UN

Trump’s Moll


cjones12252017

Donald Trump and his sycophants boast they’ve restored respect to the United States. It’s like their claim they’re rebuilding the military and the FBI. They’re all lies. The military isn’t in shambles, and they’re actually trying to destroy the credibility of the FBI.

Our nation lost a lot of respect from the rest of the world during the George W. Bush administration. Starting a war on false pretenses, destabilizing it, killing tens of thousands of people, and creating a haven for terrorists will do that. Also, when you attempt to demean an ally who disagrees with you by renaming french fries “freedom fries,” and your president can’t enunciate “nuclear,” respect goes out the window.

Respect toward the United States was rebuilt during the Obama era. Speaking coherently helps.

Respect for our nation is again falling into a gutter. The world looks toward Angela Merkel and Justin Trudeau to be champions of freedom and democracy, not Donald Trump.

People don’t respect you when they play to your vanities. They don’t respect you when it works. They don’t respect patronizing Nazis and pedophiles, verbally attacking women and minorities, and they don’t respect when you call the first line of freedom, a free press, enemies of your nation.

You are not respected when you deny there was an attack on your democracy by a hostile nation, despite your own intelligence agencies verifying it. Failing to protect your country, which you’ve sworn to do, is not respected.

You are not respected by expressing admiration for thugs, bullies, and autocrats who lead China, Russia, Turkey, and the Philippines.

You are not respected by pulling out of the Paris climate treaty, something that only one other nation in the world refuses to join.

When you proclaim Jerusalem, which the world recognizes as occupied territory, as Israel’s capital, you lose respect. When every single nation in the world disagrees with you, you lose respect. When your action gets your nation thrown out of the peace talks, you lose respect.

When your vice president is an ass-kissing weasel, you lose respect. When your entire party follows suit with the ass kissing, you lose respect.

When nearly half the nation selects a narcissistic, juvenile, sexist, racist, anti-Semitic ignoramus as its leader, the nation loses respect.

When you threaten to start World War 3, you lose respect. When you refer to your enemy, who has nuclear weapons, as “little rocket man,” you lose respect. When you lose a war of insults with Kim Jong Un, you lose respect and people start to believe you are a “dotard.”

When you send your ambassador to the United Nations to threaten and intimidate its members on how they vote in a meaningless, non-binding measure, you lose respect. When you threaten your allies, tell them you’re “taking names,” and will withhold financial assistance in the future if they don’t do what you want, you lose respect. When you attempt the aforementioned, ignoring the reality that there are upcoming votes that do serve your interest, you lose respect because they think you’re an idiot.

And your ambassador, who was formerly respected, has lost all respect.

And that’s the way it is, see…

Creative notes: This is kind of how I get an idea. I read the story of Nikki Haley attempting to intimidate the world at the United Nations. Immediately I think of how it’s Christmas time, and she’s putting everyone on a naughty list. The problem is, since it’s my first thought then other cartoonists will be drawing it. There’s always one, two, or 20 cartoonists who go for the first and most obvious idea and, I’ve seen a couple already. My second thought is how Trump is trying to use gangster diplomacy.

I thought of old-time gangsters and I google “who finished every sentence with ‘see’?” It was Edward G. Robinson who was in the film Key Largo. Then, I google images of Edward G. Robinson. And, just to cover my bases, I read his Wikipedia page, which I do for everyone I’m going to cover or who inspires a cartoon. Honestly though, the true inspiration is probably the caricature of him in the 1946 Bugs Bunny cartoon “Racketeer Rabbit.” I also googled gangster and 1920s slang for “party,” but I couldn’t find one.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

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Arr! A Cartoon For Scurvy Dogs


cjones09222017

Sometimes, an editorial cartoonist has to suspend reality and use creative license. There is no way Donald Trump could pronounce half the words in this cartoon.

Donald Trump spoke at the United Nations and said the word “sovereignty” twenty-one times. The funny thing is, he didn’t mention Russia once, which is the only nation that has recently attacked our sovereignty. He did however, unleash his fourth-grade rhetoric to delight the international congregation. As we are sending thoughts and prayers to Mexico after the earthquake, the rest of the world is sending us the same for Donald Trump. We’ll be digging out for a very long time.

During his promotion of American nationalism and screw everyone else, Trump once again referred to Kim Jong Un as “Rocket Man,” and asked for help to fight “loser terrorists” (because they couldn’t get dates in high school?) The insecure and childish name-calling didn’t seem to go down as well in a room for educated international diplomats as much as it would for an alt-right rally in West Virginia.

Trump’s team bragged that the “Rocket Man” line was Trump’s own inclusion without receiving any help from his team. Really? Putin’s Tiny Dancer didn’t need any help with the schoolyard insult? He did have assistance writing the speech from known-xenophobe Stephen Miller (who I confused for Sebastian Gorka in yesterday’s column. Sorry if anyone got excited when I wrote that Miller had been fired. I also confused Jimmy Kimmel with Jimmy Fallon, and none of you fuckers were able to catch both mistakes. It was either the “Kimmel/Fallon” thing or the “Miller” goof).

Trump started off his speech talking about the American economy and our military might. I’m slightly surprised he didn’t mention winning Michigan, “Crooked Hillary,” or ask how many in the room liked Joe Arpaio. He eventually got to international topics and said, “Major portions of the world are in conflict, and some, in fact, are going to hell.” It wasn’t as juicy as his “American Carnage” inauguration speech, but the sycophants loved it.

Trump successfully attacked Venezuela without using the term “bad hombres.” Then, he attacked Iran, which we’re all down for, but he threatened to cancel the nuclear agreement we spent many months negotiating with several international partners. He promised that we’ll be hearing about the treaty again and summed that up with his usual “believe me,” which means we may or may not be hearing of it again.

The problem with pulling out of a treaty where Iran agreed to curtail their nuclear development is that it will leave Iran without any agreement to stop their nuclear development. Iran has met all of their obligations listed in the treaty so far. If we nix the deal it will inform the rest of the world that they cannot trust the United States. It’s hard enough now that we have to sell them on the idea of talking to Donald Trump.

Breaking a promise will also tell North Korea that any agreement they make with us will only be as good as the paper it’s written on, kinda like one of them degrees from Trump University. But then again, perhaps we aren’t interested in any diplomatic negotiations with North Korea.

Trump threatened to “totally destroy” the DPRK yesterday. What incentive does a rogue regime have in dismantling their nuclear weapon program when the world’s greatest military power is describing in great detail how it may destroy them?

Conservatives loved Trump’s speech. Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu said, “In more than 30 years of my acquaintance with the U.N., I have not heard a more courageous and sharp speech.” He has, but not from anyone whose ass he wanted to kiss. Sweden’s ambassador said, “It was the wrong speech, at the wrong time, to the wrong audience.” France’s Emmanuel Macron disagreed with several parts of Trump’s speech. Iran’s foreign minister said it was “ignorant hate speech.” Hey, welcome to our party. Have you seen the hats?

We need diplomacy more than bombs. It’s kinda hard to engage in diplomacy when you don’t have diplomats. In addition to cutting the State Department’s budget, a lot of ambassador posts remain unfilled. In addition to eight posts at the United Nations that remain vacant, we currently do not have ambassadors in important nations such as South Korea, India, Australia, Cuba, Egypt, Afghanistan, France, Germany, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Turkey, and the European Union. We also have several posts unfilled in unimportant places like Lesotho, Bahamas, Belize, Belarus, Eritrea, Jamaica, Mauritania, Trinidad and Tobago, and Mauritius & Seychelles. So, eh.

We don’t even have an ambassador to Russia, unless we count the one currently sitting in the Oval Office.

Creative notes: Every cartoonist in the nation is doing something with “Rocket Man” today. I decided to wait, and maybe not do anything with it at all. Though, that “Putin’s Tiny Dancer” line wasn’t half bad.

Yesterday was “Talk Like A Pirate” day. I am not a fan of cartoons using a holiday theme being drawn and published AFTER the freaking holiday. I see it every year with Christmas and Halloween. Though it wasn’t a holiday, a lot of cartoonists kept drawing eclipse cartoons days after the eclipse. But, I’m breaking one of my own rules with this one. “Talk Like A Pirate” day isn’t a real holiday anyway. Plus, I don’t know if I’ve ever used it before. If I have, it was back when I worked for The Free Lance-Star, and they’ve deleted all the cartoons I drew for them from their website. All the originals from those 14 years are in boxes in one of my friend’s attic.

I suck at talking like a pirate. It’s arrrrrful. See?

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Briefed By Ivanka


cjones05012017

Saudi Arabia is one of the worst places in the world to be a woman. Women can’t drive, vote, ask for a divorce, or even be seen in public without being in the company of a man. It’s like every woman in the nation is married to Mike Pence.

The United Nations has placed Saudi Arabia on the Women’s Rights Commission which made a lot of people say “you put who where now?”. The Arab kingdom mandates discrimination against women. How does it make any sense to put them on a commission for women’s rights? That would be like putting Iran on that commission except they’ve already done that.

Maybe there is a method to the madness. Perhaps putting these horrible regimes on a commission with nations that do not require women to conceal their faces can be an influence. Perhaps they’ll see how the modern world treats people and just how ass backwards they are.

Did German Chancellor Angela Merkel apply the same method in inviting Donald Trump’s daughter, Ivanka, to a women’s empowerment panel in Berlin? The other women on the panel were International Monetary Fund director Christine Lagarde, and Canadian Foreign Minister Chrystia Freeland. Merkel, Lagarde, and Freeland were on the panel because of their accomplishments and the fact that they’re world leaders. None of the three achieved their accomplishments through nepotism. Those leaders have earned their place. Ivanka was born into hers.

The moderator asked Ivanka who she was representing, President Trump, the American people, or her own business interests. What she should have been asked was: What qualifies you for a job in the White House? What is it that you actually do in dad’s administration? What the Hell are you doing on this panel?

Ivanka dismisses the media’s coverage of her father’s bigotry and callousness toward women. She blames the media. She doesn’t blame the man who bragged on a bus about grabbing vaginas and moving on a woman “like a bitch.” She doesn’t blame the man who told a contestant on his reality show that it would be a pretty sight to see her on her knees. She doesn’t blame the man who has called Rosie O’Donnell a pig and said that Megyn Kelly had “blood in her eyes” and “blood coming out of her wherever.” She doesn’t blame the guy who looked at a child and said “I’ll be dating her in ten years.” She doesn’t blame the guy who once said that if Ivanka wasn’t his daughter, he’d be dating her.

Instead she talks about how daddy is great toward women because he promoted her in his business. If only every woman in America was Donald Trump’s daughter. The only bad part of that would be that he’d want to date them and he’d go on a talk show while they’re infants and speculate on how large their breasts will become.

Ivanka says her dad is in favor of a paid-family-leave plan. So when’s he going to push that through Congress? Where was her influence when he was trying to cut funding to Planned Parenthood?

Where was Ivanka’s influence when Trump hosted the House Freedom Caucus to discuss healthcare, including those that affect women’s health benefits, and there were no women present? Sure, Ivanka shows up if she can sit next to Merkel or Justin Trudeau.

Where was Ivanka’s influence when Trump chose his nearly-all-male and white cabinet? Was it the dressing in drag skit that kept Giuliani out of the administration?

Perhaps Ivanka was too focused on her brand, where the bulk of it is made in Africa and Asia, mostly by women who are paid chump change. According to The Washington Postworkers in a factory in China, which holds an exclusive license to produce Ivanka Trump crap, works their workers 60 hours a week for a salary of $62.

So no. Ivanka does not belong on a panel discussing empowering women anymore than Saudi Arabia belongs on a commission for women’s rights. She’s empowered herself. She’s a billion-dollar princess who, like her brothers, got where she is through birth. Now they’re bringing their nepotism and conflicts of interest to our government as if we are a monarchy.

Saudi Arabia on a women’s right’s panel, and Ivanka in a women empowerment discussion with women who are actually accomplished is confusing. It’s as confusing as the fact that more women voted for Donald Trump than Hillary Clinton.

C’mon, ladies. Help yourselves out here.

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