Border

Theater Ted


Cjones03302021

When Raphael Edward “Ted” Cruz ran from his state like a coward when it was hit by a freeze, the most astonishing thing about his actions was that he did it. OK, that would have been astonishing if he was actually a warm-blooded human being and not some defrosted creepy reptilian thing that some mad scientist forgot to put back inside his walk-in freezer.

This is a guy who has fear-mongered and scapegoated immigrants coming from our southern border so you would think he’d pick a location to run to that wasn’t below our southern border. Why go to Mexico when you spend 90% of your time bitching about Mexicans?

On top of abdicating his duties and responsibilities of a United States Senator and even pretending to care about his constituents, Ted blamed the entire ordeal on his daughters. He told us they really wanted to go to Cancun because that’s where all little girls want to go. He said it was a class field trip…without any class. If you don’t take your underage daughters to Cancun when they ask, someone might call Child Protective Services on you. Or maybe that’s only in Texas.

Later, a neighbor revealed that after the freeze hit Texas, Ted and his wife, who Donald Trump claimed is ugly, were calling neighbors to see if they wanted to get in on the Cancun action at the Ritz Carlton, which was offering amazing rates. What was not astonishing about all of this is that Ted Cruz has a neighbor who doesn’t like him. Ted’s lucky his neighbors only expose his lies by sending Heidi’s tweets to The New York Times. Rand Paul’s neighbors physically assault him.

Then, Ted goes running back to Texas the day after he left Texas. Why? Because he got caught. While leaving the state, he was wearing a generic face mask without any logo on it. On his return, his face mask was emblazoned with the state flag of Texas. He really wanted us to know how much he loves Texas…from where he ran away from in a crisis. Later, he made sure there were photos and videos of him handing out water to his constituents…which would be illegal if they were black voters in Georgia.

Ted Cruz lacks self awareness. If he had any, he’d still be in a hole somewhere out of embarrassment and knowing nobody will buy his bullshit. But we’re talking about Ted Cruz. This is the same guy who asks how to stop insurrections after helping to lead an insurrection. It’s like shit Ted did in the past never happened.

Ted Cruz went to the border and made a mini-documentary while wearing a Fidel Castro costume he probably found at a military surplus store. He took a video team with him and tweeted live videos from our southern border with Mexico. What did he see on the other side of the Rio Grande River in Mexico? Mexicans. Ted tweeted that there are Mexicans in Mexico. Shit. He could have told us that while he was in Cancun.

Ted said, “On the other side of the river we have been listening to and seeing cartel members – human traffickers – right on the other side of the river waving flashlights, yelling and taunting Americans, taunting the Border Patrol.” He also claimed he saw a dead body floating in the river, but he didn’t show a video of that. Odd.

First, how does Ted know they were cartel members and human traffickers? Do human traffickers wear T-Shirts saying, “Human Traffickers?” Sure, those people are out there but that doesn’t mean Ted saw any. And they were on the other side of the river in Mexico, “waving flashlights, yelling, and taunting Americans and Border Patrol?” Shocking. What are we going to do about Mexicans in Mexico taunting us? For all we know, the Mexicans on the other side of the border was Mexico’s Border Patrol trying to keep Ted Cruz from returning.

Beto O’Rourke, who didn’t flee Texas when it was under a freeze, tweeted, “You’re in a border patrol boat armed with machine guns. The only threat you face is unarmed children and families who are seeking asylum (as well as the occasional heckler).”

Novelist Paul Rudnick tweeted, “Ted Cruz and Susan Collins claim they were ‘heckled’ by drug cartels at the Mexican border. Both agreed it brought back painful memories of their proms.”

Wait? Susan Collins went on the Cruz Cruise? You would think a Republican Senator would avoid any photo-ops with Cancun Cruz. Republicans should treat Ted Cruz like the coronavirus and stay at least six feet…or six states away from him. At least it was just one Republican Senator, Susan Collins, lacking any self-awareness and not 17 on this field trip for morons….and what? There were 17 Republican Senators on this trip with Cruz? Lindsey Graham was there. So was Texas’ other idiot Senator, John Cornyn. Louisiana’s John Kennedy went too.

Last week, after Democrats talked about gun legislation, Cruz accused them of engaging in “theater.”

And then, he performs a theatrical act on the border. The guy literally took a camera team with him. This may be Ted’s biggest theatrical performance since his return from Cancun…or that time he went after Donald Trump for calling his wife ugly and said, “Donald, leave Heidi the hell alone,” and called him a “sniveling coward.” You know that was a theatrical performance because soon after, he bailed on his morals faster than he ran away from Texas in a winter freeze and became a Trump surrogate.

There was a huge increase in border crossings in 2019. During the Trump administration, children were ripped away from their parents and then lost in the system. Ted Cruz never took a camera crew to the detainment centers or the border during that time. The only fact-finding mission Ted conducted during that period was to find out how deep he could burrow up Donald Trump’s ass.

Republicans project. When Cancun Cruz called Trump a “sniveling coward,” he was redirecting what he saw in the mirror. He accuses others of “theater” then runs to the border with a camera crew in a Fidel costume. There probably isn’t another soul on this planet more disingenuous than Ted Cruz, and there’s no one with less self-awareness.

When Raphael Edward ran to Mexico while his state froze, with millions losing power and dozens dying, he became “Cancun Cruz.” But, Theater Ted has always been “Pendejo Ted.”

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have SEVEN copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw.

Wapped By Fox


cjones03182021

So, just how many Fox lies can I insert into one cartoon?

I got George Soros-funded migrant caravans, Mexico sending rapists and murderers, the border being crashed by covid-carriers, illegal immigrant voters, attacks on mail-in voting, voter fraud, the Big Lie over the stolen election, Dr. Seuss and Pepe Le Pew being canceled, immigrants wearing Biden shirts at the border, attacks and fear-mongering over LGBTQ, and false equivalencies between vandalism at the Portland Federal Courthouse and actual Trump terrorists attack the United States Capitol. On top of all that, I got conservative outrage over the WAP song. I’m sure I left something out.

And this cartoon is why I don’t unfriend or block MAGAts on Facebook. Seeing several of the troglodytes creating posts on already debunked bullshit, then seeing the exact same thing again and again from conservative political cartoonists, teaches me exactly what’s being discussed at Fox News without having to actually watch Fox News.

Several years ago, there was a poll that showed people who watched the Daily Show were more informed than viewers of Fox News. I totally believe that and I know it’s true. To be effective at satire, you need to know what’s going on. You will actually be more informed reading the Onion, Andy Borowitz, and my cartoons than you ever will be by watching Sean Hannity, Jeanine Pirro, Laura Ingraham, or Tucker Carlson. And I’m not trying to say my cartoons are all that, but Fox is all suck.

Fox News is also poison. Not only do they spread lies, but they fear-monger to the point that people use the lies to validate their racism and terrorism. David Duke and other white supremacists say Tucker is must-watch TV for them. And when you have stars of your network speaking at Donald Trump’s hate rallies, with one of them having nightly phone calls with him, then you’re no longer a news channel…you’re propaganda.

People talk about the political divisions in this country, partisanship, and tribalism. I admit that I contribute to the division, but I don’t need to use bullshit to do it. Fox News lies. Fox News even tells you that you can’t trust Fox News.

When defending Tucker Carlson in court in a libel suit, Fox News’ lawyers successfully argued that you can’t believe anything Tucker says. Executives at Fox News are now describing themselves as the “opposition” to the Joe Biden administration. An actual news agency shouldn’t be the opposition or ally to politicians. What happened to “fair and balanced?” Sure, that wasn’t ever true but when you tell a lie, you gotta stick with it. You have to make sure your lies don’t expose your previous lies. Did four years of being Trump TV make Fox News dumber?

Do yourself and your country a favor. When you walk into a business, whether it’s a garage, restaurant, bar, doctor’s office, or strip club, and they’re playing Fox News on their TV, walk out or tell them to change it. I have actually sat down at the counter at a Denny’s and told them they had to switch their TV from Fox to another network or turn it off, or I wasn’t buying their pancakes. Just like there are other options for news, there are other pancake options.

Except, Fox News isn’t news. If you switch to CNN, MSNBC, or BBC, you’re not going to another option for news from Fox. If you want an option to Fox, you go to Newsmax, One America News, or Duck Dynasty. There are now competition and options for bullshit and hate propaganda. It’s a great time to be a white nationalist terrorist in the United States. In addition to having hate propaganda and other racist entertainment, there are members of the United States Senate who are your friends and supporters.

Sometimes a conservative will come at me for criticizing Fox News, asking when was the last time I gave the network a chance. But I don’t have to give it another chance. It’s been a long time since I put ketchup on a hot dog and I don’t need to do it again to know that it’s wrong, terrible, un-American, and something that’s only for troglodytes without taste, class, sophistication, or culture.

I get my news from actual news sources and I get my Fox News bullshit from Facebook.

Creative note: I woke up late at 7:30 A.M. without a cartoon idea. I had three subjects in mind and then got ideas for two of them…but not on the border lie Fox is spewing. This is the subject I wanted to hit today. Then I got the idea but I still had to write it. So I wrote it, thought of all the Fox silliness I could include, Googled some shit, Googled some more, made a list, framed it into a long sentence, rewrote the sentence, restructured, rewrote again, lettered it all, shifted some of the lines around in Photoshop, enlarged the text a little, and then sent it to my copy editor Laura who told me I left out an “s” in “transsexual.”

About the WAP song: I really don’t care. Sure, it’s nasty and it’s probably horrible music (I only heard a piece of it months ago), but I do love that it infuriates conservatives. Why do conservatives spend so much time watching, reading, and listening to stuff they hate? That would be like me watching Tim Allen’s sitcom while eating a hot dog desecrated with ketchup.

Also, don’t Google the lyrics for the WAP song. I’m really hoping editors don’t know what the line in the cartoon means. Oh, Lord…please don’t Google it.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have SEVEN copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Where’s The Pro-Life Crowd?


cjones05242019

Earlier this week, a 16-year-old boy from Guatemala died after being apprehended at the U.S. Border. He is the fifth migrant child since December to die after being apprehended at the U.S. border.

The boy was “found unresponsive” during a routine welfare check Monday morning at Weslaco Station, the facility where he was being held. The boy was taken into custody after crossing the U.S. border in Texas’ Rio Grande Valley on May 13 and was due to be moved into custody of the Department of Health and Human Services Office of Refugee Resettlement, which oversees care of unaccompanied or separated migrant children after they are initially processed by immigration authorities.

Do you have right-wing whackanoodles among your friends and followers on social media? If so, have they been going ape in rejoicing about the numerous abortion bans taking place in red states across the nation? Of course they have. Now, go visit their pages and see how much outrage these “pro-life” people have over children dying in U.S. custody under Donald Trump’s child-separation policy. What’s that you say? Crickets?

Crickets.

These people are not pro-life. They’ll scream for a fetus but they don’t care about feeding a child, providing housing, free lunches, healthcare, etc. They’ll celebrate drug testing welfare recipients and denying a child food if a little marijuana is traced in one of their parents. They do not care about children.

They only care about controlling women and legislating their religious morality upon the rest of us, while not actually possessing any ethics or principles.

These people are not the champions of justice. They’re the champions of pain, suffering, and cruelty. They’re the champions of hypocrisy and cognitive dissonance.

To be “pro-life,” you need to defend life, not just when you believe it begins. You need to defend the lives of children, no matter where they’re from.

There should be no borders when it comes to defending the life of a child. The pro-life crowd stops at the border of your uterus.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch the video.

Trump Toys With The Border


cjones11052018

When Trump talks about the “caravan invasion,” he’s not trying to protect the nation. He’s only trying to get you to vote for a Republican. This has nothing to do with border security. This is an election trick.

Since Trump and the Republicans don’t have any accomplishments to run on, they have to run on lies (Republicans will save pre-existing conditions coverage) and fear (scary brown people coming to kill you and steal your lake cottage).

Trump and Republicans talk about how the caravan is staged, but if anything is staged, it’s him sending the military to the border days before the election. There’s no invasion for the military to meet, and if there were, the invaders would be moms in flip-flops and children with milk bottles. The military is not police, and they can’t detain anyone. There’s doubt the caravan will even make it to our border.

The biggest threat the military faces on the border is actually domestic. Leaked documents reveal that the military is concerned with violent protesters from the left and the right, and volunteer militias who may become violent and who have stolen military gear in the past.

From the papers, the military is preparing to defend against an “estimated 200 unregulated armed militia members currently operating along the Southwest Border.” There are reports of these “patriotic” unregulated militias stealing National Guard equipment during deployments.

This is an abuse of our military by Trump. Treating the military like toy soldiers you can play with for an election stunt is much more disrespectful than kneeling during the National Anthem. Trump said the military should treat people throwing rocks as if they have rifles, and was authorizing soldiers to shoot the rock throwers. The next day, he claimed he never said that.

What we need to see is just how much of a crisis this “caravan invasion” is after Tuesday. Will the military still be there? Will Trump keep screaming and lying about it at the rate he is now? Will it even be an issue? Will Trump pretend it’s the first he’s ever heard of it?

Trump has shown us there’s no depth he won’t sink to and nothing he won’t abuse for his own selfish gain. Instead of sending 5,000 soldiers to the border he should be sending 5,000 lawyers and judges to help with processing refugee applications.

Trump believes the military is his own personal toy. What he’s revealing is that his brain is emptier than Mr. Potato Head’s.

Be Complicit
What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

Troops Meet The Caravan Invasion


cjones11022018

One sure way to tell that the caravan “invasion” isn’t dangerous to the United States is that Republicans have to lie about it. If it’s actually so bad, then why can’t they be honest and only deliver the facts?

Trump campaigned on hatred toward immigrants. He accused Mexico of sending us rapists and murderers when he announced his campaign. It’s red meat for a base of stupid people who believe immigration is the greatest danger facing our nation, and not say, a friend to white supremacists in the White House.

Republicans and Donald Trump tell us it’s being funded by George Soros and Democrats. That’s the same rhetoric a white supremacist terrorist used to justify killing eleven Jews in a Pittsburgh synagogue last Saturday.

Trump has claimed there are gang members and even people from the Middle East in the caravan. He and the GOP state it’s a national emergency and an invasion. Now, they’re even claiming they’re bringing diseases like smallpox.

Trump has ordered 5,200 troops to man the border to protect us from this invasion. That is an abuse of our military. Our troops should not be used as election props. The caravan is over 2,000 miles away from our border, and they’re traveling by foot. So, why are the troops at the border now? Let’s see if they’re still there after Election Day.

This is not an invasion. These are mostly women and children seeking asylum. Do we really need an army to meet mothers wearing flip-flops and carrying babies? Trust me. After walking over 2,000 miles, they’re not going to feel like fighting.

As for carrying diseases, the last naturally occurring case of smallpox was in 1977.

There is no proof that gangs are in this caravan. There’s also not any proof that Muslims from the Middle East are trying to gain entry to the U.S. from Guatemala. Buy a map, idiots.

Republicans also keep fluctuating the numbers in the caravan. Some put it as high as 14,000. Yesterday, it was reported the number has decreased to less than 4,000. Most people in the caravan will not make it to the U.S. border. The last caravan was in April, and only about 150 migrants from that caravan made it to our border. We need the army to meet 150 migrants?

Another point you don’t hear much about is that these migrants are coming here legally. If you listen to Republicans, they’re all either sneaking or just crashing through Trump’s nonexistent border wall (which he claims is under construction but it’s not). These people will apply for refugee status. They have a legal right to do that. If someone walks over 2,000 miles to request asylum, we should hear them out. Not every immigrant can pose naked in a magazine and catch the attention of a billionaire who likes to trade up with wives.

Trump is also threatening to end birthright citizenship by executive order. He can’t do that. That’s protected in the Constitution. But, he doesn’t really intend to do that. It’s just good election propaganda. His base will love it. He doesn’t care that he’s lying. His lies have only grown more preposterous as the election nears. He also claimed we’re the only nation that grants birthright citizenship when there’s actually over 30 who do. Trump can get away with these lies because his base doesn’t research, and they don’t have enough integrity to demand honesty from their leader.

Walking thousands of miles on the slim hope of providing a better future for your children is integrity. What is lacking in integrity is exploiting people who need help so you can drum up fear and paranoia in your already frightened and paranoid little base of racists. It also takes gall to continue to exploit this and continue to lie and repeat the rhetoric of pipe bombers and synagogue shooters after what happened last week. Donald Trump was still exploiting the issue the day of the Pittsburgh massacre. He didn’t even pause to catch his breath.

We are the United States and can do better than using women and children refugees for exploitation. The people who do that are no better than the gangs who prey on them during their journey.

I like to think America is better than that. Hopefully, next Tuesday, America proves it is.

Be Complicit
What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

Paying For The Wall


cjones08312015

The Donald Trump Xenophobia Campaign isn’t just rolling along, it’s steam rolling. It’s gaining so much support that the other GOP candidates are competing for racist and outrageous comments.

Wisconsin governor Scott Walker says we should build a wall on the Canadian border. I think if a Republican wins the presidency then Canada will want that wall. How many people will flee to Canada?

By the way: Rush Limbaugh promised he’d run away to Costa Rica if Obamacare lasted five years. Why’s he still here?

I’m hearing a lot of hardcore conservatives rant about Trump. They’re not happy. But here’s the thing, my conservative friends: What does it say about your party that Donald Trump is leading the polls and by such a wide margin?

Conservatives built this monster called Trump. They have spent decades cultivating votes from uneducated people. They have spent years misinforming people so that poor white voters vote for them. They have spent years attracting racists. Now they wonder how a Donald Trump can lead in the GOP polls. This is your baby.

I came up with this idea after reading a news item on Walker. I almost tweeted a satirical comment about it until I stopped myself realizing it was my next cartoon.