Trumpy Takes A Test


cjones03202020

Despite hanging out with multiple Trump cultists and shitweasels who may be infected with the coronavirus, and several who definitely are, Donald Trump was reluctant about taking a test to see if maybe he had contracted the virus.

He told us he wasn’t worried about being in contact with people who had the virus because he didn’t know them and about that photo of him grinning it up with the infected Brazilian, he hasn’t even seen that photo. Maybe that was his coronavirus test.

He finally took a test after being pressured by the press. Maybe there were questions like, “have you seen the photo? No? Well, then you can’t have the virus because that’s how shit works. Here’s your lolly.”

That’s how it works in Trumplandia but not in reality, where the majority of us live.

Also, here, in reality, you’re not actually 240 pounds just because a fucknut doctor said you are. And if you’re 5 foot nine, and a doctor looking to appease your cult says you’re 6 foot three, you’re still actually 5 foot nine. Sorry.

So, when asked about taking the test, Trump tried to dodge the question before finally mumbling it was “difficult” and nobody would enjoy it, “it was unpleasant… it’s a medical test! It’s not fun!” I mean, it’s almost like he didn’t take the test.

Perhaps he thought it was like one of those tests for an STD, where they need to stick a cotton swab into your pee hole and twirl it around 5-10 times. That, I can only guess because I never dated like Trump did in the 80s, has to be unpleasant (I just looked it up on the internet to see if it’s true and OHMYGOD). So maybe Donald Trump thought the coronavirus test was similar and for some weird reason would involve his penis.

But since he likes to take credit for Obama’s accomplishments, which he’s finally fucking up, maybe he stole his test results for the coronavirus. I’m sure President Obama’s results would come back negative since he hasn’t been hanging out with right-wing fuckos at Mar-a-Lago, which by the way, is being closed down for the coronavirus.

I think now would be a great opportunity for Donald Trump to self-quarantine at Mar-a-Lago and while he’s there, maybe do something about that bedbug problem.

If Trump does take a test, I’m sure it’ll come back positive in that he is the virus. He is the pandemic. He is the plague. Four more years? Personally, I’d rather have a doctor stick a cotton swab in my pee hole.

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7 comments

    1. Exactly right. How much do you wanna bet that 45, his family and other assorted pricks will take advantage of the CT Scans that show how different the lungs are with Covid-19.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. “Four more years? Personally, I’d rather have a doctor stick a cotton swab in my pee hole.”

    A lot of people are saying a lot of things about the Test for Coronavirus, but what actually happens when someone is tested?

    “They don’t let you get out of the car. You just stick your head out of the car. They give you a tissue to blow your nose to discard any mucous you may have. Then they come to you with like a swab, but it is sharper, not like a cotton swab. They put it all the way to the back of your throat. They collect something from there. Then the other end they stick it up your nose. It hurts a bit to be honest, but you have to do it. It takes 20 seconds maximum. And when will you know if you are infected? That’s the part that I am really upset about. They told me I have to wait five to seven days for test results,” said my wife with frustration in her voice.

    https://abc7news.com/health/sf-family-shares-whats-it-like-to-be-tested-for-coronavirus/6019417/

    Almost, but not quite, as unpleasant as having a doctor stick a cotton swab in your pee hole

    Liked by 1 person

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