Pod People


cjones01262018

There are a lot of things I don’t get. Some things are just so out of reach for me that I’m not even going to try to understand. Like, an old man wouldn’t try to understand Kajagoogoo in the 1980s. I would have gone for a more relative reference, but I’m too old for current crappy musical trends.

Take planking for instance. This was a thing a few years ago and I never understood it, and I might have tried for ten seconds to figure it out before I moved on with my life. What’s planking? I’m not sure I understand it enough to even give a description, but here goes.

Basically, it’s laying still, very stiffly, in strange places, like hanging between two tables…or in traffic. Yes, people did this. It seemed like a great way to combine laziness and danger into one useless activity. If you can describe it better, then please, post it in the comments.

There’s a new stupid thing you’ve probably heard about. It’s called the “Tide Pod Challenge.” Before we get to the challenge, there may be a few of you who don’t even know what a Tide Pod is. OK, guys, it’s laundry detergent. It’s in a plastic-like wrapper that you, or people who actually do laundry, throw in with their dirty clothes instead of pouring liquid detergent into the machine. The wrapper apparently vanishes, just like Republican dignity. I like them. I don’t use the Tide ones as I found some Gain “Flings” on sale.

The Tide Pod Challenge is kinda like the Ice Bucket Challenge of a few years ago, except where that challenge was raising money for charity, this challenge is exclusive to stupid people. They are eating the pods. Yes. You heard that correctly. People are eating laundry detergent. They are kinda cute and nifty looking. Appetizing? I don’t think so.

While your mother may not have killed you by washing your mouth out with soap when you said “fudge” as a kid (the Queen Elizabeth of all dirty words), eating laundry detergent can kill you, or at the very least, mess you up seriously. I don’t get it. I don’t understand it. It just doesn’t make any sort of sense to me at all. But, it does make more sense than Republicans who deflect for Donald Trump.

People, like Rush Limbaugh, Alex Jones, Donald Trump, and several Republican members of Congress are going on about a “secret society” within the FBI. Previously, the conspiracy theorists were going on about the “deep state.” This is Tide-Pod-Challenge stupid, which still isn’t as dumb as the conspiracies Trump believes in.

The GOP in Congress has been way more concerned with deflecting from investigations into his campaign’s collusion with Russia and his obstruction of justice than with defending our nation or finding the truth. Do you remember when Republicans were all about defending our nation from Russians and supporting law enforcement?

Donald Trump fired the Director of the FBI after he refused to pledge his loyalty to him and drop the agency’s investigation into Michael Flynn. He asked the acting-Director who he voted for. He’s asked other people in intelligence agencies to kill investigations into him and his surrogates. According to news today, Trump asked James Comey to drop the investigation into Flynn the day after he learned Flynn lied to the FBI.

Trump is trying to purge the FBI and create it into his own personal protection agency. He’s complained about Attorney General Jeff Sessions’ decision to recuse himself from overseeing the Special Counsel and has said he wouldn’t have appointed him if he knew beforehand that he would do that. His idea of draining the swamp is to turn the Justice Department into an agency that protects him and defends his corruption.

This does not concern Republicans at all. What does concern them is a make-believe society within the government trying to overthrow the president. They are basing this belief on the texts between two FBI agents who disliked Trump. One of them joked in a text about having a meeting of their “secret society.” The GOP probably also believes there’s a double-secret probation.

A lot of these text messages have vanished and the blame is being placed upon Samsung. Samsung is defending itself, but as an owner of several Samsung products…yeah. Your Samsung device can make shit disappear without any warning. I have had texts delete between me and a contact as new texts are written on a Samsung Galaxy. And, Fifty music demos, Samsung. FIFTY!!!!

Trump has tweeted about the missing text messages. Why doesn’t he just ask Russia to find them?

The GOP is now waging a campaign about releasing the FISA Memo. What new absurd nonsense is this shit? Republicans are upset that FBI agents used details from the Christopher Steele dossier (paid for by Democrats) as part of their argument to obtain a FISA warrant. The problem with this is, so what? Law enforcement will use anything to get a warrant. The information to get a warrant is usually accusations. It doesn’t mean anything. You use the information to convince a judge that a warrant is warranted.

The Republicans are shouting for a memo written about the FISA warrant to be released. Who wrote this memo? Republicans. Who won’t release it? Republicans. The Republicans who have seen it won’t even let other Republicans see it while screaming about how the public can’t see it. That eating Tide Pods thing is looking less and less like the dumbest new thing this week.

It was written by Devin Nunes, who is chairing the House’s investigation into the Russian Collusion thing. Nunes has made a habit of running to the White House every time he gets information on the case. Now, he’s written this memo that will supposedly destroy the FBI’s case. It’s being championed by such stalwarts of jurisprudence as Trey Gowdy and Bob Goodlatte. Forgive me if my expectations on this memo becoming anything more than another Republican distraction and talking point are low.

Believing Republican bullshit is dumber than eating Tide Pods, and will cause greater brain damage.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude

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3 comments

  1. The Deep State would never oppose Donald J. Trump as he is an instrument of it. The real Deep State is not the military or bureaucrats, it is the plutocrats, the rich bastards who have bought off all of the politicians and judges to do their bidding. Mr. Trump keeps everyone in a frenzy while the status quo keeps purring along. The Plutocrats like the status quo as they helped create it. They are getting richer every minute. Under the Trump distraction machine they are advancing their ideas which they fully expect will be at least partially rolled back when another administration takes over, but still even if they end up back at the current status quo, they are fine with that.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Some clown drumpf-troll was posting over at Instagram saying that drumpf was “your lord and savior” to people posting and criticizing drumpf. What kind of worm-brain would say something so gd’d stupid? I immediately blocked him. That is why this country is in the state that it is in now because of people like that.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. What I find ironic is that the Tide Pods commercials specifically warn how poisonous they are & to keep them out of the reach of children.

    I guess future commercials need to include warnings to keep it away from people with the intelligence of a child, but the body of an adult.

    Also, I gotta be the know-it-all, yet again! Now, you wouldn’t know it to look at me, but I know quite a bit about exercise & fitness. “Planking” is actually an exercise. It’s been proven more beneficial to the abdominal muscles than crunches or sit-ups.

    Give this a shot – try to hold a plank, on the regular old boring floor, for 60 seconds (I’m sure your cell phone has a timer on it). Try it with your palms on the floor, hands under your shoulders, arms straight out, feet about a foot apart, balanced on your toes, & your back straight. The most common mistake is to let your butt pop up, which makes it super easy. Try to make a straight line from your shoulders to your heels.

    Then report back & lemme know how it felt. LOL 😉 😛

    Like

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