Do Not Congratulate


cjones03242018

If I invited you to come to a party with me, I don’t think I’d be required to preempt you from causing a disaster. You’re not so stupid that I’d have to warn you beforehand, do not pee in the punch bowl. That’s not the sort of thing I’d foresee happening.

Donald Trump, the guy who is currently president of the United States, is stupid. He is so stupid, his staff tries to prevent potential disasters by giving him note cards with instructions on what not to do.

Unfortunately for them, and the rest of us, Trump is such an idiot that it’s impossible to predict his next act of stupidity. Sure, you can predict he’ll say something racist, sexist, or childish. But there are some things that nobody could have predicted. A normal, semi-intelligent individual would not have to be given note cards saying “do not throw paper towels at hurricane survivors,” or “do not defend Nazis,” or “do not endorse a pedophile,” or “do not talk about sex to Boy Scouts.” There’s always some stupid you don’t see coming. Right after you think Trump can’t surprise you any more a year and two months into his presidency, the guy surprises you with a 6:00 AM tweet about beating up Joe Biden. Seriously. He did that this morning.

Even when you successfully predict the very exact stupid act Trump will pull, and you put it on a note card for him written in all caps, like “DO NOT CONGRATULATE,” it’s to no avail. Trump will be holding that card in his hand while he congratulates Vladimir Putin for winning a sham election. In addition to ignoring the warning, he’ll fail to bring up Russia poisoning a British citizen or meddling in our election. But, he will throw in another stupid surprise, like try to schedule a playdate with the Russian authoritarian without discussing it with his foreign policy team beforehand.

But, Trump is stupid. Fran Lebowitz said, “You do not know anyone as stupid as Donald Trump.”

Someone at the White House leaked the information to the press about the note cards with the warning in all caps. Trump and his chief-of-staff, John Kelly, are said to be very upset, though Kelly is suspect number one for many. Another suspect is National Security Adviser H.R. McMaster, who is said to be on the chopping block and hasn’t been getting along with Trump.

Trump has made everyone working in the West Wing sign a hush-clause to prevent them from talking about what happens in the White House. Why would Trump force people to sign a clause that can’t be enforced and probably isn’t legal? Because he doesn’t have any more respect for White House staffers than he does for porn stars. And, he’s really stupid.

I used to debate with colleagues about the intelligence of George W. Bush. While none of us thought he was the smartest man to ever occupy the Oval Office, there were arguments among liberals if he was misunderstood, maybe just a little slow, or an idiot without a village. With Trump, there is no disagreement among informed people (those who are paying attention) that he is an extremely stupid person.

Trump is so stupid, he doesn’t know how to cut-and-paste. He tweeted a quote from Alan Dershowitz criticizing the Special Counsel, and Trump misspelled “Counsel” three times.

One problem with giving Trump notes is that he can’t really read. He’s semi-literate. He probably didn’t sign his pseudonym on the porn-star-hush contract because he can’t spell “David.”

The one fortunate thing about Trump’s stupidity is that he’s going to indict himself if he hasn’t already.  I am looking forward to the day when someone who cares about Trump hands him a note card saying, “DO NOT DROP THE SOAP.”

Here’s the video.

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4 comments

  1. “DO NOT DROP THE SOAP.”
    Huh?
    “DO NOT DROP THE SOAP.”
    Is this some kind of in-joke between Clay and the first dozen people who followed him?
    “DO NOT DROP THE SOAP.”
    Did I miss the box of Cracker Jack that contained The Official Claytoonz Decoder Ring?
    “DO NOT DROP THE SOAP.”
    Wait a minute… think this through… if 45* drops the soap… in the shower… and then bends down to pick it up…

    OMG! I got it!

    Brilliant, Clay, Brilliant!

    I hope someone puts this on a bumper sticker… or a ball cap… or a huuuuge campaign button.

    Liked by 1 person

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