Swifting Through Gaza

I like Taylor Swift. I really do. I would like her as a person even if I didn’t like her music, like Tim McGraw. He seems like a nice-enough dude and he’s on the right side of the issues, but damn if I want to hear songs full of lazy tropes that pander to a country base. But Taylor writes really good songs. Her lyrics at times, are brilliant. Taylor actually has a song titled Tim McGraw that I haven’t ever listened to because it’s titled Tim McGraw. I prefer Local H’s Eddie Vedder.

Plus, Taylor is on the right side of the issues. After pushing her fans to vote in a social media post, over 65,000 new voters were registered within 24 hours. She made a rare political statement in 2018 saying she wouldn’t vote for Marsha Blackburn for senator in Tennessee, calling her “Trump in a wig.” Blackburn, who really does have horrible hair, won but Swift was right to oppose her because Blackburn is one of the dumbest in the United States Senate, and called Swift a “Marxist” and that the government Taylor wanted would actually punish her for her music and fashion style. Marsha, your hair.

Taylor’s current tour, The Eras Tour, will gross over $1 billion and will probably be the highest-grossing tour in history when it concludes with its 146th date which is set for Toronto in November. Yet somehow during this busy tour, Taylor finds time to attend every Kansas City Chiefs football game so she can watch her possible boyfriend Travis Kelce play. He is good.

But let’s cut Taylor a little slack. Her tour of 146 nights on five continents contains ten acts apiece, at least 44 songs, with each concert lasting over three hours. You think on her nights off that she would be sleeping. I want to take a nap after eating a sandwich.

Taylor also gave her staff and crew, which includes musicians, dancers, caterers, truck drivers, sound crew, etc, etc bonuses of at least $55 million. What kind of bonus does Kid Rock give his people? Taylor is rich and has a property portfolio that’s worth nearly $90 million, but she gives back having donated to causes such as flood relief in Louisiana and to New York City public schools among other things. Donald Trump established a charitable foundation so he could give money that other people donated to himself.

But during these football games, the cameras are fixated on Taylor Swift. The announcers are constantly mentioning her. The players are asked about her in post-game interviews. And…oh my god. I’m just as bad. I want to see who she’s with up there in the luxury box. Is she hanging with Patrick Mahomes’ wife, Brittany? Is Ryan Reynolds hanging out with her again? Was that Hugh Jackman at the Chiefs/Jets game? Is she with Travis’ mom? You know it’s a big step in a relationship with she meets your mom and your quarterback’s wife.

Anyway, I think maybe we should get Taylor involved in the Israeli-Hamas War. Even if she can’t negotiate a truce, maybe her presence will stop the fighting because all the participants will have to stop to look at her. I mean, if Taylor can bring peace between Deadpool land Wolverine…

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