Trump’s ShortList

I wonder if the first thing Marco Rubio thought when he found out he was on Trump’s shortlist was, “I wonder if it’s as short as his fingers.”

During the 2016 campaign, Marco Rubio insinuated that Donald Trump has a tiny penis which infuriated Trump and incited him to become the first presidential candidate to talk about his dick during a live debate. At the time, Trump referred to Rubio as Little Marco because he’s short and often wears lifts like fellow Floridian Ron DeSantis. Today, Marco Rubio has turned so much that he’ll probably argue that Trump is hung like Seattle Slew. Stormy Daniels, on the other hand, claims Trump is endowed about as well as a short mushroom character from a video game. Unless Marco’s seen Trump’s dingaling, we’ll take Stormy’s word.

The reason Rubio’s change in his opinion of Trump is interesting is that he’s reportedly on Trump’s shortlist of potential vice presidential candidates. According to reports, others on the list include North Dakota Governor Doug Burgum and Ohio Senator and Hillbilly Effigy author J.D. Vance. And just like Marco, Burgum and Vance have said very negative things about Donald Trump. Let’s start with Burgum because his are the least damaging.

Burgum didn’t say a lot about Trump during his short-lived presidential campaign but when asked if he’d go into business with him, Burgum said, “I don’t think so. I just think that it’s important that you’re judged by the company you keep.” That’s smart. Why get into a business with a guy as unethical as Trump? If you go into business with Trump, you could be sued for helping him run a fake university or lose all your money by helping him fund a casino that will soon be bankrupt. Even if you can get past Trump’s lack of ethics, and now Burgum can, doing business with Trump is a financial risk. Even purchasing stock for his shitty social media platform can destroy you financially.

Now, Burgum says he would go into business with Trump. In a recent interview, he said, “I wish every American could see him the way Kathryn and I have got to know him in the last six months because this guy is tireless, he’s committed, he’s smart, he’s funny. He’s nothing like he’s portrayed in the press, and so if you asked me that same question today, I’d be like, ‘Absolutely, I would do business with him.'” Was he hanging out with Trump or Mother Theresa?

What changed for Burgum, who’s been seen metaphorically kissing Trump’s ass at his recent hush money trial in New York City where he was found guilty on 34 counts? Did Burgum discover that Donald Trump is not a grifter? No, Burgum wants to be Trump’s veep pick.

J.D. Vance has said he didn’t vote for Trump in 2016. In 2016, Vance said in an interview, “I’m a Never Trump guy. I never liked him.” Take note that never doesn’t actually mean never when a Republican says it.

Vance has gone back and deleted tweets of him publicly considering voting for Hillary Clinton and calling Trump “noxious” and “reprehensible.” Additionally, a friend of J.D.’s has texts of him stating that Trump could be “America’s Hitler.” Now that Trump is actually promising to be America’s Hitler, J.D. wants to be his Hermann Göring. You can do it, J.D!

Those are harsh words and should be difficult to take back. How do you take back calling someone Hitler? J.D. should be asked to explain why he initially thought Trump was “America’s Hitler,” and then asked to explain what changed his mind. I don’t think I’ve ever changed my opinion on someone I thought so little of to compare them to Hitler.

Out of these three picks, Marco has made the most critical comments about Trump.

In 2016, Marco told Jake Tapper of CNN, “For years to come, there are many people on the right, in the media and voters at large, that are going to be having to explain and justify how they fell into this trap of supporting Donald Trump.” I’m very much looking forward to hearing Marco’s explanation in the future for why he fell into the trap of supporting Donald Trump.

At a campaign event in 2016, Rubio called Trump a “con artist,” telling the crowd, “He runs on this idea that he is fighting for the little guy. But he has spent his entire career, sticking it to the little guy…If you all have friends who are thinking about voting for Donald Trump, friends do not let friends vote for con artists.” That, or you stop being friends with those friends. If you’re friends with Marco, it’s time to kick him to the curb.

And there was also the joking of Donald Trump’s tiny hands, insinuating he has a tiny feeble dick.

Rubio explains his past criticism of Trump as “it was a campaign.” That means never believe anything Marco Rubio says on a campaign. He has no soul. That’s the thing about most Republicans, right? They will sell their souls to a tiny-dick grifting noxious reprehensible Hitler-like motherfucker for their political careers.

Each of these guys is lobbying to be a heartbeat away from the presidency underneath a guy who doesn’t have a heart..or even an average size penis.

Note: I’m traveling to cover both political conventions, the Republican and the Democratic. The Republicans are up first and I’ll be in Milwaukee next week. If you would like to financially contribute and support this effort, you can donate through PayPal. I’m still trying to think of what I can do to thank contributors and I’m open to suggestions. I should also tell you that my coverage will be from outside the venues as neither party wants me inside their house.

Marco Rubio made fun of Trump’s penis size and they’re letting him in. C’mon, GOP. Lemme in.

Music note: I listened to The Hives and Franz Ferdinand.

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