I gotta be honest. I wasn’t that intrigued about the release of the JFK files. I didn’t think it would reveal anything new to us and at the most, just give more credence to already-existing conspiracy theories, or even create new ones. On that score, I was right.

Right-wing dumbasses are the biggest consumers of wacked-out conspiracy theories. Over the past nine years, how many times did you hear someone say Obama is a Muslim, or he’s taking everyone’s guns away, or that he’ll even refuse to leave office after his second term was up? Did you hear about Hillary’s lesbian lover or the child-sex slave ring she ran out of a Washington, D.C. pizza shop? Don’t get them started on chemtrails. Seriously. Do NOT get them started on chemtrails. No wonder the Russians had such huge success dropping lies on our nation during the presidential campaign.

The release of the JFK files did create some new conspiracies, furthered existing ones, and revealed a little information. There were a few details on Robert Kennedy having an affair with Marilyn Monroe (didn’t we already know that?), The CIA plotted to kill Castro (didn’t we already know that?), someone called the FBI threatening to kill Lee Harvey Oswald the day before he was killed (we didn’t know that), the CIA intercepted a call from Oswald to the KGB (that’s new), the FBI was worried people would create conspiracy theories about the murders (yeah), the Soviets were creating their own conspiracy theories, an alleged Cuban intel officer said he knew Oswald, and the FBI was looking for a hooker/stripper (haven’t we all done that?).

And of course, there’s no bigger conspiracy buff and bullshitter than our joke of a Commander-in-Chief. This is a man who peddled a lie that Ted Cruz’s father was a part of the plot to Kill Kennedy, Obama was born in Kenya, and that the National Enquirer should be winning Pulitzers. Also, his promise of being presidential still hasn’t come to fruition.

The guy is still creating conspiracies, though now he’s using them to distract from Robert Mueller’s investigation.

Sunday, the orange one tweeted, “Never seen such Republican ANGER & UNITY as I have concerning the lack of investigation on Clinton made Fake Dossier (now $12,000,000?),….”

Sure. There’s been a lack of investigations on Hillary Clinton, the most investigated person in American history. Thinking there haven’t been enough investigations on Clinton is like thinking Trump doesn’t use enough Aqua Net. Though it is true the GOP is united when it comes to stupid bullshit and fear mongering.

The president is supposed to be an informed person, so you’d think he would know as well as anyone that running opposition research on your opponent isn’t illegal, whether you spend twelve bucks on it or twelve million. You may argue that she used a foreign source. That is true, but it’s a foreign source who was working as a private citizen, and last time I checked, Britain is not a hostile government to the United States, but give it time.

Plus, Trump should be very informed about the legalities of running opposition research since he did it himself. They did host Russians, who were promising dirt on Clinton, in Trump Tower. People working for his campaign contacted Wikileaks to gain access to Clinton’s email. Trump himself publicly asked Russia to help with his campaign and shouted “I love Wikileaks” while reading their leaks at a campaign rally. The orange fuck was literally reading from Wikileaks documents in his hands at rallies. Also, how many Trump goons had meetings with Russians they later conveniently forgot about?

Trump is shouting “banana.” Have you seen that CNN commercial where they show an apple and tell you that many people will claim it’s a banana? Some people will put it in all caps and at some point you may start believing it’s a banana. That won’t change the fact that it’s an apple. Trump is yelling “banana.”

What Trump does is tweet out some stupid bullshit that doesn’t make sense, and then Fox News and other Republicans like Jack Kingston (former Georgia congressman and a RIDICULOUS Trump sycophant) take to the airwaves to repeat his ridiculous nonsense. If you’re going to lie then could some of it be plausible and make sense? If Trump floated a theory that there were too many squirrels in Central Park and Hillary was seen with an acorn, these guys would go on TV demanding a Congressional Hillary/Squirrel investigation.

Trump also bitched about the uranium deal and wants Clinton investigated for that. The only problem is, Clinton probably didn’t have anything to do with it. Sure, Russians donated to her CHARITY years before, but you would need evidence of a direct correlation that it was a payoff, which is really hard to do since nine agencies approved the deal.

I think we should investigate the uranium deal, but not for corruption as much as for actually understanding it, because a lot of people don’t.

First, the Russian nuclear agency acquired a majority stake in a Canadian-based company that had a licensing deal for 20% of our uranium. This was approved in 2010. In case you’re bad at math or a Republican, that was seven years ago. The deal was approved by the Nuclear Regulatory Commission with the Treasure Department being the key agency that headed the committee that approved the investment. The only person who could have blocked the deal was President Obama, not Hillary Clinton. It would be really hard to connect Clinton to the deal unless you don’t use facts. Banana.

The bizarre part is that all this is evidence Trump claims is “modern day Watergate,” while all the crap his campaign did, which I mentioned previously, is “fake news,” and a “witch hunt.” Also, Trump is meddling in investigations as he urged a gag order to be lifted in the uranium case. There’s a Justice Department rule, unwritten, that the president doesn’t get involved in their cases, but I guess we’re becoming a “banana” republic. This informant will now be able to testify before Congress and further help deflect from Trump fuckery. Banana.

Sarah Huckabee Huckster Sanders said Trump did this in the interest of transparency. She actually used the word “transparency” in relation to Trump? There has been more transparency of the president’s wife’s naked body than of his taxes. How dare they talk about transparency. Thank god George H. W. Bush didn’t conceal his taxes and instead give us Barbara nude on a bear-skin rug.

The president loves conspiracies and now he uses them to deflect. His followers are using them too and will be left with credibility equivalent to those yelling about alien autopsies and Bigfoot. We can’t let them get away with this and win the information campaign by not using any information.

Don’t let them get away telling you it’s a banana when it’s an apple. That is how we’ll become a banana republic.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

One comment

  1. Speaking of “conspiracies”
    From WaPo:
    By Rosalind S. Helderman and Matt Zapotosky

October 30 at 8:12 AM ET
    Former Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort and his former business partner Rick Gates will turn themselves in on charges stemming from Special Counsel Robert S. Mueller III’s investigation into possible coordination between the Trump campaign and Russia to influence the 2016 election, according to a person familiar with the matter.
    And so it (finally!) begins.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s