Don't Say Gay

Republicans and the Book Banning Factory

New editions of Roald Dahl’s books are being edited to be less offensive. From the examples I’ve seen, these new edits will spare the feelings of fat German kids and bald witches. Oompa-Loompas still have to carry the burden of Trump comparisons.

Roald Dahl is the great British author of “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,” “Matilda,” “BFG,” “James and the Giant Peach,” and “Fantastic Mr. Fox.”

Dahl died in 1990 at 74 so he doesn’t have much of a say in this, but he had a history of antisemitism so he probably wouldn’t be OK with edits to spare feelings. But it’s the company that controls his copyrights and his publisher who are making these edits.

One of the edits in “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” changes a description of Augustus Gloop from “fat” to “enormous” which to me isn’t any better. I’m shocked they didn’t go with “husky” or “robust.” Another edit changes the Oompa Loompas from “small men” to “small people.” I don’t recall seeing any female Oompa Loompas in the film version, but there must be female Oompa Loompas. Don’t Oompa Loompas have to create even tinier Oompa Loompas? Don’t Oompa Loompas have sex lives? Did I just put an image of Oompa Loompas getting busy into your brain?

What’s worse than naked getting jiggy Oompa Loompas in your head is the publisher isn’t just changing a few words but adding language not originally written by Dahl. In “The Witches,” Dahl writes that “witches are bald beneath their wigs.” Now, a new line has been added that says, “There are plenty of other reasons why women might wear wigs and there is certainly nothing wrong with that.” Yes, maybe one of the witches had cancer and her chemotherapy treatments left her bald, so all the other witches shaved their heads in support so the cancer-stricken witch wouldn’t feel so self-conscious while they were cooking children in their houses made out of candy. OK, I confess. I haven’t read “The Witches.” I don’t know if there are candy houses.

I have decided I do not like these changes, and I consider myself woke. I care about people’s feelings. I have compassion and empathy. I don’t think it’s necessary to run around making fun of fat German kids and bald witches. I don’t think we should make fun of Veruca Salt because she can’t fight the Seether. But, as a creator who’s very protective and territorial of his work, I don’t think these changes should be made.

I get pissed off when someone takes one of my cartoons and replaces text in the speech bubble. I get outraged. I’m livid. I don’t just feel as though my copyright was violated, I feel personally violated. You can’t improve my work so leave it the heck alone. I’m pretty sure Dahl would feel the same way.

Now, if you don’t want your kids to read about “fat” Augustus Gloop, then don’t read “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” to them. And if you don’t want them to hear about horny Oompa Loompas, then don’t read this blog to them. I’m sure you’re already sorry you read it.

I also don’t think this is the same as the publisher for Dr. Seuss deciding to end the publication of a few titles. That’s their right. They don’t have to publish something they don’t want to publish if a contract doesn’t force them. I’d rather they cease publishing than edit it without the author’s permission. I’m a warts-and-all kinda guy.

Some of the people screaming the loudest about this are the usual screamers, Republicans. They’re all “you’re woke” and forcing political correctness on the rest of us. You’re engaging in “cancel culture.” Wah.

But these are the same fucktoids who are all about banning black history books and outlawing the word “gay” in Florida schools. There are lists of books that are banned from schools in this country. Near my town of Fredericksburg, The Spotsylvania School District seriously considered holding a book burning. Seriously. Spotsylvania is affectionately referred to as “Spotsyltucky” around here.

I can get upset about these edits. Other liberals can too. But if you’re screaming about Critical Race Theory being forced upon our kids and all about banning black history, shaddup.

Oompity doo.

Music Note: I listened to Cake again because sheep go to Heaven and goats go to Hell.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Uvalde Coverup

Is there a coverup going on about the police response to the Uvalde school massacre?

While the 18-year-old shooter was inside a classroom with elementary students, some who had covered themselves in their classmates’ blood to hide and others who may have been bleeding to death, 19 cops refused to enter the classroom for 90 minutes.

There were cops outside arresting parents who were trying to enter the school to save their children. There were cops inside the hallway. During this time, children were calling the police from inside the classroom. Texas law enforcement has said “oops. Our bad,” but they haven’t provided good reasons as to why they messed this up so bad. There was one honest answer from a law enforcement spokesperson that the cops were afraid the shooter might stop shooting elementary students to shoot at cops.

The Texas Department of Public Safety is no longer investigating the police response as it’s the investigation has been handed over to the Uvalde County District Attorney, who does not plan to share the findings with the public.

The narrative from Texas authorities has shifted numerous times in order to avoid casting blame on law enforcement. In order to shift blame from cops, you have to blame someone else, like teachers and doors.

Texas DPS Director Steven McCraw blamed a teacher for the shooter’s entry into the school, claiming the shooter entered Robb Elementary through a back door a teacher had left propped open. The story changed four days later when the teacher’s lawyer spoke to the San Antonio Express-News.

The teacher did open the door to get her lunch out of her car, saw the gunman coming who had started firing at the school, then she slammed the door shut, which didn’t automatically lock. The DPS now says there’s a video confirming the teacher kicked a rock out that was propping the door open, and she slammed it shut.

Conservatives LOVE LOVE LOVE hating on teachers. They accuse them of teaching Critical Race Theory, which they are not teaching (but schools should be teaching). They claim teachers have a gay agenda in order to attack teachers while being homophobic. Now, they’re blaming teachers for a school shooting.

It’s ridiculous to blame teachers for a mass shooting, especially when two of them are murder victims along with 19 of their students. Cops and Republicans are trying to cover their asses.

What we should blame are guns. We should also blame cops who refused to respond. And, we should blame Republicans who refuse to even debate gun legislation. You can’t have a serious discussion on gun legislation with people who show off their gun collection during the discussion.

We should totally blame Republicans because Republicans are leaving the doors open for school shooters.

Music note: I listened to several artists while drawing this, including M.I.A, and now I’m going to have “some some some a some I murder, some a some I let go” in my head all day.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

Watch me draw:

Don’t Say “Boom”

Is it a coincidence that Vladimir Putin and Ron DeSantis are both homophobes?

The president of Russia claims there are no homosexuals in his nation. Ron DeSantis started a war against the LGBTQ and education community long before Russia invaded Ukraine.

After attacking educators over face mask mandates and saying parents should make those decisions, Ron DeSantis attacked kids whose parents had made the decision for them to wear face masks. Now, DeSantis is expected to take the hand that pointed that bony finger at those kids, and sign into law the “Parental Rights in Education” bill, which is more commonly known as the “Don’t Say ‘Gay”” bill. Basically, the bill is giving rights to pick on gay and trans children. Republicans are sweethearts.

While Vladimir Putin is literally killing children in hospitals, apartments, schools, theaters, etc, from the bombs he drops in what amounts to war crimes, Ron DeSantis is also attacking children for his own selfish political benefits. Conservative parents sure do love picking on children who look different whether they’re gay or non-white.

Look at what conservatives have done with anti-Critical Race Theory laws. They don’t change anything but they sure do make racists feel warm and squishy inside. These types of legislations are presented from the standpoint that conservatives are the victims.

If you teach that slavery was a bad thing, or that it even happened, then you’re making white conservatives feel bad about being white, or at least, that’s what you’re trying to do. This nation enslaved black people for over 200 years but talking about it now makes white people feel bad. If you mention anything about gender identity or sexual orientation, then a formerly straight third-grader may return home singing Barry Manilow’s “Copacabana.” We can’t have that. Pound your fist on your desk and say it with me, “WE CAN’T HAVE THAT!” Once that gay earworm gets in your head, there’s no coming back.

These Republican arguments make as much sense as Putin’s that he’s invading Ukraine to denazify it. Sure, there are Nazis in Ukraine, but there were probably more Nazis attacking the Capitol for Donald Trump on January 6, 2021. Can’t we denazify Mar-a-Lago?

I’m pretty sure nobody is teaching elementary students in Florida about gay sex, straight sex, or any sex. But being gay is something that should be acknowledged, and goddammit, normalized. The greatest fear of Republicans is that we’ll remove the stigmatization of being LGBTQ, and then a day will come where kids won’t be bullied for it anymore. Oh, the horror. How will future jocks who are unable to come to terms with their own confusing homosexual feelings supposed to cope if they can’t give gay kids swirlies? In case you’re a Republican, a swirlie is when you take a gay kid’s head and a toilet…oh, you already know what this is.

Ron DeSantis and Florida Republicans aren’t protecting children. They’re protecting their own hate.

Whether the wars are cultural or literal, Republicans, Ron DeSantis, and Vladimir Putin should leave children out of it. And personally, I’d be more than happy to give Ron DeSantis a swirlie.

Music Note: I didn’t listen to any music while drawing this cartoon as I was/am in a rush. But, I did add The Hives’ “Tick Tick Boom” to the 30-second TikTok video of this being drawn.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

Watch me draw: