Hillary Clinton

Get Over It


cjones09122017

Someone needs to go away. This person needs to stop rehashing the 2016 election. This person needs to stop whining about how unfairly they were treated. This person needs to stop blaming others for their failures and accept some responsibility. This person’s lingering presence is detrimental to the future success of their party and our country. They need to shut up already.

This person also needs to stop lying about millions of illegal voters. This person needs to stop interjecting that they won Michigan into every conversation that’s unrelated to that subject. This person needs to stop pimping his campaign schwag when visiting disaster areas. This person needs to stop holding campaign rallies, stop talking about how they’re the most presidential and accomplished president ever, and perhaps suspend their 2020 campaign for three more years, or at least until they have one legislative victory. And, just maybe…stop talking about being on Mount Rushmore.

Someone needs to not just get over the 2016 election, but get over himself. Someone needs to act not just presidential, but like an adult.

And if you really wanna rehash the 2016 election, then let’s talk about it. How many Russians did you collude with during the campaign?

What happened? I’m waiting on Robert Mueller to happen.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Advertisements

A Cartoon About Creepers


cjones08272017

I’m not a fan of bullies. Nope, I don’t like them. And Donald Trump is the Bully In Chief.

Excerpts of Hillary Clinton’s upcoming book, “What Happened,” were released this week, much to the chagrin of Republicans and probably a few Democrats. A lot of people don’t want to relitigate the election…except for Donald Trump, of course.

The excerpts cover the second presidential debate, the one where Donald Trump was stalking Clinton all over the stage, usually standing directly behind her each time it was her turn to speak. Clinton writes that her “skin crawled,” and she considered telling him to “back up, you creep.”

I know what she means by the “skin crawling” description. If someone stands directly behind me, I will get a chill running up the back of my neck, and that’s without the offender attempting to bully me. Some people are just creepers.

My skin crawled a bit when I was watching that debate. Clinton isn’t wrong to feel Trump was trying to bully her, as I wasn’t the only one to notice. The rest of the nation noticed, commentators discussed it, and Saturday Night Live even spoofed with Alec Baldwin portraying Trump lurking behind Clinton while the theme to “Jaws” played.

Trump is a shark. A 71-year-old mentally-unstable shark. Clinton’s book isn’t revealing new news that Trump is a creepy jerk. Trump has spent the last 30 years with his creepiness on public display, and he’s been rewarded for it.

And when it does happen, there are people who defend the perpetrator with “get over it,” or “you probably encouraged it,” or “maybe it was something you wore.” And it’s not just men who defend other men when they bully or sexually harass a woman. Women do it too. Kellyanne Conway is criticizing Clinton’s book, which I know she hasn’t read because, A. It’s not out yet, and B. It’s a book.

Conway said Democrats want Clinton to, “either make herself useful or fade out of the limelight.” I have to disagree with Kellyanne. I think Clinton’s book may serve a purpose by detailing all the horrible crap that happened that stuck us with a narcissistic man-baby for president. That would be much more useful than going on CNN and telling Chris Cuomo about terrorist attacks in Atlanta that never happened.

Trump understands bullying and sexual harassment. He’s just too stupid to realize his defense of it reveals that he is an offender. During the campaign, he claimed he never harassed one woman because he “didn’t find her attractive.” Being attracted to someone doesn’t have much to do with harassment. It’s about control. And, saying you wouldn’t harass because you don’t find them attractive tells us that you would harass them, you know if they resembled an Eastern European supermodel or a teenage beauty-pageant-contestant half-naked in a dressing room.

How would the public have responded if Clinton did tell Trump, “back off, you creep?” Would they have applauded her? Would she have won the election? Or, would every conservative had accused her of being a snowflake over something that didn’t happen, and by the way….EMAILS!?

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Hillary’s Pom-Poms


cjones12162016

As we get closer and closer to the day that Donald Trump becomes the actual president of the United States and we wake up and discover it’s not just a horrible, truly terrifying, blood-curdling nightmare That even the most hateful and evil demons from Hell wouldn’t inflict upon humanity, some people are realizing that maybe we should stop this. They’re looking toward the people who actually elect the president. They’re looking to the electors.

Even a few electors are expressing concern and want to be briefed by the CIA to find out just how bad this Russia stuff is. Did we just have a coup and mistake it for rampant stupidity on our parts?

The Trump transition has been a bigger disaster than the Republican convention. He has spent the entire time since the election proving he’s unqualified and totally uninterested in the details of the job. We have a president-elect who is such a narcissist that he doesn’t believe anyone can educate him or tell him something he doesn’t know. He’s rejecting what our nation’s intelligence tells him and instead is relying on InfoWars talking points to counter their message, as if our security is a game.

He’s appointing people to his cabinet and inner circle who aren’t qualified or are Vladimir-approved. He’s allowing his business interest to supersede his duties as president. He’s setting himself up to be blackmailed by third-world nations such as Turkey. Does Trump want a new hotel in Istanbul to be built bad enough that he’ll extradite a man to be executed by President Erdogan, a notable fascist whose sources of information are also as reliable as Breitbart? The rest of us might be stuck eating borscht for the rest of our lives, but Trump will have a sweet tower in downtown Istanbul.

So we look to the last line of defense to save our nation. Partisan Republicans. Republican electors hold the key to deny Trump the presidency. But how do you convince a bunch of Republicans not to vote for the man who won the electoral college? You don’t. You convince Democrats to give up on the pipe dream of electing Hillary and have them work with just enough Republicans willing to defect to elect a different Republican  to the presidency.

Will that sound tempting to enough Republicans to sway them not to cast their vote for Trump? Maybe. But who will be that candidate? The Democrats have gotta let them decide and just prepare for the bad taste of a Republican they’re not going to like, but will not plunge the nation into World War III over a tweet, or because he missed an intelligence briefing for another pep rally, or he had to hang out with Kanye.

Maybe you can convince them to go for the best option which would be John Kasich (who’s already said “leave me out of this”). Hell, Democrats could live with Mitt Romney at this point. He’s got a lot of poop on his nose right now but that should wash off. They’d even go for Mike Pence, as terrible and utterly terrifying as that sounds. Hell, they’d even go for Ted Cruz….no they wouldn’t. I’ve gone too far.

What’s possible is that the electors don’t elect a president. They vote between three candidates and none acquire the necessary 270 voters. Then it’d go to the House of Representatives which is run by very rational and reasonable Republicans. Crap. But it’s still possible enough Republicans there can bond with House Democrats to send that third option to the White House. If the Democrats gave them Scott Walker they’d probably bite.

Is this scenario actually possible? Yes. The electors are human beings. Even the Republicans. They have to have a soul in there somewhere. They are capable of realizing what a planet-destroying asteroid of a disaster Trump is…maybe. It’s also possible you can find at least 36 Republican electors who are more patriotic than partisan. Maybe. Can you get all of the Democratic electors to go along with this? No, but maybe enough. Personally, I would eat a live rattlesnake to prevent Trump from becoming president. I would spend the rest of the year with the only song in my head being that hippopotamus tune from that Christmas commercial. I would spend an entire weekend listening to Nickelback on a loop. I would sit through a Tyler Perry marathon. I will watch Two Broke Girls.

Is this going to happen? No. On December 19 the electors will vote making Donald Trump the actual freaking president of the United States of America and light the fuse that will ultimately obliterate our nation.

There is one thing to keep in mind and that is nothing has gone as expected during this entire election process.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, etc.. The starving cartoonist it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Tofurky


cjones11242016

Among all the stupid and idiotic issues Donald Trump ran on the promise of jailing his political opponent was the dumbest.

First, it’s illegal. It was one of the Articles of Impeachment written up for Richard Nixon, and yet Trump ran on it. He was promising to be impeached. Second, it’s not what we do. We’re not a banana republic, or at least we weren’t.

His supporters feel betrayed. He encouraged chants of “lock her up.” He said he’d order his Attorney General to open an investigation of Hillary Clinton. During the last debate he said she’d “be in jail” if he was in charge (between his sniffles). He claimed her email scandal was larger than Watergate. Now he says “never mind.”

Even Breitbart, the alt-right bastion of hatred and a magnet for white supremacists and Nazis is upset. They supported Trump during the campaign and even took his side after his (now former) campaign manager roughed up one of their female reporters. Their leader is taking a job as Trump’s Chief Nazi Strategist.

The thing is, Trump doesn’t decide who gets investigated. The president does not do that. If he does do that then he and his Justice Department are breaking the law. Donald Trump is either a huge liar who lied all along or he doesn’t know what his new job entails. It’s not king. I don’t care if he does convince Scotland to move windmills away from his golf club.

Donald Trump is going to break a lot of promises so his supporters should get used to it. Now he says he’s “open minded” about climate change and wants to keep parts of Obamacare. You know that wall he promised and you voted for? Yeah, that’s now gonna be a fence and in some parts, an imaginary wall. You fell for the sales pitch of a con man.

If you’re a liberal disappointed that Trump won’t pursue punishing his political enemy because you wanted to see him impeached, don’t worry. He’s guaranteeing us the most corrupt administration in American history. He’s holding meetings with foreign leaders and bringing up his business and having his daughter, who will lead his company, in on the meetings. He’s stated that a president “can’t have a conflict of interest,” which is like when Nixon said “it’s not illegal if the president does it.” Maybe this is something he will learn.

Creative stuff: This is the second Thanksgiving themed cartoon I’ve drawn this year. It’s also the last since I’m not usually fond of them and this is dated for Thanksgiving day. Some cartoonists continue to draw holiday themed cartoons even after the particular holiday is over. I don’t get that. At least I didn’t use the pardon or a Pilgrim about to chop off a Turkey head.

I had fun with Trump’s mouth. That didn’t sound right. Let me rephrase it. I had fun DRAWING Trump’s mouth for this one. I tried something a little bit different and took a cue from Alec Baldwin’s impersonation of Trump he performs on Saturday Night Live. He does this thing where he leaves his mouth hanging open, like a mouth breather, and gives the impression he’s confused and trying to think with great difficulty. It really works.

I research some bizarre stuff for my cartoons and today I researched Tofurky. Yes, I spelled it correctly. I would have spelled it “Tofurkey” if I hadn’t looked it up (and I just noticed the trending hashtag on Twitter spells it incorrectly). Tofurky is actually the copyrighted name of a product. It’s meatless turkey made from tofu (bleah) and soy (double bleah) and it looks kinda like a roast you don’t want to eat. During my research I even went over a taste test of veggie turkey dinners and some looked like a roast and others resembled cat food. Apparently they all tasted kinda like cat food except for one, which wasn’t Tofurky. I don’t know for sure what I’ll be having on Thursday but I guarantee you it won’t be Tofurky.

Several years ago I was seeing a girl who is Jewish and I went to her home on Thanksgiving. There wasn’t any turkey or cranberry sauce but they had a brisket. On the way home I had to stop at Wawa for their “gobbler” bowl thingy. It wasn’t Thanksgiving for me without turkey, cranberry sauce, and stuffing.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Mall Rats


cjones11082016

First person to leave a comment about a little girl getting a big wiener is banned for life.

I had two ideas on Jim Comey. One was on his hit on Clinton’s campaign but then I thought that aspect wouldn’t be important after Tuesday. His negligence and fumbling will remain an issue so I went in that direction. I don’t think it matters who becomes president. Jim Comey’s career at the FBI doesn’t have a bright future. He’s managed to anger both presidential campaigns.

I had to do a lot of Googling for images while drawing this cartoon. I haven’t been inside a mall in years. I think the last time I went was when my album came out and I couldn’t talk my drummer out of buying ridiculous $200 Ray-Bans. He did get a lot of compliments that day for his Mohawk.

I have never liked mall food court food. Fast food is normally bad but food court fast food is the suck. Panda Express is an insult to China, Sbarro is an offense to Italy, and Orange Julius is an insult to Donald Trump.

Reminder: I am live blogging the election tomorrow night. If you follow me on social media you know I’m prone to making a lot of snarky posts. Tomorrow expect me to spend the entire night drawing those. We’ll start around 7:00-ish  and go until whenever. Just refresh the page all night.

You know you want to want to do it. Between me and Wolf Blitzer who would you rather spend the night with?

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

The Morning After


cjones11072016

I am drawing for the days after the election. As I wrote yesterday, the window for election cartoons is closed. I still might do something on Jim Comey as that’ll probably be discussed beyond Tuesday.

I know you’re on Facebook. Everyone is on Facebook. I have friends whose dogs are on Facebook. Those dogs might be the only members of the social media community who haven’t unfriended someone over political beliefs.

There’s been a lot of talk about people unfriending and blocking others for disagreeing. I have seen people post “if you’re voting for Trump unfriend me now.” I think that’s extreme. Personally I want to know the arguments of people I disagree with, even the most hateful and vile people. I want to know what they’re saying. If they’re really stupid and engage in conspiracy theories I tend to ignore them. If there’s one good thing about social media and this election is that now you know which of your friends are racists. And to think before all this all you had were suspicions.

Despite my open mindedness toward people I disagree with I have had to block a few people. Not so much because they disagree but for other reasons. I blocked one person for constantly bombing my wall with memes and harassing my friends. I had to block a couple others for similar reasons. And I block people who tag me in those stupid Ray-Ban ads but that doesn’t count (someone once put a porn picture on my wall too which had to go). But usually I’m the one who is unfriended. I have been unfriended a lot. Conservative cartoonists have been unfriending me waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay before Donald Trump announced he was running for president. You name the cartoonist, yeah he’s probably unfriended and blocked me. In their defense I am kind of a jerk.

I have two sisters and neither are my friends on Facebook but in my defense they’re both insane (still love them). I’ve heard of a lot of other people who can’t talk to family members right now which makes me feel a little better (I still have my big brother, son, and several nieces and nephews who probably never read this blog). My best friend from high school, who is still married to the woman I introduced him to, has unfriended me (and I never even talked to him about this election). However, his wife is still my friend. A friend I’ve known for 16 years and who I helped move once unfriended me a couple days ago (he was always kind of a stupid baby about everything anyway. And he likes Nickelback so no big loss there). There’s probably a dozen others I’m not even aware of. At some point I’ll think of someone and wonder how come I never see their posts anymore and then figure it out. I didn’t even know one of my sisters had blocked me until the other texted to inform me (neener neener). But this election has brought me more readers, friends, and fans. I look forward to many years of annoying them.

To my Facebook friends who’ve argued with me and have remained mature enough not to unfriend, thank you. I’m sure we’ll bicker in the future. I don’t get angry or take it personal with stuff like that. I can argue with you and then share a sandwich together. A few of my Republican friends can vouch for that. One of them helped me set up this website and he knew I was going to use it to publish godless liberal cartoons drawn for heathens. He also fed me ribs that night. Nice guy.

But you know what? If you don’t want to talk to people you disagree with about politics then maybe you shouldn’t talk about politics. Don’t make political posts if you don’t want knuckleheads coming in and disagreeing with you. And if you don’t like seeing what your friends post, then don’t join the conversation. Move on with your life. Just keep scrolling. There are plenty of selfies, food and cat pictures on social media (which annoys me more than any pro Trump posts). Seriously, people. How come that crap hasn’t gotten old to you yet? I’m not interested in your fascination with your face, your cat, and unless you’re buying me lunch I really don’t need to see a picture of it.

But come Wednesday morning, call your mom. Call your dad. Call your crazy uncle. Call your brother. Call your sister. Well…you might wanna give the sisters a few more extra days (in my case, years). Actually, if they supported Trump they’re really not going to be in a good mood for a while so you might wanna give them a month….or two…..just forget it. They’ll call you.

Then buy them a sandwich.

Psst. There’s a few Easter eggs in this cartoon. Give yourself ten points if you can find one.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

An Election Illustration


illustration

This isn’t really a cartoon. It’s an illustration for my clients. An editor for one of my subscribing newspapers asked me if I had an illustration he could use. I did not but I thought it might be a nice gesture on my part to give him and my other clients something. They can use it as a standalone, with an editorial, column, or other feature as they see fit.

It also gave me something else to do because the window for election cartoons is now closed. It’s closed for any new cartoons I can create that will be published before Wednesday. That makes me very sad.

I’ve been hitting the danger of Donald Trump for 18 months. I’ve weathered the fury of readers and editors alike. I’ve gained a few clients and I’ve lost others. I have also gained a lot of new readers and hopefully a fan or two. I can reflect on the cartoons I’ve drawn on Hillary Clinton but after Tuesday I’m going to have at least four more years of drawing Hillary. It’s also not over for Trump. He will not go away quietly into the night and his supporters aren’t going to slink back into the chuck holes they slithered out of.

Last night I had two Trump ideas but knew that even one may not ever make it into print. I had a hard time choosing. I even wrote the blog for the one I didn’t go with. It’s hilarious. You’ll never see it. A colleague told me I should take tonight off and that was a good idea. I could have gone out for a couple of drinks with a friend or stayed in and rent a movie and eat popcorn (those are kinda my only two options for a night off). But this illustration gave me something to do, plus I really enjoy coloring these things. Drawing is fun too but it’s still work. Coloring, especially in the program I’m using, is playtime.

But fighting against a potential Trump presidency and lampooning his entire disaster of a campaign that’s exposed the ugliness of our nation…yeah, that’s over. Other than the year I spent cartooning in Hawaii these past 18 months have been the most fun in my career. I hope I don’t have time to suffer from withdrawal. I feel like I’ll need a new challenge after this. Maybe I’ll finally work on that children’s book a few friends have nagged me about. It’ll be about a boy who lost his favorite toy.

Let’s not write election 2016’s obituary yet. There’s still a little life left in Campaign 2016 so let’s go then go out with a bang.

Come to this website Tuesday night and hit refresh all night long. I will be live blogging the election as results pour in, providing I survive voting earlier in the day. I haven’t come to a firm decision exactly how to do the posts, but I think I’m going to insert them all into one long blog post. I’ll be drawing very rough sketches and providing the style of snarky commentary you’ve come to love and loathe all through the evening. I’m going to remain sober but I highly recommend you have a cocktail or two. It’s going to be a very stressful night. And if you’re driving around my city, bring me a sandwich. The taco trucks won’t arrive until Wednesday morning.

There will be two more cartoons before Tuesday’s live blog and they will both be a challenge as they will be aimed at publication dates after the election. I’ll try not to be boring.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!