This Country Needs An Enema

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Even without the indictments and facing 91 criminal charges, Donald Trump should not be in any sort of consideration against President Joe Biden. After the failure that was the Trump presidency (sic), Donald Trump shouldn’t even be in consideration versus a drunken tree sloth. Trump vs. Drunken Tree Sloth? It’s easy. Vote for the tree sloth.

Donald Trump wasn’t just a bad president (sic), he was a horrible president. Presidential historians have consistently ranked him among the top four worst presidents, only trailing Franklin Pierce, James Buchanan, and Andrew Johnson. I think they’re wrong. Trump is worse than Pierce, Buchanan, and Andrew Johnson. None of those three refused a peaceful transition of power. None of those three refused to leave office peacefully. None of those three tried to stay in office after losing. None of those three attempted an insurrection. Even Johnson was only impeached once.

There are very good reasons why Donald Trump was the first president (sic) that failed to win reelection since 1992.

As years go by, and perceptions change, as more information comes out, and more presidents come along, presidential rankings change. The only thing true consistency with it is that Abraham Lincoln is always in first. Another consistency should be that Trump is always in last. Donald Trump was our 45th president (sic) and he should be ranked as our 46th best. We had a lot of bad presidents and we will again, but President Joe Biden is not among them, and Donald Trump is our very worst.

Donald Trump is our only president (sic) that a foreign nation, an adversary, helped achieve the office. Donald Trump is our only president (sic) that was publicly beholden to a foreign power. Donald Trump is our only president (sic) who visibly favored authoritarian leaders over Democratically-elected leaders. Donald Trump is our only president (sic) to withhold military aid from an ally in exchange for dirt on a political opponent.

Donald Trump told over 30,000 lies while he was president (sic). He couldn’t get funding for his racist border wall so he removed the funds from one agency to another, which still shouldn’t be allowed. Donald Trump still lies and says he finished the wall though sometimes he argues he should be put back into office so he can finish the wall. Which is it?

Donald Trump separated families and put children into cages. This was an official policy.

Donald Trump ignored a pandemic that killed over one million Americans. In fact, he flouted pandemic guidance, threw a party, and caught the coronavirus himself. This man put millions of American lives in danger for his ego and was stupid enough to catch the virus when he should’ve been the safest person in the world from it.

During the pandemic, Trump’s administration (sic) withheld medical aid from blue states with Jared Kushner saying, “they’re ours, not yours.” That reminds me, Trump appointed his daughter and son-in-law as advisers and they both made over $600 million while Trump was president (sic).

Back to the pandemic, Donald Trump had no plan to distribute the vaccine once it was created. Who had to create that plan? President Joe Biden. Who initiated it with great success? President Joe Biden.

Donald Trump directed government money to be spent at his properties. He violated the Emoluments Clause.

Donald Trump left office with the worst unemployment rate in 50 years. Trump was the only modern president to leave office with fewer U.S. jobs than when his term began. Trump inherited a booming economy and he left his successor a failing one. Trump left office with an unemployment rate of 6.7 percent. Today, it’s 3.8 percent thanks to President Biden. At one point during the pandemic under Trump, it was over 14 percent.

Oh, you were unhappy with the supply-chain crisis under Biden? I guess you Mofos don’t remember hoarding toilet paper throughout 2020? But then again, do MAGAts even use toilet paper or indoor plumbing?

Trump’s only legislative success was giving himself a tax cut. He gave you one too but your tax cut expires and when it does, it increases right back to where they were in 2017. And if President Biden is still in office when they expire in 2025, MAGAts will blame him.

Trump withheld aid to Puerto Rico after a hurricane hit the island. Instead of helping the Americans on that island, he treated them like second-class citizens and feuded with the female Latina mayor of San Juan. He later tried to trade Puerto Rico for Greenland. Nearly 3,000 people died in Puerto Rico from Maria and Trump told us it was only 15 and demanded to be thanked.

Initially, Trump didn’t know Puerto Rico was a U.S. territory or even an island. Trump is stupid. You guys attack Biden for his stumbles but forget “Revolutionary Airports.”

And then, of course, there’s the insurrection. Donald Trump tried to steal the election he lost and directed white nationalist terrorists to attack Congress in session while it was performing a duty mandated by the United States Constitution. After it failed, like a man baby, he refused to attend President Biden’s inauguration and has continued to lie ever since that he won.

But he didn’t leave empty-handed. Trump left the White House with hundreds of pages of classified documents which he stored in bathrooms, bedrooms, and ballrooms at one of his shitty Florida resorts.

And yet today, nearly half of eligible voters are considering giving the presidency back to Trump. Why? He’s even promised to pardon the white nationalist terrorists who attacked the Capitol and to use the Justice Department to go after his enemies. This version of Trump isn’t coming back nicer. He’s promising to be meaner. He’s angrier. Trump will be a bigger asshole the second time than he was the first, and he was a HUGE asshole the first time.

And here’s the thing, kids: If you’re unhappy with the job President Biden is doing, at least consider what that job is. It’s cleaning up after Donald Trump. So basically, since President Biden is doing such a bad job of cleaning up Donald Trump’s fuckery, we’re going to replace him with the guy who created all that fuckery.

I don’t get it, I don’t get it, I just don’t fucking get it.

In Batman, Jack Nicholson’s Joker said, “This town needs an enema.” I’m with Joker but it’s worse than just one town.

This country needs an enema.

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