Subpoena Propagandist


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Sean Hannity’s show for racist MAGAt troglodytes airs every weeknight on Fox News at 9 P.M. I know this because I asked Alexa. I sure wouldn’t know from watching Fox News because I don’t watch Fox News. At first, Alexa replied, “How am I supposed to know? I don’t watch that shit.” I also didn’t know whose show was first each night, Tucker or Hannity. It’s like which came first, the racist chicken or the racist egg? Anyway, Hannity’s show comes on at 9 P.M, a time slot he’s winning against MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow and CNN’s Michael Smerconish, along with whoever else is in the rotating chair since CNN fired Chris Cuomo.

And remember why CNN fired Chris Cuomo? CNN fired Chris Cuomo because he was a journalist, or at least he was supposed to be. A journalist can not act as an adviser to politicians or other people in the news. Chris Cuomo acted as an adviser to Andrew, his brother who was governor of New York at the time, over his groping of women. Cuomo was advising Cuomo on how to work with the media through the scandal. Chris even ran interference on a few stories. He also lied to his bosses over the entire ordeal. If Rachel Maddow had been doing this with a politician, like giving lessons on being less creepy to Rahm Emanuel, I’m certain MSNBC would have fired her too.

When Rahm Emanuel was President Obama’s chief-of-staff, he’d go into the showers in the Capitol to intimidate representatives into voting for the president’s agenda. That means Emanuel has something very intimidating when he’s naked, or at least he thinks he does, or it could just be the fact they’re taking a shower with Rahm Emanuel. I also hope you weren’t having a meal while I put a naked Rahm Emanuel in your brain.

CNN did not want to fire Chris Cuomo but they had no choice. CNN is a news organization and they must abide by strict journalism standards and ethics. News organizations have ethics policies that all their journalists must sign, including goofy sarcastic political cartoonists (over the years, I’ve noticed that cartoonists, even liberal cartoonists, who never worked for a newspaper have no idea of what journalism ethics are). As an example of ethics, I could not lie about that naked Rahm Emanuel thing.

So, Chris Cuomo got fired for helping his brother run strategy. Maddow would be fired if she helped a politician coordinate. Just being caught doing these things is huge news. Luckily for Sean Hannity, he works for Fox News.

Fox News labels itself as a news network. They even have the tagline “fair and balanced.” They still say that, right? Hmmm…does Rahm Emanuel say “fair and balanced” while he’s naked? But Fox News is not a news show. They lie and they give time to fellow liars and conspiracy theorists. You know, Republicans. The only time Fox News is concerned about airing a conspiracy theory is when it’ll get them in legal trouble.

If you’re a conservative who rejoiced over that Sandmann shit-eating-grin kid who sued CNN, The Washington Post, and other news outlets, and received settlements, then you’re probably not going to love that Fox News is being sued by the company that owns Dominion Voting Machines. This will probably result in a settlement that’ll make the Sandmann suit pitiful, which is probably already pitiful.

It’s bad enough Fox gives airtime to liars and conspiracy theorists like Sean Hannity and Tucker Carlson, but it’s even worse that these goons coordinate and socialize with politicians.

When Donald Trump was president (sic), his staffers would call Hannity and help coordinate the message for that night’s show. If this had occurred at a real news network, he would have been fired.

Sean Hannity often called Trump, or Trump called him, not for an interview, but so they could coordinate and Hannity would give Donald advice. If Fox News cared about the impression of impropriety, Hannity would have been fired for this.

Hannity often went to the White House to have dinner with Trump, which I’m sure wasn’t because Hannity has a boner for Big Macs.

Sean Hannity went to Trump rallies, not to cover them but to campaign for Trump. Yeah, I know….naked Rahm Emanuel and Hannity’s boner for Big Macs in one blog. I’m sorry. At these rallies, Hannity had a time slot on the stage to speak to the audience about the greatness of Donald Trump. Holy fucking shit, how is this even allowed for a fake-news network?

I think if Jon Stewart did this while he was hosting a show he himself called “fake news,” Comedy Central probably would have fired him. Stewart’s “fake news” had higher standards than Fox News. Hell, polls showed viewers of the Daily Show are more informed than viewers of Fox News.

We learned a few weeks ago that Sean Hannity and other Fox News goons were doing shows on the election lie while knowing Joe Biden won the election. Every news network gets stuff wrong and then they run retractions. Over at Fox News, they knowingly air false information. We know that during the insurrection, Fox fuckers were texting Trump chief-of-staff Mark Meadows to get his boss to call off the riot, while they were on the air telling their audience it wasn’t happening. They were on the air blaming Democrats, Antifa, and the FBI, and during commercial breaks, they’d text Meadows in a panic to call off the white nationalist mob.

Now, the January 6 Committee investigating the Trump insurrection has released just a few texts from Sean Hannity that reveal he was very worried on January 5 about what was going to happen the next day. I half expect Sean Hannity’s defense to be that the January 6 Committee can’t use these texts because they were sent on January 5th. You’re the January 6 Committee, not the January 5 Committee. This is why Kevin McCarthy’s selections for the committee were rejected. Maybe he should try that naked shower thing on them. Again, sorry.

Actually, if McCarthy could, he would have appointed Sean Hannity to the committee.

The texts show Hannity was worried about what Trump was planning for January 6 when Congress was to set certify the 2020 election. Hannity was also worried about Trump’s state of mind (welcome to the club) and over mass resignations at the Trump (sic) White House, specifically the White House Counsel’s office. A lot of people were quitting before Trump’s term was over, which was just one because he lost to Joe Biden. Most resigned to avoid going to prison because they knew a bunch of illegal shit was about to go down….well a bunch more illegal shit. Even William Barr, the attorney general who’s still trying to watch Trump crap off his nose (while naked in the shower), resigned before the term was over, which was only one because Donald Trump was defeated in the election by Joe Biden (who broke his foot playing with his dog while naked getting out of the shower).

Just to remind you, Donald Trump is the first one-term president since George H. W. Bush. He’s the first one-term president in nearly 30 years. He’s in the one-termer club with such stellar luminaries as James Polk, Franklin Pierce, James Buchanan, Rutherford B. Hayes, Benjamin Harrison, Martin Van Buren, Herbert Hoover. Poor William Howard Taft is in three clubs with Trump, the Loser Club, the Fattest President Cub, and the Presidents Who Have The Most Difficulty Reaching Their Backs While Naked In The Shower Club.

I’d mention Jimmy Carter but he’s a nice guy and doesn’t deserve to be in the same sentence with…

…Donald Trump, less enough the same club.

Back to Hannity, he was worried but you wouldn’t have known it from watching his show where he was interviewing Trump goons about the possibility of them successfully overturning a fair and legal election.

While Hannity was on the air talking about stealing an election, his texts show he didn’t want Trump to mention the election ever again. There’s also evidence he was texting Trump while he was naked in the shower. OK, at this point, I’m just fucking with you. Go ahead with your meal. I won’t do it again. Promise.

Hannity Texted Meadows and Jim Jordan with, “He can’t mention the election again. Ever. I did not have a good call with him today. And worse, I’m not sure what is left to do or say, and I don’t like not knowing if it’s truly understood. Ideas?”

That right there should get him fired. Also, what constitutes a call with Trump for it not to be “good?” Did Trump not give his usual rundown of favorite dipping sauces for McNuggets?

The texts also reveal he wanted the White House to stop pressuring Vice President (sic) Mike Pence from trying to overturn the election. It was with that he was afraid the White House Counsel would quit. Overturning an election is unconstitutional and it’s really hard to legal your way out of that…while Mike Pence is naked in the shower. C’mon, you knew I was lying.

In one text sent on January 5th, Hannity wrote, “I’m very worried about the next 48 hours.” I’m sure at some point during those 48 hours, Hannity was….OK, I’ll stop.

All these texts show that Sean Hannity a witness. The committee would really like to talk to him. First, they’re asking nicely. But if Hannity doesn’t comply, they can subpoena him.

Now, you may point out that Sean Hannity himself has stated he’s not a journalist, but guess what. He’s using the press-freedom argument.

Jay Sekulow, Hannity’s lawyer, issued a….wait a fucking minute.

Jay Sekulow was Donald Trump’s lawyer during the Russia investigation and his first impeachment (still feels weird we have to refer to a president’s (sic) impeachments by numbers. Fun fact: Most presidents don’t have impeachments, even bad ones). This is another conflict of interest for a journalist and another reason Hannity should be fired.

Sekulow’s statement said the committee’s request “would raise serious constitutional issues including First Amendment concerns regarding freedom of the press.” But, Hannity is NOT a journalist. Don’t take my word for it, take his. And Fox News is NOT the press. Another piece of evidence, Mr. Sekulow, that Hannity is NOT a credible journalist is the very fact that you’re issuing legal statements for him. You, Mr. Sekulow, are a conflict of interest.

You want to present evidence, Mr. Sekulow? You are the evidence. You goons are too stupid for stupid. We’re going to have to create a new word for “stupid” just for Trump goons.

Fun fact: Jay Sekulow is a partner at Stupid, Asshead, Fuckface, Sekulow, and Stupid. I might have made that up. I’m also pretty sure that whatever law firm Sekulow works at has a shower.

The committee can feel free to subpoena Sean Hannity because Hannity is NOT a journalist.

The closest Sean Hannity has ever come to being a journalist is all the times he scowls to a question like a real journalist. “Were you in that shower? Scowl!” Alan Alda is more of a doctor than Hannity is a journalist. And Lionel Hutz is more of a competent lawyer than Jay Sekulow.

Dear January 6 Committee, subpoena Sean Hannity. And while you’re at it, take off the baby gloves and subpoena all the witnesses from every goon at Fox News to Rudy Giuliani to Donald Trump Jr to your Republican House colleagues to Ivanka Trump to Donald Trump. Get ’em all.

And if you can’t sit their asses in front of you to testify, then send all their asses to prison. At the very least, Hannity can continue having meals with Donald Trump.

And there’s another way to make these fuckers talk. Ya’ see, there’s this guy named Rahm Emanuel…

Music note: For this one, I listened to The Cars, Hole, and Local H.

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3 comments

  1. Ode to Sean Hannity
    by John Cleese

    Aping urbanity
    Oozing with vanity
    Plump as a manatee
    Faking humanity
    Journalistic calamity
    Intellectual inanity
    Fox Noise insanity
    You’re a profanity
    Hannity

    Wednesday 8 October 2008

    Like

  2. Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    My sentiments exactly … “Dear January 6 Committee, subpoena Sean Hannity. And while you’re at it, take off the baby gloves and subpoena all the witnesses from every goon at Fox News to Rudy Giuliani to Donald Trump Jr to your Republican House colleagues to Ivanka Trump to Donald Trump. Get ’em all.”

    Like

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