Veep

Tim Kaine


timkaine

Just in case Tim Kaine becomes a household word tomorrow, here’s a caricature. When all the other political cartoonists in America start drawing Tim Kaine they can all look to me. I’m old school drawing Tim Kaine.

I was introduced to Tim Kaine and his eyebrow in 2001. He was mayor of Richmond and was running for Lt. Governor. He had a meeting with the editorial board of The Free Lance-Star and that’s where I met him. He, like Mark Warner before him, seemed to spend the majority of the meeting focusing on me. They acted like we were long lost friends and they were actually human beings or something. Maybe their idea was to get the guy who flings poo on their side.
I usually avoided editorial board meetings. I don’t like politicians. I don’t need to meet them or become their pal. Some cartoonists talk about how they know a politician and make themselves out to be a player in politics. I knew just about every statewide elected official in Mississippi during the 1990’s and that never did a thing for me, well…except when I needed quotes for the back of my book. I’m not bragging by saying I knew every statewide official. Everyone who worked at a newspaper in that state met every official. Mississippi is the world’s largest small town.
Despite avoiding politicians I still run into them. Al Gore almost ripped my arm off with a handshake while he was in motion. He’s strong. Eric Cantor had a very lovely staff (cute girl). The governor of Hawaii (at that time) had his wife drop into my office. Not just the newspaper…she came walking into my office my second day on the job. She was nice looking too and actually made wearing a muumuu look good. I was caught by surprise and stuttered a lot.
The best reason to avoid politicians is that you might actually like them. It’s their job to kiss your ass. I liked Tim Kaine. Hell, after meeting Eric Cantor, I liked him. Didn’t help them, but personally I liked ’em.
I digressed. This was the first time I had even heard of Tim Kaine and at the time Virginia was a pretty solid red state. I didn’t know if he had a chance to win, but I did tell him that I hoped he would just so I could draw his eyebrows. He won. It took another four years before I could draw them because lieutenant governors are never in the news. Come to Virginia and ask someone, anyone, who is our lieutenant governor. Ask the governor. He may not even know. Kaine was much more newsworthy as governor and then U.S. Senator.
After that one meeting, I never met him again.
I hope Clinton picks Kaine. He’s a solid choice. Boring. There’s no real dirt on him. There’s not much in past legislation to drag him down. He’s young. He’s had experience as a mayor of a large city, lieutenant governor, governor, and U.S. Senator. He’s the kind of guy that probably could not ever have a shot at the presidency without the profile of being veep.
I hope she does not pick Cory Booker. Cory Booker is extremely talented and can become president after a few more years in the senate. I’m afraid being Clinton’s veep can only bring him down. Booker has the personality that he doesn’t need to be veep.
For those who are about to Google the lieutenant governor of Virginia, it’s Ralph Northam. He’s a Democrat.

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Trump’s Dictator Love


cjones07072016

Donald Trump had high praise for Saddam Hussein yesterday in saying the man was great at killing terrorists. Apparently he loves the way Saddam’s Iraq lacked our judicial process. It’s not the first time he’s praised Saddam, or other dictators.

He bragged about how he’d get along with Russian president Vladimir Putin after there were reports that Putin said Trump was “brilliant.” Trump loves a compliment because he’s insecure. Putin later denied ever using the word “brilliant.”

Trump admired North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un for killing his uncle, asserting his control, and ignoring the hair haters. He said “This guy doesn’t play games. And we can’t play games with him.” He would probably get along great with South Park’s Eric Cartman who also wants people to “respect his authority.”

Trump said Syria’s president Bashar al-Assad should get an A in leadership. You know, that guy who like Saddam gassed his own people. Lovely!

He kinda likes Gaddafi, who was deposed and killed in Libya. Trump said he was an effective leader.

He likes guys like that. Trump was quoted saying “”We would be so much better off if Gaddafi were in charge right now. If these politicians went to the beach and didn’t do a thing and we had Saddam Hussein and if we had Gaddafi in charge, instead of having terrorism all over the place.”

Are you starting to see a pattern here? Trump has also talked about how the people need to appreciate him to the point that they build him a giant statue. What’s next? Palaces and airports named after him? Oh wait…he already names everything after himself. He even claims there are products, Trump Wine, Trump Steaks, Trump Water, etc., named after him that don’t even exists anymore.

I’m sure Trump would have gotten along fine with al-Assad, Gaddafi, and Hussein, because they don’t like Jews either.

Trump has spent the week praising dictators, sending out dog whistles to white supremacists, and searching for his vice presidential running mate. He’s done a better job with the first two. The racists love him. Potential running mates, not so much.

Tennessee senator Bob Corker said no thanks. Iowa senator Joni Ernst said nada. Newt Gingrich is giving signs that he’s not interested. In the past several other Republicans have said no, some vehemently, that they would never run with Donald Trump…or even be in the same room with him. Endorsing Trump is killing Paul Ryan’s career. Can you imagine the lasting effect it’s going to have on his running mate?

Trump is going to have to pick someone really stupid to be his veep pick, which shouldn’t be a problem in today’s GOP. This person will have to believe this is a great career move and that the ticket can actually win. Does Chris Christie even believe Trump can win? But in the stupid department, he’s still got Ben Carson and Sarah Palin.

I really want Sarah Palin. We should tell Trump he’s not brave enough to pick Palin. That’ll do it.

Saddam wouldn’t take that crap.

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Gorilla Of Marco’s Dreams


cjones05302016

Someone’s going to accuse me of being heartless, tasteless, and crass with this cartoon. Well, yeah. I don’t have too many sacred cows. However, if the child had died I wouldn’t have even considered drawing this cartoon. I am sorry the Gorilla was killed.

In case you get your news from editorial cartoons, a four-year-old child fell into the gorilla pet at the Cincinnati Zoo on Sunday. The child was hurt but he’s going to be OK. But before anyone knew that, the gorilla was dragging the child through some water and very interested. Zoo keepers decided the only way to be sure the child wouldn’t be killed was to shoot and kill the gorilla. It is very sad the gorilla had to die.

A lot of people think the zoo reacted poorly. Some say he should have been tranquilized but that can take up to ten minutes to work after the injection. It might have also upset the gorilla and further endanger the child. Other people say the gorilla wasn’t going to hurt the kid and was trying to protect it. Yeah, nobody knows that. Others say the gorilla’s life is just important as the child’s. No, it’s not. I have a little experience with this as I briefly worked in a zoo before I became a professional smart ass (back before I went pro).

I support animal rights but that shouldn’t, no pun intended, trump the life of a child. Sorry.

On the other end of this, Marco Rubio is kissing some serious Trump booty. He’s apologizing for insinuating The Donald has a tiny penis. John Miller says it’s “yuuuuuuge.” He’s lobbying to speak in support of Trump at the RNC National Convention. He’s denied he’d be interested in the Veep slot, but Marco doesn’t have a job after January. Yeah, he’s sucking up for it. And you know what? Monkeying with Trump will damage his career.

I’m not advocating anyone shoot Trump, but maybe he could take a downer every now and then.

I avoided drawing Trump for six cartoons last week and now I’ve monkeyed around and drawn three in a row. I had three other subjects in mind for my next cartoon but I really couldn’t resist drawing a gorilla. That was an urge I resisted successfully during the New York primaries and I sat back and watched twelve other cartoonists draw a gorilla Trump on top of the Empire State building.

Update: In the hours since I posted this cartoon there’s been a bunch of comments about how horrible the parents are. Many are saying they’re they ones who should have been shot. I don’t see how that would have helped the child.

I don’t know if these are good parents. I also don’t know if they’re not. Neither do you. I do know as a parent, and a former child myself, that stuff happens. Every child gets into a dangerous situation. People who say the parents are to blame, either don’t have kids, or they don’t remember that they do and have also forgotten every dangerous and near-death experience their child ever had.

Stop being a parenting expert on the internet. Especially before you have any information. Yes, I’m sure the parents could have done a better job in this situation, but again, stuff happens. Even overprotective mama Gump couldn’t keep track of little Forrest every day. He was even chased by bullies and had to run, Forrest, run. One, or even a few instances, of a child encountering a dangerous situation does not make bad parents. If it’s something that’s frequent, then you might need to call protective services.

I think a better question might be: Why is it so easy for a child to fall into a gorilla pit?

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!