Arr! A Cartoon For Scurvy Dogs


cjones09222017

Sometimes, an editorial cartoonist has to suspend reality and use creative license. There is no way Donald Trump could pronounce half the words in this cartoon.

Donald Trump spoke at the United Nations and said the word “sovereignty” twenty-one times. The funny thing is, he didn’t mention Russia once, which is the only nation that has recently attacked our sovereignty. He did however, unleash his fourth-grade rhetoric to delight the international congregation. As we are sending thoughts and prayers to Mexico after the earthquake, the rest of the world is sending us the same for Donald Trump. We’ll be digging out for a very long time.

During his promotion of American nationalism and screw everyone else, Trump once again referred to Kim Jong Un as “Rocket Man,” and asked for help to fight “loser terrorists” (because they couldn’t get dates in high school?) The insecure and childish name-calling didn’t seem to go down as well in a room for educated international diplomats as much as it would for an alt-right rally in West Virginia.

Trump’s team bragged that the “Rocket Man” line was Trump’s own inclusion without receiving any help from his team. Really? Putin’s Tiny Dancer didn’t need any help with the schoolyard insult? He did have assistance writing the speech from known-xenophobe Stephen Miller (who I confused for Sebastian Gorka in yesterday’s column. Sorry if anyone got excited when I wrote that Miller had been fired. I also confused Jimmy Kimmel with Jimmy Fallon, and none of you fuckers were able to catch both mistakes. It was either the “Kimmel/Fallon” thing or the “Miller” goof).

Trump started off his speech talking about the American economy and our military might. I’m slightly surprised he didn’t mention winning Michigan, “Crooked Hillary,” or ask how many in the room liked Joe Arpaio. He eventually got to international topics and said, “Major portions of the world are in conflict, and some, in fact, are going to hell.” It wasn’t as juicy as his “American Carnage” inauguration speech, but the sycophants loved it.

Trump successfully attacked Venezuela without using the term “bad hombres.” Then, he attacked Iran, which we’re all down for, but he threatened to cancel the nuclear agreement we spent many months negotiating with several international partners. He promised that we’ll be hearing about the treaty again and summed that up with his usual “believe me,” which means we may or may not be hearing of it again.

The problem with pulling out of a treaty where Iran agreed to curtail their nuclear development is that it will leave Iran without any agreement to stop their nuclear development. Iran has met all of their obligations listed in the treaty so far. If we nix the deal it will inform the rest of the world that they cannot trust the United States. It’s hard enough now that we have to sell them on the idea of talking to Donald Trump.

Breaking a promise will also tell North Korea that any agreement they make with us will only be as good as the paper it’s written on, kinda like one of them degrees from Trump University. But then again, perhaps we aren’t interested in any diplomatic negotiations with North Korea.

Trump threatened to “totally destroy” the DPRK yesterday. What incentive does a rogue regime have in dismantling their nuclear weapon program when the world’s greatest military power is describing in great detail how it may destroy them?

Conservatives loved Trump’s speech. Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu said, “In more than 30 years of my acquaintance with the U.N., I have not heard a more courageous and sharp speech.” He has, but not from anyone whose ass he wanted to kiss. Sweden’s ambassador said, “It was the wrong speech, at the wrong time, to the wrong audience.” France’s Emmanuel Macron disagreed with several parts of Trump’s speech. Iran’s foreign minister said it was “ignorant hate speech.” Hey, welcome to our party. Have you seen the hats?

We need diplomacy more than bombs. It’s kinda hard to engage in diplomacy when you don’t have diplomats. In addition to cutting the State Department’s budget, a lot of ambassador posts remain unfilled. In addition to eight posts at the United Nations that remain vacant, we currently do not have ambassadors in important nations such as South Korea, India, Australia, Cuba, Egypt, Afghanistan, France, Germany, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Turkey, and the European Union. We also have several posts unfilled in unimportant places like Lesotho, Bahamas, Belize, Belarus, Eritrea, Jamaica, Mauritania, Trinidad and Tobago, and Mauritius & Seychelles. So, eh.

We don’t even have an ambassador to Russia, unless we count the one currently sitting in the Oval Office.

Creative notes: Every cartoonist in the nation is doing something with “Rocket Man” today. I decided to wait, and maybe not do anything with it at all. Though, that “Putin’s Tiny Dancer” line wasn’t half bad.

Yesterday was “Talk Like A Pirate” day. I am not a fan of cartoons using a holiday theme being drawn and published AFTER the freaking holiday. I see it every year with Christmas and Halloween. Though it wasn’t a holiday, a lot of cartoonists kept drawing eclipse cartoons days after the eclipse. But, I’m breaking one of my own rules with this one. “Talk Like A Pirate” day isn’t a real holiday anyway. Plus, I don’t know if I’ve ever used it before. If I have, it was back when I worked for The Free Lance-Star, and they’ve deleted all the cartoons I drew for them from their website. All the originals from those 14 years are in boxes in one of my friend’s attic.

I suck at talking like a pirate. It’s arrrrrful. See?

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

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One comment

  1. ”Hey, welcome to our party. Have you seen the hats?”

    That’s IT!!!
    I KNEW something was missing from 45*’s UN “speech”!!!
    45* was not wearing his RED MAGA Baseball Cap!!!!!!!

    Clay, we know you make corrections to your blog posts (Wrong Jimmy. Wrong NAZI.).
    If you decide to make a correction to your cartoon, give 45* a RED MAGA Pirate Captain Hat.

    Liked by 1 person

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