Johnson Weld 2016

Up In Smoke


cjones10022016

First, let me start this with the news update that Tommy Chong is not dead. Mr. Chong has recently been included among celebrities who are victims of death hoaxes that have gone viral. Tommy is still kickin’….man.

Yesterday I published a cartoon and column on newspaper endorsements. I’m going to write about them again.

While Donald Trump can’t pick up an endorsement from any significant newspapers, Gary Johnson has six. Those are the The Caledonian-Record (Vermont), the Chicago Tribune, The Detroit News, the Richmond Times-Dispatch, the Winston-Salem Journal, and the New Hampshire Union Leader.

I was watching an interview Saturday morning on CNN with editors from The Dallas Morning News, The Arizona Republic, and The Detroit News. One of the editors said their endorsements are for the candidate that best fits the principles of the newspaper. That’s probably the best description I’ve ever heard for newspaper endorsements. The thing that’s scary is, Gary Johnson bets fits your publication’s principles?

While USA Today published their first presidential endorsement in their entire history, which was a non endorsement for Trump, they wrote that they couldn’t get a consensus among their board members to endorse Hillary Clinton. That’s understandable so it’s kinda alarming that the six newspapers endorsing Johnson has a consensus among their board members for the candidate who wags his tongue at reporters, doesn’t know what Aleppo is, and can’t name a single foreign leader he admires. Really?

I don’t know what’s up with those editors but a lot of millennials are supporting Johnson for his stand on legalizing marijuana. I hope the editors of The Chicago Tribune aren’t toking up while ignoring the rest of Johnson’s positions, but that seems to be what his young supporters are doing.

While I also support legalizing weed (and ending the war on drugs) there are more important issues to consider when voting for president, like should the candidate be in an insane asylum and kept away from sharp objects?

I was perusing the list of celebrities who have endorsed Gary Johnson and while he has a lot of professional wrestlers, athletes, and Larry the Cable Guy (I would have pegged him as a Trump supporter), I couldn’t find Cheech and Chong on the list. I had fun drawing the stoners though I wasn’t a huge fan. I liked some of their stuff and laughed my butt off at moments in some of their movies, but you have to admit, their movies really sucked. Still, they were extremely likable and charming characters. It’s hard to dislike them. I also like drawing Gary Johnson. It’s pretty easy to draw a live human being when they’re already a cartoon.

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Pitching To Millennials


cjones09292016

At a forum hosted by Chris Matthews on MSNBC Wednesday night Gary Johnson got a “gotcha” question and he got got. How bad is it to be outsmarted by Chris Matthews?

Johnson, who previously impersonated a deer in headlights when asked about Aleppo, was asked to name a current foreign leader he admires. He couldn’t name one. Not because he doesn’t admire one but because he can’t name any foreign leaders. He said he liked the guy who used to run Mexico but couldn’t name him. His running mate William Weld threw him a lifeline and said Angela Merkel.

Hillary Clinton is struggling with the youth vote. Millennials overwhelmingly wanted Bernie Sanders and now many of them are throwing in with Gary Johnson. They may be feeling the Johnson right now but if Trump wins they’re not going to like where they’re feeling it.

The Libertarian platform has zero interest in Civil Rights. No plan regarding government regulations of large, unsustainable financial institutions that have nearly destroyed the economy. Anything on Global Warming or Climate Change? Nope. Libertarians are OK with abortion but their ideology dictates that employers should be able to control whether or not their employees’ insurance polices cover contraceptive healthcare. Johnson believe in Gay Rights but doesn’t think the government should protect victims of wrongful employment termination.

Libertarians are in favor of small government. They think it’s OK if you smoke weed, pay for sex, get married, or how you control your own body and the federal government should stay out of it. But they’re just fine if the state government tells you to put out the blunt, who you can’t marry, or if you can dangle your goodies for cash. That’s their vision of State’s Rights. So if a state wants to discriminate they’re fine with it as long as it’s not the federal government.

In 2010 when Arizona passed a law authorizing the discrimination of brown people Mr. Johnson argued that the federal government should stay out of it. Racism and xenophobia isn’t good on a federal level but as a state issue it rocks according to the Libertarians.

Johnson also wants to abolish income and corporate taxes. He’s against gun regulations. He opposes unions. He believes Medicare and Medicaid funds should be distributed to states as block grants. He wants to privatize social security. He also wants to abolish the department of education. He’d name more if he knew what they were.

Before Millennials were “feeling the Johson” they were “feeling the Bern.” Gary Johnson is not continuing the Bern.

Bernie Sanders attracted youth voters who support Civil Rights and believ in Black Lives Matter. His supporters are Pro Choice. They want the government to fight Climate Change. They want to regulate Wall Street. Bernie was a big proponent of raising the minimum wage, as is Hillary which most millennials also strongly support. Johnson wants to eliminate the minimum wage. Most of all the young want free college. Gary Johnson doesn’t even have a tuition plan, which kinda makes sense when you ask him a question.

Johnson doesn’t really know much. He doesn’t have any interest in foreign policy. He doesn’t know where Aleppo is, what it is, or what it’s about. He can’t name a foreign leader but he knows the guy he used to be able to name doesn’t run Mexico anymore.  Maybe it’s Santa Anna. His latest gaffe won’t make much of a difference to his supporters as they haven’t looked into his positions yet. At least Trump supporters are aware their candidate is a racist. Most Gary Johnson supporters couldn’t pick him out of a bong party.

Bernie and Gary both believe weed should be legal. But outside of that what exactly do all those millennials believe in if they’re going from Sanders to Johnson? For months they amassed in huge rallies to support Sanders and their issues and now they’re telling us they don’t have principles. Were they were faking it?

I understand the outsider thing. I understand not being crazy about either major party or Hillary Clinton. But you dislike Clinton so much, despite her supporting most of your issues, that you’ll give us an oligarchy under a President Trump? The man who wants to be America’s Saddam Hussein? With all due respect, you are all idiots.

Gary Johnson is basically a Tea Party guy with a full set of teeth and without the racism, but will turn a blind eye to it, and who supports weed. I’d also make a pitch here to Jill Stein’s supporters but they’re probably not on the internet since they believe Wi-Fi causes brain damage.

So how does Clinton get the youth vote back? How does she make them like her? Does she have to play Pokemon Go? Get a selfie stick and start posting to Intagram? Start playing EDM at her rallies (look it up. I had to)? Get one of those god-awful chest tattoos girls think are attractive? Pierce a nipple (you’re welcome)? Nope. She should Propose making weed legal.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!