Walmart

Mask Conspiracy


cjones07202020

The grocery store I shop at the most in-person is Giant which is in my neighborhood. It’s not the most uppity place in the world, like a Whole Foods, nor is it like an Aldi (where I have groceries delivered from) where there aren’t a lot of name brands (instead of Cheerios, you get Cheery Oats or something like that). Giant is a nice clean place with fair prices and most of the customers aren’t nose pickers and they look like the kind of people who bathe daily, and yet even Giant can’t convince all their customers to wear a face mask.

In Virginia, face masks are required at every business. Giant has signs that forbid shopping without a face mask yet, every time you go in there, you will see fuckers without face masks. I didn’t want to start any trouble, but me being me, as I was walking out one day, I asked a manager why they were continuing to allow customers to shop without face masks. The manager told me they couldn’t prevent them from shopping without the mask. I told her, “actually, you can.”

So I’m thinking, if Giant is having trouble convincing all their customers to wear a face mask, good luck, Walmart.

Last year, Walmart told its customers to stop carrying visible guns into its stores which sounds like a reasonable request. Walmart discovered mass shootings inside their stores aren’t really good for business. Yet, in the grand tradition of how they usually respond to something reasonable, a lot of conservatives freaked out and were livid. Fortunately for Walmart, it’s like crack to its customers. Their customers might be mad they can’t open carry, but what are they going to do, go to Target (no pun intended)?

My late mother was a Walmart addict. I had to tell her people don’t visit Hawaii to go to Walmart. They go to Costco.

Now, Walmart is requiring face masks to be worn at each of its stores nationwide. This is a good thing. The list of stores with this requirement is growing. It includes Best Buy, Starbucks, Costco, Apple, Dollar Tree, Trader Joe’s, and of course Whole Foods.

Donald Trump visited Walter Reed Hospital last week just for an excuse to finally stage a photo-op with a mask, so he could look somewhat responsible. Otherwise, Donald Trump is discouraging mask-wearing and his base of stupid racist fucknuts believe it’s a conspiracy by the big government to control them. They believe mask wearers are cowards (while they’re afraid to leave their homes without a gun) and they’ll be damned if they’re going to start wearing face masks just because it’s the safe thing to do, like seatbelts. Face masks and seatbelts are for pussies, don’t you know?

The people who are not wearing face masks are disrespecting everyone. They’re going beyond disrespecting we who are wearing masks and putting some effort into it. They’re disrespecting the health workers who have to treat Covid patients. If you’re not wearing a face mask, you’re just being an asshole. Every time I’m shopping and I see you without a face mask, I want to kick you in the balls…if I could find them.

You do not have a right to shop at Giant, or Walmart, or Target, or wherever you choose. Businesses are private and it’s a privilege to shop at them. They can kick you out.

If every single one of us wore a face mask, we’d probably kick the coronavirus out of our nation in a matter of weeks. Yet, people want to be assholes. Wearing a face mask is too much of a hassle for them. It’s too much of a hassle even for some governors.

Florida, Georiga, and Texas rushed to reopen. They skipped over several safety steps to do so. Now, while cases are decreasing from the former hot spots of New York City and Michigan, they’re spiking in those red states. The governor of Oklahoma, who attended the Trump Tulsa hate rally, has tested positive for coronavirus…just like the mask-hating president of Brazil. At what point will Republicans put two and two together and arrive at four?

Wearing mask good. Not wearing mask bad.

While Greg Abbott, the Governor of Texas, realized he opened his state too quickly and is now requiring face masks to be worn publicly, Florida’s stupid Governor, Ron DeSantis, is still in denial as is Governor Brian Kemp of Georgia. Kemp is actually fighting the mayor of Atlanta over her mandate for masks to be worn in her city. These governors are willing to risk your life so they can get Donald Trump’s approval. They would rather your child catch a deadly virus than for them to catch a hate tweet.

Conservatives still don’t get it. They think wearing the mask is a personal choice. They think if you feel safe, then you shouldn’t be forced to wear a mask. But it’s not your choice to infect me. MAGAts still don’t understand how the virus is spread. Wear a mask, you stupid motherfuckers. Wear a mask! Wear a mask! Wear a mask! Wear a mask, goddammit!

So here’s my prediction: There are going to be headlines very soon of altercations at Walmarts across the country caused by fuckers refusing to wear face masks. And a lot of them will be wearing MAGA shirts.

Wear….A….Mask!!!

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A Real Tacky Cartoon


cjones09112019

Right-wing gun toters who love to call liberals “snowflakes” have a new issue to cry about. Walmart has kinda-sorta banned people from openly carrying guns in their stores. If you’re not a Walmart shopper, first off, good for you. But you may be asking right now, “Walmart allowed gun fetish whackos to skulk around their stores carrying guns?” Apparently, yes.

When you see someone who’s not a cop, walking around with a gun on their hip, they’re not telling you they’re about self-protection. They’re trying to convince the world around them, and themselves, they’re a badass and they’re not taking shit from anybody. If you see someone with an AK-47 strapped to their body, they’re telling you they have a very small penis. No matter the size of the gun, they’re all paranoid and delusional.

Talk to one of these gun worshippers on the internet and you’ll discover they’re convinced they’ll not only survive an active-shooter situation, but they’ll save the day, be the hero, and Hollywood will make a new series of Rambo movies about them. What they fail to understand is that these situations happen fast, they’ve never been in one before, and there’s no way for the police to tell them apart from the active shooter. And why should the cops be able to tell the difference? These people walking around with guns to “protect” themselves are probably hanging out on the same hate forums as the guys writing these pro-Trump, anti-immigration manifestos. You know they’re all voting for the same candidates and watching the same networks.

Now they get to be angry and butthurt with Walmart, which puts them in awkward situations. It’s not like they’re going to start shopping at Target (no pun intended) and ordering spiced lattes at Starbucks.

It goes further than just “asking” their customers not to creep around their stores with Uzis. Walmart will no longer sell handgun ammunition for the short-barrel rifle ammunition used for hunting rifles as well as military-style weapons (assault weapons). They will also stop selling handguns in Alaska, the last state where their stores sold them. If you carry a concealed weapon, Walmart will not ask you to refrain from doing so. And, how could they tell anyway? For all they know, you’re happy to see them.

On top of all that, Walmart is asking Congress to enact gun safety measures. Kroger (in case you don’t know, it is a grocery chain) has followed Walmart’s lead and are also “asking” customers not to open carry in their stores.

Fox News fucknut and blonde #37 Tomi Lahren was outraged. She said Walmart “just shot itself in the foot.” She’s probably mostly upset because she just released a brand new made-in-China “athleisure” line designed to be worn with firearms. Other conservatives were also howling.

It’s funny these conservatives are all about freedom and against government meddling in businesses but are outraged when one decides for itself what’s best for its employees and customers. They cheer when Hobby Lobby uses its owner’s religion to deny health insurance, but get upset at another business for restricting guns.

The thing is, Walmart has more recent experience with guns in their stores than Tomi Lahren could even imagine she has (which is not a fair example because just what the holy hell is she experienced in?). Last July, a former employee shot and killed two workers in one of their stores. Last month, a white nationalist Trump supporter killed 22 people in one of their El Paso stores.

There are a lot of legitimate reasons not to shop at Walmart (like political donations, low salaries, unfair hiring practices, cheap and crappy imported goods, killing small towns and businesses, only three open checkout lanes, creepy people, etc), but I support them on this decision. I also support their right to continue to sell guns for hunting. Most gun-control proponents aren’t against hunting rifles and shotguns. So if that’s the case, then why give Walmart a hassle over selling them? They stopped selling pistols (except in Alaska until yesterday) and assault weapons years ago.

I don’t expect this to hurt Walmart in the slightest with their customers. Walmart is like crack to people who shop there. They can’t quit it. Walmart’s greatest concern is Amazon.

Yesterday, Walmart’s owners showed they’re willing to confront their base. They showed they have bigger balls than Mitch McConnell, Donald Trump, and the entire Republican Party. Perhaps they should all walk around with enormous assault rifles to overcompensate.

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From Trump World To Wally World


cjones02142018

Rachel Brand is not stupid.

Brand is the Associate Attorney General and the third-ranking official in the Trump/Sessions Justice Department. That means, if Trump gets rid of Rod Rosenstein then Brand would take oversight of Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s Russia investigation.

Dealing with the Special Counsel is one thing. Dealing with Donald Trump’s public bullying, threats, and temper tantrums is another. Brand is saying no thank you and she’s out the door. Where is she going? She’s going to Walmart.

While it is speculation her resignation is due to the danger of Rosenstein being fired giving her the oversight, there are sources who claim that’s the very reason she’s leaving.

Brand is a career public servant. She is a Republican who has worked in very high positions at the Justice Department during the George W. Bush and Obama administrations. She was appointed as Associate Attorney General by Trump just nine months ago.

Sources say Brand grew frustrated by vacancies at the department and feared she would be asked to oversee the Russia investigation.

While professionals like Brand are bailing, Trump still has the “best people” he promised to hire which consists of an assortment of clueless family members, former glamour models, and wife beaters.

The Justice Department claims the rumors aren’t true that Brand is leaving because of Trump and that it’s just too good of an opportunity to turn down. An opportunity at Walmart.

Sure, she won’t actually be a greeter and will assume a very high-paying position with the company. But someone with a resume like Brand’s probably receives offers from the private sector on a frequent basis. Wouldn’t you assume upon taking a position at the Justice Department that you’re making a commitment that no high-paying job offer could break? At the very least, you wouldn’t plan on bailing in nine months.

What is a fact is that Trump is beating up on the FBI and Justice Department. The Republican Congress has joined in. The ridiculous memo crafted by Devin Nunes attacks five top law enforcement officials who signed off on the allegedly abusive monitoring of former Trump campaign adviser Carter Page, and four of them are no longer in the same positions. Only Rosenstein remains…for now.

My mother would have been super proud if I took a high-paying job at Walmart. She would have thought it was a step up from the Justice Department. My mother loved Walmart. When I lived in Hawaii, every time she called me she asked if I had found “the” Walmart yet. It was never “Walmart.” It was always “THE Walmart.” Screw the weather, volcanoes, Waikiki, and the North Shore. Had I found THE Walmart? If my mother had visited me, we would have had to go to Walmart straight from the airport. That’s what we did when she visited me in Virginia…and where we went the next day, and the next, and the next. I went to Walmart every day for two weeks. Not everyone shares my mom’s enthusiasm for Walmart.

Some people are taking issue with Brand’s departure. Matthew Miller, former spokesperson for the department during the Obama administration tweeted, “I admire Brand, but this doesn’t speak well of her. If she sees trouble coming for Mueller, the responsible course of action would be to stay and stand up for him. Country needs patriots in times like this.”

He also tweeted, “as a former DOJ colleague said to me, you take these jobs expecting them to be tough. You don’t leave just because they turn out to be.”

It is tough. Trump has made Jeff Sessions’ life a living hell since the Attorney General recused himself from the Russia investigation. He’s done the same to Rosenstein, James Comey, and Andrew McCabe. Trump is a horrible person to work for as he demands loyalty and for those in law enforcement to defy their oath to be his personal protection service. Even Trump’s longtime personal bodyguard has quit.

I agree with Miller. Now is the time we need good and decent people to stand between us and Trump and his sycophants trying to circumvent the rule of law and allow Russia to threaten this nation.

This nation needs people like Brand to protect it. Walmart can wait.

Today’s video. I had a horrible time creating this cartoon and you’re gonna wanna hear about it.

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My Dixie Wrecked


utah06282015

Here is this week’s cartoon for The Independent in St. George, Utah.

Dixie State University is in St. George, Utah. Why is there a university named Dixie State in Utah of all places? That’s a really good question.  Utah was not even a state during the Civil War. It’s not anywhere close to be in the South or “Dixie.” Did some father of the university have an infatuation with the American South? Hell, the place used to fly the confederate flag.

There’s a bit of a movement for the place to change it’s name. Some find it offensive racially. I find it offensive geographically. You would think an institution of higher learning could locate itself on a map.

Plus, to a lot of people, “Dixie” does not give the impression of higher culture, understanding, sophistication, intelligence.

Change the name already.

Here’s the rough.

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