Pitching To Millennials


cjones09292016

At a forum hosted by Chris Matthews on MSNBC Wednesday night Gary Johnson got a “gotcha” question and he got got. How bad is it to be outsmarted by Chris Matthews?

Johnson, who previously impersonated a deer in headlights when asked about Aleppo, was asked to name a current foreign leader he admires. He couldn’t name one. Not because he doesn’t admire one but because he can’t name any foreign leaders. He said he liked the guy who used to run Mexico but couldn’t name him. His running mate William Weld threw him a lifeline and said Angela Merkel.

Hillary Clinton is struggling with the youth vote. Millennials overwhelmingly wanted Bernie Sanders and now many of them are throwing in with Gary Johnson. They may be feeling the Johnson right now but if Trump wins they’re not going to like where they’re feeling it.

The Libertarian platform has zero interest in Civil Rights. No plan regarding government regulations of large, unsustainable financial institutions that have nearly destroyed the economy. Anything on Global Warming or Climate Change? Nope. Libertarians are OK with abortion but their ideology dictates that employers should be able to control whether or not their employees’ insurance polices cover contraceptive healthcare. Johnson believe in Gay Rights but doesn’t think the government should protect victims of wrongful employment termination.

Libertarians are in favor of small government. They think it’s OK if you smoke weed, pay for sex, get married, or how you control your own body and the federal government should stay out of it. But they’re just fine if the state government tells you to put out the blunt, who you can’t marry, or if you can dangle your goodies for cash. That’s their vision of State’s Rights. So if a state wants to discriminate they’re fine with it as long as it’s not the federal government.

In 2010 when Arizona passed a law authorizing the discrimination of brown people Mr. Johnson argued that the federal government should stay out of it. Racism and xenophobia isn’t good on a federal level but as a state issue it rocks according to the Libertarians.

Johnson also wants to abolish income and corporate taxes. He’s against gun regulations. He opposes unions. He believes Medicare and Medicaid funds should be distributed to states as block grants. He wants to privatize social security. He also wants to abolish the department of education. He’d name more if he knew what they were.

Before Millennials were “feeling the Johson” they were “feeling the Bern.” Gary Johnson is not continuing the Bern.

Bernie Sanders attracted youth voters who support Civil Rights and believ in Black Lives Matter. His supporters are Pro Choice. They want the government to fight Climate Change. They want to regulate Wall Street. Bernie was a big proponent of raising the minimum wage, as is Hillary which most millennials also strongly support. Johnson wants to eliminate the minimum wage. Most of all the young want free college. Gary Johnson doesn’t even have a tuition plan, which kinda makes sense when you ask him a question.

Johnson doesn’t really know much. He doesn’t have any interest in foreign policy. He doesn’t know where Aleppo is, what it is, or what it’s about. He can’t name a foreign leader but he knows the guy he used to be able to name doesn’t run Mexico anymore.  Maybe it’s Santa Anna. His latest gaffe won’t make much of a difference to his supporters as they haven’t looked into his positions yet. At least Trump supporters are aware their candidate is a racist. Most Gary Johnson supporters couldn’t pick him out of a bong party.

Bernie and Gary both believe weed should be legal. But outside of that what exactly do all those millennials believe in if they’re going from Sanders to Johnson? For months they amassed in huge rallies to support Sanders and their issues and now they’re telling us they don’t have principles. Were they were faking it?

I understand the outsider thing. I understand not being crazy about either major party or Hillary Clinton. But you dislike Clinton so much, despite her supporting most of your issues, that you’ll give us an oligarchy under a President Trump? The man who wants to be America’s Saddam Hussein? With all due respect, you are all idiots.

Gary Johnson is basically a Tea Party guy with a full set of teeth and without the racism, but will turn a blind eye to it, and who supports weed. I’d also make a pitch here to Jill Stein’s supporters but they’re probably not on the internet since they believe Wi-Fi causes brain damage.

So how does Clinton get the youth vote back? How does she make them like her? Does she have to play Pokemon Go? Get a selfie stick and start posting to Intagram? Start playing EDM at her rallies (look it up. I had to)? Get one of those god-awful chest tattoos girls think are attractive? Pierce a nipple (you’re welcome)? Nope. She should Propose making weed legal.

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5 comments

  1. Bernie’s supporters already have Johnson’s number; he’s a TPP supporter, loves fracking, wants to privatize everything, sell off the National Parks, etc.

    Most of Bernie’s supporters are opting to support the magna cum laude Harvard graduate, professor and whip smart physician Jill Stein. If we can’t have Bernie, we’ll vote for Jill, since her platform is the closest to Bernie’s. The Clinton campaign knows this and they’ve rolled out long since discredited smear campaigns. What’s interesting is that while millions and millions of Bernie voters have clearly stated their intent to vote for Jill, mainstream media is reporting low single digits in their so-called “polls” in an apparent attempt to discourage voters from supporting anyone but Hillary. PS: It’s not working.

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  2. Snark warning!!
    For immediate release: Presidential candidate Clinton to fire FDA head “first day on the job”.
    Ms Clinton has suggested that the days of big pharma/big alcohol and private prison profiteers controlling the half-century long war on marijuana (and perhaps other medicinal plants like kratom) are finally over.

    “We will not become the anti-science party, the dinky digited deplorables have that platformed already. I am committed to seeing that my administration begins its eight year reign with a clean sweep of the lobby-go-round at the FDA, who have been unable to find even one case of peer-reviewed science indicating that medicinal marijuana demonstrates efficacy. The inspector Clouseau ineptitude characterizing the efforts aside, if we continue to deny study of medicinal plants we might as well exchange our logo with an ostrich.”

    “We will also be looking at the ATF, DEA, militarized state and local policing agencies as well as judicial sentencing guidelines, our experts at the Institute of Medicine* suspect there may have been some interagency ideological cross-pollination” (couldn’t be bee’s, Bayer/Monsanto…)
    *-from 1982 (also first utterance of “Just say No” by fellow first lady Nancy) http://norml.org/library/medical-marijuana-reports/item/institute-of-medicine-report-endorsing-medical-marijuana
    This message has been approved for immediate release. Please submit any questions or comments through the minister of propaganda’s office (aka AP).

    Comments:

    Debbie Wasserman Schultz (d-FL); hold on one dad burn second there Ms Science. Don’t you know marrijuwanna is the reason for our exploding heroin epidemic.”

    Sheriff Joe (latino jailer-AZ); the only science you need to know is the trajectory of our militias’ full metal jackets at 300 yards – if we don’t stop the illegals at the border I’ll need tent and feed em.”

    Ted Nugent; #¡¥\%!! (comment deleted)

    Sarah Pallin around (1/2 r-AK); ha! didn’t help Track’s ptsd and he blew bowl fulls”.

    Marmalade Mullet (kkk-NY/Moscow); you’re just trying to swing the millennials with this loser science stuff, too late, too late, late late late…..My expert advisors, the best!, are working on a super plan, and it’s going to be yuge where pot will be ‘free for life’ for those providing their precinct poll receipt showing that the voted for me, notorized copies of absentee/mail-in ballots also accepted, Winning.”

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