A few years ago I was at a wedding here in Virginia, and the bride’s mom had flown in for it from Texas. After the vows were exchanged and everyone was dancing and eating cake, the bride’s mom was talking about Texas. Everything that came out of her mouth was about how Texas was the greatest place in the world. Texas is great for this. Texas is amazing for that. Texas, Texas, Texas. It was kinda insulting to everyone who lived in Virginia to be told how much better it is in Texas. She had a real lady boner for the place. Some of the stuff she claimed about Texas wasn’t true, like how the state could secede anytime it wanted and it’d probably be better off, but I didn’t challenge her because the bride is a really good friend of mine. It’s not her fault her mom was lying her lady Texas balls off about Texas.
But I don’t EVER want to hear anyone talk about how great Texas is ever again. Ever. For starters, look what they did to tacos. Then you have the lax environmental and safety regulations. Texans think it’s great to have fewer regulations, and it does attract more corporations to move to the state, but then you get shit factories exploding that kill 15 people. That’s nothing to brag about.
Texas is also the easiest place to buy a gun, and when a shooter kills 19 elementary students, two teachers, and his grandmother, the cowardly politicians talk about regulating the doors. Texas politicians like Governor Greg Abbott are too cowardly to even bring up the subject of making it harder to purchase an assault rifle in Texas.
And then you have fuckers like Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton, who’s been a cowardly sniveling MAGAt goon for a long time.
A process server attempted to serve Ken Paxton with a subpoena at his home this week. Lawyers in an abortion lawsuit had been attempting to serve it to him through his lawyers, but there were questions over whether his lawyers could accept it. Then, they tried to send it to his office but there were doubts about that too. So, a process server tried to deliver it straight to Paxton himself, at his home. Paxton was alerted that the process server was coming. What’d Paxton do? He hid. He hid behind his wife. It gets worse.
Ernesto Martin Herrera, the process server, knocked on Paxton’s door and saw the AG through the window coming to the door, and then turning around. Paxton’s wife, State Senator Angela Paxton, came to the door instead and said Ken was on the phone. So the process server attempted to wait it out. About an hour later, he saw Ken Paxton leaving his garage. When the server shouted his name, Paxton ran back inside the house.
A few minutes after that, Angela Paxton came out, opened the rear driver-side door of a truck in the driveway, got in the driver’s seat and started the truck. Herrera said, “A few minutes later I saw Mr. Paxton RAN (sic) from the door inside the garage towards the rear door behind the driver side.” Herrera added that Paxton ignored his calls that he was there to serve the attorney general legal documents. Herrera said he left the subpoena on the ground beside the truck but the couple drove off without taking it.
Paxton said that Herrera “was neither honest nor upfront about his intentions” and referenced the fact that many Texans own guns. “Given that this suspicious and erratic man charged me on my private property, he is lucky this situation did not escalate further or necessitate force.” So, Paxton threatened the scary Hispanic man. Nice.
But this doesn’t add up. Paxton knew a process server was coming. Why was he afraid of that? If it was so scary, then why did he have his wife answer the door? Why did he send his wife out first to start the truck for him to run out of the house and hop into while it was running?
If the situation was so dire, why didn’t Paxton call the police? Could there possibly be a bigger cowardly lying goon in Texas than Ken Paxton? Yes, there is. But we’ll get to him in a minute.
Paxton has a lot of legal troubles. He’s the subject of an FBI criminal probe into allegations of bribery, and in 2015, he was indicted and arrested on felony securities fraud charges, for which he has yet to go to trial. The Texas state bar has also brought a lawsuit against Paxton for misleading the U.S. Supreme Court in his suit seeking to challenge Joe Biden’s victory in the 2020 election. Remember when Paxton, the Attorney General for Texas, tried to sue Pennsylvania to stop them from certifying President Biden’s victory in that state?
Paxton is up for reelection and despite being a coward, Texas voters will probably return him to office like they did with that other Texas coward, Ted Cruz. I told you we were getting to him.
Ted Cruz came out against Donald Trump in 2015. He called Trump a “sniveling lying coward” after Trump insulted his wife’s looks and accused his father of killing JFK. Today, Ted Cruz is a huge Trump sycophant.
When Texas was undergoing a deep freeze, Ted fled the state for warm and sunny Cancun. He immediately fled back to Texas after being called out, making sure to be seen wearing a face mask with the state flag on it as he disembarked from the plane. He soon manufactured a photo-op of him putting cases of water into car trunks. Ted later lied about his reasons for going to Cancun and blamed his two daughters. He tried to make himself into a father-of-the-year candidate by taking his poor daughters to Cancun after they asked for what he claimed was a class field trip, which it wasn’t.
There’s also the irony that Ted Cruz is opposed to immigrants coming to this nation to seek asylum when that’s exactly how his father got here, and the irony that he doesn’t want people seeking refuge in the United States from Mexico while he sought refuge in Mexico. There’s also the irony that he himself wasn’t born in the USA while he’s trying to keep other Hispanics from coming to the USA. What a sniveling lying two-face sanctimonious cheese-face coward.
And Texans keep supporting these goons.
Texans used to be represented by strong Texans from Sam Houson to Lyndon Johnson to Ann Richards. Now, they settle for Greg Abbott, Ken Paxton, and Ted Cruz. I assure you, Ken Paxton and Ted Cruz would have ran from getting their asses kicked by Ann Richards.
I was born in Texas, which makes me more Texan than Paxton (born in North Dakota) and Cruz (born in Canada) combined, and I would never hide behind women and children when in danger, like when someone wants to hand you a sheet of paper.
Texans can do better than Greg Abbott, Ken Paxton, and Ted Cruz…or can they? Texans, I don’t want to hear you talk about how great, strong, bad-ass, or independent Texas is ever again until you stop allowing cowards to represent you.
They say everything is bigger in Texas, and it’s true. No state has bigger cowards.
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Watch me draw:
Paxton knows how process servers work. There was nothing improper about the attempted serving, just Paxton being a rhymes with wussy.
Shameful action, great cartoon.
He’s just delaying the inevitable. Another bully who cannot stand to be on the other end of a shit-covered stick.
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Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
I thought FloriDUH wasn’t a happy place in spite of Disney … I guess Texas is right up there with FL!! … “They say everything is bigger in Texas, and it’s true. No state has bigger cowards.”
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Texas needs one of its citizens to step in and fill Molly Ivans’ shoes. [Or at least come as close as humanly possible.]
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Clay, when Politifacts did testing on who was the biggest political liar in the 2016 presidential race – Donald Trump was easily number one. Yet, Ted Cruz was a strong second in untruthfulness, much further ahead of Hillary Clinton. Long before Trump became a candidate, there was a poll in Congress and Ted Cruz won. The poll asked “who is the least liked politician in Congress?” His peers did not like his tendency to grandstand. We should not forget we came within 24 hours of defaulting on our debts because of Ted Cruz – it took ten female senators from both parties to save the day telling Cruz and others to get out of the pool for an adult swim.