Motley Mittens


Am I the only one who thinks that Trump might have picked retired Marine general James “Mad Dog” Mattis as his secretary of defense because of his masculine nickname? Macho Man is dead but Balls Mahoney is still available for Donald Trump’s services.

In a speech during the presidential campaign Mitt Romney said “Donald Trump is a phony, a fraud. “His promises are as worthless as a degree from Trump University. He’s playing members of the American public for suckers: He gets a free ride to the White House, and all we get is a lousy hat.”
Romney said that “dishonesty is Donald Trump’s hallmark,” pointing to his “bullying, the greed, the showing off, the misogyny, the absurd third-grade theatrics.”
Now Romney wants the hat.

Of course in 2008 he courted Trump’s endorsement and held a press conference with him. Now he’s eating frog legs and whatever else comes out of Trump’s ass in Trump Tower in an an effort to become secretary of state. Mitt Romney has sold his pride, ethics, principles, credibility, and soul to maybe someday calling Donald Trump his boss. Instead he’ll probably be denied the job and still be Trump’s bitch.

Romney needs to go back and watch the tape of him calling Trump a fraud and pay really close attention.

James Mattis on the other hand might actually be a good pick for secretary of defense, but he should not get that opportunity.

Trump called General Mattis “the closest thing we have to Gen. George Patton.” If you know anything about World War II history you’ll know that’s not a good thing for secretary of defense. Patton was an effective general who was in constant conflict with his superiors and our allies. Donald Trump probably only saw the movie.

Patton slapped a solider, not once but twice, accusing them of being cowards avoiding battle. I wonder how hard he’d slap Trump.

Mattis actually disagrees with Trump on Russia, Syria, the Baltics, Ukraine, the Iran nuclear deal, and torture. All this shows that Trump’s statements should never be taken literally.

The main reason why Mattis should not be secretary of defense isn’t a slam on Mattis at all. There is a federal law that requires anyone serving as secretary of defense to be out of the military for at least seven years. Mattis has been out for three. The last military man who led the department was George C. Marshall and Congress had to create an exception for him and they’ll have to do the same for Mattis.

Congress should not be creating exceptions and new laws to serve Donald Trump. Can you imagine our outlook if another nation stripped civilian control of the military, handed it to a general, and did all this to suit their new leader who wants to strip away press freedom and punish his political opponents?

Our military is designed to be controlled by civilians. The military already takes the largest chunk out of the U.S. budget. Giving a general this position is another step toward becoming an authoritarian state. People ask how a nation can allow that to happen. We’re watching it happen.

Democrats have enough members to filibuster and stop this move. They should use it. It’s nothing personal, General.

I had to google images of wrestling onesies. Take my advice and don’t ever do that. For the love of god, don’t do that. You’re gonna do it now, aren’t you?

Update: While Googling “wrestling onesies” I had also Googled wrestling nicknames. I failed to actually read the articles and instead only read the names and headlines. As it turns out the wrestler named “Balls Mahoney” is also dead. Damn you, 2016!

This morning I received some spam wrestling email. My website gets me some weird stuff (I still get ad popups for lightsabers).I did not learn about the passing of Balls from that. Instead a reader more knowledgeable on wrestling sent me a message about the untimely demise of Mr. Balls. I would like to express my condolences to the entire Balls family. I just hope no one got testy over my mistake.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s