Hillary Clinton

Skanks For The Memories


cjones05292020

Last week, Donald Trump yelled that churches are essential and demanded all the nation’s governors to reopen the churches in their states. If they won’t do it, he’ll override them and force the churches to reopen. Churches are essential dammit.

White evangelicals praised Donald Trump for declaring churches essential. Why, he’s their white knight of Christianity for saying churches are essential. And they are essential to all of them except…to Donald Trump.

Church is not essential to Donald Trump. Golf is essential to Donald Trump. Tweeting is essential to Donald Trump. Spreading childish insults, conspiracy theories, and lies are essential to Donald Trump. Being as divisive as possible to tear this country apart is essential to Donald Trump. Church? Not so much. If church was essential to Donald Trump, he would have been in one the Sunday after calling them essential.

I can not believe I’m not making this shit up. And I can not believe so many people are willing to overlook it.

During Memorial Day weekend, Donald Trump hit the links (not sausages, that we know of) twice. He visited his own course in Virginia. He was upset his golfing was criticized while totally missing why it was criticized. Trump thought he was being criticized for playing golf. No, he was criticized for playing golf during a pandemic despite criticizing President Obama for doing the same.

Differences between President Obama playing golf during the Ebola crisis, which Trump criticized him for, and Trump playing golf during a pandemic are: Two people died during the Ebola crisis. We’re nearing 100,000 for the Trump virus. Also, President Obama never swore he’d never play golf while he was president. Donald Trump did. Donald Trump described his fat ass riding around on a golf cart as exercise. Two things Donald Trump takes to the green with him: A golf cart and someone else’s golf ball, even if that ball belongs to a child.

While golfing and tweeting over the weekend, Donald Trump didn’t mention those lost to the Trump virus. That’s another thing he was criticized for. He neglected to mention those lost to the virus or even those on the front lines fighting, but he did dish out several hate tweets.

Donald Trump tweeted a conspiracy theory accusing MSNBC’s Morning Joe host Joe Scarborough of having an affair and committing murder. Did Donald Trump have any facts or evidence to back this up? No. Donald Trump is like the honey badger if the honey badger was orange and racist. Donald Trump don’t care. Donald Trump doesn’t need facts or evidence. It’s like his entire birther campaign when he swore he’d prove if President Obama was born in Kenya or not. He never did. He even took credit for President Obama producing his birth certificate, as if it’s thanks to Donald Trump that President Obama was born in Hawaii.

Donald Trump made a claim he was sending investigators to Hawaii to uncover the truth of Obama’s birth. Now, we need a search party to find those investigators because we never heard from them again. Methinks maybe John Barron led that expedition.

Donald Trump didn’t stop with the Scarborough conspiracy. He retweeted tweets from conservative and former political candidate John Stahl. John Stahl is a well-documented racist. Perhaps you don’t retweet a well-documented racist unless you yourself are a racist. In the past, John Stahl referred to Kamala Harris as “Willie’s ho,” and MSNBC’s Joy Reid as “butt ugly” and a “skank.” Apparently, racist tweets resonate with Donald Trump. In fact, he retweeted Stahl eight times on Saturday night.

Some of Trump’s Stahl retweets were about Nancy Pelosi wearing dentures (while Donald Trump himself probably wears dentures), Stacey Abrams hitting “every buffet in Georgia” while Donald Trump is no Twiggy himself, and finally, a tweet calling Hillary Clinton a skank.

It’s been three and a half years and Donald Trump still can’t get over Hillary Clinton so that must make her a skank in his book that he probably didn’t write and can’t read. Personally, I don’t think you’re fit to judge whether or not anyone is a skank when you cheated on all three of your wives who you’ve had five children with while raw-dogging porn stars and Playboy Playmates.

Racist Donald Trump also accused Joe Biden of being a racist while he was retweeting a known racist. I still can’t believe I’m not making any of this up.

Donald Trump projects. He calls someone else a racist because he’s a racist. He mocks people with dentures because he wears dentures. He calls women fat because he’s…well, Nancy called him “morbidly obese.” And, Donald Trump calls a woman a skank because he’s the biggest skank in the universe except, most skanks get sex for free. Donald Trump ultimately ends up paying for it.

Here’s the rule: If Donald Trump accuses anyone of anything, like cheating during an election, it’s because he’s doing it.

I’ll be glad when November gets here so we can rid ourselves of this skanky presidency.

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New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Fox Smear


cjones06142019

Despite telling over 10,000 of them, there is truth in every one of Donald Trump’s lies.

When Trump says that Russia didn’t meddle in the 2016 election, that means they helped elect him. When he says he’s exonerated, that means he’s guilty as hell. When he says he’s not a racist, that means he’s a Nazi-defending, Klan-loving racist. When he says there were no golden showers with Russian hookers in Moscow, that means someone had to burn a mattress.

Trump says he’s not worried about former vice-president Joe Biden and that he’s hoping to face him in the general election. That means Trump is terrified of Biden. Maybe not the same fear of being stuck in an elevator with Maxine Waters or of finding a vegetable on his plate, but he’s having nightmares of running against the man he’s dubbed “Sleepy Joe.”

Trump says Biden is “obsessed” with him, while he’s saying “Biden, Biden, Biden” nonstop. There’s a reason he’s afraid and obsessed with Biden and that’s because new polling shows Biden will tromp all over Trump in the 2020 campaign if he’s the Democratic nominee. A new Quinnipiac University survey has Biden leading Trump nationally by 13 points. The same poll also has him losing to Bernie Sanders, Kamala Harris, Elizabeth Warren, Cory Booker, and Pete Buttigieg.

The same poll finds him trailing Biden by double digits in Pennsylvania and Michigan, states where Russian troll farms were the most help in electing Trump. He’s even trailing Biden in Texas. Texas!

After being briefed on a 17-state poll conducted by his campaign pollster, Tony Fabrizio, Trump ordered his aides to lie about the poll. This is par for the course for Trump aides as they also have to say he knows the moon is not a part of Mars and that he looks good in a tux.

But lying for Trump extends far beyond those on his payroll and Russian trolls. Fox News has begun a smear campaign to take down Biden.

On Monday after John Dean testified before Congress showing similarities between the corruption of Trump with Richard Nixon, Trump attacked the former White House lawyer for Nixon by stating he was an analyst for CNN, which is not “Trump-oriented.” Let’s try to overlook the talking about himself in the third person aspect and focus on the lies in his statement. CNN is Trump oriented. Turn it on right now and you’ll see they’re reporting on Trump. But, that’s now what he meant by saying they’re not “Trump-oriented.” What he really meant was that they’re not in his corner helping him. In that regard, no news outlet is supposed to be “Trump oriented.” This isn’t China where they have state-operated news outlets. News services are supposed to be independent. Fox News, however, operates as Trump TV.

During 2016, Fox News speculated on the health of Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton. Sean Hannity spent an entire week where he and guests analyzed out of context photos and videos of Clinton to claim she was battling chronic illness, maladies, seizures, and critical neurological conditions. I bet you didn’t know anyone on Fox could say “neurological.” The National Enquirer ran a front-page headline stating Clinton only had six months to live. Two years later, she’s still alive and in a lot better health than the National Enquirer.

Now, the Fox heads are imitating the smear campaign of 2016 for Biden. Hannity has echoed Trump’s insult for Biden, “Sleepy Joe,” which shows he’s lacking in originality and totally in Trump’s cult. Hannity barked during one broadcast, “Joe Biden’s tired. He does not have the energy for this. He’s not up to the challenge. They’re already hiding him like they hid Hillary. They don’t want him out there.” Keep in mind, Hannity supports Trump, who’s afraid of stairs, hides from all media except Fox News, and has his doctor lie about his obesity (if you’re a Republican, “obese” means fat).

Lisa Kennedy, another irresponsible Fox head had her own attacks for Biden. She suggested the Biden campaign should keep him “off the main stage” because he says “stupid things and he slurs.” Who says stupid things and slurs? She also invoked a right-wing conspiracy theory about Clinton’s overcoat, where she was wearing it during the summer to hide something, by stating, “We haven’t seen Joe a lot, maybe he has health issues, is always wearing an overcoat.” Personally, I think Biden should visit Comet Pizza wearing an overcoat just to freak out the Foxophiles.

The American Medical Association considers it unethical for physicians to speculate on public officials’ health without having personally examined them. To be fair, Sean Hannity and Lisa Kennedy, while not being physicians, have both personally stuck their heads up Trump’s ass.

In the news business, it’s considered unethical to spread baseless rumors about public figures, like when MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough speculates on Trump having dementia. To be fair, Scarborough used to have his head up Trump’s ass too. But, Fox News is not in the news business. They’re in the propaganda business where the business is speculation and lies. Sean Hannity is very proud to state that he’s NOT a journalist. I too am very proud to state that Sean Hannity is not a journalist.

These people swiftboated John Kerry. They told you Obama was born in Kenya, was on an apology tour, and supported Islamic terrorists. They’re still carrying the lie that Hillary Clinton sold uranium to Russians. Now, they’re telling us Joe Biden is “sleepy” and not in good health. They’re making hay out of Biden’s age, ignoring the fact he’s only three years older than Trump. They’re both old. Deal with it.

We are going to be overwhelmed with the lies from the right-wing, Trump cultists, Fox News, and Russian troll farms because it’s early. There are 510 days until election day.

That gives you every right to start feeling sick.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch Me Draw.

Khashoggi, Clinton, Comey


cjones11252018

Donald Trump wants to send Hillary Clinton and James Comey to prison for being his political enemies while defending a man accused of ordering a murder because it’s good for business.

In one day, Trump betrayed American values. The New York Times reported that last spring, Trump told White House Counsel Don McGahn that he wanted to order the Justice Department to prosecute Clinton and former FBI Director Comey.

McGahn, whose job became one of saving Trump from Trump, had lawyers write a memo that explaining that requesting an investigation would prompt accusations of abuse of power. It was pointed out to Trump that Justice Department lawyers could refuse to follow his orders, judges could dismiss prosecution, and Congress could investigate him and begin impeachment proceedings.

Since then, McGahn has left the White House and Trump had placed a water boy at the head of the Justice Department.

Trump has been obsessed with Hillary Clinton since the election. Her greatest crime may be that more Americans chose her over Trump. Trump believes she should be prosecuted for the way she handled her emails and for her role in Uranium One, which is a debunked conspiracy theory loved by right-wing lunatics.

He wants Comey prosecuted for sharing classified information, despite the fact he has never done that. His lawyers did ask the Justice Department to investigate Comey for mishandling sensitive government information and for his role in the Clinton email investigation. The department refused.

Presidents are supposed to leave the Justice Department alone and allow it to retain its independence. Presidents aren’t supposed to use their power to go after their enemies as if this was a third-world banana republic. The last president to meddle with the Justice Department this much was Richard Nixon, and look how that worked out for him.

When it comes between American intelligence and the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia, Trump chose the prince because “it’s America first for me.” Huh?

It’s been two months since the murder of Jamal Khashoggi, a columnist for The Washington Post and a U.S. resident. He was butchered in the Saudi consulate in Istanbul, Turkey, and intelligence in Turkey and the U.S. blame Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman for ordering the murder.

The CIA told Trump that bin Salman ordered the murder. Yesterday, the White House issued a statement saying, “Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t.” The statement began and ended with “America first,” and included, “Representatives of Saudi Arabia say that Jamal Khashoggi was an ‘enemy of the state,'” which also mirrors Trump’s “enemy of the people” criticism of the press.

Trump doesn’t really care if MBS ordered the hit or not. He’s letting him off the hook because he’s worried about oil prices, U.S. arms sales, and believes Saudi Arabia counters Iran. We’re currently backing Saudi Arabia in a war in Yemen where rebels are supported by Iran. The war in Yemen may be a war where we are on the wrong side.

What the White House statement failed to disclose was how much money Saudi princes have invested in Donald Trump and Jared Kushner. Hopefully, a Democratic Congress will discover exactly how much Saudi Arabia has paid Trump and Kushner, and if they’re owned or not.

Donald Trump has given clearance to other nations to do whatever the hell they want without any real political costs coming from the United States. Already, authoritarians across the world are mimicking Trump’s language toward the press and political enemies. They’ve also discovered they can just make stuff up without providing any basis in facts.

Trump is telling the world that it’s OK if they’re authoritarian states because that’s what he’s trying to turn America into.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

But Her Emails


cjones11242018

It’s like they didn’t pay attention to their own arguments in 2016.

Let’s play a game. Who relied on their personal attorneys to review their private emails and determine which messages should be retained as government records, Hillary or Ivanka? Which one claimed they never transferred classified information? Which one claimed they didn’t know the rules?

They were trick questions. They both did.

The Washington Post reported that Ivanka “sent hundreds of emails last year to White House aides, Cabinet officials and her assistants using a personal account, many of them in violation of federal records rules.”

Did Ivanka not understand that a huge portion of Donald Trump’s campaign was based on Clinton’s use of a private server? Did she not hear the constant “lock her up” chants, which they’re still screaming at Trump rallies? Who did she think her daddy was talking about when he said “Crooked Hillary,” Hillary Duff? Hillary Swank? Hilary, my copy editor (She’s been on the receiving end of a lot of nasty names in the past)?

I’m not buying that she didn’t know the rules. The problem for her is, and every member of the Trump family and administration is that they think rules don’t apply to them. It’s not even as much about the hypocrisy of her being a Republican and Clinton is a Democrat as it is about her being a Trump.

My advice for Miss Complicit is, enjoy your time testifying before the Democrats in Congress. It’s not going to be as much fun as an interview on Fox News.

Be Complicit
What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

MAGA Bomber


cjones10282018

After bombs were delivered to two former presidents, a former presidential candidate, a former CIA director, and other officials, the very first thing Republicans did was…make themselves the victims.

Republicans, who have been accusing Democrats of not having anything to run on except hatred for Donald Trump, have been campaigning on fear. Some GOP candidates have accused their opponents of supporting terrorists and even of being terrorists. They’re screaming about a caravan of refugees seeking asylum, who are still about 3,000 miles south of our Border, and describing them as an “invasion.” They say they’re creating jobs while Democrats create mobs.

Donald Trump has spent three years calling the media “fake news,” and over the past year has called them the “enemy of the people.” At a rally this week, he praised a Republican congressman for body slamming a reporter. He’s encouraged his supporters to rough up protesters at his rallies, promising to pay their legal bills (he doesn’t pay his own legal bills). He’s called the press “horrible people” and his political opponents “evil.” He defended Nazis and white supremacists at a rally where they killed a woman. He has yet to hold a rally where a “lock her up” chant didn’t break out, including last night’s rally after the attempted bombings.

Each of the bombing targets, Bill and Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, Democratic philanthropist George Soros, Congresswoman Maxine Waters, former Attorney General Eric Holder, former CIA director John Brennan, and the offices of CNN, have been harshly criticized by Trump.

Despite all this violent and hateful rhetoric, Trump sycophants are making the argument that a Democrat sent the bombs as a campaign tactic for the midterms. Based on that logic, Sheldon Adelson is financing the caravan and Republicans have been screaming at themselves and interrupting their own dinners.

Since none of the bombs exploded (and there may still be more out there), they argue that the bombs were fake and Democrats and the media are making too big of a deal out of it. These are the same people who freaked out and defended the arrest of a Muslim elementary student for bringing a homemade clock to school.

Even though he issued a statement and spoke at his rally about unity (try not to laugh), Trump has yet to call this incident “terrorism.” Even if the bombs were fake, even if it was just a bomb threat with a phone call, it’s still terrorism. Terrorism is designed to incite fear and panic. Basically, it works like Trump’s mouth.

There were typos on the envelopes. Each bomb’s return address belonged to a district office of Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz, which received Eric Holder’s bomb after it was returned. Some bombs had a parody of an ISIS flag meme that’s really popular in places like 4chan. The bombs contained shrapnel and were put together with tape. The bomb delivered to CNN was meant for Brennan, though he’s an analyst at MSNBC. If anyone needs to send me anything, I’m at Breitbart.

It is highly unlikely the sender or senders are Democrats trying to embarrass Trump. The bomb maker was probably wearing a MAGA hat while constructing his devices.

At his rally last night, Trump criticized the media for being negative. But, the most negative coverage the media reports is what’s coming from Trump’s mouth.

Trump and Republicans claim they create jobs while Democrats create mobs. But this week, Some Republican was creating bombs.

Be Complicit
What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

Hillary Berns


cjones11072017

There are a couple of things I find particularly interesting about Hillary Clinton. The first is she’s been investigated for over 20 years without anything incriminating ever being found on her, yet Republicans keep demanding new investigations. Now, they’re screaming for investigations over the dossier, something that isn’t illegal. The other thing is, the people who keep telling her to shut up and go away are the same people who can’t stop talking about her. It’s like breaking up with someone who never calls you but you call them to tell them to stop calling you.

Now, Clinton’s critics from Donald Trump to the idiots at Fox News to that one crazy guy you’re still friends with on Facebook but you don’t know why has another reason to talk about Hillary.

It’s bad enough that conspiracies hound her, from a child sex ring in the basement of a D.C. pizza shop that doesn’t have a basement, to her lesbian lovers, to her debilitating health, and that hiring someone to research her opponent is somehow colluding with Russians. Despite the facts and impression being bad enough over her involvement with the Democratic National Committee, I expect more conspiracy theories to enter the mix.

Hillary’s critics will have to read and comprehend the facts of her deal with the DNC to use it against her. Since that’s out of the question, they’ll do what they do best which is making shit up, like screaming it’s rigged.

If you want to start a fight on social media, you don’t have to pit Trump sycophants against Clinton supporters. Just start a thread between Hillary and Bernie supporters. The Democrats won’t figure out how to defeat the GOP until they stop defeating themselves.

Former DNC interim chair Donna Brazile revealed Clinton gained partial control of the DNC months prior to winning the nomination.

Berners accused the DNC of supporting Clinton before the primaries were over, and they still haven’t gotten over it. While there doesn’t appear to be anything illegal about the deal, it does seem unethical. Trump and other Republicans are crying for the FBI and Justice Department to look into it, even though it doesn’t seem to be a crime. Trump tweeted that Brazile said the primaries were “rigged,” despite the fact she never said that and replied to Trump that wasn’t the case.

I’m not sure anything had to be “rigged” at the DNC as it was and still is an incompetent organization. Debbie Wasserman-Schultz was a terrible chairperson. Thanks to her leadership and Obama leaving expensive consultants on the payroll, the party was near bankruptcy.

Clinton’s campaign came to the rescue, covered the majority of the party’s debt, and put them on a monthly allowance, but they had conditions. The campaign would control the party’s finances, strategy, and all the money raised, what anyone would demand if they’re bailing you out financially. You don’t give someone a million dollars to pay off gangsters, only to watch them spend the money at the casino again. Her campaign had the right of refusal of who would be the party communications director, and it would make final decisions on all the other staff. The DNC also was required to consult with the campaign about all other staffing, budgeting, data, analytics, and mailings. They couldn’t send out a press release without it going through Clinton’s staff in Brooklyn first.

Normally, the winner of the primaries exercises more control of the DNC. If there’s an incumbent in office, like the case with Obama, then he retains control until the next election. Hillary was treated as a winner before she won. She took control of the party in August 2015, just four months after she announced her candidacy.

Being unethical isn’t entirely new to the Clintons. Still, you can’t find anything illegal about the deal or how money was spent and shifted around. From Brazile’s notes, it seems careful steps were put into place to follow legal guidelines, like how much money could be contributed to the DNC, Clinton’s campaigns, and state-level fundraisers, and how that money could be moved from one to the other. It was actually very smart while also being unfair to Bernie Sanders and his supporters.

There is one little nugget you have to keep mind. Bernie is not a Democrat. Why would the party treat both candidates fairly when only one is a member? And, she wasn’t just a member, she was keeping the party afloat. I don’t find as much blame on Hillary as I do the DNC, Wasserman-Schultz, and to a lesser extent, Obama who ignored the heavy spending and debt at the DNC.

Democrats are tired of re-litigating the last election. Now, they’re not even getting over the primaries. They need to prepare for 2020, the midterms in 2018, and dammit, the election next week for Virginia’s governor.

Yes, it sucks the primary process wasn’t fair. Democrats need to learn from it and use that lesson, so they don’t get rolled by Trump voters again. No wonder they lost Michigan, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin.

And, seriously…if the Nazis win Richmond Tuesday, I’m gonna be pissed.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Conspiracist-in-Chief


cjones11012017

I gotta be honest. I wasn’t that intrigued about the release of the JFK files. I didn’t think it would reveal anything new to us and at the most, just give more credence to already-existing conspiracy theories, or even create new ones. On that score, I was right.

Right-wing dumbasses are the biggest consumers of wacked-out conspiracy theories. Over the past nine years, how many times did you hear someone say Obama is a Muslim, or he’s taking everyone’s guns away, or that he’ll even refuse to leave office after his second term was up? Did you hear about Hillary’s lesbian lover or the child-sex slave ring she ran out of a Washington, D.C. pizza shop? Don’t get them started on chemtrails. Seriously. Do NOT get them started on chemtrails. No wonder the Russians had such huge success dropping lies on our nation during the presidential campaign.

The release of the JFK files did create some new conspiracies, furthered existing ones, and revealed a little information. There were a few details on Robert Kennedy having an affair with Marilyn Monroe (didn’t we already know that?), The CIA plotted to kill Castro (didn’t we already know that?), someone called the FBI threatening to kill Lee Harvey Oswald the day before he was killed (we didn’t know that), the CIA intercepted a call from Oswald to the KGB (that’s new), the FBI was worried people would create conspiracy theories about the murders (yeah), the Soviets were creating their own conspiracy theories, an alleged Cuban intel officer said he knew Oswald, and the FBI was looking for a hooker/stripper (haven’t we all done that?).

And of course, there’s no bigger conspiracy buff and bullshitter than our joke of a Commander-in-Chief. This is a man who peddled a lie that Ted Cruz’s father was a part of the plot to Kill Kennedy, Obama was born in Kenya, and that the National Enquirer should be winning Pulitzers. Also, his promise of being presidential still hasn’t come to fruition.

The guy is still creating conspiracies, though now he’s using them to distract from Robert Mueller’s investigation.

Sunday, the orange one tweeted, “Never seen such Republican ANGER & UNITY as I have concerning the lack of investigation on Clinton made Fake Dossier (now $12,000,000?),….”

Sure. There’s been a lack of investigations on Hillary Clinton, the most investigated person in American history. Thinking there haven’t been enough investigations on Clinton is like thinking Trump doesn’t use enough Aqua Net. Though it is true the GOP is united when it comes to stupid bullshit and fear mongering.

The president is supposed to be an informed person, so you’d think he would know as well as anyone that running opposition research on your opponent isn’t illegal, whether you spend twelve bucks on it or twelve million. You may argue that she used a foreign source. That is true, but it’s a foreign source who was working as a private citizen, and last time I checked, Britain is not a hostile government to the United States, but give it time.

Plus, Trump should be very informed about the legalities of running opposition research since he did it himself. They did host Russians, who were promising dirt on Clinton, in Trump Tower. People working for his campaign contacted Wikileaks to gain access to Clinton’s email. Trump himself publicly asked Russia to help with his campaign and shouted “I love Wikileaks” while reading their leaks at a campaign rally. The orange fuck was literally reading from Wikileaks documents in his hands at rallies. Also, how many Trump goons had meetings with Russians they later conveniently forgot about?

Trump is shouting “banana.” Have you seen that CNN commercial where they show an apple and tell you that many people will claim it’s a banana? Some people will put it in all caps and at some point you may start believing it’s a banana. That won’t change the fact that it’s an apple. Trump is yelling “banana.”

What Trump does is tweet out some stupid bullshit that doesn’t make sense, and then Fox News and other Republicans like Jack Kingston (former Georgia congressman and a RIDICULOUS Trump sycophant) take to the airwaves to repeat his ridiculous nonsense. If you’re going to lie then could some of it be plausible and make sense? If Trump floated a theory that there were too many squirrels in Central Park and Hillary was seen with an acorn, these guys would go on TV demanding a Congressional Hillary/Squirrel investigation.

Trump also bitched about the uranium deal and wants Clinton investigated for that. The only problem is, Clinton probably didn’t have anything to do with it. Sure, Russians donated to her CHARITY years before, but you would need evidence of a direct correlation that it was a payoff, which is really hard to do since nine agencies approved the deal.

I think we should investigate the uranium deal, but not for corruption as much as for actually understanding it, because a lot of people don’t.

First, the Russian nuclear agency acquired a majority stake in a Canadian-based company that had a licensing deal for 20% of our uranium. This was approved in 2010. In case you’re bad at math or a Republican, that was seven years ago. The deal was approved by the Nuclear Regulatory Commission with the Treasure Department being the key agency that headed the committee that approved the investment. The only person who could have blocked the deal was President Obama, not Hillary Clinton. It would be really hard to connect Clinton to the deal unless you don’t use facts. Banana.

The bizarre part is that all this is evidence Trump claims is “modern day Watergate,” while all the crap his campaign did, which I mentioned previously, is “fake news,” and a “witch hunt.” Also, Trump is meddling in investigations as he urged a gag order to be lifted in the uranium case. There’s a Justice Department rule, unwritten, that the president doesn’t get involved in their cases, but I guess we’re becoming a “banana” republic. This informant will now be able to testify before Congress and further help deflect from Trump fuckery. Banana.

Sarah Huckabee Huckster Sanders said Trump did this in the interest of transparency. She actually used the word “transparency” in relation to Trump? There has been more transparency of the president’s wife’s naked body than of his taxes. How dare they talk about transparency. Thank god George H. W. Bush didn’t conceal his taxes and instead give us Barbara nude on a bear-skin rug.

The president loves conspiracies and now he uses them to deflect. His followers are using them too and will be left with credibility equivalent to those yelling about alien autopsies and Bigfoot. We can’t let them get away with this and win the information campaign by not using any information.

Don’t let them get away telling you it’s a banana when it’s an apple. That is how we’ll become a banana republic.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Get Over It


cjones09122017

Someone needs to go away. This person needs to stop rehashing the 2016 election. This person needs to stop whining about how unfairly they were treated. This person needs to stop blaming others for their failures and accept some responsibility. This person’s lingering presence is detrimental to the future success of their party and our country. They need to shut up already.

This person also needs to stop lying about millions of illegal voters. This person needs to stop interjecting that they won Michigan into every conversation that’s unrelated to that subject. This person needs to stop pimping his campaign schwag when visiting disaster areas. This person needs to stop holding campaign rallies, stop talking about how they’re the most presidential and accomplished president ever, and perhaps suspend their 2020 campaign for three more years, or at least until they have one legislative victory. And, just maybe…stop talking about being on Mount Rushmore.

Someone needs to not just get over the 2016 election, but get over himself. Someone needs to act not just presidential, but like an adult.

And if you really wanna rehash the 2016 election, then let’s talk about it. How many Russians did you collude with during the campaign?

What happened? I’m waiting on Robert Mueller to happen.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

A Cartoon About Creepers


cjones08272017

I’m not a fan of bullies. Nope, I don’t like them. And Donald Trump is the Bully In Chief.

Excerpts of Hillary Clinton’s upcoming book, “What Happened,” were released this week, much to the chagrin of Republicans and probably a few Democrats. A lot of people don’t want to relitigate the election…except for Donald Trump, of course.

The excerpts cover the second presidential debate, the one where Donald Trump was stalking Clinton all over the stage, usually standing directly behind her each time it was her turn to speak. Clinton writes that her “skin crawled,” and she considered telling him to “back up, you creep.”

I know what she means by the “skin crawling” description. If someone stands directly behind me, I will get a chill running up the back of my neck, and that’s without the offender attempting to bully me. Some people are just creepers.

My skin crawled a bit when I was watching that debate. Clinton isn’t wrong to feel Trump was trying to bully her, as I wasn’t the only one to notice. The rest of the nation noticed, commentators discussed it, and Saturday Night Live even spoofed with Alec Baldwin portraying Trump lurking behind Clinton while the theme to “Jaws” played.

Trump is a shark. A 71-year-old mentally-unstable shark. Clinton’s book isn’t revealing new news that Trump is a creepy jerk. Trump has spent the last 30 years with his creepiness on public display, and he’s been rewarded for it.

And when it does happen, there are people who defend the perpetrator with “get over it,” or “you probably encouraged it,” or “maybe it was something you wore.” And it’s not just men who defend other men when they bully or sexually harass a woman. Women do it too. Kellyanne Conway is criticizing Clinton’s book, which I know she hasn’t read because, A. It’s not out yet, and B. It’s a book.

Conway said Democrats want Clinton to, “either make herself useful or fade out of the limelight.” I have to disagree with Kellyanne. I think Clinton’s book may serve a purpose by detailing all the horrible crap that happened that stuck us with a narcissistic man-baby for president. That would be much more useful than going on CNN and telling Chris Cuomo about terrorist attacks in Atlanta that never happened.

Trump understands bullying and sexual harassment. He’s just too stupid to realize his defense of it reveals that he is an offender. During the campaign, he claimed he never harassed one woman because he “didn’t find her attractive.” Being attracted to someone doesn’t have much to do with harassment. It’s about control. And, saying you wouldn’t harass because you don’t find them attractive tells us that you would harass them, you know if they resembled an Eastern European supermodel or a teenage beauty-pageant-contestant half-naked in a dressing room.

How would the public have responded if Clinton did tell Trump, “back off, you creep?” Would they have applauded her? Would she have won the election? Or, would every conservative had accused her of being a snowflake over something that didn’t happen, and by the way….EMAILS!?

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Hillary’s Pom-Poms


cjones12162016

As we get closer and closer to the day that Donald Trump becomes the actual president of the United States and we wake up and discover it’s not just a horrible, truly terrifying, blood-curdling nightmare That even the most hateful and evil demons from Hell wouldn’t inflict upon humanity, some people are realizing that maybe we should stop this. They’re looking toward the people who actually elect the president. They’re looking to the electors.

Even a few electors are expressing concern and want to be briefed by the CIA to find out just how bad this Russia stuff is. Did we just have a coup and mistake it for rampant stupidity on our parts?

The Trump transition has been a bigger disaster than the Republican convention. He has spent the entire time since the election proving he’s unqualified and totally uninterested in the details of the job. We have a president-elect who is such a narcissist that he doesn’t believe anyone can educate him or tell him something he doesn’t know. He’s rejecting what our nation’s intelligence tells him and instead is relying on InfoWars talking points to counter their message, as if our security is a game.

He’s appointing people to his cabinet and inner circle who aren’t qualified or are Vladimir-approved. He’s allowing his business interest to supersede his duties as president. He’s setting himself up to be blackmailed by third-world nations such as Turkey. Does Trump want a new hotel in Istanbul to be built bad enough that he’ll extradite a man to be executed by President Erdogan, a notable fascist whose sources of information are also as reliable as Breitbart? The rest of us might be stuck eating borscht for the rest of our lives, but Trump will have a sweet tower in downtown Istanbul.

So we look to the last line of defense to save our nation. Partisan Republicans. Republican electors hold the key to deny Trump the presidency. But how do you convince a bunch of Republicans not to vote for the man who won the electoral college? You don’t. You convince Democrats to give up on the pipe dream of electing Hillary and have them work with just enough Republicans willing to defect to elect a different Republican  to the presidency.

Will that sound tempting to enough Republicans to sway them not to cast their vote for Trump? Maybe. But who will be that candidate? The Democrats have gotta let them decide and just prepare for the bad taste of a Republican they’re not going to like, but will not plunge the nation into World War III over a tweet, or because he missed an intelligence briefing for another pep rally, or he had to hang out with Kanye.

Maybe you can convince them to go for the best option which would be John Kasich (who’s already said “leave me out of this”). Hell, Democrats could live with Mitt Romney at this point. He’s got a lot of poop on his nose right now but that should wash off. They’d even go for Mike Pence, as terrible and utterly terrifying as that sounds. Hell, they’d even go for Ted Cruz….no they wouldn’t. I’ve gone too far.

What’s possible is that the electors don’t elect a president. They vote between three candidates and none acquire the necessary 270 voters. Then it’d go to the House of Representatives which is run by very rational and reasonable Republicans. Crap. But it’s still possible enough Republicans there can bond with House Democrats to send that third option to the White House. If the Democrats gave them Scott Walker they’d probably bite.

Is this scenario actually possible? Yes. The electors are human beings. Even the Republicans. They have to have a soul in there somewhere. They are capable of realizing what a planet-destroying asteroid of a disaster Trump is…maybe. It’s also possible you can find at least 36 Republican electors who are more patriotic than partisan. Maybe. Can you get all of the Democratic electors to go along with this? No, but maybe enough. Personally, I would eat a live rattlesnake to prevent Trump from becoming president. I would spend the rest of the year with the only song in my head being that hippopotamus tune from that Christmas commercial. I would spend an entire weekend listening to Nickelback on a loop. I would sit through a Tyler Perry marathon. I will watch Two Broke Girls.

Is this going to happen? No. On December 19 the electors will vote making Donald Trump the actual freaking president of the United States of America and light the fuse that will ultimately obliterate our nation.

There is one thing to keep in mind and that is nothing has gone as expected during this entire election process.

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