TrumpRussia

Russian For Transparency


cjones07172017

I’m going to dinner with two of my best friends who are coming in from out of town, and I haven’t seen them in a really long time. So, column will come later.

Update 11:39 A.M., 07/15/2017

Here’s your column:

I expect any day now for Donald Trump to tell us that he’s not a tool of the Russian government and Vladimir Putin, who is actually a nice guy who is misunderstood….unlike that Moose and Squirrel who should die while exiled in Siberia!!!

I don’t know which is dumber. The right wing trolls who believe Natalia Veselnitskaya was a plant by the Democrats, or the Trump team telling us how transparent Donald Trump Jr. has been.

Even if Veselnitskaya was a Democratic plant, Junior still took the meeting. If she was a plant by Bigfoot and B.D. Cooper, he still took the meeting. If she was a plant by the Lollipop Guild and the Wicked Witch of the East, he still took that meeting. He went to the meeting, described beforehand as harmful information on Hillary Clinton from the Russian government. He took that meeting.

When he got the emails saying the Kremlin wanted his daddy to win, the trust-fund baby didn’t reply with, “What? Russia wants my father to win? Why would they want that? He’s a proud American patriot. That’s just crazy? They must have him confused with someone else because daddy Trump is an American first and would never be Putin’s bitch”. No. He replied with “I love it.” It’s like he was going to McDonalds for a Happy Meal. I’m lovin’ it! It’s as if he was already aware that the Kremlin wanted his dad to be president and serve four years with Putin’s hand up his butt controlling his every movement.

Trump defenders argue that Junior didn’t get anything out of the meeting and it was a disappointment. Well if you rob a bank and the safe is empty, that would be disappointing too but you still broke into the bank. And really? Disappointment? Darn. The treason didn’t work out.

The president says a lot of people would have taken that meeting. Yes. A lot of people without ethics with the intent to commit treason, which is how Trump defenders are sounding.

The president and his team also tell us that only Russian adoptions were discussed, as if that’s to ease our concerns. The president is either being dishonest or stupid with that explanation, which in his case can be both. When they mention adoptions what they are really talking about are sanctions. If they had dirt on Hillary Clinton, that’s quid pro quo. They wanted something in return for that. That also further explains why Vladimir Putin wanted Trump elected.

And quite frankly, you’re not transparent when you don’t reveal all the information at once. Junior went on Sean Hannity’s show, who was light on him, and said that there wasn’t any more information about the meeting. He had given it all. Then news is revealed that at least eight people were in that room. You had Junior dumbass, Jared “I want a secret cable from the Russian embassy” Kushner, Paul “let’s make a deal with Russia” Manafort, Ms. Veselnitskaya, a former Soviet intel officer who is now a lobbyist for that government, Rob Goldstone who is the Trump supporting Russia lover who set up the meeting, and two translators. Don’t be surprised if more details come out, like Putin was on the speakerphone.

Here’s the thing, Trump sycophants. I know you love Trump. I know it’s not about policy with you guys. I know you’re willing to lose your health-care coverage for him. I know it’s about the cult of personality, and has nothing to do with capable leadership. I understand you would rather be ruled than governed. But is it all that above patriotism for you? You gotta stop making excuses for traitors, really stupid idiotic traitors at that.

Isn’t it kinda funny that the jerks who spent the past eight years describing themselves as patriots, and accusing Obama of siding with terrorists, are now the ones who are selling out their nation? It’s bizarre that Republicans, the party of Reagan, is now selling us out to the Russians. It’s almost as ironic as the Trump presidency being brought down by an email scandal.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

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Tricking The Best Brain


cjones05172017

I need you to sit down and prepare yourself for some shocking information. Someone tricked Donald Trump. He was fooled. Got played for a sucker. Had his nipples twisted. Someone pulled the hairpiece, I mean rug, over his eyes. Putin said, “pull my finger.” And you know, if Putin tells Donald to do something Donald is going to do that something.

To be fair, Trump has done his share of making suckers out of other people. He’s convinced three women to marry him. He’s talked banks into loaning him money. He’s gotten contractors to trust that he would pay them AFTER they completed the job. Why as recently as last November he conned nearly 63 million unsuspecting Americans who are still waiting on Mexico to pay for that wall (and Obamacare will be replaced with something better, taxes will be released, he’ll fill his administration with the best people, defeat ISIS in 30 days, if Hillary is elected there will be constant investigations, etc.). But this time Trump is the fool, so shame on the Russians.

The White House told the American press that the Russians tricked them and that “Russians lie,” which is a total shocker. They’ve been riding a streak of honesty ever since 1962 when they told us there weren’t any nuclear missiles in Cuba.

I know you’re asking yourself “how can anyone fool Donald Trump?” He assured us that he’s smarter than everyone else and he has the best brain. Remember on the campaign trail he told us that the governments of Mexico, China, Russia, all of Europe, Narnia, etc., were out-smarting our politicians, and only Donald Trump could negotiate with them. Turns out that in addition to legislation, Trump can’t negotiate a photo-op.

We are talking about the sort of brain that thought inviting Russians to the Oval Office, the day after he fired FBI director Jim Comey, wouldn’t come off as bad optics.

You may also be asking yourself as I have, “why in the world would you invite Russians to the White House, specifically the one Russian, Sergey Kislyak, everyone in your administration has lied about meeting?” The answer is: Because Putin told him to. According to Trump, Putin asked him and Trump’s statement to Lester Holt was “what? I’m going to say ‘no’?”.

YES! You say “no. Now is not a good time. It’ll look bad. People are saying my mouth is your ‘cock holster.’ How could you even ask me right now? Do you not watch the news like…ever? I just fired the guy investigating me for being complicit with you, which of course I am, so maybe we should play it cool for a day or two. People will talk. My spokespeople won’t be able to coordinate the lies correctly. No! No! No! No! No! And nyet!”

But no. Trump lets Russians into the Oval Office. To be fair, you don’t say “no” to someone who’s holding a copy of you in a Russian-hooker tape. It’s why Trump won’t say anything bad about Putin….or Michael Flynn. Come to think of it, he’s never said anything bad about Russian hookers either. Hmmm?

Trump not only let Russians in, he let them bring their own press people (and all that recording equipment) and prevented the American press from witnessing the event. Trump felt confident that his handshakes, hugs, smiles, and sucking up wouldn’t be seen by anyone. Except, oops. The Russians released the footage showing him being practically excited to see them. Excited compared to his refusal to shake the hand of Germany’s Angela Merkel.

The White House was furious with one official telling CNN’s Jim Acosta “they tricked us,” and “they lie.” Well no duh there, Sparky. You got rolled by Putin. You’re lucky if Trump still has both kidneys. Better hope Christie’s are healthy.

You block the free press from covering the event and allow Putin’s paid propaganda unit in. What is that expression that suits this situation? Oh yeah. Karma is a bitch. Check for that kidney.

The White House later released their own photos, but none of Trump with Kislyak, just with Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov. That’s totally understandable because everyone in this administration forgets they met with Kislyak.

If you still support Trump, then I have a suggestion for you. Maybe you can contact the Russian embassy and purchase an 8×10 print of Trump and Kislyak posing together in the Oval Office. It may become your most cherished possession.

I know you’ll cherish it more than patriotism.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

Lock Him Up


cjones04022017

If you’re a political cartoonist then you have to give Trump credit in one area. He hasn’t hired anyone difficult to caricature. Seriously. These are some freaky looking people.

They’re not just freaky looking. They’re all certified creepers. Michael Flynn ranks up there right below Steve Bannon and Trump himself.

During the campaign, while Flynn wasn’t yakking it up with Russians and taking money from them, he was lambasting Hillary Clinton. He joined the chants of “lock her up” at the neo-Republican rally they called a convention. During an interview with MSNBC’s Chuck Todd Flynn made the statement “When you are given immunity, that means you have probably committed a crime.” Now that he’s asking for immunity himself, he probably knows what he’s talking about. I mean, if we use his own description and guidelines, Flynn wouldn’t be asking for immunity unless he’s down, dirty, and traitorous.

Flynn wants immunity before he’s interviewed by the FBI. His lawyer said he wants to avoid “unfair prosecution” and “he has a story to tell.” I think I know how that story goes. It’s a long story. Flynn took money from Russians and then plotted with them thwart an election. OK, so it’s a short story.

Will he get immunity? It depends on what sort of goods he has and who he has them on. The FBI will want a big fish and a former national security adviser is a pretty big one. Flynn will have to have something on someone bigger. Now who in the Trump administration ranks higher than the national security adviser?

There are two things I expect to happen: Donald Trump is going to start shit-tweeting Michael Flynn and someone from the Trump administration will be “locked up.”

Ya’ll freaky right-wingers might want to be a bit more selective with your rally chants in the future.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.