Republican Voices

After hearing the man responsible for 18 murders in a mass shooting rampage was hearing voices in his head, I wonder what voices NRA-funded Republicans are hearing in their heads. Let’s address and debunk these voices.

Guns don’t kill people: People kill people: People pull triggers.

But mental health: Sure, we do need to do more for mental health, but why do Republicans keep using this defense when they’re against funding mental health programs? They might as well argue that school lunches, welfare, and abortion will stop mass shootings.

Cars kill more people: Actually, guns are the leading cause of death in children, but sure…cars kill more people. But, cars are regulated. You need to register a car. You need a license to operate a car. You need insurance to drive a car. You need to wear seatbelts and if you are driving with a child, it must be in a child seat. You have to take a test to drive a car. You have to have your eyes tested to drive a car. In some states, the law says you can’t drive a car if you’re an idiot (really). So keep using that car argument because I would LOVE to have you on board with regulating guns as much as we regulate cars. Let’s do that. Also, cars are NOT made to kill. Guns are only made to do one thing.

Only a good guy with a gun can stop a bad guy with a gun: This lame argument has been debunked by good guys with guns being present at mass shootings and not doing anything. There was a good guy with a gun at the Parkland shooting and he waited outside while a shooter murdered 17 people. There was a good guy with a gun in Sutherland Springs who shot the bad guy with a gun…AFTER the bad guy had murdered 26 people (gun fuckers label this a success). At least 376 good guys with guns were outside Uvalde Elementary but waited an hour and 14 minutes before going inside to stop the gunman who had killed 21, mostly children. So, please, kindly shut the fuck up about good guys with guns.

Second Amendment: You gun fetishists cite this while not being able to finish the sentence. Go fuck your mother.

Arm teachers: Teachers have a hard enough time babysitting your genetically challenged (because they inherited your stupid DNA )undisciplined kids while trying to educate them. They should not have to be required to be armed and go through gun training. By the way, arming every teacher in this nation would cost between $19 to $23 billion. Also, 54 percent of teachers believe it’s an extremely stupid idea. Expecting every teacher to handle a gun capably would be like expecting every soldier to teach calculus.

More guns mean fewer shootings: That’s like saying more cars will decrease car accidents, or more McDonalds will decrease diabetes, or more dogs will decrease barking, or more Trump grifts will decrease the number of suckers, or more Republicans will decrease racism and stupid statements like “more guns mean fewer shootings.”

Nazis banned guns: This one ranks there with the Republican lie that Democrats created the KKK. They love saying it repeatedly in online arguments despite it being a lie. No, Hitler didn’t ban guns nationwide. In fact, Nazis actually loosened gun laws for the general public that were much stricter under the Weimar Republic. They did ban guns for the Jewish population but believing that if one percent of the population had been armed would have been capable of toppling the German war machine and preventing the Holocaust is almost as absurd as arguing that “fewer guns mean fewer shootings.” Also, the word “socialist” in the name National Socialist Party doesn’t mean the Nazis were Democrats any more than the “republic” in People’s Republic of Korea makes them Republicans.

It’s too soon after a mass shooting to talk about gun reform: We’ve had a mass shooting every day this year, so when do you suggest we talk about it?

Bad guys don’t obey gun laws: Most mass shooters are not breaking the law when they acquire their guns as most purchase them legally. One thing we have learned since doing away with the assault weapons ban is that making it easier to acquire an assault weapon increases mass shootings. Fact.

Thoughts and prayers: There are no statistics that show thoughts and prayers reduce mass shootings. Thoughts and prayers are about as effective at reducing mash shootings as Lauren Boebert’s Christmas cards.

Overcompensating: This is true as a survey from the Institute of Genital Studies found that 99.8 percent of all gun-owning shit-for-brains Republicans have tiny dicks. We would have to borrow a telescope from NASA to locate Ted Nugent’s dick which would never happen because nobody wants to locate Ted Nugent’s dick. And have you seen the size of Donald Trump Jr’s fingers?

All stupid and ridiculous pro-gun comments made by tiny dick Republicans are funded by the National Rifle Association: This is true along with the fact that every NRA member also has a tiny penis.

Who says I don’t research?

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