Donald Trump is a baby.

The man whined over college athletes not “thanking him enough” after he had China release them from jail for shoplifting. He whined last week over Twitter removing bots from his followers, which puts him even further behind Obama in another area. At a Coast Guard event in 2017, he whined, “No politician in history has been treated worse or more unfairly.” He whines when people call him out on his lies. He whines that the media uses facts. He whines when people he’s not loyal to abandon their loyalty to him. He whines when courts won’t let him burn the Constitution. He whines that he can’t have Russian spies in his campaign without people saying it looks suspicious.

The primaries were unfair. The debates were unfair. The general election was unfair. He even whines when it rains.

Not only have I given up on Trump ever pivoting to presidential, I’ve given up on him pivoting to adulthood. We didn’t elect a president (we didn’t elect Trump period, but we’ll save that for another day), we elected a baby. A great big, old, orange baby.

So, why is Trump so insecure? There are theories.

One theory is, he’s stupid and doesn’t measure up to people who aren’t stupid. He’s a guy who demanded that Obama release his school transcripts who won’t release his own. He even had Michael Cohen call his universities and threaten them not to ever release his records, which they’re already prohibited from doing by law.

Another theory is, he hasn’t actually accomplished anything in his life. Everything was handed to him. Maybe if he makes enough noise, people won’t notice all his claims are lies.

Maybe it’s the botched hair transplant that left a skanky, bleached ferret on his head. Fun fact: The ferret died from inhaling hair spray.

Maybe it’s a tiny penis. Lots of men overcompensate for that by buying really big cars, big guns, building up their muscles, screaming at women and immigrants, joining the Klan, voting for Donald Trump, etc.

Or, we can go with my new theory. Donald Trump wears a diaper.

There’s no shame for an adult who must wear a diaper. It’s a medical thing. I don’t think we should laugh at them…unless they’re Donald Trump. Why laugh at Trump over such a thing? Because it’s the kinda thing he’d laugh at someone else over. If you’ve ever been around Trump, have you heard a “crunch, crunch, crunch” sound coming from his nether regions when he walks? How about a “squish, squish, squish?”

But think about it. The guy is a billionaire who owns his own clothing line, yet he can’t wear a suit that fits his body. They’re all too big. That would hide his diaper and probably be much more comfortable when you go hours without changing it.

And, someone needs to change it. I had a baby. Three things that make a baby a cranky baby are, lack of sleep, hunger, and a full diaper. We know Trump’s not hungry because it’s like a hamberder paradise over at the White House. We know he’s not tired because he doesn’t work a hectic schedule. So, the diaper must be full. Whose job is it to change that diaper? It’s hard to tell because everyone who works for Trump is the kind of person who’s expunged all dignity to wallow through whatever amount of orangy shit Trump forces them to dive into.

Of course, changing the diaper doesn’t change the fact he still has to wear a diaper. But, maybe he won’t be AS cranky. Now, every time I see and hear him screaming at one of his rallies, I’m going to wonder just how full is that diaper. And, does Steve Mnuchin wash his hands after his turn changing it?

Donald Trump does not feel good about himself. He thinks he’s a piece of crap. When he attacks other people, he’s trying to bring them down to his level. But, you can’t bring people down to your level. The only person who can bring you down is yourself.

Donald Trump has been tearing himself down for years to the point that he’s nothing more than a lying, racist, sexist, Islamophobic, stealing-from-charity, narcissistic, insecure, lusting-after-his-daughter, skanky-ferret and diaper wearing scumbag. Maybe the royal family would like to have one of those.

I’m open to a trade. We get a nice, newborn baby with a charming English accent (they come with those, right?), and they get…well, we better not tell them beforehand.

They’ve seen the blimp.

Be Complicit

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