Mitt Romney

Scoochin’ For Mittens


With the announcement that Utah Senator Orrin Hatch would not seek reelection, speculation immediately landed on former Massachusetts governor and 2012 presidential candidate Mitt Romney.

There was also speculation that Hatch had lost his freaking mind when he made comments that the Donald Trump presidency may be the best we’ve ever seen. Trump was pushing Hatch to run for reelection as he’s been a loyal and obedient lap dog for Trump since he won the presidency.

You may also believe that a Senator Mitt Romney is the last thing Trump wants in Washington. During the 2016 campaign, Romney gave the speech of his life in denouncing Donald Trump.

In that speech, Romney said Trump’s promises were as worthless as a degree from Trump University, that he is a fraud, and, “he’s playing the American public for suckers: he gets a free ride to the White House and all we get is a lousy hat.” Ouch. And then, Trump went on to win the nomination, ultimately the White House and Mitt Romney asked for one of those hats.

Romney is not one to stick to morals and convictions. In his 2012 campaign for president against Obama, Romney abandoned every position he ever held in his life to appeal to the conservatism of primary voters. He ran against Obamacare despite being an advocate and governor at the time Massachusetts installed a public healthcare plan, which was the foundation of Obamacare. He also sought out Trump’s endorsement and staged a press conference with the guy. It was already well documented that Trump is a liar and a racist having spent the previous few years engaged in a birther campaign against Obama. That didn’t bother Romney. He obviously felt Trump’s endorsement was more valuable than a degree from Trump University.

After Trump and Putin won the election, Romney went to Trump Tower and did the walk of shame through the lobby, so he could pander for the Secretary of State job. Trump never considered Romney for the job and only used it to force him to kiss his feet. The photos Trump released of their frog leg dinner showed Romney with a facial expression one might also wear while having a rusty catheter inserted.

Shortly after Hatch announced his retirement, Romney changed his location on Twitter from Massachusetts to Utah. I half expected the guy to post a photo of him eating green jello with slices of carrots. They really like jello in Utah. It’s weird.

I don’t have faith Romney will join the Resistance against Trump. It seems every Republican who has questioned Trump’s capability has caved into him. Lindsey Graham is running deflections for Trump, attacking the FBI and wanting charges against the author of the Russia Dossier (despite there not being a crime). Jeff Flake voted to give Trump huge tax cuts. Bob Corker is riding on Air Force One at this very moment kissing Trump’s ring. I don’t expect Romney to act any different. Principled Republicans are a thing of the past.

Years ago, Romney forced his dog, Seamus to ride on the roof of his car while he drove halfway across the country. I don’t expect Trump to force Romney to climb on top of his roof. Romney will volunteer.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude


Motley Mittens


Am I the only one who thinks that Trump might have picked retired Marine general James “Mad Dog” Mattis as his secretary of defense because of his masculine nickname? Macho Man is dead but Balls Mahoney is still available for Donald Trump’s services.

In a speech during the presidential campaign Mitt Romney said “Donald Trump is a phony, a fraud. “His promises are as worthless as a degree from Trump University. He’s playing members of the American public for suckers: He gets a free ride to the White House, and all we get is a lousy hat.”
Romney said that “dishonesty is Donald Trump’s hallmark,” pointing to his “bullying, the greed, the showing off, the misogyny, the absurd third-grade theatrics.”
Now Romney wants the hat.

Of course in 2008 he courted Trump’s endorsement and held a press conference with him. Now he’s eating frog legs and whatever else comes out of Trump’s ass in Trump Tower in an an effort to become secretary of state. Mitt Romney has sold his pride, ethics, principles, credibility, and soul to maybe someday calling Donald Trump his boss. Instead he’ll probably be denied the job and still be Trump’s bitch.

Romney needs to go back and watch the tape of him calling Trump a fraud and pay really close attention.

James Mattis on the other hand might actually be a good pick for secretary of defense, but he should not get that opportunity.

Trump called General Mattis “the closest thing we have to Gen. George Patton.” If you know anything about World War II history you’ll know that’s not a good thing for secretary of defense. Patton was an effective general who was in constant conflict with his superiors and our allies. Donald Trump probably only saw the movie.

Patton slapped a solider, not once but twice, accusing them of being cowards avoiding battle. I wonder how hard he’d slap Trump.

Mattis actually disagrees with Trump on Russia, Syria, the Baltics, Ukraine, the Iran nuclear deal, and torture. All this shows that Trump’s statements should never be taken literally.

The main reason why Mattis should not be secretary of defense isn’t a slam on Mattis at all. There is a federal law that requires anyone serving as secretary of defense to be out of the military for at least seven years. Mattis has been out for three. The last military man who led the department was George C. Marshall and Congress had to create an exception for him and they’ll have to do the same for Mattis.

Congress should not be creating exceptions and new laws to serve Donald Trump. Can you imagine our outlook if another nation stripped civilian control of the military, handed it to a general, and did all this to suit their new leader who wants to strip away press freedom and punish his political opponents?

Our military is designed to be controlled by civilians. The military already takes the largest chunk out of the U.S. budget. Giving a general this position is another step toward becoming an authoritarian state. People ask how a nation can allow that to happen. We’re watching it happen.

Democrats have enough members to filibuster and stop this move. They should use it. It’s nothing personal, General.

I had to google images of wrestling onesies. Take my advice and don’t ever do that. For the love of god, don’t do that. You’re gonna do it now, aren’t you?

Update: While Googling “wrestling onesies” I had also Googled wrestling nicknames. I failed to actually read the articles and instead only read the names and headlines. As it turns out the wrestler named “Balls Mahoney” is also dead. Damn you, 2016!

This morning I received some spam wrestling email. My website gets me some weird stuff (I still get ad popups for lightsabers).I did not learn about the passing of Balls from that. Instead a reader more knowledgeable on wrestling sent me a message about the untimely demise of Mr. Balls. I would like to express my condolences to the entire Balls family. I just hope no one got testy over my mistake.

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Riding With Mittens


One of the more bizarre things that came out of campaign 2012 was Republican nominee once took his dog with his family on a vacation, and during the trip they strapped the dog to the roof of their car. Mitt swears the dog enjoyed the ride. I’m sure he did.

Now the GOP is strapped to the Trump Train and they want off. It’s a little late. They have spent eight years being the party void of ideas except opposing anything President Obama supports. They have basically spent the past two terms in the Obama blaming business.

My friend Christian wrote on this and he put it perfectly. He wrote Trump “illustrates the results of years of right-wing fear mongering, intellectual insulation, and shaming intelligence in favor of group think.” After the rise of the Tea Party, accusing Obama of being a Muslim, Kenyan-born, being on an apology tour, screaming “you lie” during the State of the Union, and even insulting his wife, how can you be surprised that you cultivated an environment that gives you Donald Trump? Another one of my friends, a conservative fellow, blames Obama for Trump. Again, he’s in the business of blaming Obama.

Now Mittens is going to tackle Trump. He has already criticized Trump for not releasing his taxes and thrown out speculations on why which proves again that Republicans are irony impaired. Mitt Romney accepted and basked in the glow of Trump’s endorsement in 2012. Trump is the same guy now he was four years. Romney knew this but didn’t disavow the endorsement. Romney didn’t care about the trail they were blazing. Now they suddenly have issues with it.

The GOP has built a house they can’t save. They might have to burn it down before they can rebuild again.

The only thing missing in this cartoon is room in the crate for Chris Christie.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!