Trump Golf

MAGA Busy


cjones07292020

Honestly, it’s not important whether a president throws out an opening pitch or not in Major League Baseball. It’s especially unimportant when that president (sic) is Donald Trump because there wouldn’t be anything meaningful about it other than his own ego boost.

The only thing significant about Donald Trump not throwing out an opening pitch is that he’s the first president (sic) not to do so since President Howard Taft started the tradition in 1910. Not only has every president since thrown out a first pitch, every one of them has done it on opening day except Jimmy Carter.

In what is hopefully his last year in office and last baseball season for him to do so, Donald Trump accepted an invitation to throw out the opening pitch in New York for the Yankees on August 15th. The reason Donald Trump probably accepted now is that there aren’t any fans in attendance because of the Trump Virus. He would be safe from being greeted by a chorus of boos in The Bronx. Donald Trump has probably set another record for being the most despised president (sic) in his  own hometown. New Yorkers do not like Donald Trump. Donald Trump says he could shoot a guy on 5th Avenue and not lose any supporters, which is ironic because he has very few supporters working and living on 5th Avenue.

Even though Donald Trump was guaranteed not to be booed by Yankee fans, I would have volunteered to draw frowny faces on each of the cardboard cutouts MLB has placed in the stands behind home plate.

Now, Donald Trump has backed out of throwing the opening pitch on August 15th. He says he’ll do it at a later date in the season, but who are we kidding? Just like one of those big announcements he promises, like on his new healthcare plan, or that time he promised to release his taxes, it’ll never happen.

Dr. Anthony Fauci threw out the first pitch for the Washington Nationals on opening day. It was a horrible pitch, wide left, and probably closer to first base than to home plate. But, the guy is a 79-year-old doctor, not a pitcher. Sure, laugh if you want to, but we can forgive him. But seeing Fauci throw a stinker probably made Donald Trump think twice. If Fauci, the most popular man in the country, is going to be ridiculed over a bad pitch, what will the nation do to the most hated man in the country? We would have a field day.

Let’s face facts. Donald Trump is out of shape. He’s 74 years old and obese. The guy can’t walk stairs. It may not even be the pitch he’s afraid of the world seeing, but the walk to the mound. He’s fat, but even Howard Taft threw out an opening pitch (to be fair, the opening pitch was always thrown from the stands and the tradition of throwing from the mound didn’t start until Ronald Reagan did it).

Of course, another thing he may be afraid of is every Yankee player taking a knee during the national anthem. Donald Trump tweeted last week, “Any time I witness a player kneeling during the National Anthem, a sign of great disrespect for our Country and our Flag, the game is over for me!” Every member of the Yankees, along with every member of the Nationals, took a knee during the anthem on opening day. The Bronx Bombers may make it a point to do so on Trump day, even if management orders them not to.

Of course, Donald Trump used an excuse to get out of throwing an opening pitch. His excuse? He’s too busy dealing with the coronavirus he’s ignored over the past six months, the economy he’s destroyed, and “much else.”

He sent a tweet Sunday about how busy he is. He’s so busy. I’m really hoping he can take a break every now and then because I’m concerned for his health (this is all sarcasm). He tweeted, “Because of my strong focus on the China Virus, including scheduled meetings on Vaccines, our economy and much else, I won’t be able to be in New York to throw out the opening pitch for the @Yankees on August 15th. We will make it later in the season!” When he said, “Much else,” he was referring to being a racist. Even that tweet was racist. 

But, just how busy is Donald Trump? He sent that tweet about his heavy workload on Sunday. Saturday, he was golfing with dick-pic aficionado Brett Favre who is also known for being a retired quarterback (that pic thing was a big deal for a minute). To cut Trump some slack, maybe he deserves a golf outing on Saturday because he hadn’t had one in five days. He was also golfing Sunday when he sent that tweet about how busy he was. He probably sent it from the golf course.

For the record, Donald Trump has had 266 golf outings according to the Presidential Golf Tracker (not an actual government source). According to Trump Golf Count, his outings at his own courses have cost taxpayers over $138 million. Donald Trump only golfs at his courses. That way, he gets to charge us for rooms and services at his resorts. We literally pay Donald Trump to golf. Say what you will about Obama’s golf outings, which were mostly on military courses, but we didn’t pay him for it.

If Donald Trump was really busy, he wouldn’t have time for golf. He wouldn’t have time for toilet tweeting. He wouldn’t start his workday at 1:00 P.M. as he usually starts each day with “executive time,” which is actually TV time. If Donald Trump was busy, he wouldn’t’ have time to call in to Fox & Friends to spread lies and scream about “much else.” If he was so busy, he wouldn’t have had time for all those ridiculous hate rallies he was having every week of his presidency until the pandemic shut them down. I watched a documentary on sloths last week and they have a heavier schedule than Donald Trump, plus they’re less racist.

Donald Trump is so not busy, he’s the only president who hasn’t shown any signs of aging while in office. It’s not because he has better DNA (HA!) or he doesn’t stress the workload. It’s because he’s not doing the job. The only thing Donald Trump stresses is not getting enough attention, credit, and losing in November which may send him to prison. Another reason he doesn’t show any signs of aging is that he spends two hours a day applying six cans of hairspray to his head and adding six pounds of makeup to his crater-pocked face. Also, he looked like crap on day one anyway. He just happens to look like the same piece of crap. Some would say it’s an art form.

With Donald Trump’s refusal to throw out an opening pitch, we’re going to miss his bragging about how awesome it was after he threw it into the dirt. We’re going to miss his cult praising the pitch and the human form he exhibited on the pitching mound. We’re going to miss watching him walked down the mound like it’s baby’s first steps on a wet ramp at the military academy. We may even be missing watching him pull a hammy. Damn.

We might be missing the sexiest political pitch since Chris Christie.

We don’t need Donald Trump to throw out an opening pitch. The only important aspect of this is the level of Trump bullshit. What I’ll be taking note of on August 15th is what Donald Trump actually does that day. It’ll probably be another day of over 100 tweets as it’ll be even closer to election day. Donald Trump will not be in a good mood between now and then.

The only pitches we’ll see from Donald Trump between now and election day will be racist comments. Donald Trump could have been the most racist guy to appear in Major League Baseball since Ty Cobb.

Update: Since I wrote this blog I was not surprised to learn the Yankees never even invited Trump. He just made it up.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

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Skanks For The Memories


cjones05292020

Last week, Donald Trump yelled that churches are essential and demanded all the nation’s governors to reopen the churches in their states. If they won’t do it, he’ll override them and force the churches to reopen. Churches are essential dammit.

White evangelicals praised Donald Trump for declaring churches essential. Why, he’s their white knight of Christianity for saying churches are essential. And they are essential to all of them except…to Donald Trump.

Church is not essential to Donald Trump. Golf is essential to Donald Trump. Tweeting is essential to Donald Trump. Spreading childish insults, conspiracy theories, and lies are essential to Donald Trump. Being as divisive as possible to tear this country apart is essential to Donald Trump. Church? Not so much. If church was essential to Donald Trump, he would have been in one the Sunday after calling them essential.

I can not believe I’m not making this shit up. And I can not believe so many people are willing to overlook it.

During Memorial Day weekend, Donald Trump hit the links (not sausages, that we know of) twice. He visited his own course in Virginia. He was upset his golfing was criticized while totally missing why it was criticized. Trump thought he was being criticized for playing golf. No, he was criticized for playing golf during a pandemic despite criticizing President Obama for doing the same.

Differences between President Obama playing golf during the Ebola crisis, which Trump criticized him for, and Trump playing golf during a pandemic are: Two people died during the Ebola crisis. We’re nearing 100,000 for the Trump virus. Also, President Obama never swore he’d never play golf while he was president. Donald Trump did. Donald Trump described his fat ass riding around on a golf cart as exercise. Two things Donald Trump takes to the green with him: A golf cart and someone else’s golf ball, even if that ball belongs to a child.

While golfing and tweeting over the weekend, Donald Trump didn’t mention those lost to the Trump virus. That’s another thing he was criticized for. He neglected to mention those lost to the virus or even those on the front lines fighting, but he did dish out several hate tweets.

Donald Trump tweeted a conspiracy theory accusing MSNBC’s Morning Joe host Joe Scarborough of having an affair and committing murder. Did Donald Trump have any facts or evidence to back this up? No. Donald Trump is like the honey badger if the honey badger was orange and racist. Donald Trump don’t care. Donald Trump doesn’t need facts or evidence. It’s like his entire birther campaign when he swore he’d prove if President Obama was born in Kenya or not. He never did. He even took credit for President Obama producing his birth certificate, as if it’s thanks to Donald Trump that President Obama was born in Hawaii.

Donald Trump made a claim he was sending investigators to Hawaii to uncover the truth of Obama’s birth. Now, we need a search party to find those investigators because we never heard from them again. Methinks maybe John Barron led that expedition.

Donald Trump didn’t stop with the Scarborough conspiracy. He retweeted tweets from conservative and former political candidate John Stahl. John Stahl is a well-documented racist. Perhaps you don’t retweet a well-documented racist unless you yourself are a racist. In the past, John Stahl referred to Kamala Harris as “Willie’s ho,” and MSNBC’s Joy Reid as “butt ugly” and a “skank.” Apparently, racist tweets resonate with Donald Trump. In fact, he retweeted Stahl eight times on Saturday night.

Some of Trump’s Stahl retweets were about Nancy Pelosi wearing dentures (while Donald Trump himself probably wears dentures), Stacey Abrams hitting “every buffet in Georgia” while Donald Trump is no Twiggy himself, and finally, a tweet calling Hillary Clinton a skank.

It’s been three and a half years and Donald Trump still can’t get over Hillary Clinton so that must make her a skank in his book that he probably didn’t write and can’t read. Personally, I don’t think you’re fit to judge whether or not anyone is a skank when you cheated on all three of your wives who you’ve had five children with while raw-dogging porn stars and Playboy Playmates.

Racist Donald Trump also accused Joe Biden of being a racist while he was retweeting a known racist. I still can’t believe I’m not making any of this up.

Donald Trump projects. He calls someone else a racist because he’s a racist. He mocks people with dentures because he wears dentures. He calls women fat because he’s…well, Nancy called him “morbidly obese.” And, Donald Trump calls a woman a skank because he’s the biggest skank in the universe except, most skanks get sex for free. Donald Trump ultimately ends up paying for it.

Here’s the rule: If Donald Trump accuses anyone of anything, like cheating during an election, it’s because he’s doing it.

I’ll be glad when November gets here so we can rid ourselves of this skanky presidency.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

An Incalculable Loss


cjones05272020

During Memorial Day weekend, while the U.S. death toll from the coronavirus was nearing 100,000, and after he had called for the reopening of the nation’s churches, Donald Trump was playing golf. In fact, he hit the course that he owns in Virginia, twice. Quite frankly, I’m surprised he felt confident enough about his safety to play in Virginia since we can’t “protect our potatoes.” He also kinda looks like a giant sweet potato where the sweetness was substituted with racism.

The New York Times ran a front-page Sunday listing the victims of the coronavirus. Of course, they couldn’t all fit on the front page so it continued to the inside pages.

Donald Trump criticized President Obama for playing golf during the Ebola crisis. That crisis killed two people. Donald Trump promised during the 2016 election that he would be “too busy” to play golf. As it turns out now, he’s played more in three and a half years than Obama did in eight. He defended his golf playing last weekend in a rambling rant saying the media was making it sound like a “mortal sin” that he was going outside and  getting a “little exercise.” I’ve played golf. I don’t think it’s that much exercise to ride around in a golf cart. He doesn’t even walk to the green. He parks on it.

And then, Trump went on to attack President Obama for playing golf…after he had played golf. About the media’s scrutiny, Trump tweeted, “I knew this would happen!” Well, he should have known it was going to happen because he spent years attacking Obama for playing golf. What Donald Trump seems to miss was the criticism wasn’t over him playing golf. It was over him playing golf during this pandemic and as the death toll soared near 100,000. It’s hard to read between the lines if you’re incapable of even reading the lines.

About that death toll: During his golf-laden weekend at his own resort (where he got to once again charge the Secret Service for golf cart rentals), Trump spread a conspiracy theory accusing a TV news host of murder. He retweeted tweets that made fun of Nancy Pelosi’s “dentures,” that made cracks about Georgia’s Stacey Abrams “hitting every buffet” in that state,” and that called Hillary Clinton a “skank.” Do you know how many of Trump’s tweets mentioned the victims of the coronavirus? None. All his tweets were about him, skanks, Polident, and buffets. Do you remember when Trump promised after he was elected he’d be presidential? Trust me. He made that promise.

One of my colleagues, Steve Brodner, issued a challenge for American political cartoonists to draw Donald Trump teeing off on the front page of The New York Times. This is my offering.

I saw a Facebook post by a conservative MAGAt cartoonist who questioned this campaign. He wrote, “Can’t believe so many cartoonists doing someone else’s lame idea.” That guy kinda retired from drawing political cartoons, but that makes sense since he doesn’t get it’s not about one person’s lame idea. It’s a protest where the message is strengthened and made louder by the numbers involved. He gets there’s strength in numbers, right? He’s heard Trump’s lies about crowd sizes. I guess leaving a one-sentence criticism was a lot easier than actually thinking up and doing one defending his orange messiah.

I don’t know how large this campaign will become. So far, I’ve seen about 20 of these and you can see a bunch of them here at Steve’s Facebook page (again. Cartoonists. Get a website). There are some really great ones in that batch and I’m not referring to mine because my cartoon isn’t included.

I created the cartoon just for the social media campaign. I didn’t put a lot of thought into it. Afterward, I realized some of my clients might like it (one has already ran it) so I sent it to them. And since I didn’t realize it could be its own free-standing cartoon while I was doing it, I didn’t make a video of it. Sorry.

And since not everyone who reads me here follows me on social media, I figured I should go ahead and blog it.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Fully Engaged


cjones09102019

Don’t worry about Hurricane Dorian, America. Donald Trump is “fully engaged” At least that’s what White House Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham said.

Trump decided to be fully engaged from a golf cart at his resort in Virginia. He went golfing twice over the weekend (first at Camp David but that was a bit too slummy for him) and demonstrated his full-on engagement by warning Alabama that the hurricane was coming. Except, it’s not going anywhere near Alabama and the National Weather Service replied to this tweet with a tweet of their own saying, “We repeat, no impacts from Hurricane Dorian will be felt across Alabama.”

Trump attacked an ABC reporter for reporting Trump’s bone-headed weather report and said, “Always good to be prepared.” Since Alabama is a state where Trump has high approval ratings, they’re probably nailing plywood to their windows up in Huntsville…and in Oklahoma.

The ABC reporter wasn’t the only victim of Trump’s weekend tweeting during a national crisis. He sent out 122 tweets since Saturday morning attacking the media, James Comey, “the Squad,” the AFL-CIO president, and even actress Debra Messing.

Trump continued being engaged by informing the public that Dorian was at a category 5, the highest degree measured by meteorologists for hurricanes (before they turn into sharknados). Trump tweeted that he had never heard of a Category 5, tweeting, “A Category 5 is something that I don’t know that I’ve even heard the term, other than I know it’s there. That’s the ultimate.” It’s funny that he’s never heard the term “Category 5” before since, in 2017, he said the same thing. Dorian is the fourth Category 5 to threaten the United States during Trump’s presidency, yet he’s never heard of one before.

Keep in mind, this is a guy who knows so much about hurricanes that he thinks a nuclear bomb would solve them, yet he’s never heard of a Category 5. At any moment now, he should be tweeting that he knows more than the meteorologists.

Trump supporters, sycophants, and cultists who may be in the path of a hurricane. Do yourself a favor and suspend your faith in Donald Trump at least until the crisis is over. If you’re taking advice from Trump, you could die. It will be classified as “death by dumbass.” Do not monitor his Twitter feed for updates. This is a guy too preoccupied with scratching his ass and stealing golf balls from children (he’s done that) to worry about your safety. Also, he’s stubborn and will not allow himself to believe any basic facts if they contradict any longheld stupid-ass beliefs or conspiracy theories. Do not take survival advice from a conspiracy theorist. In fact, you might want to turn off Fox News while you’re at it. You don’t need Hannity and Tucker telling you that Trump’s coming to save you because he can walk on water.

Trump told us he’d be too busy presidenting to golf, unlike President Obama. But as you know by now, that was a lie. Trump is not too busy to play golf, even with a massive hurricane bearing down on the east coast of the United States. Trump has been so not busy presidenting that he’s been able to golf 227 times at one of his clubs since entering the White House.

But, since some people were stupid enough to sign up for Trump University, there will be people dumb enough to take his hurricane advice. But then again, who am I to complain? If we have more candidates for Darwin Awards, this entire Trump mess may balance itself out.

Support the cartoonist.

As I noted in a previous cartoon, these are perilous times for political cartoonists. But you can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print).I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

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