Big Girls Don’t Cry


cjones11132020

Of course, the accusations of voter fraud being leveled by Donald Trump are total and complete bullshit. These are the actions of a sore loser. But even without any actual evidence of voter fraud, Trump’s personal Roy Cohn Attorney General William Barr, is having the Justice Department investigate it. Let’s hope he’s more capable than Rudy Giuliani.

But if you’re going on a conspiracy theory snipe hunt, who better to lead the hunt than Rudy? Rudy can do the job with one hand tied behind his back…or more specifically, shoved down his own pants while in a hotel room with Borat’s teenage daughter.

In an attempt to steal an election, Republicans are claiming Democrats are trying to steal the election. They’re saying the media can’t declare a victor even though they had no problem with that four years ago. Republicans are claiming massive acts of voter fraud occurred in Wisconsin, Michigan, and Pennsylvania, even though the margins Biden has beaten Trump in each of those states are much larger than the margins Trump beat Clinton with.

And while the Trump campaign is filing lawsuits in multiple states, their battle is focused on Pennsylvania, which put Biden over 270 to win the presidency and make Donald Trump a one-term loser. And it’s in Pennsylvania where Rudy Giuliani called a hastily-planned press conference last Saturday to spread conspiracy theories.

Donald Trump tweeted that the press conference would be conducted at the Four Seasons hotel in Philadelphia. The hotel quickly tweeted out, “Uh-uh.”

The Four Seasons HOTEL tweeted, “To clarify, President Trump’s press conference will NOT be held at Four Seasons Hotel Philadelphia. It will be held at Four Seasons Total Landscaping— no relation with the hotel.” The hotel sounded like Han Solo in the Death Star’s cellblock. Please don’t send stormtroopers down here. Or in this case, please don’t send MAGAts over here.

Wait. If it wasn’t held at the Four Seasons HOTEL, then where was it held? The Four Seasons Total Landscaping? Where is that? Oh, it’s in an industrial park next to Fantasy Island Adult Books and Novelties and across the street from the Delaware Valley Cremation Center. To capture the spirit of the environment, which was a parking lot, Rudy even brought along a sex offender. Seriously.

While the internet was amused, with tweets mocking Rudy, people designing their own T-shirts for the landscaping company, and crazy reviews hitting it on Yelp and Google, not everyonewas having fun.

A 78-year-old employee manning the counter at the sex shop grew annoyed that people kept calling asking, “Is Rudy Giuliani there?” He was tired of screaming at people over the phone, “Stop calling here asking that…and yes. He’s been here for hours!”

With the amount of bullshit Rudy spread, he’s probably the first person to bring his own fertilizer to a landscaping company. If Donald Trump is hinging his presidency on the mind of Rudy Giuliani, we may as well swear in Joe Biden now.

There is no proof of massive voter fraud in the 2020 election, but there’s LOTS of proof Rudy Giuliani is insane.

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3 comments

  1. Donald appears to be attemping a coup……albeit – pourly managed. What disturbs me most is 70 million Americans apparently know nothing of world history, even history that’s less than a century old

    In 1933 (in a Democratic Germany) a mediocre artist with limited social skills managed to become a dictator by convincing the greater portion of the population that another portion of the population (and a few other countries) were the cause of the greater portion’s woes and problems. TOO familiar.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. And more republicans are double down. Barr trying to force the DOJ to find dirt on election fraud and Pompeo insisting Trump won in front of reporters.

    Like

  3. Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    Delicious!! You cannot make tis up!! … “The Four Seasons Total Landscaping? Where is that? Oh, it’s in an industrial park next to Fantasy Island Adult Books and Novelties and across the street from the Delaware Valley Cremation Center.”

    Like

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