Lawyering Up


Even though Donald Trump has Marc Kasowitz as his personal attorney, criminal defense isn’t really his thing. His thing is losing cases where Trump sues someone for saying he’s not as rich as he claims, and settling with people who were scammed by Trump University. Wisely, Trump has been searching for a lawyer with criminal defense experience.

And being wise in return, most criminal defense lawyers in Washington have been saying “no thank you.” Why wouldn’t lawyers want to defend a very rich president? For starters, he often doesn’t pay his legal fees. In fact, lawyers who defended Trump in lawsuits from contractors suing him for nonpayment, have turned around to sue Trump for nonpayment. It’s not like those lawyers weren’t warned.

Another reason is that Donald Trump is the worst client in the world.

In the film The People Vs. Larry Flynt, Flynt, played by Woody Harrelson, tells his lawyer, “I’m your dream client. I’m the most fun, I’m rich, and I’m always in trouble”. Trump too, is rich and always in trouble, but he’s not as much fun.

Trump’s biggest problem as a legal client is, he doesn’t shut up. It’s like having a client accused of murder who tweets out “I am innocent, and didn’t kill him by striking a blow to the head with an ax. An ax with a blue handle anyone can purchase at Walmart for $13.95 at 3:00 a.m., $11.95 with a Sunday coupon.”

Trump is in his current situation because of his big mouth, or in his case, Twitter. His “better hope it wasn’t taped” tweet is why a special counsel was appointed. The man claimed he fired James Comey because of his handling of the FBI’s Hillary Clinton investigation, and then tells the Russians in the Oval Office that he did it to kill the investigation into his dealings with Russia. Just in case that wasn’t recorded, he told NBC’s Lester Holt the same thing, which was recorded. Trump has even pressured several intelligence officials to interfere in the investigations. He upped the ante of the investigation of Russian meddling to include obstruction of justice.

If bragging about doing the crime isn’t enough, the man is attacking those who are investigating him. It’s a huge surprise he hasn’t left a bag of flaming dog doo on Robert Mueller’s doorstep…yet. His aides and friends are even reporting that he’s considering further obstructions by firing Mueller.

Kasowitz has advised many in the White House that they don’t need to hire personal attorneys yet. Taking Kasowitz’s experience and legal wisdom into account, most of those people are ignoring that advice.

Vice President Mike Pence has hired a personal lawyer. He’s even started a Mike Pence super PAC. There’s only two reasons for this PAC and those are, either to pay for the lawyer or Pence believes he’ll be running for president in 2020. Perhaps you can contribute to the Mike Pence legal defense fund. Is there a line? You think he would have saved a few bucks from selling soul.

Even the lawyers Trump currently has (that came with Kasowitz) are hiring lawyers. A lot of people are saying it’s normal for presidents and those close to him to be hiring personal lawyers. It is totally normal…in Trump world. Trump world includes a president who accused his predecessor or bugging his office and once bragged during a debate about his supposedly large penis.

But there is hope for Trump as it’s been reported he has found a D.C. lawyer with experience in criminal defense to advise his case. No, not the guy who defended the D.C. Madam (he wouldn’t return Trump’s calls).

Bill Cosby’s current sexual assault trial is probably going to end with a hung jury. Trump’s case is going to be much more difficult to defend because he’s a client who won’t shut up.

I hope for his new attorney’s sake that he was paid in advance. If he loses, It’ll probably be left in a flaming bag on his doorstep.

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