Republicans and the Book Banning Factory

New editions of Roald Dahl’s books are being edited to be less offensive. From the examples I’ve seen, these new edits will spare the feelings of fat German kids and bald witches. Oompa-Loompas still have to carry the burden of Trump comparisons.

Roald Dahl is the great British author of “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,” “Matilda,” “BFG,” “James and the Giant Peach,” and “Fantastic Mr. Fox.”

Dahl died in 1990 at 74 so he doesn’t have much of a say in this, but he had a history of antisemitism so he probably wouldn’t be OK with edits to spare feelings. But it’s the company that controls his copyrights and his publisher who are making these edits.

One of the edits in “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” changes a description of Augustus Gloop from “fat” to “enormous” which to me isn’t any better. I’m shocked they didn’t go with “husky” or “robust.” Another edit changes the Oompa Loompas from “small men” to “small people.” I don’t recall seeing any female Oompa Loompas in the film version, but there must be female Oompa Loompas. Don’t Oompa Loompas have to create even tinier Oompa Loompas? Don’t Oompa Loompas have sex lives? Did I just put an image of Oompa Loompas getting busy into your brain?

What’s worse than naked getting jiggy Oompa Loompas in your head is the publisher isn’t just changing a few words but adding language not originally written by Dahl. In “The Witches,” Dahl writes that “witches are bald beneath their wigs.” Now, a new line has been added that says, “There are plenty of other reasons why women might wear wigs and there is certainly nothing wrong with that.” Yes, maybe one of the witches had cancer and her chemotherapy treatments left her bald, so all the other witches shaved their heads in support so the cancer-stricken witch wouldn’t feel so self-conscious while they were cooking children in their houses made out of candy. OK, I confess. I haven’t read “The Witches.” I don’t know if there are candy houses.

I have decided I do not like these changes, and I consider myself woke. I care about people’s feelings. I have compassion and empathy. I don’t think it’s necessary to run around making fun of fat German kids and bald witches. I don’t think we should make fun of Veruca Salt because she can’t fight the Seether. But, as a creator who’s very protective and territorial of his work, I don’t think these changes should be made.

I get pissed off when someone takes one of my cartoons and replaces text in the speech bubble. I get outraged. I’m livid. I don’t just feel as though my copyright was violated, I feel personally violated. You can’t improve my work so leave it the heck alone. I’m pretty sure Dahl would feel the same way.

Now, if you don’t want your kids to read about “fat” Augustus Gloop, then don’t read “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” to them. And if you don’t want them to hear about horny Oompa Loompas, then don’t read this blog to them. I’m sure you’re already sorry you read it.

I also don’t think this is the same as the publisher for Dr. Seuss deciding to end the publication of a few titles. That’s their right. They don’t have to publish something they don’t want to publish if a contract doesn’t force them. I’d rather they cease publishing than edit it without the author’s permission. I’m a warts-and-all kinda guy.

Some of the people screaming the loudest about this are the usual screamers, Republicans. They’re all “you’re woke” and forcing political correctness on the rest of us. You’re engaging in “cancel culture.” Wah.

But these are the same fucktoids who are all about banning black history books and outlawing the word “gay” in Florida schools. There are lists of books that are banned from schools in this country. Near my town of Fredericksburg, The Spotsylvania School District seriously considered holding a book burning. Seriously. Spotsylvania is affectionately referred to as “Spotsyltucky” around here.

I can get upset about these edits. Other liberals can too. But if you’re screaming about Critical Race Theory being forced upon our kids and all about banning black history, shaddup.

Oompity doo.

Music Note: I listened to Cake again because sheep go to Heaven and goats go to Hell.

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  1. Clay, one of my favorite examples is a Senator who wants to ban “Fahrenheit 451” which of course is a book about the lunacy of burning books. This example is hypocritically correlated to the subject at hand. One of the lead governors on book banning is also touting restricting the press. The two subjects are frighteningly similar to what happened in another two countries in the last century. . In essence, the message is clear, the advocators do not want an informed public, as it is easier to lie otherwise. Keith

    Liked by 5 people

  2. “I’m a warts-and-all kinda guy.”

    I’ve wondered why anyone would name a child ‘Veruca’, since that’s another name for a plantar’s wart (at least in England). Maybe her name will be changed, too.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    Never did I ever … in my entire life — did I fathom anything like this!! All Repugs are loathesome creatures!! — change my mind!!) … “New editions of Roald Dahl’s books are being edited to be less offensive. From the examples I’ve seen, these new edits will spare the feelings of fat German kids and bald witches. Oompa-Loompas still have to carry the burden of Trump comparisons.”

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Wait till someone edits the Bible – it’s just a fictitious story so what will people say when someone does this, will it be scandalous, offensive or woke? Let the editing start. Cheers

    Liked by 3 people

  5. At one time they burned John Steinbeck’s book on the very spot his memorial library and museum now stand in Salinas California. Any one that reads history knows about the brown shirts and Hitler’s famous book burning in Germany.
    Book Burning is a clear and present danger.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. ‘Clay, one of my favorite examples is a Senator who wants to ban “Fahrenheit 451” which of course is a book about the lunacy of burning books.’

    So, everyone here – what book[s] would YOU volunteer to memorize? Best to be prepared!

    Liked by 1 person

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