Corona Christ


Even in states that are not giving stay-at-home orders, people are being encouraged to only venture out for essential services. Essential services usually include groceries, banks, healthcare, senior care and in Florida, gun stores. What?

But also, in a lot of our states, churches are defined as “essential.” In 11 of the most at-risk states of the coronavirus, church gatherings have not been banned.

So, why is gathering in a church not as dangerous as sitting in a restaurant? Is it because God will protect you in a church but not Applebees? Or is it that praying is worth the risk? Or (I think I got it now), Republican governors are afraid of pissing off their evangelical base, of which they are members too?

It’s no more important for you to go to a store and buy a gun than it is for me to go to the mall and buy a new iPhone. Likewise, it’s not important for you to go to church or any religious gathering. The point here is, DON’T GATHER!!!

There’s only one way for us to defeat the coronavirus and that is for us to stop giving it to each other. And trust me, you can catch it in church.

If we can hold classes on Skype and Zoom, then we can praise Jesus with a webcam. God gave you WiFi. Use it.

The states with exemptions for zealots are Florida, Louisiana, Tennessee, West Virginia, New Hampshire, Delaware, Michigan, and Mississippi. Oklahoma and Arkansas don’t have any bans on any gatherings. Missouri and Alabama just closed shops but I don’t know about church exemptions.

Experts say if the public totally cooperates, it can save up to 2 million lives in this country. But if the Jesus freaks get their way, we’re all going to see Jesus a lot sooner than we want to.

A pastor was arrested in Florida after he held church services despite a ban on gatherings in his county. Later, the county added churches as “essential” services. In Sacramento, California, 70 members of one church are infected with the coronavirus. Religious conservatives are always defensive about appearing uneducated and anti-science, but it’s their fault when they do shit like this.

Some pastors argue the stay-at-home orders violate their freedom of religion. No, it doesn’t. When it picks and chooses which religions have to stay home and which can hold gatherings, then you can say it’s violating your religion. Right now, my freedom to sit at Starbucks is being violated. If I can deal without a mocha frap, you can go a little while without going to church. I might love mocha fraps as much as you love Jesus.

I am not a religious person. That doesn’t mean I want to suppress your religion or convert you to my position. I don’t care what or whom you worship. But, I do care if you use your religion to infringe upon other people’s rights…or in this case, their lives. I don’t want this month of self-isolation inside a studio apartment to be for naught because some fundamentalist whackjob will breathe covid-19 on me in May.

This isn’t Hobby Lobby refusing insurance that pays for birth control. This is killing people. The same god you believe will protect you in church is the same god that brought the coronavirus (I know. You’d rather blame the Chinese).

Zealots, stay home. Skype God and order delivery from Chick-fil-A (though, if you really want a religious experience from a chicken sandwich, order Popeyes). And the best part is you can praise Jesus in your sweatpants.

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This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

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  1. If they feel that strongly that they need to gather, don’t let them out. Keep the group inside the church. They can spend their days praying, and their nights abstaining–unless they’re married, of course.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    “The states with exemptions for zealots are Florida, Louisiana, Tennessee, West Virginia, New Hampshire, Delaware, Michigan, and Mississippi. Oklahoma and Arkansas don’t have any bans on any gatherings. Missouri and Alabama just closed shops but I don’t know about church exemptions.” … and I live in Florida …. sucks!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. “And the best part is you can praise Jesus in your sweatpants.“

    C’mon, Clay, not even a HEATHEN would address his “Lord and Savior” in anything less than his “Sunday Best”!!!

    (Which makes no sense since a heathen, by definition, does not acknowledge a “Lord and Savior” and certainly does not have a “Sunday Best”.)


  4. I just heard a good joke.
    So many people are asking, is this virus really real? I tell them, Churches are closed. Casinos and whorehouses are closed. When Heaven and Hell agree, you better take it fucking seriously!

    Liked by 3 people

  5. I’m concerned because I have to physically touch people for my job, which definitely means I’ve had to get inventive to keep to the 6 foot rule as much as possible (only letting them closer to do the actual fingerprints and signing on the electronic pad, then they’re gone with hand sanitizer at the door). I wear gloves and i have a bunch of bandanas I just found in a winter clothes drawer that I’ll wear as facemasks when I go back Monday. I’m not sure how much the counties around here are doing “no church gatherings” too, but if these congregations are actually meeting or people keep not taking it seriously, I’m gonna say “screw it” and tell my boss I’m closing up til May. I may do so at the end of next week anyway because some churches are advertising services returning April 12th, and I’m tired and my allergies make people nervous. No, I don’t have a single symptom of the virus that i can find on any website, but I sure as hell don’t wanna get it before May and keep the cycle going. I’ve got plenty of yarn and arts and crafts to keep me going at home, plenty of pet food, and a library of books to read that I really oughta get cracking on.

    I had one client yesterday say “we need to knock this off and get back to work.” I mentioned that it’s all these folks not taking precautions and not taking it seriously that are dragging things out. If everybody would just freaking do their part right now, it shouldn’t have to drag on for months more! There was a grocery store employee that talked to someone at NPR about their work and how they’re feeling. They say they’re glad they have a job considered essential and are getting paid more, but they’re resigned to the fact that they’re probably going to get the virus because they have to be in the store around people all the time.

    I feel that way a bit myself. The longer I do what I am doing, the more likely I am to get sick myself. I’m trying to be honest with myself about how I’m feeling each day because I promised to let them know if my health has changed or I suspect it might. It just sucks because too many other people need to get things done right now and I’m the only one in thirty miles (fifty in some cases) that can help them.

    But I promised that I would start taking care of myself this year. It’s just tricky when you’re so new to self-care.

    Liked by 1 person

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