Riding With Bolton


John Bolton has advocated regime change in North Korea, Iran, Cuba, Venezuela, Iraq, Syria, and Libya. The only fascist government he hasn’t advocated regime change for is Donald Trump’s. But that might change.

John Bolton is a war hawk neocon who was a huge supporter of the 2003 invasion of Iraq. Today, he’s unapologetic about invading the wrong country. He’s not a big fan of Russia or North Korea and despite this, Donald Trump hired him to be his third National Security Adviser. The only thing that made Trump hesitate in hiring Bolton was his mustache. As a child, Trump had nightmares of being attacked by Captain Crunch.

It’s been speculated that Bolton did a crummy job as National Security Adviser. According to some sources, instead of collecting as much intel and expert viewpoints within the government to present to Trump, he only brought his opinions. He disagreed with Trump on his policies with Iran, Russia, and North Korea. Trump has made statements that Bolton is a hawk and wanted to invade everybody all at once. Trump even claimed that he “tempered” Bolton’s hawkish instincts. None of this is why Bolton is leaving the White House.

White House sources say Trump and Bolton had a huge argument Monday night over inviting the Taliban to Camp David on the week of 9/11. Bolton claims he offered his resignation that night and Trump said they should talk about it Tuesday morning. On Tuesday, Trump tweeted that he fired Bolton. Bolton later contradicted Trump. Say what you will about Bolton’s hawkish viewpoints, but between him and Trump, he’s not the one with a reputation of being a liar.

It was soon leaked out of the White House that Trump wanted Bolton gone because he believes Bolton leaks out of the White House. After Trump tweeted to the world about the Taliban invite, it was reported that Vice-President Mike Pence disagreed. Later, Pence said he never disagreed with Trump over inviting the Taliban to Camp David. Pence is really showing the extent of his sycophancy when he wants everyone to know he liked the idea of having the Taliban over for dinner. However, Bolton has been accused of being the one who leaked to the press that Pence hated the idea.

In less than three years, Donald Trump has gone through three National Security Advisers. Soon, he’ll have more of them than he’s had wives. No other president has had four national security advisers in their first three years in office. If you include “acting,” Trump has had five. President Obama had three during his entire eight years in office (George W. Bush had two, Bill Clinton had two, and Ronald Reagan had six). No president has ever had one serve as short a time as just 24 days (Michael Flynn).

While it was known Bolton was on thin ice in Trump’s White House, his departure came suddenly. Bolton led a meeting with national security principals in the Situation Room Tuesday morning. At 11 a.m. The White House scheduled a 1:30 p.m. briefing that was to include Bolton along with Secretary of State Mike Pompeo and Treasury Secretary Steve Baby Fishmouth Mnuchin on terrorism (why is the Treasury Secretary an administration player on foreign policy? Is it because he bankrolled The Lego Batman Movie?). Bolton’s departure was announced before the briefing where Pompeo and Mnuchin grinned like crackheads on free crack day. It was well known that Pompeo and Bolton didn’t like each other. It’s also well known that nobody really likes John Bolton.

The big thing that really put Bolton on the outs with Trump is that he didn’t subordinate his views to match Trump’s. People like Pompeo, Pence, and the entire Republican Party are on record of changing their views to fit whatever the hell it is today that Trump believes in, like Nazis are good people, incarcerating brown babies, and inviting the Taliban to Camp David on 9/11 week. Bolton didn’t do that. Bolton was even accused of refusing to appear on two Sunday talk shows during the G7 summit because he didn’t want to defend Trump’s position on Russia. When Trump went skipping with Kim Jong Un over the North Korean border, Bolton was in Mongolia.

Now, Bolton is in political Mongolia and he’s never coming back. We will never see Bolton in government service ever again and that’s a good thing. While Fox News is trying to paint the guy as a liberal, and others will soon say Democrats now like him, the fact of the matter is, John Bolton is dangerous. Even if Trump didn’t listen to him, having a war hawk that extreme anywhere near the Oval Office is dangerous to the nation, especially with a stupid and easily-duped president such as Donald Trump. People like Pompeo had to constantly battle for their viewpoints to win Trump over the positions of Bolton. As Stephen Colbert said, “I have never been more grateful for the president’s pettiness and stupidity because today, he was stupidly petty enough to save us from a very smart warmonger.” Of course, the downside of Bolton leaving is that now we’ll probably help North Korea build a nuclear weapon and we’ll see Putin at the next G7 summit.

Donald Trump told us during the campaign that he’d only hire the best. Let’s hope for his next National Security Adviser, he can find the very best out of those willing to shed all ethics and dignity to work for Donald Trump.

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  1. “Of course, the downside of Bolton leaving is that now we’ll probably help North Korea build a nuclear weapon and we’ll see Putin at the next G7 summit.”

    Technically, if Putin does show up, it would be the G8 Summit.
    Unless, of course, at least one of the other members boycotts the G? Summit in protest, or maybe they all will refuse to come to 45*’s Doral, in which case it will be the G2 Summit, if Putin still comes, or maybe the G3 Summit if 45* invites Kim too.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. >>The big thing that really put Bolton on the outs with Trump is that he didn’t subordinate his views to match Trump’s.

    So the president hires a hawk because it’s just something tough-talking outsiders do, Bolton thinks Trump was serious when he said the US would “totally destroy” North Korea, ignores the love-letters and continues to press for a preemptive strike, then gets fired by a shape-shifting knucklehead for holding on to his views. Poor guy. I don’t know where he got the crazy idea that the US can bomb its way out of every entanglement, but Bolton deserves credit for maintaining some integrity while surrounded by an ocean of silent assent.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. “MUSTACHE RIDES $2.00”

    On occasion I and/or other Claytoonzers (Claytoonzites? Claytoonzatics? Claytoonziacs? Claytoonzies?) have shared our favorite Claytoonz on other sites, such as the Comments Section of a WaPo article or column. (That’s how I first discovered your work.)

    However, I am reluctant to share some of your best work, such as “RIDING WITH BOLTON” and “A PAIR IN HELSINKI”


    for fear that the WaPo Comment Police (WaPrudes) would ban any future links to your work, and maybe ban any more posts from me.

    What’s a Claytoonzer to do?

    Liked by 1 person

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