Poker Face


cjones12292020

When Congress sent a $900 billion stimulus bill to the White House, Donald Trump called it a “disgrace” and wailed that it contained too much pork and not enough money for individual taxpayers. He was upset the checks for Americans would only be $600 and not $2,000. This “disgrace” was a bill he had approved.

Sure, Trump wasn’t personally involved in the negotiations between the House, Senate, and White House, but his team was. They were representing him. The stamp of approval they put on the bill before it was voted on was Trump’s stamp (which is similar to a tramp stamp). Granted, he was never going to actually read the bill, but he was informed of the specifics. He must not have paid attention because a lot of the stuff he griped about wasn’t even in that bill, but instead, the general spending bill.

He spent a week indicating he would not sign it. There was concern people wouldn’t get the help they need and that the government would shut down. The House and Senate would have to scramble to override Trump which would delay helping Americans. Congress initially had the votes to override a veto by a chaos president (sic), but there was legitimate concern that Republican sycophants would change their yes votes to no votes out of fear of being mean-tweeted. And while Democrats are all in favor of giving each of us $2,000, Republicans are not. By nature, Republicans are only in favor of giving money to billionaire assholes, not to me and you.

Then on Sunday night, late into the evening, after a week of posturing and puffing up his chest, and playing golf, and more golf, and more golf, and more fucking golf, Donald Trump signed the stimulus bill and the general spending bill. A government shutdown was averted but unemployment benefits did run out.

Donald Trump issued a statement that he would be sending a “redlined” version of the bill, which is a version that includes things he wants taken out. His cult believes those things will be taken out because for some reason, Trump has more power alone than Congress or previous presidents. No, the bill is now law the way it is.

The MAGAts are still celebrating this as a Trump win, even though the delay has hurt Americans and once again, the self-described best negotiator didn’t get a thing he asked for. This is what happens when you install an idiot into the presidency.

Donald Trump should have signed the bill the day he received it and before he left for Florida to have a golfing Christmas. I hope an alligator eats his balls.

This man is so selfish. He couldn’t just sign the bill and help people. He had to be a jerk and make it all about himself. We are going to be so much better off without Donald Trump in the White House. Usually, when he’s on the golf course, he’s not breaking the nation apart. This time, he played golf to the detriment of the nation.

When George W. Bush was told of the attack on 9/11, he was reading “My Pet Goat” to schoolchildren in Florida. After being told that airplanes were flying into buildings, he continued to read “My Pet Goat” for several more minutes. But at least he eventually stopped reading about that goat to go back to work and do his job as president. Illiterate Donald Trump wouldn’t have been able to read the book and wouldn’t have paid any attention unless there were more pictures of him in the book than of the goat. Donald Trump would have made Americans wait until his interests were served first. Donald Trump spent a week on a golf course allowing unemployment benefits to expire. Donald Trump is not the GOAT.

As for Trump’s negotiating on the bill, he didn’t negotiate while it was being written. He sat on his orange ass fixated on his election loss and continued to spread debunked conspiracy theories. After it was written and sent to his desk, then he made demands. After a week, he signs the thing with demands. But, he’s a lame-duck president (sic). He has no power to force Congress to make changes to a bill that…wait for it…he has already signed. He has less than a month left in office which leaves no incentive for Congress to make changes a lame-duck demands.

When I was a teenager, I worked in a grocery store and telling me to mop seemed to be my boss’ favorite thing to do. After he quit, he walked into the store one day and told me I should mop the produce section. My first thought was, “Why is he here?” and my second was, “Screw that guy.” He had no more power and 16-year-old me was about to beat a man to death with a mop handle. Quite frankly, after living in fear for four years of mean tweets, Congressional Republicans should beat Trump with a mop handle.

If we charged people to beat Trump with a mop handle, we could pay off this budget, the relief bill, the national debt, restore our infrastructure, and even get a couple more useless aircraft carriers. I’d just hate to be at the end of that line…because I know I’d wait for my turn.

If Donald Trump really wanted that $2,000 for every American, he should have said something while the bill was being drafted. He would have had a lot of support from Democrats and the president-elect. The majority of Americans would have been behind it. For once, Americans and all those treasonous democracy-hating MAGAt bastards would have been on the same side of an issue. Everybody wants $2,000. Even the Republicans who would vote against you getting $2,000 will personally take $2,000.

We finish this segment of Trump chaos by asking…how much more chaos can he inflict over the next four weeks? Wanna make a bet? If you do make a bet, don’t be like Trump. When you make a poker face, make sure you’re playing poker.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (12 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. The books won’t arrive until after the new year, but orders are being taken and they’ll be shipped as soon as I receive them. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist (me) and feel good about yourself, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

3 comments

  1. Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    These continue to be difficult and dangerous times!! Don’t be caught off guard!! … “We finish this segment of Trump chaos by asking…how much more chaos can he inflict over the next four weeks? Wanna make a bet? If you do make a bet, don’t be like Trump. When you make a poker face, make sure you’re playing poker.”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. “I hope an alligator eats his balls.”

    Reminds me of a story about Johnny Carson:’

    “As the story goes, golf god Arnold Palmer was on The Tonight Show when Carson asked him if he practiced any good-luck routines. “Yes, my wife kisses my balls,” was Palmer’s mythical reply, which prompted Carson to joke, “I’ll bet that flutters your putter.” (Other variations have, as you say, Palmer’s wife appearing on the show and naively delivering the set-up line.)”

    https://www.tvguide.com/news/question-settle-66006/

    Liked by 1 person

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