It was bad enough that we are offering Victor Bout in exchange for basketball player Brittney Griner and accused spy Paul Whelan. But now, the Russians are asking for an assassin to be included in the deal, a convicted murderer who’s not even in United States custody.

Viktor Bout is a Russian arms dealer without the charm of Nicolas Cage who sold weapons to terrorists planning to attack the United States. He’s currently in U.S. custody serving 25 years after being convicted of conspiracy to kill U.S. citizens and officials, delivery of anti-aircraft missiles, and providing aid to a terrorist organization. I mean, damn. Even Donald Trump has only done two of those things.

I’m not sure about all the details with Paul Whelan as like the people holding him, the Russian Federal Security Service, Whelan has a long history of lying. But Brittney Griner is being held captive by Russia for possessing a little bit of hemp oil. What were the Russians afraid of? That she’d spread it around and Russian civilians would get the munchies? So, trading an innocent and harmless basketball player who’s never hurt anyone for a guy delivering anti-aircraft missiles with the intention to kill Americans is bullshit.

But now, the Russians want Vadim Krasikov, an assassin who murdered a Chechen fighter in Berlin in 2019. Krasikov was convicted in Germany. He’s not ours to give away.

What this means is that the Russians aren’t taking our offers of trading the arms dealer for Griner and Whelan seriously. They’re fucking with us.

Trades in professional sports will often include players from more than two teams. Usually, everyone gets some value…except the New Orleans Saints and Minnesota Vikings. Those teams always get fucked in deals. But then again, it was the Saints’ own stupidity that traded an entire draft for Ricky Williams with then head coach Mike Ditka announcing his willingness to do so two months before the draft, thus eroding any leverage he may have begun with (if you ever get an opportunity to play poker with Mike Ditka…DO IT!). It was the Vikings’ own stupidity that gave the Cowboys three Super Bowls in exchange for Herschel Walker, and this was before Herschel Walker was talking about our good air going to China with their bad air coming over here.

I just hope the Biden administration is smarter than the Ditka one. If not, we’re going to give Russia a bunch of murderers and terrorist arms dealers and all we’ll get in return will be a bunch of hot pockets and a Yugo.

I do believe President Biden is smarter than Mike Ditka. After all, Ditka’s a Trumper. You gotta be a moron or a white nationalist to be a Trumper. Biden is not a moron.

I just wish we could trade the equivalent of Brittney Griner for Brittney Griner. I mean, we have a lot of Russian hockey players. Can’t we just give one of those back to Russia? There’s a bunch of them making American dollars who’ve posed with Putin for photo-ops.

But then again, if Putin really wants a pro-Russian criminal who’s committed to destroying the United States, let’s go back to my original idea from last week. Let’s give him Donald Trump.

Music note: I listened to Men At Work.

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