Obama

Trumptober Surprise

cjones10192020

Political prognosticators, you know…geeks, are always on the lookout during every presidential election for the October surprise. Basically, the idea is that one campaign has some real juicy dirt they’re holding close to their vest that they’re planning to release in mid to late October very close to the election. And when they release it, they’re all like, “Gotcha, motherfucker!!! Nobody’s gonna vote for you now, you sick bastard!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!” And sometimes, it actually works out that way.

Sometimes, the so-called October surprise comes from news outlets, though they rarely hold onto something for timing. Usually, a news outlet releases news when they have it and they feel their reporting is as complete as it’s going to get. In October 2016, The New York Times released a story that Donald Trump hadn’t paid taxes in 18 years. How effective was that story? Well, Trump won. Illegally, but he still won.

October surprises go way back and are often deliberate. In October 1840, President Martin Van Buren had prosecutors, members of his own party, charge Whigs (remember those guys?) for paying Pennsylvanians to travel to New York and fraudulently vote multiple times in the state’s 1838 elections (which is what Trump tells his people to do now). They timed the charges for mid-October and even though the Whigs were guilty, the public felt it was a dirty trick by the Democrats and they ousted Van Buren.

In October 1880, The New York Times published a letter supposedly written by the Republican nominee, James Garfield, where he endorsed Chinese immigration and employers buying their labor. As it turned out, he didn’t write the letter but it nearly cost him the election.

In October 1920 (This one’s good), Democrats released information that Warren Harding had “Negro” blood and Republicans released information that as Assistant Secretary of the Navy, Franklin D. Roosevelt (who was the veep nominee) authorized an investigation into homosexuality in the Navy and in order for investigators to find out if it was true (this is where it gets good), for them to engage in homosexual acts (that probably wasn’t dancing to “In The Navy”). The accusations were that FDR had allowed 83 seamen (get it? Semen? I’m a Beavis) convicted of “unnatural acts” to return to duty. Harding won. Apparently in 1920, homophobia might have been slightly stronger than racism.

In 1964, an FBI agent leaked to the GOP they were investigating an aide to Lyndon Johnson for visiting a Washington YMCA where he was engaging in gay behavior (man, this country has a long history of hating gays). During the investigation, the FBI even set up peepholes which sounds less like investigating and closer to participating. The aide was arrested for doing “gay stuff.” But, there were other October surprises. China tested their first atomic bomb and the Soviets ousted Premier Nikita Khrushchev. With such international concerns, the public decided to stay the course with Johnson as Goldwater was scarier than gay bath houses.

In October 1968, LBJ, trying to help Hubert Humphrey, announced an end to bombings in Vietnam and the start of peace talks. Richard Nixon, who truly was a Tricky Dick, contacted the South Vietnamese through back channels and convinced them not to participate in any peace talks until he was president. Three days before the election, South Vietnam announced they were withdrawing from the peace talks. Nixon won. Another interesting part of this is that LBJ heard of this and had the RBI wiretap the Nixon campaign. Donald Trump claims Obama spied on his campaign, which is bullshit, but LBJ literally spied on the Nixon campaign.

In October 1972, Nixon still hadn’t ended the Vietnam war and there were no peace talks. But, he had Henry Kissinger rush from Paris (where talks were supposed to be held) to Washington where he conducted a huge press conference, days before the election, and announced “peace is at hand” despite there not being any actual peace talks at the time. Peace was nowhere near “at hand” and the war lasted two and a half more years. Tricky Dick won.

In October 1980, Iran announced they were not releasing U.S. hostage until after the election. Jimmy Carter lost after refusing an October surprise of rescuing the hostages after an earlier attempt failed. Iran released the hostages literally while Ronald Reagan was being sworn in. To this day, there are still accusations the Reagan campaign somehow convinced Iran to delay releasing the hostages though no evidence has ever turned up. But still, it’s fishy as hell. Republicans framed it as Iran being so afraid of Reagan, they released the hostages right as he became president. The truth of the matter and what was truly obvious: Iran really just wanted to fuck Jimmy Carter. Afraid of Reagan? My ass! They became illegal arms customers of his.

In October 1992, four days before the election between President George H. W. Bush, Ross Perot, and Bill Clinton, the Independent Prosecutor indicted former Reagan Defense Secretary Caspar Weinberger for lying about his involvement in the Iran-Contra scandal. I doubt it had any effect, but Clinton won. The lousy economy and “no new taxes” is probably what killed Bush’s reelection.

In October 2000, Fox News (really?) released information days before the election that George W. Bush had been arrested in Maine for drunk driving way back in 1976. Karl Rove believes it cost Bush five states (it didn’t), the popular vote, and gave us the entire hanging chad Florida scandal which put the election into the hands of the Supreme Court.

In October 2004, Osama bin Laden released a new video telling us how much he hated George W. Bush which truly helped Bush win his reelection against John Kerry. It also helped that he was running against John Kerry. This sort of thing can’t happen for Donald Trump because the truly slimy people of the world are people he hugs.

In October 2008, the stock market’s fall accelerated and unemployment reached a 14-year high. The GOP held the White House and their candidate, John McCain, stumbled by not being able to recall how many houses he owned. Seriously. It also didn’t help John McCain that he was running against Barack Obama.

In 2012, a secretly-recorded tape of GOP nominee Mitt Romney talking to big money fat cats at a private event was released. In it, Romney chastised half of the nation by saying, “There are 47 percent of the people who will vote for the president no matter what. All right, there are 47 percent who are with him, who are dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who believe the government has responsibility to care for them.” After the election, even Romney admitted it sank any hope he had of winning. He told an interviewer, “There’s no question that hurt and did real damage to my campaign.” It also hurt that he was running against Barack Obama.

Rolling Stone (the magazine, not the band), claims the 2016 election had over two dozen October surprises. There were Trump’s taxes, the revelation he lost $916 million in 1995, New York state shut down his illegal charity, the Hollywood Access tape came out (“grab them by the pussy”), reports that Trump would barge into teenage beauty contestants’ dressing rooms to ogle them while they were naked, more allegations of Trump’s groping, release of a tape of Trump saying about a pre-teen, “I am going to be dating her in 10 years,” another tape of Trump telling a group of 14-year-old girls, “Just think, in a couple of years I’ll be dating you,” revelations of a direct communication link between the Trump campaign and the largest private Russian bank, more allegations of Trump’s groping, news the FBI was investigating a tip that Russia had been cultivating Trump for the presidency for years, and then a bunch of more accusations of Trump’s groping.

But what also came out was FBI Directory James Comey telling the public he was investigating Hillary Clinton’s emails, emails that belonged to Anthony Weiner, then conducting a second press conference saying there wouldn’t be any charges against Clinton. After being gaslighted by the Far Right for over two decades, all the public needed to hear was the FBI director say “Hillary” and “investigation” in the same sentence. Thank you, James motherfucker Comey. Basically, the gaslighting of Hillary Clinton outweighed the creepiness of a racist old conman who steals from charities telling pre-teens he’ll be dating them in the future. This country is fucked up.

This October, Donald Trump keeps going for the October surprise and he keeps failing. This week, The New York Post published a story about Hunter Biden’s emails between him and Ukraine. Of course, The New York Post is a shit tabloid so it’s nothing.

Donald Trump was hoping a huge reveal would come out from his corrupt Justice Department about Obama and Biden unmasking Michael Flynn during an FBI investigation. Trump, senators like Rand Paul, congressmen like Jim Jordan, and Fox News fucknuts have been telling us this is “treason.” This week, the Justice Department’s politically-motivated investigation into its own investigation landed with such a thud, that they didn’t even bother with a public report.

Now, Trump is getting desperate. His latest October surprise is that the raid Obama authorized that killed bin Laden didn’t kill bin Laden. No, it killed a body double. Donald Trump retweeted a conspiracy theory by Qanon despite saying last night at his train wreck of a town hall, that he doesn’t know anything about Qanon.

We have about 20 days until the election. Expect more “surprises,” especially as Trump’s polls get worse and he becomes more desperate. I expect them to resemble this cartoon.

If you think we’ve seen insane Trump now, wait until we get even closer to November 3. And for full-on crazy Trump, wait until after he loses.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

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White Women White House

cjones05232020

The highlight of Chris Cuomo’s and Don Lemon’s individual shows on CNN is when one show leads into the next. These two guys truly are friends as they josh about the news, go at each other a little bit, and make each other laugh. It’s not as good as when Andrew Cuomo goes on his brother Chris’ show, but it’s good. Last night’s handoff was very interesting.

Chris ended his show on the news that Donald Trump refuses to have a portrait unveiling for President Barack Obama in the White House. For President Obama’s part, that’s a huge relief.

It’s a tradition that goes way back. Presidents have done it for their predecessors, even when they’re of a different party. President Obama did it for President George W. Bush. President Bill Clinton did it for President George H. W. Bush, a man he had a brutal campaign against.

American presidents are in an exclusive club. I believe they don’t see each other as Republicans and Democrats after they leave the office and view each other more as presidents. Presidents often ask former presidents for advice because there are very few people who have been in their shoes. Donald Trump refuses to do that. He insults former presidents. He believes he’s better, greater, and smarter than any of them and he’s cleaning up after all of them while taking credit for their accomplishments. If Donald Trump had succeeded President Abraham Lincoln, he would have taken credit for the Emancipation Proclamation. Of course, if Trump had succeeded Lincoln, there would have been a lot more questions about the shooter.

None of our living presidents like Donald Trump. Why? Because he’s a vile human being. Future presidents will never ask Donald Trump for advice partly because he’s not someone you want any advice from about anything and…he’s not going to be in the club. Donald Trump has no idea what it’s like to serve as president because he hasn’t acted or worked as president. When a reporter asks him what his plans are about a specific topic, like restarting the economy after the shutdown, he screams it’s a “nasty question.” He doesn’t have plans for the country. Donald Trump only has plans for Donald Trump.

So we have this unveiling situation. A lot of people would say now is not the time for this sort of finger-sandwich type of presentation in the midst of a pandemic. Things are not back to normal yet. Even if these two could tolerate each other, the focus should be on the economy. But, even if things were great right now and Donald Trump hadn’t destroyed the economy President Obama had left him…there would still be this issue.

This brings us back to Chris Cuomo who chastised both presidents, President Obama and Trump, for refusing to play together. This refusal to do the portrait unveiling is viewed by many as the complete death of all bipartisanship and the last casualty of the political divide. Cuomo gave a passionate plea for both presidents to get along…for the sake of the country. Then, he handed it off to Don Lemon.

Don Lemon was still in the process of sitting down when he said, “I wouldn’t go to that thing.” While Cuomo was arguing about bipartisanship and civility, Lemon was saying, “fuck that shit.”

I’m with Don Lemon. I wouldn’t go either.

There were a couple of former friends in town that over the years, I thought we had developed a non-verbal agreement that we never talked to each other. We’d see each other in public and say hi to our mutual friends, but not to each other. We wouldn’t’ have words or start anything…we just wouldn’t talk. I thought it was a great system. It was a well-oiled machine humming along beautifully that wasn’t to be questioned. I really enjoyed not having to say hello to either one of them. Then, one day, one of them said hi. I was like, “What the hell, Fucko?” I thought we had an agreement. Did you forget we don’t like each other, with me especially not liking you? Sheesh! Soon after, the other one came up to me one day as if nothing ever happened between me and his ex-girlfriend and started talking like it was old times. Good god, what’s going on around here? Why is our system breaking down? It was beautiful! It was working for me, I really liked it, and your ex was totally worth it. Anyway, I imagine President Obama feels the same way with Donald Trump. He probably doesn’t want the fake greetings and would definitely not want to go to his house. Yeah, screw that.

If President Obama went to the White House and sat through Donald Trump saying nice things about him, what sort to look would President Obama and Michelle have on their faces? Nobody would buy it. Donald Trump hasn’t just criticized President Obama’s politics. Trump has called President Obama “incompetent.” During President Obama’s term, Donald Trump was a huge advocate of the racist birther campaign that Obama was born in Kenya. Trump said he was sending investigators to find out the truth. We never heard anything else about those investigators, but Donald Trump harped on the birther issue until he ran for president (it disappeared as if it never happened). After he became president, Donald Trump accused President Obama of wiretapping Trump Tower. Now, he says President Obama has committed the “biggest crime in American history.” Maybe President Obama should go to the White House just to ask Donald Trump what that specific crime is because Trump hasn’t told anybody.

On top of all that, Donald Trump is using his racism against President Obama to appeal even more to his racist base in his campaign to be reelected.

Even if Donald Trump never bashed President Obama, it would be unsavory for Obama to partake in some shitshow presentation at the White House after all the vile and inhumane things Trump has said about other people. I don’t think President Obama is being petty at all. It’s Donald Trump who is being petty.

After all, it’s Donald Trump who can’t stop talking about President Obama. When you hate someone so much that you can’t even use the facts but have to make stuff up about them…then they’re living rent-free inside your head. Donald Trump has a huge problem with President Obama.

And what is Donald Trump’s problem with President Obama other than him being of a different party and race than Trump? Donald Trump hates President Obama because President Obama is better than Donald Trump. President Obama is better than Donald Trump in every way. He’s more popular than Donald Trump. He’s smarter than Donald Trump. He’s more accomplished than Donald Trump. He’s better educated than Donald Trump. President Obama won the popular vote…TWICE. Good people like President Obama. Only vile, racist, stupid people like Donald Trump. Donald Trump even has to pay his kids to like him.

It’s like the old joke: If Donald Trump had a dog, he’d have to tie a pork chop around his neck to get the dog to play with him.

And, President Obama is more accomplished than Donald Trump. Even the accomplishments Donald Trump claims belong to President Obama.

And when it comes to the portraits, President Obama’s will be better looking than Donald Trump’s. President Obama gets to go through life as Barack Obama and Donald Trump has to go through life being Donald Trump. And you know what…Donald Trump hates being Donald Trump.

Creative note: Last week, I caught a lot of shit for my “Jogger” cartoon. A newspaper in Tennessee ran it then had to publish a letter from the editor explaining why they ran it and they still respected their conservative community. But even some liberals called me a racist for it. I hate to explain a cartoon, but even after I told a couple of them no, I wasn’t trying to frame President Obama the way racists do, they still insisted I was and had put hidden messages in my cartoon. They acted as though I was some undercover agent sent from 4chan. Obliviously, they have not followed me for years.

But, I don’t worry about those people. I don’t try to change my work for people who can’t understand satire, whether they’re liberal or conservative. And, I don’t care if people accuse me of being a racist because I’m not a racist. Usually, the only people who accuse me of being racist are racists. What I’m saying is, there will probably be more of that generated by this cartoon.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Faucigate

CNN05172020

Here’s your cartoon for CNN’s weekly newsletter, Provoke/Persuade. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday for the rest of your life.

I love that Trump cultists complain that President Obama criticized Donald Trump’s handling of the coronavirus and threw a few subtle jabs at him during the national virtual graduation. Republicans point out that presidents rarely criticize their successors, even when their predecessors criticize them. But…no former president has EVER had his successor launch attack after attack the way Donald Trump has at Obama. No former president has EVER had his successor accuse him of a crime (even if he doesn’t name the crime). No former president has EVER had his successors create conspiracy theories about him. No former president has EVER been the source of distraction the way Trump has consistently used President Obama.

Donald Trump and his cult are the biggest whiners in the world. Donald Trump says he’s a “counter puncher.” No he’s not. He’s the first to punch…and usually below the belt. He is a child…a very stupid, racist, petty child. He’s upset he received a counter punch. He’s upset his bullshit gets called out. If anything, President Obama has exercised tremendous patience and restraint with Donald Trump.

Now, Donald Trump says President Obama is “grossly incompetent.” Yet, Donald Trump has taken credit for everything Obama left him from a strong stock market, economy, and low unemployment rates. President Obama inherited a Republican-made recession. He left Donald Trump a Democratic-made recovery. Now, Donald Trump is creating another Republican recession and all the good times he talks about in the past tense were created by President Obama.

President Obama never lost jobs to the the point over 36 million American were filing unemployment claims within weeks. He never ignored a pandemic and lost nearly 90,000 lives. There are no recordings of world leaders huddled together laughing at and mocking President Obama.

President Obama rescued our economy from the brink of disaster. He even left Donald Trump a pandemic playbook. Now, Trump claims he had his own playbook all along, but neither he or Kayleigh McEnany will show us what’s in it…kinda like the charges they accuse President Obama of committing.

After he fires Dr. Anthony Fauci, we can look forward to all the lies Donald Trump creates about him. The question is: Will Dr. Fauci exercise as much patience and restraint as President Obama has when Donald Trump trashes his legacy and reputation? I hope not.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Biggest Crime In American History

cjones05172020

Donald Trump has been on a Tweetstorm of late, even more so than usual. Even more deranged than usual. On at least one day this week, he tweeted or retweeted over 100 times. I’m a political cartoonist self-isolating with nothing to do but watch TV, draw cartoons, and eat, and eat, and eat, and eat…and even I couldn’t find the time to tweet 100 times day, not that I’d want to. But the President (sic) of the United States of America, in the midst of a pandemic, has time to retweet Rose McGowan.

A big part of the current tweet pandemic from Trump is conspiracy theories. Donald Trump loves him some conspiracy theories. His foray into politics was the conspiracy theory that President Obama was born in Kenya. That never panned out for him, as in proving it, but it helped establish him to racist America that he’s their guy. He’s still their guy as a lot of these recent tweets accuse President Obama of committing the “biggest crime in American history.”

What is this “biggest crime in American history” that President Obama committed? Don’t know. But it has something to do with President Obama committing a coup against Trump’s presidency before Trump was president or some “deep state” shit like that. Trump is saying everyone in his administration who helped President Obama attack Trump deserves jail time.

President Obama expressed concern the past weekend over the Justice Department just dropping all charges against Trump goon Michael Flynn. He also described Trump’s response to the coronavirus pandemic as “chaos.” This is what set Trump off.

In Trump world, a man who pleads guilty to lying to the FBI and had secret contacts with Russians in an attempt to undermine American foreign policy (that’s a coup attempt) should be let off. But conspiracy theories should send a man to jail.

So, what are the crimes President Obama committed? Shortly after taking office, Trump accused President Obama of wiretapping Trump Tower. You know that place, Trump Tower. It’s where Trump has a penthouse that looks like Goldmember decorated it after becoming a crack addict. It’s that place where Donald Trump gets his taco bowls on Cinco de Mayo. It’s where Donald Trump had his campaign headquarters. It’s where he jacked up the rent to the Secret Service who needed space there to protect Trump’s orange ass. It’s also that place where Donald Trump Jr. invited Russians into to provide dirt on their political opponent. But, as it turns out, President Obama NEVER wiretapped Trump Tower.

So, what are President Obama’s crimes?

First, President Obama is smarter than Donald Trump. President Obama is better looking. President Obama is cooler. President Obama is was a much better president than Donald Trump. And…people like President Obama a hell of a lot more than they will EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER………EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVER…like Donald Trump.

President Obama never created a crisis. President Obama never had personal scandals. President Obama never conducted tweetstorms. President Obama never accused his opponents of being criminals. President Obama never called people, especially those in law enforcement, “human scum.” President Obama never legitimized dictators. President Obama never kissed Vladimir Putin’s ass. President Obama never downplayed a pandemic. President Obama never lost over 33 million American jobs. President Obama never lost over 82,000 American lives.

Mitch McConnell, that failure of a Senate Majority Leader, cried during an online chat with Lara Trump (really?), over President Obama. McTurtle Moscow Mitch said, “Clearly the Obama administration did not leave to this administration any kind of game plan for something like this.” Except, that’s exactly what President Obama did.

President Obama didn’t just leave a “game plan.” President Obama’s Security Council left a 69-page “game plan” titled, the “Playbook for Early Response to High-Consequence Emerging Infectious Disease Threats and Biological Incidents.” In fact, President Obama warned of future pandemics during a speech. President Obama said a global pandemic could strike us in five years. When was this speech? FIVE years ago.

Let me repeat that: President Obama left a “game plan” book for future pandemics and predicted FIVE years ago that a pandemic could hit us in FIVE years. Also, Donald Trump has been president (sic) for the past three-plus years. Ugh. The only obstacle for the Trump administration with that “game plan” book is that it has words and pages and requires reading. Reportedly, there’s not one pop-up or photo of Donald Trump in that book to get Donald Trump’s attention. Thanks, Obama.

Donald Trump howls that President Obama didn’t leave him a vaccine for Covid-19, despite there not being a Covid-19 in existence at that time. President Obama also didn’t leave a game plan to prepare for Godzilla and Martians. Republicans also cry President Obama didn’t leave a stockpile of medical supplies, despite the fact they were the ones who voted against and prevented him from doing so.

It’s funny. When the GOP complains other people didn’t help them prepare for the pandemic, they’re admitting their response is a disaster. When they complain President Obama didn’t prepare for them, they ignore the unfortunate fact they’ve had the White House for the past three and a half years.

When they complain President Obama didn’t prepare them for a pandemic, they’re admitting Donald Trump isn’t qualified to handle a pandemic. By their argument, President Obama should have realized, years before 2016, that a nutless orange shitgibbon would become President (sic) of the United States of America, so we better prepare for that. President Obama failed in not preparing the government to handle a racist toddler in the White House. President Obama should have prepared because obviously, leaving the likes of Donald Trump and Republicans in charge is like leaving the dog to babysit. Except, the dog probably wouldn’t throw the baby in jail and give all the groceries to corporations. Also, the dog wouldn’t be nearly as racist as Donald Trump and Republicans.

President Obama did prepare for a pandemic. Donald Trump did not. When Donald Trump was in the casino business, Donald Trump failed to prepare for the disaster that is Donald Trump. Donald Trump’s daddy spent millions attempting to bail out Trump’s failing casinos and now Donald Trump is complaining President Obama didn’t bail him out on the pandemic. But, Donald Trump still put his name on those stimulus checks.

Currently, Donald Trump’s case of hiding his taxes from the American public is before the Supreme Court. We never had that problem with President Obama because he never hid his taxes.

It is not President Obama’s fault he’s better than Donald Trump. It’s not his fault he’s smarter, cooler, better looking, is more accomplished, more eloquent, and has more class than Donald Trump. It’s not President Obama’s fault Donald Trump and Republicans do not know how to govern. Who knew a racist reality TV show host who steals from charities and bankrupts casinos would be a disaster as president. Oh, yeah. President Obama knew because he predicted that too when he said Donald Trump is “uniquely unqualified” for the presidency. He also made a prediction personally to Donald Trump when he advised, “do NOT hire Michael Flynn.”

When asked by a reporter what crime President Obam committed that qualifies at the “biggest crime in American history,” Donald Trump said, “You know what the crime is. The crime is very obvious to everybody.”

It sure is obvious. Just like Ahmaud Arbery’s crime was obvious to those two racist Georgia rednecks.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Broken Test

cjones04242020

One of Donald Trump’s excuses for doing such a lousy job handling the coronavirus pandemic is that President Obama left him “broken tests.”

Naturally, this is a lie. Let’s disregard the most obvious reason this is a lie in that it came from Donald Trump, but can a member of the class tell me the other reason? Specifically, can a Trump cultist tell me the answer? I’ll give you a minute to come up with the answer. I’ll talk to your intelligent classmates while you work on it.

How’s everybody doing? Staying safe? Ordering from locally-owned restaurants? Reading any good books? Binging Netflix? I hope you haven’t gone stir crazy yet. So, has the conservative member found the answer yet? What? He has a pained look on his face? OK, time’s up.

So, mouthbreather, what’s your answer? No, it wasn’t a trick question because Donald Trump never lies. Here, I’ll give you a little hint: The tests Donald Trump is accusing of being bad are for the coronavirus, specifically covid-19. What? They should have perfected the test because this is the 19th version? Sit down before you hurt yourself, Kellyanne.

First off, the number in covid-19 is for the year, 2019. This is a virus, not an installment of Fast and Furious. But let’s work with that. If the virus didn’t come into existence until 2019 and Obama left office in January 2017…wait for it…oh, fucksticks I give up waiting for you to figure it out.

There was never a test for covid-19 during the Obama administration because there was no covid-19. Jesus. How in the hell are you going to test for something that doesn’t exist? How do you know if the test works? Luckily for you, we had just as many tests for covid-19 as we had gaydars. The real mystery is, does Donald Trump actually believe this?

Here’s the thing: There’s no way any member of his administration ever told him that Obama left bad tests for covid-19, except maybe Kellyanne, who probably also told him there are gaydars. That means, Donald Trump just made this shit up.

Donald Trump made it up like he made up, “Anyone who needs a test gets a test,” and “it’ll disappear,” or it’s a “Democratic hoax,” or, “I’m not responsible,” or “I assure you, there’s no problem with the size of my penis.”

Another point the sycophants aren’t catching is that Donald Trump is admitting that providing tests is his responsibility. Donald Trump says it’s the states’ job to provide tests and he gave them a list of labs in their states (so helpful). But if it was President Obama’s job, as president, to make sure tests were available, then why isn’t it President (sic) Donald Trump’s job, as president (sic), to provide tests?

This is one where I don’t have the answer unless the answer is, Donald Trump wants to be praised for doing a job he’s not doing and that he doesn’t want to do. Is he too good to do the job a black president is supposed to do?

It’s hard. The governors and doctors are saying we’ll need massive testing before we can reopen the government. That is extremely hard to do when you haven’t prepared at all, you don’t know what you’re doing, and you’re an idiot.

Do you recall when Obama was president and Republicans got upset every time he reminded us that he inherited a shitty economy? They were like, “Stop blaming Bush. You’re president now though we’ll never call you ‘president.'” They need to tell Donald Trump, whom I’ll never call president, that same reply now. Donald Trump has been president for three years. Stop blaming Obama because you suck.

You don’t become a restaurant manager and complain that the previous manager, who left three years ago, didn’t order any straws. But then again, if you manage a restaurant like Donald Trump, you don’t need those straws because you already suck.

There have been multiple tests for Donald Trump as president (sic), and each time, the answer has been he sucks. Donald Trump is the suckiest president in American history. Over 22 million jobs have been lost and over 46,000 Americans have died from this virus. Him sucking is not a debate anymore (not that it ever was).

And if you’re still supporting a president who lost over 22 million jobs and watched over 46,000 Americans die while he was boasting about his TV ratings, you suck too. You suck as a human being and you suck as an American.

There was a test, and you failed.

Tip Jar:

This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

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Trumpy Takes A Test

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Despite hanging out with multiple Trump cultists and shitweasels who may be infected with the coronavirus, and several who definitely are, Donald Trump was reluctant about taking a test to see if maybe he had contracted the virus.

He told us he wasn’t worried about being in contact with people who had the virus because he didn’t know them and about that photo of him grinning it up with the infected Brazilian, he hasn’t even seen that photo. Maybe that was his coronavirus test.

He finally took a test after being pressured by the press. Maybe there were questions like, “have you seen the photo? No? Well, then you can’t have the virus because that’s how shit works. Here’s your lolly.”

That’s how it works in Trumplandia but not in reality, where the majority of us live.

Also, here, in reality, you’re not actually 240 pounds just because a fucknut doctor said you are. And if you’re 5 foot nine, and a doctor looking to appease your cult says you’re 6 foot three, you’re still actually 5 foot nine. Sorry.

So, when asked about taking the test, Trump tried to dodge the question before finally mumbling it was “difficult” and nobody would enjoy it, “it was unpleasant… it’s a medical test! It’s not fun!” I mean, it’s almost like he didn’t take the test.

Perhaps he thought it was like one of those tests for an STD, where they need to stick a cotton swab into your pee hole and twirl it around 5-10 times. That, I can only guess because I never dated like Trump did in the 80s, has to be unpleasant (I just looked it up on the internet to see if it’s true and OHMYGOD). So maybe Donald Trump thought the coronavirus test was similar and for some weird reason would involve his penis.

But since he likes to take credit for Obama’s accomplishments, which he’s finally fucking up, maybe he stole his test results for the coronavirus. I’m sure President Obama’s results would come back negative since he hasn’t been hanging out with right-wing fuckos at Mar-a-Lago, which by the way, is being closed down for the coronavirus.

I think now would be a great opportunity for Donald Trump to self-quarantine at Mar-a-Lago and while he’s there, maybe do something about that bedbug problem.

If Trump does take a test, I’m sure it’ll come back positive in that he is the virus. He is the pandemic. He is the plague. Four more years? Personally, I’d rather have a doctor stick a cotton swab in my pee hole.

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You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

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More Fun With Sharpies

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You would think if someone is justified in their actions, then they wouldn’t have to lie to support them. Even with issues as serious as foreign policy and national security, Donald Trump lies.

This week, Donald Trump’s lies and misrepresentation of President Barack Obama’s record resembles what he did to that weather map with a Sharpie. Donald Trump lies.

Donald Trump claimed the nuclear agreement with Iran would have paved the way for them to build a nuclear weapon. Yet for some reason, if you’re a Republican, an agreement that Iran was abiding with that prohibited them from building nuclear weapons and imposed international inspections is much worse than no agreement. Now, Iran says they will no longer abide by the agreement Donald Trump pulled the U.S. out of merely because it was an Obama thing. Donald Trump lies

Donald Trump claimed the agreement expires shortly anyway. If shortly is five years, then yes. Several aspects of the agreement do expire. But, the agreement is still in place leaving at least another 20 years of international inspections on Iran. Donald Trump lies.

Donald Trump claimed that President Obama gave Iran $150 billion…and then another billion, as part of the agreement. This is an old one repeated too much from Republicans. What Obama gave them were Iranian assets frozen since 1979. It was their money. On top of that, it’s closer to $60 billion than $150. Donald Trump lies.

Then, Donald Trump claimed the money “Obama gave them” funded the missiles that rained on bases in Iraq this week. Iran has had a ballistic missile program for decades. If you can blame Obama for that, then you can blame Donald Trump for instigating this entire mess that shot down a Ukrainian airliner.

Not only is Trump not taking national security seriously, but he’s also using this crisis to continue his petty and jealous crusade against Obama. Donald Trump should spend more time actually working as president than simmering in jealousy that Obama is better looking, better read, a better family man, more popular, more accomplished, smarter, more honest, and just an all-around better person than he is.

Republican congressman Doug Collins, who is the ranking member of the House Judiciary Committee, went on Lou Dobbs’ idiotic show this week and said, “Democrats are in love with terrorists. We see that they mourn Soleimani more than they mourn our Gold Star families who are the ones who suffered under Soleimani. That’s a problem.” Trump’s former ambassador to the United Nations also claimed Democrats were mourning for Soleimani.

I haven’t seen any Democrats mourn for Soleimani but I do know of one politician who has attacked Gold Star families. That politician is Donald Trump.

Trump butt-poodle Lindsey Graham said that questioning the briefing lawmakers received and voting to remove Trump’s authority to assassinate government officials from other nations as “enabling the enemy.” Lindsey knows a thing or two about enabling.

After Osama bin Laden was killed by direct order from President Obama, Republicans lost their shit trying to take away all credit from the president. I don’t recall any Democrat accusing them of enabling or mourning for bin Laden.

In case you’re a Republican, let me give you a short tutorial: When Donald Trump and other Republicans lie to justify their actions, they’re not justified.

Donald Trump lies.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

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The Iran Card

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Here’s your cartoon for CNN’s weekly newsletter, Provoke/Persuade. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday for the rest of your life.

Donald Trump has made it clear his assassination (and yes. It was an assassination) has nothing to do with anything except his impeachment.

Donald Trump can’t stop his impeachment because it’s already happened. He and his supporters just don’t seem to understand that part yet. Donald Trump is an impeached president.

And once again, Donald Trump projects. As soon as he claimed Obama would start a war with Iran to get reelected, we should have known he’d start a war with Iran to get reelected. I’m telling you, I think the guy was born in Kenya.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

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Dems Dumb Debate

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Here’s your weekly cartoon for CNN’s weekly newsletter, Provoke/Persuade. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday for the rest of your life.

This isn’t a complaint because it happens occasionally in this business: My editor and I spent a few hours deciding which cartoon to use and what was the best angle of the subject. He wanted me to do something on the debate and I suggested we focus on the candidates’ focus on Obama and their criticism of him as a means to attack Joe Biden. He agreed. I put a lot of work in the cartoon. He put a lot of work into the newsletter. And then, nobody cared about this subject by the time Sunday arrived.

And that’s not a complaint because there was a much bigger and more important story on Sunday. I’m not upset that this cartoon was basically dead and got no interest online. No. My complaint is that with the other story, we have to have the same conversation again and then again that goes nowhere.

I have a year and four months to hit the presidential election which many will say is too much time. I think I’m going to have the rest of my life to talk about white supremacy, white nationalism, racism, and gun violence. That’s too much time too.

Support the cartoonist

As I noted in a previous cartoon, these are perilous times for political cartoonists. But you can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print).I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

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Thanks, Obama

cjones05082019

Have you talked to a Trump sycophant? Have you ever talked to one who hasn’t said, “But Obama?” No, you haven’t. According to the cultists, Obama was a failed president who left a disaster for Donald Trump to clean up. Yet, despite all of Obama’s failures, the biggest accomplishments they hand to Trump actually belong to Obama. I mean, Obama couldn’t have been that bad if you gotta steal his credit for Trump.

One of my conservative colleagues spent eight years calling Obama the most “divisive president in American history” and accusing his administration of not being transparent. This same guy has never mentioned Trump’s constant Twitter attacks on the most mundane and petty stuff, or his inciting violence from his followers. He’s never mentioned Trump’s lack of transparency when it comes to his taxes, refusing to testify to Robert Mueller, and now preventing members of his administration from testifying. So, it shouldn’t be a surprise that this guy spent the majority of the Obama era saying his economy was the “worst economic recovery ever,” while calling today’s economy an “economic miracle.” The real miracle is that these people’s faces don’t warp like Sarah Huckabee Sanders’ from constantly fighting to keep them straight.

Trump sycophants only seem to remember “if you like your doctor,” Fast and Furious, and the IRS scandal from the Obama administration. They don’t recall that we were in one of the worst recessions in American history when Obama entered the White House in 2009. The nation lost 3.6 million jobs during Bush’s last year in office and over five million in Obama’s first. During his second year, Obama added over a million jobs and for his remaining six, he added over two million each year.

Two million jobs added per year for six years straight is a trend. Trump has also added two million each of his two years, though slightly less than Obama. That’s eight years of constant growth. But, the cultists want to give all the credit to the guy who inherited a trend. They’re ignoring the six and praising the two. Republicans are literally giving credit to an old rich white guy for the job done by a black man.

Trump promised 25 million new jobs over ten years if he was elected. That’s actually an easy number to reach if the trend started under Obama continues. The economy was already adding jobs when Trump made that promise, so basically, he promised to inherit and take credit for Obama’s success.

We are still in a booming economy because of Obama. The economy is so strong that even Donald Trump, who doesn’t understand anything, hasn’t messed it up yet.

Donald Trump doesn’t understand tariffs are taxes. He believes that money from increased tariffs paid for by Americans and funding his racist border wall is somehow Mexico paying for the wall.

He started a trade war with China that hurt America’s farmers. He gave the farmers nearly $8 billion in a bailout to help them during his trade war with China, which is money borrowed from…wait for it…China. Trump is borrowing money from China to pay farmers to not sell their crops to China.

He promised more coal mines would open. Instead, more are closing.

Gas prices are rising.

He gave permanent tax cuts to the rich and itty, bitty temporary tax cuts to the middle class that has increased the deficit to over $900 billion.

Have you noticed Republicans, who are always warning us about Democratic spending, are always the ones who do the most spending? Have you noticed that Republicans screw the economy while Democrats repair it?  Public debt went down under Clinton, Carter, Johnson, Kennedy, and Truman, while it went up under our last four Republican presidents, George W. Bush, George H.W. Bush, Reagan, and Ford. Our current Republican president is on track to continue that tradition. Debt is something Republicans only warn us about when a Democrat is in the White House.

Debt did decrease under Eisenhower and Nixon. Trump is no Ike, firstly because the majority of the country doesn’t like Trump. He’s only like Nixon when it comes to lies and corruption. Nixon, however, understood stuff like economics and government spending. Trump believes Canadian cheese is a threat to national security.

I want to see Trump defeated in 2020 but I also want the economy to continue the trend Obama started. Trump should not be given credit for inheriting a booming economy. But, if Trump continues his policies, the only credit he’ll receive during the next election will be for a faltering, maybe crashing economy. There is only so much in the area of stupid actions this economy can take. This is a man who fired the Chairman of the Federal Reserve because he thought she was too short.

Obama was criticized for saying, “You didn’t build that.” In the case of Trump and the economy, the GDP, and jobs, he’s right. Trump didn’t build that. This is still Obama’s economy. He cleaned up after a Republican and in the future, another Democrat will be cleaning up after Trump, and Republicans will be saying, “Worst economic recovery ever.”

Obama left us in great shape to deal with an impending disaster like Trump. And for that, thanks, Obama.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

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