. She said, “I can say that it is very biblical to enforce the law. That is actually repeated a number of times throughout the Bible. It’s a moral policy to follow and enforce the law.”

I haven’t seen a government use religion to justify policy this much since the Taliban.

There are probably a lot of quotes from the Bible that can be used to defend this administration.

There’s, “Thou shall not grab strange vaginas, unless thou is famous.”

And then there’s, “Thou shall not boast about grabbing strange vaginas to a reality TV host on a bus unless it’s just locker room talk.”

Plus, “Do not shag a porn star unless she’s willing to sign a non-disclosure agreement.”

I think this one was added yesterday: “Thou shall not salute a North Korean General unless his large hat is really spiffy.”

I’m gonna let you in on a secret. I made those up. But, here’s one that’s genuine: From Deuteronomy 10:18-19, “God loves the foreigner residing among you, giving them food and clothing. And you are to love those who are foreigners, for you yourselves were foreigners in Egypt.”

But, maybe I’m doing it wrong, and we’re only supposed to quote Old Testament God and not Hippy God.

Watch me draw.

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Tough Question


cjones08072015

I watched the first debate in a bar with some friends. First time, and probably the last, I have ever asked anyone to switch the channel to Fox News. I watched the second debate at my drawing table with an Italian sub from Wawa.

My thoughts on the debate:

It kicked off to an exciting start when toadie moderator Brett Baier asked the candidates to pledge not to run a third party campaign. Donald Trump refused to take that oath. Trump promised to support the party nominee if it’s Trump.

Trump was Trump. He got upset with a question and went off on moderator Megyn Kelly during the debate and after on Twitter. He was a real cry baby. In other parts of the debate he didn’t back down from anyone. Of course he didn’t make much sense and didn’t offer any specifics except that he’s rich, successful and popular.

Rand Paul’s campaign is dying. He tried to make a name for himself by attacking Trump and Chris Christie. He even criticized Christie for hugging Obama. I don’t think the crowd liked Christie’s response but I thought he burned Paul pretty well with saying “he remembers the hugs from victims of 9/11.”

Jeb Bush didn’t hurt himself. He didn’t help himself either. Neither did Scott Walker who reminded everyone that he rides a Harley.

John Kasich was on home turf and he wasn’t booed by the GOP crowd by saying he went to a gay marriage and would still love one of his daughters if she was gay. For Republicans, that’s progress.

Rubio came off pretty polished and will probably siphon off support from Bush.

Ted Cruz came off as a saner Trump which is like coming off as a less rattier rat. He still looks and comes off creepy in a very Uncle Fester kind of way.

Mike Huckabee said the military is for killing people and breaking things. That’s something Rush Limbaugh used to say. I don’t know what bothers me more. A presidential candidate stealing material from Rush Limbaugh or the fact I know Rush Limbaugh said that.

I think Ben Carson had the best joke and came off as the most likable. He stated that everyone mentions things that only they’ve done out of the candidates so he’d do the same. He mentioned being the only one to separate Siamese twins, operating on a fetus and removing half a brain. Then he said looking at Washington you’d think someone had beat him to removing half a brain.

They all talked about immigration, Iran, abortion, Hillary, and Obama. There was no mention of climate change or voting rights.

Personally, I like the styles of Carson, Rubio and Christie. Yeah, I like Christie. He used to be a moderate and I think he comes off more human than most, though he’s a horrible governor.

In the earlier debate (the Kid Table Debate), the media and social media is praising Carly Fiorina. That’s what low expectations gets ya’. Her winning that debate is like winning the NIT championship. Maybe she’ll move into the top ten now.

Not all the questions were softball questions but most came off from a partisan stance, as though the moderators worked for the GOP. Kelly did a good job at times. The Jesus question at the end was stupid and after halfway through the candidates, they added another question to that question which I thought was amateurish.

The next debate will be hosted by CNN. I don’t know the format yet but I’ll be checking in on that later today.