Carolina Cheaters


Republicans love to talk about voter fraud. They can’t shut up about it. Never mind that there were only four documented cases of it in 2016, they can’t stop yapping. They use it as a distraction, a fear tactic, and an excuse for when they lose, but when a case of it is actually discovered, Republicans are silent. Why is that? Because, when it does happen it’s usually committed by…wait for it…REPUBLICANS!!!

A Republican won North Carolina’s Ninth Congressional District, which was not a huge surprise. Thanks to gerrymandering, Republicans won ten of that state’s 13 congressional districts despite Democrats receiving 50% of the vote (are you getting tired of that shit yet?). But, that advantage isn’t good enough for some members of the GOP.

The state has decided to delay certification of the results in that district’s election amid allegations of an effort to fill in or discard the absentee ballots of Democratic voters.

Republican Mark Harris, who beat incumbent Robert Pittenger in the primary, leads Democrat Dan McCready in the race by only 905 votes (out of around two hundred and eighty thousand cast).

The state is investigating allegations that an operative for Harris (the Republican) paid people to go door-to-door and collect absentee ballots. In Bladen and Robeson counties, Harris won an unusually high share of mail-in absentee-ballot votes. Bladen was the only county where the Republican prevailed in the mail-in-absentee vote, winning sixty-one percent of the votes from mail-in ballots, despite registered Republicans accounting for only nineteen percent of the county’s returned absentee ballots. The only way that was possible was for Harris to win not only all of the Republican ballots but almost every single mail-in vote from Independents, plus a significant number of votes from crossover Democrats. If you’re a Republican, there’s nothing fishy to this.

Also, in those two counties, about forty percent and sixty-two percent, respectively, of requested mail-in absentee ballots were never turned in. Not surprising at all, In Robeson County, seventy-five percent of the absentee ballots requested by African-Americans and sixty-nine percent of those requested by Native Americans were never received by the state. People don’t normally request absentee ballots to not turn them in. Did they think it was the form for Columbia House (you millennials won’t get that)?

Harris says the state should go ahead and certify his victory while they’re investigating because there aren’t enough missing ballots to change the outcome of the election. But, about sixteen hundred mail-in absentee ballots were requested in the two counties and not returned, in a race decided by fewer than a thousand votes (In case you’re a Republican, 1,000 is less than 1,600). Harris says it’s a disservice to the state not to go ahead and seat him, ignoring the disservice of stealing the election.

Now, there are also questions about the results of the Republican primary. Harris may have even cheated his fellow Republican.

Republicans cheat. They have a Supreme Court that allows PACS to finance campaigns basically without any limits. They gerrymander districts which let Republicans pick their voters instead of the other way around. They suppress votes of minorities when they’re not busy kicking them off the voter rolls. They get help from Russian hackers. And, when they still lose, they use their lame-duck sessions to strip power from the incoming Democrats. Now, they’re literally taking ballots out of Democratic voters’ hands and throwing them away.

The good news is the House of Representatives, which will be controlled by Democrats in January, can refuse to seat Harris. There are calls for a new election in the Ninth District, and there should be, and maybe even another Republican primary.

Voters should be represented by the people they actually vote for, and Republicans should stop taking that away from them.

This week, you’ve probably heard Republicans talk more about French socialism than North Carolina voter fraud.

Side note: Remember the movie The Lost World? I was always bothered by the Tyrannosaurus eating the dog in San Diego. He also ate the screenwriter outside of a Blockbuster, but that’s OK because that guy probably wrote for the dog to die (I bet he was also responsible for the Japanese tourists running from the T-Rex as if it was Godzilla. Yeah, eat that guy). The poor dog was chained to his dog house…in a fenced yard. People, if you can’t have a dog without chaining him where he can’t escape being eaten by dinosaurs, then you don’t deserve to own a dog.

I liked the way the black-and-white version turned out, so I’m gonna let you see that too.


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  1. By the way, I watched the funeral yesterday.
    45* just sat there staring blankly ahead as the eulogies were being delivered.

    He obviously wasn’t paying attention.

    Maybe we can have a contest about Who Can Guess What 45* Was Thinking (if anything).

    I will start:

    — “What the hell am I doing here?” (Too Obvious?)
    — “Huh! MY State Funeral Will be So Much Bigger! It will be HUUUUGE! The Biggest Ever In History Anywhere!! So Big that it won’t fit in this cheesy cathedral!! They’ll have to have it on the Mall. It will be Bigger than My Inauguration, which as many people are saying was the Biggest Ever In History!!!”
    (Also Too Obvious?)

    Liked by 3 people

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