Jesus

Yappy Jesus


cjones06202018

Americans love to say America is the greatest country in the world. The new doctrine for our foreign policy is “We’re America, bitch.” But, I’m pretty sure the greatest country in the world wouldn’t separate children from their parents and imprison them in tents in the desert. Maybe there was some confusion, and they were supposed to be in tent prisons with dessert. Spelling is a challenge for this White House.

Obviously inspired by the recently pardoned Joe Arpaio (the racist law-breaking criminal sheriff in Arizona), the Trump administration is looking to place 1,000-5,000 immigrant children in tent cities in the desert. The number of migrant children the government has apprehended has increased by 20% since a “zero-tolerance” policy was initiated by Attorney General Jeff Sessions and Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen (who doesn’t know Norway is mostly white but knows a brown kid when she sees one). The new policy ordered the Border Patrol to refer anyone crossing the border illegally for criminal prosecution, no matter the situation. Some people being incarcerated haven’t crossed illegally, as they went to the Border Patrol and requested asylum, which we don’t grant anymore for people whose lives are threatened by gangs or spousal abuse.

The number of children currently held by the government is over 11,200 at some 100 facilities (with Trump murals and re-education classes) to hold them are around 95% full. One solution would be to stop separating children from their parents and throwing them all in jail, which sounds a little better than throwing toddlers to cacti and rattlesnakes. But, maybe the Trump murals will ward off the snakes and Gila Monsters.

Sessions justified this abuse of government policy by quoting the Bible. He cited Romans 13 when he said, “to obey the laws of the government because God has ordained the government for his purposes.” Funny thing. That’s the same verse used by Southerners to justify owning slaves in the 1800s. Scary thing: Sessions probably knows that.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders is a church goer as well. During a White House press briefing Thursday, Sanders was insulting members of the press (they really hate Jim Acosta) and using the Bible defense. She said, “I can say that it is very biblical to enforce the law. That is actually repeated a number of times throughout the Bible. It’s a moral policy to follow and enforce the law.”

I haven’t seen a government use religion to justify policy this much since the Taliban.

There are probably a lot of quotes from the Bible that can be used to defend this administration.

There’s, “Thou shall not grab strange vaginas, unless thou is famous.”

And then there’s, “Thou shall not boast about grabbing strange vaginas to a reality TV host on a bus unless it’s just locker room talk.”

Plus, “Do not shag a porn star unless she’s willing to sign a non-disclosure agreement.”

I think this one was added yesterday: “Thou shall not salute a North Korean General unless his large hat is really spiffy.”

I’m gonna let you in on a secret. I made those up. But, here’s one that’s genuine: From Deuteronomy 10:18-19, “God loves the foreigner residing among you, giving them food and clothing. And you are to love those who are foreigners, for you yourselves were foreigners in Egypt.”

But, maybe I’m doing it wrong, and we’re only supposed to quote Old Testament God and not Hippy God.

Watch me draw.

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Tough Question


cjones08072015

I watched the first debate in a bar with some friends. First time, and probably the last, I have ever asked anyone to switch the channel to Fox News. I watched the second debate at my drawing table with an Italian sub from Wawa.

My thoughts on the debate:

It kicked off to an exciting start when toadie moderator Brett Baier asked the candidates to pledge not to run a third party campaign. Donald Trump refused to take that oath. Trump promised to support the party nominee if it’s Trump.

Trump was Trump. He got upset with a question and went off on moderator Megyn Kelly during the debate and after on Twitter. He was a real cry baby. In other parts of the debate he didn’t back down from anyone. Of course he didn’t make much sense and didn’t offer any specifics except that he’s rich, successful and popular.

Rand Paul’s campaign is dying. He tried to make a name for himself by attacking Trump and Chris Christie. He even criticized Christie for hugging Obama. I don’t think the crowd liked Christie’s response but I thought he burned Paul pretty well with saying “he remembers the hugs from victims of 9/11.”

Jeb Bush didn’t hurt himself. He didn’t help himself either. Neither did Scott Walker who reminded everyone that he rides a Harley.

John Kasich was on home turf and he wasn’t booed by the GOP crowd by saying he went to a gay marriage and would still love one of his daughters if she was gay. For Republicans, that’s progress.

Rubio came off pretty polished and will probably siphon off support from Bush.

Ted Cruz came off as a saner Trump which is like coming off as a less rattier rat. He still looks and comes off creepy in a very Uncle Fester kind of way.

Mike Huckabee said the military is for killing people and breaking things. That’s something Rush Limbaugh used to say. I don’t know what bothers me more. A presidential candidate stealing material from Rush Limbaugh or the fact I know Rush Limbaugh said that.

I think Ben Carson had the best joke and came off as the most likable. He stated that everyone mentions things that only they’ve done out of the candidates so he’d do the same. He mentioned being the only one to separate Siamese twins, operating on a fetus and removing half a brain. Then he said looking at Washington you’d think someone had beat him to removing half a brain.

They all talked about immigration, Iran, abortion, Hillary, and Obama. There was no mention of climate change or voting rights.

Personally, I like the styles of Carson, Rubio and Christie. Yeah, I like Christie. He used to be a moderate and I think he comes off more human than most, though he’s a horrible governor.

In the earlier debate (the Kid Table Debate), the media and social media is praising Carly Fiorina. That’s what low expectations gets ya’. Her winning that debate is like winning the NIT championship. Maybe she’ll move into the top ten now.

Not all the questions were softball questions but most came off from a partisan stance, as though the moderators worked for the GOP. Kelly did a good job at times. The Jesus question at the end was stupid and after halfway through the candidates, they added another question to that question which I thought was amateurish.

The next debate will be hosted by CNN. I don’t know the format yet but I’ll be checking in on that later today.