Mask Conspiracy

The grocery store I shop at the most in-person is Giant which is in my neighborhood. It’s not the most uppity place in the world, like a Whole Foods, nor is it like an Aldi (where I have groceries delivered from) where there aren’t a lot of name brands (instead of Cheerios, you get Cheery Oats or something like that). Giant is a nice clean place with fair prices and most of the customers aren’t nose pickers and they look like the kind of people who bathe daily, and yet even Giant can’t convince all their customers to wear a face mask.

In Virginia, face masks are required at every business. Giant has signs that forbid shopping without a face mask yet, every time you go in there, you will see fuckers without face masks. I didn’t want to start any trouble, but me being me, as I was walking out one day, I asked a manager why they were continuing to allow customers to shop without face masks. The manager told me they couldn’t prevent them from shopping without the mask. I told her, “actually, you can.”

So I’m thinking, if Giant is having trouble convincing all their customers to wear a face mask, good luck, Walmart.

Last year, Walmart told its customers to stop carrying visible guns into its stores which sounds like a reasonable request. Walmart discovered mass shootings inside their stores aren’t really good for business. Yet, in the grand tradition of how they usually respond to something reasonable, a lot of conservatives freaked out and were livid. Fortunately for Walmart, it’s like crack to its customers. Their customers might be mad they can’t open carry, but what are they going to do, go to Target (no pun intended)?

My late mother was a Walmart addict. I had to tell her people don’t visit Hawaii to go to Walmart. They go to Costco.

Now, Walmart is requiring face masks to be worn at each of its stores nationwide. This is a good thing. The list of stores with this requirement is growing. It includes Best Buy, Starbucks, Costco, Apple, Dollar Tree, Trader Joe’s, and of course Whole Foods.

Donald Trump visited Walter Reed Hospital last week just for an excuse to finally stage a photo-op with a mask, so he could look somewhat responsible. Otherwise, Donald Trump is discouraging mask-wearing and his base of stupid racist fucknuts believe it’s a conspiracy by the big government to control them. They believe mask wearers are cowards (while they’re afraid to leave their homes without a gun) and they’ll be damned if they’re going to start wearing face masks just because it’s the safe thing to do, like seatbelts. Face masks and seatbelts are for pussies, don’t you know?

The people who are not wearing face masks are disrespecting everyone. They’re going beyond disrespecting we who are wearing masks and putting some effort into it. They’re disrespecting the health workers who have to treat Covid patients. If you’re not wearing a face mask, you’re just being an asshole. Every time I’m shopping and I see you without a face mask, I want to kick you in the balls…if I could find them.

You do not have a right to shop at Giant, or Walmart, or Target, or wherever you choose. Businesses are private and it’s a privilege to shop at them. They can kick you out.

If every single one of us wore a face mask, we’d probably kick the coronavirus out of our nation in a matter of weeks. Yet, people want to be assholes. Wearing a face mask is too much of a hassle for them. It’s too much of a hassle even for some governors.

Florida, Georiga, and Texas rushed to reopen. They skipped over several safety steps to do so. Now, while cases are decreasing from the former hot spots of New York City and Michigan, they’re spiking in those red states. The governor of Oklahoma, who attended the Trump Tulsa hate rally, has tested positive for coronavirus…just like the mask-hating president of Brazil. At what point will Republicans put two and two together and arrive at four?

Wearing mask good. Not wearing mask bad.

While Greg Abbott, the Governor of Texas, realized he opened his state too quickly and is now requiring face masks to be worn publicly, Florida’s stupid Governor, Ron DeSantis, is still in denial as is Governor Brian Kemp of Georgia. Kemp is actually fighting the mayor of Atlanta over her mandate for masks to be worn in her city. These governors are willing to risk your life so they can get Donald Trump’s approval. They would rather your child catch a deadly virus than for them to catch a hate tweet.

Conservatives still don’t get it. They think wearing the mask is a personal choice. They think if you feel safe, then you shouldn’t be forced to wear a mask. But it’s not your choice to infect me. MAGAts still don’t understand how the virus is spread. Wear a mask, you stupid motherfuckers. Wear a mask! Wear a mask! Wear a mask! Wear a mask, goddammit!

So here’s my prediction: There are going to be headlines very soon of altercations at Walmarts across the country caused by fuckers refusing to wear face masks. And a lot of them will be wearing MAGA shirts.

Wear….A….Mask!!!

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