Greg Gutfeld is a very unfunny person who thinks he’s funny. Fox News must think he’s funny because he has a show…but then again, Laura Ingraham has a show there too and it’s impossible, even for Fox News fuckers, to find her funny. But Greg Gutfeld is at least supposed to be funny. He does a show where he’s very sardonic which he mistakes for sarcasm. Instead of being funny, Gutfeld is cruel. But why is Greg Gutfeld so unfunny? It’s because he’s a Republican.

Republicans suck at humor. In fact, they believe cruelty is hilarious. Ever watch a Trump rally on TV? Ever been to a Trump rally? It’s horrible. The truth is, liberals own humor. No, not every liberal is funny but every funny person is a liberal. It’s the trade off for not every Republican being racist, but every racist is a Republican.

Here’s the difference: Greg Gutfeld bills himself as the conservative Jon Stewart (except Jon Stewart is actually funny). No comedian, or anyone for that matter, will EVER refer to him or herself as the liberal Greg Gutfeld. Now, if someone ever says you’re the liberal Greg Gutfeld, that means they don’t think you’re funny. That would actually be funny.

Why do Republicans suck at humor? They’re not critical thinkers. Ever meet a funny lemming? I’m sure open mic nights at your local cult is chock full of amazing talent.

They tend to punch down which is never funny. Beating up on the disadvantaged is mean, not funny. Beating up on assholes in power is hilarious. It’s better to hit people who deserve it. For example: It’s not funny to make fun of your grandfather for having dentures or for wearing an adult diaper. But it’s HILARIOUS to make fun of Donald Trump for having dentures and wearing an adult diaper. Now, if you’re grandfather is an old evil fuck, then have at it.

When I was freelancing for The Costa Rica Star, I had a very unfunny pro-Trump conservative editor (conservative Canadian in Costa Rica. Why? I don’t get why people who hate brown people retire to Central America and then act like they own the place). He once asked me to draw a cartoon making fun of immigrants fleeing for their lives into Costa Rica from Honduras. He thought punching down on them would be hilarious. Naturally, I found a polite way to tell him to go fuck himself which would have been hilarious if that wasn’t a metaphor for me simply saying, “No.”

Which brings us to metaphors and analogies. Republicans suck at them. For example, some Republicans are comparing Britney Spears being in a conservatorship controlled by her father to a controlling big government. Based upon that analogy, every Republican should be controlled by the government because they’re fucking dangerous to themselves and everyone else around them.

Republicans don’t do well with hypocrisy. They think golf jokes about Obama are hilarious while golf jokes about Trump don’t exist.

But Republicans do find each other funny. Last weekend, Kevin McCarthy told a joke to a large Republican crowd about hitting Nancy Pelosi with a gavel. The entire crowd laughed. How is it funny to joke about hitting an old lady with a large heavy wooden object? The point is cruelty. Remember when Rush Limbaugh called Sandra Fluke a “slut?” His audience loved that shit. Was “feminazi” ever funny? Rush’s audience seemed to think so.

They also thought Donald Trump was hilarious. They’re right. He is hilarious, but inadvertently. Him telling cops to rough up people they were arresting and “don’t be too nice” isn’t funny. But him believing he’ll be reinstated and he still has a “cabinet” because he thinks he’s still president is extremely funny. Who’s in this cabinet? The MyPillow Guy and the person who cleans his golf balls?

Donald Trump can’t tell a joke while President Obama can.

When going down the list of recipients for the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 2016, President Obama said, “Today, we celebrate extraordinary Americans who have lifted our spirits, strengthened out union, pushed us towards progress. I always love doing this event, but this is a particularly impressive class. We’ve got innovators and artists … public servants, rabble rousers, athletes, renowned character actors, like the guy from ‘Space Jam.” That “guy from Space Jam” was Michael Jordan.

Donald Trump would never have been able to muster the nuance, timing or subtleness to pull off that joke. In fact, Trump probably doesn’t get it. You’d have to explain it.

You see, Donald…there are a bunch of celebrities there and many of them are movie stars. But Michael Jordan is there for his athletic achievements though he did make one movie…and that’s where the joke comes in…oh, never mind. The dog gets it.

Contrast that to when Donald Trump was honoring Navajo veterans of the second world war in the White House. Trump told them, “You were here long before any of us were here. Although we have a representative in Congress who they say was here a long time ago. They call her Pocahontas.” For extra humor, Trump told the joke from a podium placed in front of a portrait of Andrew Jackson.“ Trump stood there like Fozzy Bear going, “Ah? Ah? Get it? Pocahontas?” Even if that joke wasn’t racist, it doesn’t work. For one thing, the teller of the shitty old-person joke is older than Elizabeth Warren.

Trump had been on a roll of making racist attacks against Elizabeth Warren and used the event with native Americans to continue his racist attacks. The scary thing is, this joke may have been written for him. If so, probably by Stephen Miller, who is at least funny looking. Also, being a Jewish Nazi isn’t as funny as it is seriously fucked up.

How bad is Donald Trump at getting humor? He was told for months that the Pocahontas shit wasn’t funny and was extremely racist. For Trump, knowing it pissed people off, that was funny. It’s not. It’s like still believing gay and racist jokes are funny.

Even Trump’s staff knew his jokes sucked because they had to explain each of them. Asking Russia to help him win an election? Joke! Him wanting to slow down coronavirus testing? That was another joke. Shooting disinfectant up your ass to fight the coronavirus? Way over the media’s head. The only thing funny with Trump and the virus was when Trump ignored all advice and caught the virus.

It’s funny when shit happens to assholes.

I can understand to a degree why Republicans are so mean and miserable. All they have for humor is Greg Gutfeld, Tim Allen, and Dennis Miller. To be fair, Dennis Miller wasn’t funny when he was a liberal either. Republicans don’t think Jon Stewart, John Oliver, Samantha Bee, Trevor Noah, or Stephen Colbert are funny. It’s like thinking Jay Leno is funny but Conan O’Brien isn’t. And have you seen conservative political cartoons? There has not been a funny conservative political cartoonist since Jeff MacNelly died. Today, there is not one funny conservative political cartoonist in the nation. Though I have to admit, I think a good portion of the liberal cartoonists are boring too. You can’t be funny when you’re all telling the same joke.

Some of my colleagues often say political cartoons don’t have to be funny. That is true, but the only political cartoonists who harp on about that are the ones who are never funny.

The entire point of Republican humor is the cruelty. If you think conservatives are funny, then you’re probably an asshole.

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