Coup Coup Ca Choo


cjones11262019

One of the Republican Trumpster dumbass talking points I’m most tired of is, the impeachment is a coup.

Shut up. Shut up. Just shut the hell up, you ignorant, babbling idiot. If Democrats impeach Donald Trump and replace him with Hillary Clinton, then you’re on to something. It’s a coup. But it’s NOT a coup by replacing him with Mike Pence unless we find out later that Pence was behind this all along and is later seen in the Oval Office Bwa-ha-ha-ing.

I have a theory about dumbass-Republican talking points. They’re created by people smart enough to know they’re stupid, but they’re created for people who aren’t. You know, the type of people who attend Trump rallies, debate with memes on Facebook and Twitter, hang out on 4chan and will be eating at your house this upcoming Thursday where you’ll probably end the day by stabbing them with a fork in the eyeball. I mean, does Jim Jordan actually believe Donald Trump won an “electoral landslide” in 2016? He may not be one of the “smart” ones I was envisioning. Anybody got a fork?

For something to be considered a landslide, it has to be an overwhelming majority, huge, amazing, and an earth-shattering movement. It has to be so special that Stevie Nicks writes a song about it. There have been 58 presidential elections in the United States. In sizes of electoral victories, Donald Trump’s 2016 win with 304 electoral votes to Clinton’s 224 comes in at number 46. While Trump says his win was the “greatest electoral victory in history,” 46 is much lower than 1. For comparison, Obama’s two victories come in at number 32 (365 to 173 in 2008) and number 37 (332 to 206 in 2012). In case you’re a Republican, both of Obama’s victories were larger than Trump’s, electorally and by popular vote. That popular vote is the hangup for Republicans.

Each time they say “electoral landslide,” they leave out “disappointing popular vote margin.” The fact is, Hillary Clinton beat Donald Trump by nearly 3 million votes. In case you’re a Republican, 65 million is more than 62 million.  In case you’re a Trump supporter, no, there were not millions of illegal votes cast for Hillary Clinton. Why, looking at the totals, one could think that the will of the American people was undermined and thwarted by the electoral college. Why, it’s like the electoral college conducted a coup.

That’s what idiots like Jim Jordan and Devin Nunes keep saying. That impeachment is undermining the will of the American voters. If something takes away the decision of the majority, then didn’t the electoral college already violate their will? If Republicans really cared about the will of the American voter, they’d put measures into motion to remove the electoral college from the Constitution. Since the electoral college was only put into the Constitution by our founding fathers to placate whiny-ass, entitled, white-privilege slave states, today’s racist Republicans are just fine with it.

While we’re on the topic, if we really care about representation distributed fairly, we’d trash the system of every state having two senators. Why should North Dakota’s 79,000 have as much representation in the Senate as California’s 39 million, or Texas’ 28 million, or Florida’s 21 million, or New York’s 19 million? Why should Puerto Rico’s 3 million and Washington, D.C.’s 633,000 get no representation in our capital at all?

Here’s a general rule you can adopt for when a Republican is talking: Don’t listen to them. They’re lying. But what about the time they said…Nope, that was a lie. But what about…Nope, another lie. But then they said…Nope, that was a lie too. How about when they said they were…LIES! LIES! LIES! YEAH!

Don’t listen to them. And if you’re in a living or working situation where you have constant interaction with them, you may wanna start carrying a fork.

Editors note: This blog is humorous and doesn’t really advocate or condone any Republicans getting stabbed in the eye with a fork. Even if they have it coming. Even if it’s really tempting. Even if they say something stupid like, “Donald Trump is building the wall,” or “Donald Trump was sent by Jesus” or they mention the “electoral landslide.” Even if they’re wearing a MAGA hat and they’re at the unemployment office. Even if they’re in your house, at your kitchen table, eating your food, and talking about how Donald Trump is “making America great again.” This blog doesn’t condone you fork stabbing them in the eyeball multiple, several, countless times…again and again and again. We just won’t have it.

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6 comments

  1. So, I’m at the groomer yesterday a.m., dropping off two dogs for the day. The dog washer and one assistant LOVE my ‘Not MY president . . . ‘ badge and ask for one. I have ten in the car, ready to go!

    A client comes in (with a standard poodle, but it wsn’t a buttpoodle), sees my badge, looooves it and I ask her – as I always do – if she’d like one. ‘Oh no,’ she says. ‘I couldn’t wear it at home . . . my husband is a TRUMPER.’

    Shades of Kellyann and George Conway. Blows my mind, I swear. I wanted to ask her: Was he always a misogynist, racist, dumb*ss, etc? Did you know this and marry him anyway? Or did he keep it all hidden until the Orange One made it ‘ok’ and ‘normal’ to be that way?

    Then she mentions that 1) she is Canadian; and 2) she’s seriously thinking of going back, with or without husband (but with dog, I’m sure).

    Oh well, her choice. Of husband and no-badge.

    Liked by 3 people

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