Tricking The Best Brain

I need you to sit down and prepare yourself for some shocking information. Someone tricked Donald Trump. He was fooled. Got played for a sucker. Had his nipples twisted. Someone pulled the hairpiece, I mean rug, over his eyes. Putin said, “pull my finger.” And you know, if Putin tells Donald to do something Donald is going to do that something.

To be fair, Trump has done his share of making suckers out of other people. He’s convinced three women to marry him. He’s talked banks into loaning him money. He’s gotten contractors to trust that he would pay them AFTER they completed the job. Why as recently as last November he conned nearly 63 million unsuspecting Americans who are still waiting on Mexico to pay for that wall (and Obamacare will be replaced with something better, taxes will be released, he’ll fill his administration with the best people, defeat ISIS in 30 days, if Hillary is elected there will be constant investigations, etc.). But this time Trump is the fool, so shame on the Russians.

The White House told the American press that the Russians tricked them and that “Russians lie,” which is a total shocker. They’ve been riding a streak of honesty ever since 1962 when they told us there weren’t any nuclear missiles in Cuba.

I know you’re asking yourself “how can anyone fool Donald Trump?” He assured us that he’s smarter than everyone else and he has the best brain. Remember on the campaign trail he told us that the governments of Mexico, China, Russia, all of Europe, Narnia, etc., were out-smarting our politicians, and only Donald Trump could negotiate with them. Turns out that in addition to legislation, Trump can’t negotiate a photo-op.

We are talking about the sort of brain that thought inviting Russians to the Oval Office, the day after he fired FBI director Jim Comey, wouldn’t come off as bad optics.

You may also be asking yourself as I have, “why in the world would you invite Russians to the White House, specifically the one Russian, Sergey Kislyak, everyone in your administration has lied about meeting?” The answer is: Because Putin told him to. According to Trump, Putin asked him and Trump’s statement to Lester Holt was “what? I’m going to say ‘no’?”.

YES! You say “no. Now is not a good time. It’ll look bad. People are saying my mouth is your ‘cock holster.’ How could you even ask me right now? Do you not watch the news like…ever? I just fired the guy investigating me for being complicit with you, which of course I am, so maybe we should play it cool for a day or two. People will talk. My spokespeople won’t be able to coordinate the lies correctly. No! No! No! No! No! And nyet!”

But no. Trump lets Russians into the Oval Office. To be fair, you don’t say “no” to someone who’s holding a copy of you in a Russian-hooker tape. It’s why Trump won’t say anything bad about Putin….or Michael Flynn. Come to think of it, he’s never said anything bad about Russian hookers either. Hmmm?

Trump not only let Russians in, he let them bring their own press people (and all that recording equipment) and prevented the American press from witnessing the event. Trump felt confident that his handshakes, hugs, smiles, and sucking up wouldn’t be seen by anyone. Except, oops. The Russians released the footage showing him being practically excited to see them. Excited compared to his refusal to shake the hand of Germany’s Angela Merkel.

The White House was furious with one official telling CNN’s Jim Acosta “they tricked us,” and “they lie.” Well no duh there, Sparky. You got rolled by Putin. You’re lucky if Trump still has both kidneys. Better hope Christie’s are healthy.

You block the free press from covering the event and allow Putin’s paid propaganda unit in. What is that expression that suits this situation? Oh yeah. Karma is a bitch. Check for that kidney.

The White House later released their own photos, but none of Trump with Kislyak, just with Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov. That’s totally understandable because everyone in this administration forgets they met with Kislyak.

If you still support Trump, then I have a suggestion for you. Maybe you can contact the Russian embassy and purchase an 8×10 print of Trump and Kislyak posing together in the Oval Office. It may become your most cherished possession.

I know you’ll cherish it more than patriotism.

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