Warning: This blog gets kinda nasty. Stop now if you have delicate sensibilities. Oh, you think you’ll be OK? Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Kevin McCarthy is a spineless liar who pretends to have principles but pushes them aside to pay any cost to achieve power. He is a coward. McCarthy is not afraid of being exposed as a liar or a coward. Republicans don’t worry about that stuff anymore. Have you heard of a guy named Ted Cruz? What they are afraid of, however, is that they may not appear sycophantic enough to the rabid foaming at the mouth MAGA-worshipping cult we used to call the Republican Party that’s currently licking Donald Trump’s orange ball sack. See? Nasty.

That also goes for Mitch McConnell who’s shown he’ll sell out any principle to get what he wants, specifically lifetime appointments of goons to federal courts and tax cuts for billionaire assholes. Mitch McConnell knows Donald Trump is a raving racist narcissistic stupid lunatic, but he’ll accept that as his president if it gives him those federal seats and tax cuts. McConnell even publicly blamed Donald Trump for the insurrection at the Capitol by white nationalist terrorists…and then voted against impeaching him. Coward.

Kevin McCarthy also blamed Trump for the insurrection to overturn an election he lost and to install him as an unelected fascist orange dictator. McCarthy’s criticism lasted about a minute. When he realized the fucknut base of his party was cool with white nationalist coup attempts to destroy democracy, he ran down to Mar-a-Lago to personally kiss Trump’s ass, lick the sack, and make sure there was a photo to prove the groveling. Coward. After washing the orange of his face, he said, “I didn’t know there would be photos.” Yeah, right.

The one thing McCarthy and McConnell fear most is criticism of Trump. They know it can fire up Republicans in the House and Senate and remove them from their leadership positions. McConnell told a friend (he has one?), “I didn’t get to be leader by voting with five people in the conference.” Yeah, screw your principles. Vote to secure your leadership position. Cowards.

Publicly blaming Donald Trump for the insurrection can get a Republican removed from power. McCarthy and House Republicans removed Liz Cheney from her leadership position and gave it to a Trump cultist. Liz Cheney is still criticizing Trump by acknowledging the truth that he incited the white nationalist terrorist attack.

Now, new recordings have emerged of Kevin McCarthy heaping blame on Trump for the insurrection…and claiming that Trump accepted that blame. These recordings are not distorted or full of static. They’re clear. You don’t listen to them and ask, “What’d he say?” Yeah, he said that. “Never shall I lick thy orange putrid balls again,” he said. OK. you caught me. I made that part up. The rest will be totally legitimate mostly.

In one recording, Kevin McCarthy is vowing to push Donald Trump to resign before his second term would expire in two months. He said, “I’ve had it with this guy.”

In a statement on Twitter early Thursday, Mr. McCarthy called the reporting “totally false and wrong.” His spokesgoon denied McCarthy ever told colleagues he would urge Trump to leave office. He wouldn’t do that. He said, “McCarthy never said he’d call Trump to say he should resign.” I started this blog calling McCarthy a liar for a reason.

In a phone call with other Republican leaders on January 8, 2021, two days after the white nationalist terrorist insurrection at the Capitol, McCarthy said Trump’s actions were “atrocious and totally wrong.” He blamed Trump for “inciting people” to attack the Capitol, saying Trump’s remarks at a rally on the National Mall that day were “not right by any shape or any form.”

He then inquired about the process of removing Trump by invoking the 25th Amendment, a process that would involve the majority of the cabinet and the vice-president (sic) Mike Pence, who the white nationalist mob chanted about hanging. Later, he found convincing Trump’s veep and cabinet to invoke the 25th is hard and what’s easy is licking orange balls.

On a follow-up call on January 10, Liz Cheney asked him about the chances Trump might resign. Mr. McCarthy said he was doubtful, but he had a plan. Of course, later he removed Cheney for criticizing Trump’s role in the white nationalist insurrection. What are the chances of rain today? Partly cloudy and 98% chance of licking orange balls.

McCarthy told his colleagues the impeachment vote would pass and he was going to call Trump and tell him it was time to go. He practiced his speech to his members before he called Trump and said, “I think this will pass, and it would be my recommendation you should resign.”
In case you haven’t noticed, McCarthy is a lot of talk.

In regards to the impeachment, McConnell told colleagues over Chick-fil-A sandwiches, known for getting the taste of balls out of one’s mouth (really. Is this the only thing they eat?), “The Democrats are going to take care of the son of a bitch for us,” he said while passing the waffle fries. He predicted a bipartisan vote to convict Trump in the Senate, saying, “If this isn’t impeachable, I don’t know what is”…and then voted against conviction with the majority of his party. This is why I hate Republicans.

Democratic Senate Leader Chuck Schumer thought McConnell might actually vote to convict, telling colleagues, “I don’t trust him, and I would not count on it, but you never know.” Yeah, you do, and you were right not to trust Mitch McConnell. During an interview with Fox News recently, McConnell was asked if he’d support Donald Trump if he’s the party’s nominee in 2024. McConnell said, “Absolutely.” Mitch, the trick with ball licking is you have to lift the sack so you can really get in there and not miss a spot. Don’t let the taint scare you.

McCarthy told his group of Republicans, “What he did is unacceptable. Nobody can defend that and nobody should defend it.” He was talking about Trump’s riot, not Mitch’s ball licking.

Also during the January 10 call, McCarthy expressed wishes that social media would remove the accounts of some Republicans, like Lauren Boebert and Marjorie Taylor Greene. He said, “We can’t put up with that. Can’t they take their Twitter accounts away, too?” His spokesgoon denies McCarthy ever singled out any member to have their social media accounts removed. McCarthy would rather Twitter remove the goons’ accounts rather than himself criticize them for spreading conspiracy theories and death threats. What do Marjorie Taylor Greene’s balls taste like? That’s a rhetorical question.

McCarthy isn’t the only barking coward who can’t bite. Steve Scalise, the second-ranking House Republican, said on one call that it was time for the party to contemplate a “post-Trump Republican House.” Tom Emmer, the head of the party’s House campaign committee, suggested censuring Trump. Of course, they didn’t do any of that. Jim Jordan head of the party’s ball licking committee said, “can’t we focus on Benghazi and licking Trump’s balls?”

McCarthy went from blaming Trump to blaming the Capitol Police and Democrats for their lack of preparedness and security.

After the January 10 call, one Republican House member told McCarthy that criticism of Trump in any way would make conservative voters back home “go ballistic.” He said, “I’m just telling you that that’s the kind of thing that we’re dealing with, with our base,” and suggested they go after Hillary Clinton and Hunter Biden while also focusing on licking Trump’s balls. Voters back home don’t mind that. Later, Republicans added Mickey Mouse to that list of targets to deflect from Republican white nationalist terrorism.

I got it! If Republicans focus on Critical Race Theory and gay/trans education in school and start accusing Democrats of being pedophiles, Americans will forget they’re the party of white nationalist terrorism and making it legal for grown men to marry little girls. It’s working.

What might really get Kevin McCarthy in trouble isn’t just that he blamed Trump for the white nationalist terrorist attack on the capitol building in order to install the candidate who legitimately lost a presidential election as a fascist Oompa-Loompa dictator, but that he claimed Donald Trump acknowledged he was to blame.

McCarthy told his gaggle of goons on January 11, 2021, “But let me be very clear to you and I have been very clear to the President. He bears responsibility for his words and actions. No if, ands, or buts. I asked him personally today, does he hold responsibility for what happened? Does he feel bad about what happened? He told me he does have some responsibility for what happened. And he needs to acknowledge that.”

McCarthy and his staff deny he ever said any of this but the audio proves him a liar. And just like Austin Powers was proven he was lying when he claimed the Swedish-made penis enlarger pump wasn’t his, saying, “That sort of thing’s not my bag, baby,” despite there being a receipt and warranty card filled out by one Austin Danger Powers, and there being the book written by Austin Powers titled, “Swedish-Made Penis Enlarger Pump and Me: This sort of thing is my bag, baby.”

Being a sycophantic Trump ball-licking cultist coward is Kevin McCarthy’s bag, baby.

Were there too many references to ball licking in this blog, not enough, or just the right amount? I can never tell.

Music Note: I listened to The Cars while drawing this. The Cars are unique in that they made amazing awesome music yet were a lifeless band lacking charisma and personality. You will not be able to find any video of them in concert where they have stage presence. Also, all the best Car songs were sung by Benjamin Orr.

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