Donald Trump went on a talk show to deliver a doctor’s report on his health. The show was hosted by a Doctor Oz, proving this election cycle that we are definitely not in Kansas anymore.
I’m sorry to report while on the show with Doctor Oz that candidate Trump didn’t ask or receive a heart or a brain. But he did present a letter proving he’s healthy. How could he not be with a skin tone of a healthy hue of orange? Have you ever heard an Oompa Loopa hack?
Several months ago Trump challenged Hillary Clinton to release her health records and he offered to go first. She presented a health report and we’re still waiting on Trump’s. While Trump showed Doc Oz a piece of paper by that same fart doctor who said if elected Trump will be the healthiest president ever, the rest of us will have to wait to see it. What we did learn is that Trump can stand to lose 15 lbs. and he’s fighting high cholesterol. No word on whether he has herpes contracted from his days of sleeping around while single and also while he was married.
Both candidates should have their health questioned because, well, they’re both extremely old. There have been further questions about the candidates’ health since Clinton nearly fainted last Sunday at a memorial service for 9/11. Trump has actually refrained from engaging in conspiracy theories of her health but yesterday he did state that she wasn’t healthy enough to stand in a room crowded with a Trump rally. This is pretty bizarre since Clinton withstood over 12 hours of grilling in a Congressional hearing while Trump complained of standing for three hours during a debate. His tiny little Cheeto feet got tired.
Clinton released more details on her health yesterday, including a report on her mental health. If that isn’t trolling Trump then I don’t know what is.
I’m sure if Trump presents something proving he’s mentally competent that it would have to come from a cartoon quack without a license such as Lucy Van Pelt.
If I was Lucy I would ask for that nickel up front before signing anything for Trump. He has a very unhealthy track record of paying his bills.
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