Fully Engaged


Don’t worry about Hurricane Dorian, America. Donald Trump is “fully engaged” At least that’s what White House Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham said.

Trump decided to be fully engaged from a golf cart at his resort in Virginia. He went golfing twice over the weekend (first at Camp David but that was a bit too slummy for him) and demonstrated his full-on engagement by warning Alabama that the hurricane was coming. Except, it’s not going anywhere near Alabama and the National Weather Service replied to this tweet with a tweet of their own saying, “We repeat, no impacts from Hurricane Dorian will be felt across Alabama.”

Trump attacked an ABC reporter for reporting Trump’s bone-headed weather report and said, “Always good to be prepared.” Since Alabama is a state where Trump has high approval ratings, they’re probably nailing plywood to their windows up in Huntsville…and in Oklahoma.

The ABC reporter wasn’t the only victim of Trump’s weekend tweeting during a national crisis. He sent out 122 tweets since Saturday morning attacking the media, James Comey, “the Squad,” the AFL-CIO president, and even actress Debra Messing.

Trump continued being engaged by informing the public that Dorian was at a category 5, the highest degree measured by meteorologists for hurricanes (before they turn into sharknados). Trump tweeted that he had never heard of a Category 5, tweeting, “A Category 5 is something that I don’t know that I’ve even heard the term, other than I know it’s there. That’s the ultimate.” It’s funny that he’s never heard the term “Category 5” before since, in 2017, he said the same thing. Dorian is the fourth Category 5 to threaten the United States during Trump’s presidency, yet he’s never heard of one before.

Keep in mind, this is a guy who knows so much about hurricanes that he thinks a nuclear bomb would solve them, yet he’s never heard of a Category 5. At any moment now, he should be tweeting that he knows more than the meteorologists.

Trump supporters, sycophants, and cultists who may be in the path of a hurricane. Do yourself a favor and suspend your faith in Donald Trump at least until the crisis is over. If you’re taking advice from Trump, you could die. It will be classified as “death by dumbass.” Do not monitor his Twitter feed for updates. This is a guy too preoccupied with scratching his ass and stealing golf balls from children (he’s done that) to worry about your safety. Also, he’s stubborn and will not allow himself to believe any basic facts if they contradict any longheld stupid-ass beliefs or conspiracy theories. Do not take survival advice from a conspiracy theorist. In fact, you might want to turn off Fox News while you’re at it. You don’t need Hannity and Tucker telling you that Trump’s coming to save you because he can walk on water.

Trump told us he’d be too busy presidenting to golf, unlike President Obama. But as you know by now, that was a lie. Trump is not too busy to play golf, even with a massive hurricane bearing down on the east coast of the United States. Trump has been so not busy presidenting that he’s been able to golf 227 times at one of his clubs since entering the White House.

But, since some people were stupid enough to sign up for Trump University, there will be people dumb enough to take his hurricane advice. But then again, who am I to complain? If we have more candidates for Darwin Awards, this entire Trump mess may balance itself out.

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  1. Hmm. The Resident* dumps a state visit to Poland to stay home to ensure his precious Florida resorts are protected… gets in a few rounds of golf… VP Pence gets to stay at Trump resort in Ireland at taxpayers’ expense and Mr. Trumps profit. So much winning!

    Liked by 2 people

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