Brangelina


cjones09222016

Somewhere Jennifer Aniston is laughing.

Over a decade ago when Brad Pitt cheated on his wife Jennifer Aniston with Angelina Jolie it wasn’t just the tabloid media that freaked out. The mainstream media did their fair share and missed real news events, like people being killed by Tsunamis.

Pitt and Jolie started goofing around together on the set of their 2004 movie, Mr. And Mrs. Smith. Jolie would later state that she was excited to eventually show the movie to their children because not everyone can see their parents fall in love on film…or watch their father cheat on his first wife.

The nation was divided in a crisis choosing between Team Aniston and Team Jolie. It was the sort of crisis not seen again until it had to choose between Team Edward and Team Jacob. I was on Team Not-Giving-A-Rat’s-Ass. Men world-wide were torn between envy and hatred for Brad Pitt having the Aniston/Jolie options.

Jolie had one kid at the which she had adopted. She adopted another and Pitt made the trip and eventually filed to adopt the second one together. Things really went crazy she Jolie confirmed she was pregnant with Pitt’s baby and the first pictures of the super model baby were sold to People magazine and the British press for $8 million which all went to charity. Hopefully it wasn’t to the Trump Foundation where it would have paid off Trump’s business lawsuits and bought portraits of Donald to hang in his golf clubs.

Then they adopted another kid and Jolie gave birth to twins. This time the photos fetched $14 million (If they really wanna raise money for charity they should auction off one night as Brad’s wingman). If you’re keeping score, that’s six kids. SIX! Those are actual little human beings. Not cats. The hatred and envy for Pitt has since petered out.

Pitt later stated that the couple wouldn’t get married until same-sex marriage was made legal. Then they got married anyway before same-sex marriage was legalized, thus proving marriage is the main cause of divorce.

Jolie if filing for divorce and custody of the kids. Did Brad cheat? Did they get bored? Did Brad misplace a child? Did Angelina finally see “World War Z?” Surprisingly Trump hasn’t sent out a tweet blaming Obama for the divorce, claiming he saw it coming, is receiving congratulations, blah, blah, blah.

I have faith in my nation. If we can survive the death of Brangelina surely we can survive Election 2016, that is if Trump loses.

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