Gabba Gabba Haiti

Thousands of Haitians have come to the United States border seeking a better life for themselves and their children. They heard it was easier to cross the border now that Joe Biden is president and the racist guy was thrown out of office after being defeated in the 2020 presidential election. They were wrong.

Yes, the new guy is much better than the previous guy, but the new guy is still using policies enacted by the old guy. The United States of America should not be implementing a policy crafted by the xenophobic Stephen Baby Goebbels Miller. Policies like that should be trashed and sent to the worst place in the world, which is probably Haiti..or Indiana. Instead, we are sending the Haitians at our border back to Haiti.

Sure, they’re from Haiti but most of them haven’t been in Haiti for over a decade. I’m from Louisiana (mostly) and I haven’t been back there in nearly two decades. And if you deported me back to Louisiana, I’d be pretty pissed.

If you’re a buttmunch, then you probably think they all left Haiti last week and they’re just now arriving at our southern border. The truth is, most of them left in 2010 after a devastating earthquake hit their nation that shares a Caribbean island with the Dominican Republic. Where did all these asylum-seeking Haitians go? They went to South America with most of them landing in Chile and Brazil.

While Haiti, Chile, and Brazil are each in Latin America by location, they’re not all Latinos (this is debated a lot). It often comes down to language and skin color. Spanish is the official language of Chile. Portuguese is the official language of Brazil. And in Haiti, they have two official languages, French and Haitian Creole. By race, Brazil is 47 percent white and 43 percent mixed. Chile is nearly 90 percent white. Haiti is 95 percent black. So guess what immigrant Haitians encountered in Chile and Brazil? Yup. Racism. That stuff is everywhere.

So, with Joe Biden in the White House, Haitians in South America thought now would be a great time to abandon the lives they’ve created over the past decade and go somewhere to escape racism. They chose the United States. Ugh. Bad call. Did I mention Baby Goebbels was writing immigration policy? Did I mention we’re still using it? Isn’t this why we got rid of the last guy? I mean, one of the major reasons why?

So, the Biden administration, which is supposed to be more humane than the last administration full of Nazis, Klansmen, and fuckers, is exporting all these Haitians back to Haiti. That is a messed-up deal.

Haiti is not a great place to be. There are earthquakes, massive crime, poverty (poorest nation in the western hemisphere), a very low literacy rate, and the prime minister was recently assassinated. I once went out with a girl who had been living in Haiti (back in the 80s) and she told me it was basically legal to murder someone by hitting them with your car, and the biggest hassle from it was filling out insurance forms for damage to your car. A car can be more valuable than a human life in Haiti.

I would not want to send my worst enemy to Haiti. Haiti is so bad, I wouldn’t want to send Stephen Miller to Haiti….wait a minute. Yes, I would. I would love to send Stephen Miller to Haiti. Did I mention 95 percent of Haiti is black? Did I mention they don’t speak a lot of English? He’ll love it there. He can even take his new bride, Frau Farbissana, and their new baby, who is in the Guinness Book of World Records for being born with a Hitler mustache and a can of spray-on hair. How do we make these deportations happen?

Joe Biden is exporting these people back to Haiti under a Trump policy. Yes, a policy written by Stephen Miller. And Haiti, expecting at least 14,000, says they can’t take all of them at once. This is a poverty-ravaged nation that’s still recovering from an earthquake from a decade ago. Haiti has no place to put these immigrants being deported by Biden. These Haitians are about become refugees in their home nation, which is how a lot of black U.S. citizens feel in the U.S. They took a huge gamble leaving jobs and homes in Chile and Brazil to come to the U.S. Now, they’re finding themselves back in Haiti. Most of these people would rather be sent back to Chile and Brazil, even with the racism factor. It’s still better than Haiti. Some of them might even be OK with Indiana (which is another place we can send the Goebbels, er…Miller family where they’d be really comfortable).

And while there are thousands of non-English speaking black people in a humanitarian crisis, most of our nation is fixated on one missing white girl. Stephen Miller’s out looking for her now.

Creative note: As you may know, I like to draw my cartoons in the morning. It’s nice to kick them out early and have the rest of the day to goof off and write my next cartoon. Fact: Goofing off helps write cartoons. Pull my finger.

Delivering the cartoons in the A.M. is also advantageous to my clients as they can place it on their pages and sites for their next day’s edition. And, it helps with big mondo national reprints so my readers can be fooled into believing I’m a big cheese. The best way for me to work with this is to have my idea before going to bed so I can be free to have nightmares about zombies and taking out the garbage in my boxer/briefs (it’s a real fear of mine because I’m often at home not wearing pants). I usually won’t go to bed until I’ve decided on an idea. Last night turned into this morning. I got the idea around 2:00 A.M. and my first thought was, “Ooh.” My second thought was, “I can’t do this. It’s really insensitive.” My third thought was, “Wait a moment…that’s what I do.”

I was afraid proofer Laura would say, “Ugh…but you’re going to do what you’re going to do.” I get that from her sometimes along with, “Put on some pants.” But instead, she said, “Yeah, baby.” OK, she didn’t say, “Yeah, baby” but she liked the cartoon. Even though Laura liked it, the cartoon has already been criticized by a few readers. I’m OK with that. It’s what I do…like not wearing pants.

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